Relationships and Abuse

Romantic Love: Emphasis on physical beauty as they search for ideal mates Visual beauty; tactile

and sensual pleasures; Very affectionate and openly communicative

(Love tends to be short and fleeting)

Lee’s Styles of Loving

Game Playing Love: like to play the field and acquire as many sexual partners as possible with no commitment ◦ Love is for fun and is entertaining, but not long

term. ◦ Enjoy the chase

(Can produce an abusive relationship!)

Possessive Love: obsessive love relationships with much turmoil and jealousy. ◦ Feels like a roller coaster relationship◦ Each display of affection produces ecstasy, and

each small slight creates painful agitation.

(Can produce an abusive relationship!)

Companionate Love: slow to develop over affection and commitment, but the relationship tends to endure. ◦ Peaceful and quiet relation with little disharmony◦ Usually starts as a friendship

(Couples tend to stay together the longest with this type of love!)

Altruistic Love: Selflessness and caring desire to give to one another with no reciprocation necessary

(If this type of love is not mutual, it can turn abusive)

Pragmatic Love: tend to select lovers based on a rational practical criteria that will lead to mutual satisfaction.

Approach the relationship in a business like fashion and are trying to get the “best deal”.

Lee’s 5 Styles of Love Worksheet

Proximity: How close do they, and their family, lives to me?

Similarity: Do we have interests in common? Reciprocity: Do we feel the same way about

each other? Are we putting in the same amount of effort?

Physical Attraction: Does he look similar to Channing Tatum?

How do we pick our partners?

When sex happens before a couple builds a foundation of emotional intimacy, the individuals tend to feel further apart emotionally.

Love VS. Sex

Men define love based more on sexual satisfaction than emotional intimacy

It is easier for men to have physical intimacy without emotional intimacy (Hit it and quit it)

Women link love and sexual desire more closely.

Older women are better able to separate love and physical intimacy.

Male and Female views on Sex

Jealousy: an adverse emotional reaction evoked by real or imagined relationship involving ones partner and a third person

Related more towards injured pride, or a persons fear of losing what they want to control and posses, than love.

We feel threatened and a loss of self worth when we suspect our partner is trying to replace us with a new partner.

Jealousy

Types of Abuse◦ Emotional/Verbal Abuse◦ Stalking◦ Physical Abuse◦ Sexual Abuse (We will talk about this more next

week!)◦ Financial Abuse◦ Digital Abuse

Abuse

Non physical behaviors such as threats, Insults, constant monitoring or checking in, excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation

Emotional and Verbal Abuse

Being repeatedly watched, followed, or harassed.

Stalking

Any intentional use of physical force with the intent to cause fear or injury, like hitting, shoving, biting, strangling, kicking or using a weapon

Physical Abuse

Any action that impacts a person’s ability to control their sexual activity or the circumstances in which sexual activity occurs, including restricting access to birth control or condoms.

Sexual Abuse

Using money or access to accounts to exert power and control over a partner.◦ Giving an allowance with no access to bank

accounts◦ Restricting spending◦ Being the sole breadwinner and with your partner

completely financially reliant on you.

Financial Abuse

The use of technology such as texting and social networking to bully, harass, stalk or intimidate a partner. Often this behavior is a form of verbal or emotional abuse perpetrated through technology.

Digital Abuse