President: Jerry Vallance 0418 810 851 jerry.vallence...
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For Probus use only, and not to be used for any other purpose. Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife. . He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and be- gan putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?' Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?' 'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror. Thursday 9th July 2020 President: Jerry Vallance 0418 810 851 [email protected] Secretary: Darrell Wise 0431 087 027 [email protected] Treasurer: Mick Chambers 8270 4905 [email protected] Club postal address: PO Box 903 Flagstaff Hill 5159 Club web site: probusclubflagstaffhill.com.au Club meets at 9.45am in the Church of Christ , 179 Hub Drive Aberfoyle Park PRESIDENT’S UPDATE I trust this update finds all of you well and looking forward to our next meeting. I certainly am as I will be able to chair my first meet- ing since being elected as your President in March—seems such a long time ago but at least your committee has been having a monthly zoom meeting. However I am pleased to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and patience is a virtue. We are working towards re-starting in August but this depends on numbers and distancing in the church. Action is being taken to work out how many people can attend and re- main 1.5 metres apart. I must say that the rules & regulations coming from the State Government at times I find confusing for an old man like me to understand. On a happier note I am pleased to say that Ian Woolley is making good progress following his major opera- Well forget about the lights and action but do not for- get your camera as the photography & wine apprecia- tion group is holding its next meeting on 16th July by visiting the Warriparinga wetlands at Marion. Transport by car pool meeting at church at 9.00am. Let Kym Pen- nifold know if you want to go and also if, on the day, you feel unwell. Afterwards they will have coffee at Caffe L I G H T S CAMERA A C T I O N Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Guinness?" The shop assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you some- thing, If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?" The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Guinness, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Bunnings'."
Transcript of President: Jerry Vallance 0418 810 851 jerry.vallence...
For Probus use only, and not to be used for any other purpose.
Patton staggered home very late after another evening with his drinking buddy, Paddy. He took off his shoes to avoid waking his wife. . He tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step. As he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around and he landed heavily on his rump. A whiskey bottle in each back pocket broke and made the landing especially painful. Managing not to yell, Patton sprung up, pulled down his pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks were cut and bleeding. He managed to quietly find a full box of Band-Aids and be-gan putting a Band-Aid as best he could on each place he saw blood. He then hid the now almost empty Band-Aid box and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed In the morning, Patton woke up with searing pain in both his head and butt and Kathleen staring at him from across the room. She said, 'You were drunk again last night weren't you?' Patton said, 'Why you say such a mean thing?' 'Well,' Kathleen said, 'it could be the open front door, it could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your bloodshot eyes, but mostly ....... it's all those Band-Aids stuck on the hall mirror.
Thursday 9th July 2020
President: Jerry Vallance 0418 810 851 [email protected] Secretary: Darrell Wise 0431 087 027 [email protected]
Treasurer: Mick Chambers 8270 4905 [email protected] Club postal address: PO Box 903 Flagstaff Hill 5159
Club web site: probusclubflagstaffhill.com.au Club meets at 9.45am in the Church of Christ , 179 Hub Drive Aberfoyle Park
PRESIDENT’S UPDATE I trust this update finds all of you well and looking forward to our next meeting. I certainly am as I will be able to chair my first meet-ing since being elected as your President in March—seems such a long time ago but at least your committee has been having a monthly zoom meeting. However I am pleased to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel and patience is a virtue. We are working towards re-starting in August but this depends on numbers and distancing in the church. Action is being taken to work out how many people can attend and re-main 1.5 metres apart. I must say that the rules & regulations coming from the State Government at times I find confusing for an old man like me to understand. On a happier note I am pleased to say that Ian Woolley is making good progress following his major opera-
Well forget about the lights and action but do not for-get your camera as the photography & wine apprecia-tion group is holding its next meeting on 16th July by visiting the Warriparinga wetlands at Marion. Transport by car pool meeting at church at 9.00am. Let Kym Pen-nifold know if you want to go and also if, on the day, you feel unwell. Afterwards they will have coffee at Caffe
L I G H T S
CAMERA A C T I O N
Everyone seems to be in such a hurry to scream 'racism' these days. A customer asked, "In what aisle could I find the Guinness?" The shop assistant asks, "Are you Irish?" The guy, clearly offended, says, "Yes I am. But let me ask you some-thing, If I had asked for Italian sausage, would you ask me if I was Italian? Or if I had asked for German Bratwurst, would you ask me if I was German? Or if I asked for a kosher hot dog would you ask me if I was Jewish? Or if I had asked for a Taco, would you ask if I was Mexican? Or if I asked for Polish sausage, would you ask if I was Polish?" The shop assistant says, "No, I probably wouldn't." The guy says, "Well then, because I asked for Guinness, why did you ask me if I'm Irish?" The clerk replied, "Because you're in Bunnings'."
This month we have 7 of our members celebrating birthdays so we wish each of them a Very Happy Birthday. Ross Garrard Gerry Kradolfer John Jenner Roger May Brenton Tucker Ray Grummett & Alwyn Ashton
Prince Charles was driving in the Queen’s Balmoral estate when one of the corgis ran out from the undergrowth straight under the wheels of his car. He stopped, got out and saw the corgi was dead.Oh dear, what will mama say as it was her favourite corgi. Just then Charles fairy godmother came down to investigate the problem so Charles asked her if she could bring the dog back to life, her answer was sorry no as the dog was as dead as a dodo and off she went. A few minutes lat-er she could see that Charles was still distressed so came down again. This time she told him that she would grant him one wish so Charles asked her if she could make Camilla beautiful. Her reply was now Charles let me have another look at the corgi.
The printing of this bulletin was made possible through the generosity of the Steve Murray MP—Member for Davenport
AUSTRALIAN TRIVIA QUIZ (No Prizes) 1. The name of which mining town is said to come from Abo-
riginal words meaning “white man in a hole”? 2. Where is the lowest point in Australia? 3. What was Sir Donald Bradman’s middle name? 4. What tv game show did Tony Barber host in the 80s? 5. Which SA town was the birth place of Sir Robert Helpmann? 6. Who started the Flying Doctor Service? 7. Which Australian cricket skipper was known as Captain
Grumpy? 8. Which Australian cricket captain cried when confronted
on cheating? 9. Which SA port was named after the first vessel to navi-
gate nearby waters? 10. Which explorer was the first person to use the word
‘Australia’ in relation to the continent Needless to say— Answers next month!!
In the UK a magazine recently published an article a grand-father shared his list of 35 insights into living a reasonably happy & successful life. Not having room for all 35 I’ve picked out a few that could apply at any age. Read and hope-fully enjoy and take note. 1. If you and your friend are being chased by a mad dog,
don’t worry about out-running the mad dog, just worry about out-running your friend.
2. Never look down on anyone unless your helping them up.
3. Never marry for money: you can borrow it cheaper. 4. Accept that some days you’re the pigeon, and some
days the statue. 5. (My favourite) Try to be the kind of person your dog
thinks you are. 6. Kindness is more important than wisdom. 7. Make everyday decisions from the head but make big
decisions from the heart. 8. Don’t obey all the rules or you’ll miss all the fun. 9. It’s better to arrive ten minutes late in this life than
ten years early in the next 10. Never eat yellow snow!
In the last bulletin you were advised not to blink otherwise you would miss the treasurer’s report. This month don’t even think of blinking as this month the club is a whole 1 cent (bank interest) better off with the bank balance now standing at $1682.52). What borders on stupidity? (Answer next month)
