POSITIVE COMMUNICATION

Basic Aid

Contents

• Understanding Communication

• Intrapersonal Communication

• Interpersonal Communication

• Benefits of Positive Communication

• Positive Communication Basic Skills

• Getting Help

Understanding Communication

• Communication is the imparting and exchanging of information by speaking, writing, gesturing, emailing and other mediums.

• In our lives, we communicate within ourselves, and with people around us – Intrapersonal Communication and Interpersonal Communication respectively.

Intrapersonal Communication

• Intrapersonal Communication are interactions that take place in our own minds, within ourselves.

• It involves only one person – you.

• The source of communication is within yourself, thoughts that arise from your mind through your experiences and understanding of what is happening around you.

• In your mind, when you remind yourself something you need to do, or tell yourself something when an event has occurred, it is intrapersonal communication.

Intrapersonal Communication

• Our thoughts could be positive or negative, based on our past experiences.

• Some of the things we tell ourselves could also be automatic, formed through experience, creating our own belief systems.

• Examples of automatic thoughts: “I can’t wear A-line skirts, they do not make me look good.” Or “I am afraid of group discussions because I never seem to say the right thing, and people might laugh at me.”

• When we have to make a decision, we also could find ourselves communicating within ourselves.

Interpersonal Communication

• Interpersonal Communication takes place with one or more persons, for example, when someone smiles at you across the classroom or when your lecturer has a discussion with you about your assignment.

• With Interpersonal Communication, we express our thoughts and feelings to someone. We want to relay a message. We share knowledge. We clarify and we ask for opinions and thoughts. We also provide feedback.

Interpersonal Communication

• More often than not, when we communicate a message to another person, we have expectations of the feedback we wish to receive from this person.

• When we communicate with one another, we do so in 3 ways, through our words, our tone of voice and body language – also known as verbals and non-verbals.

Interpersonal Communication

The Words We Use

7%

Our Tonality – How

we use our voice

38%

Our Body

Language

55%

How Do We Choose to Communicate?

We could often find ourselves communicating in either of these ways:

• Passively: When we do not communicate or express how we feel or what we think openly and honestly. We could be silent, non-responsive, allowing others to speak instead, or merely agreeing with what everyone is saying.

• Aggressively: When we assert our opinions in a loud, superior manner, without allowing others an opportunity to share theirs. We could be raising our voices, abusive and overbearing.

• Assertively: When we communicate clearly, in an open, honest and calm manner, listening to others without interrupting. This is positive communication.

Benefits of Positive Communication

We want to communicate effectively and positively because:

• It creates better, more positive experiences.

• It encourages better relationships.

• It seeks harmonious conflict resolutions when there are disagreements or arguments.

• It increase deeper understanding of ourselves and those around us.

• It is also useful life skill to have with us, applicable in all scenarios – at home, at work, at school, at parties etc.

Positive Communication Basic Skills

• Listen Effectively – Listen to understand, not to just reply back.

• Respond appropriately.

• Be aware of our Body Language and the other person’s body language too.

• Ask Questions to Clarify and to Understand.

• Seek Common Ground.

Listen Effectively

• Focus on who is speaking.

• Listen without judgement. Be aware of your own emotional involvement, if there are any preferences or prejudices. Are these preferences and prejudices helpful or harmful? Park those that are harmful.

• Affirm and acknowledge what the other person is saying; this shows the intention to understand.

• Let the person finish speaking first, do not interrupt.

Respond Appropriately

• Be mindful of the words you choose and how you emphasise the words, and which words you emphasise.

• Ask open-ended questions. For example, “What do you think? Could you tell me more so that I can understand better please.”

• Paraphrase – Repeat and Reflect (respond to what is being said and the person’s feelings). This shows you are paying attention and it helps to build good rapport and trust.

• Do not judge the person or the person’s opnions. Keep an open, respectful mind. Be aware of our own negative biases and again, keep those at bay.

Positive Body Language

• Be aware of our body language – our gestures, posture, movements, eye contact – are we aggressive or peace-seeking.

• Look for body language that is not aligned with what is being said. For example, saying yes but shaking head. It is often good to clarify at this point in a sincere manner.

• Respond to positive changes in body language. For example, if a person moves forward, you could also incline forward slightly. This reflects your intention to understand this other person and builds rapport between two persons.

• Model positive body language and maintain open body language. Do not respond to negative, aggressive body language.

Ask Clarifying Questions

• Focus on the matter at hand and stick to the facts.

• Begin questions with ‘How’ and ‘What’. For example, “How can we resolve this? What do you think we could do so that we reach a harmonious conclusion?”

• Remember that questioning with a “Why” may cause someone to get defensive and reactive. For example, “Why are you like this?”

• Instead, try, “What do you think could be the reason? Could you help me to understand better?”

Seek Common Ground

• Recognise that listening is a choice – Choose to understand to make the situation for everyone better.

• Listening is not waiting for your turn to talk.

• Respect and reflect that respect through your words and body language.

• Discover and explore win-win situations together. It is about creating harmony.

• Check in that all persons clearly understand and are agreeable on the conclusion. Paraphrase and use clarifying questions.

Getting Help

• Speak to a trusted person, who you think is mature and level-headed, for guidance and advice.

• This person could be a student leader, mentor, programme director, lecturer, staff or a student counsellor.

• You could make an appointment to see a student counsellor. This is free and confidential. Email: SITCounselling@SingaporeTech.edu.sg.

End.