“Poppa Loves You”: A Father’s Story Chris Carpenter is a husband and father who first heard the term Trisomy 18 (T18) last year when his daughter, Leah, was prenatal-ly diagnosed with the life-limiting condition. Chris and his wife, Kayla, were thrilled to be welcoming a third precious baby at the Christmas season. Big sister, Lillian, and big brother, Levi, were excited too. “If I have learned one thing in life,” shares Chris, “You can’t plan it.”

Tell us Leah's diagnosis story and how it made you feel.

With two prior pregnancies, Kayla and I walked into the third as confident in our abilities and God’s assurance as ever. How-ever, when I answered my phone at work with the broken-hearted voice of my wife on the other end, I knew that the cleft lip that was originally the worst case scenario was now the best case scenario.

Was abortion offered?

Yes, it was, but Kayla closed that door im-mediately. We know life is precious even if it’s not picturesque in our flawed eyes. God showed us that He would carry us and that is truly the only way I can imagine anyone making it to the place He brought us to…a place of assurance, eagerness, and hope for tomorrow, which is another day closer to seeing Jesus and our sweet little Leah.

As a husband and father, what did you focus on during the pregnancy as you and Kayla carried Leah to term?

Inside this issue:

BNA Publishes New Special Edition on Ethical Care of Infants with Life-Limiting Prenatal Diagnosis

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Meet BNA’s “Blanket Lady” 2

What Parents Say About BNA 4

birth! Judy with BNA interacted with Kayla in such a way that GOD must have created Judy specifically for that single day. It was absolutely remarkable the connection that blossomed right before my eyes. I can’t begin to express my gratitude towards Judy and Brooke (our doula), for cushioning that day with joy, tenderness, and compas-sion.

What about that day will you remember forever?

As Leah made her grand entrance into this world, I held onto every second out of fear that it would be her last. My speech was paralyzed even though the entire room was encouraging me to talk to Leah. I had never thought about what I would say because it was truly God’s grace that we made it that far. After the awe of the mo-ment settled, I mustered to say the only thing I knew I wanted to ensure Leah would never have to question: “Poppa loves you, Poppa loves you, little girl!” Until the day I see Leah again, I’ll cherish that moment. One that will forever be chiseled into my memory."

Summer of 2019

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It was hard for me. Many times going to and from work I would sob and ask God to make me the rock my family needed. I wanted to carry all hardships upon my shoulders. God answered my prayers through individuals that were available to join us down the path He chosen for us.

Tell us about the day Leah was born.

December 8, 2018 is a day that will forever be distinguished and celebrated for the rest of the Carpenter’s lifetime. To be quite frank Kayla’s labor with Leah was elegant, light-hearted and the smoothest of our three la-bors, even though we were having a natural

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How long did Leah live?

We brought Leah home the week after she was born, and she died on December the 26th. Each second on earth, Leah defied and baffled my understanding of T18. I had asked God that if He was gonna bring Leah back home, I would be grateful if I could be the one holding her when/if it happened. The weeks leading up to the morning of the 26th, Leah’s vitals would drop during the night and so would my heart and Kayla’s. At 6 a.m. that morning when her heart finally stopped, she was in my arms.

..."Poppa Loves You" (continued)

BNA Publishes New Special Edition on Ethical Care of Infants with Life-Limiting Prenatal Diagnosis

This summer, BNA published an important new position paper entitled “Ethical Care of Infants with a Life-Limiting Prenatal Diagnosis.” The statement is based on Catholic teaching and was produced in consultation with The National Catholic Bioethics Center and members of the BNA Medical Advisory Council. The ethics statement was created in response to concerns regarding the all-too-common practice of withholding and withdrawing feeding from infants without a diagnosed reason as to why feeding would be disproportionately burdensome to that individual child.

Increasingly, research studies and BNA observations have found that a prenatal diagnosis can impact the care offered during pregnancy, labor, and delivery, and in the newborn period. The ethics paper states that parents have a right to the best, most medically-accurate information to make informed decisions about the care of their baby. Specifically, it asserts that the “evaluation of the living newborn is so important that efforts should be made to stabilize the child at birth” for a full medical evaluation. Because of the inherent limitations in trying to predict the prognosis of a baby before birth, parents should not con-sent to palliative and/or perinatal hospice that might limit medical options for their newborn’s care before birth, except in rare circumstances outlined in the statement.

This position represents a profound change from the usual course of action in many hospitals. The document has already proved effective in convincing a hospital to agree to stabilize and evaluate a BNA baby with a prenatal diagnosis at birth. It is our inten-tion that this new paper will offer medical providers clear ethical guidelines and will give parents the necessary documentation to support a request that their child be treated like any other newborn.

We had friends that have a sister that knew somebody that was part of BNA, and no, I’m not making that up. That somebody, Judy, turned out to be our personal tour guide through five months in a minefield. I re-member thinking that BNA’s name is their message: BE NOT AFRAID.

How did BNA help you?

The wisdom and fellowship they brought and offered allowed us to navigate through the uncharted and choppy waters. They took us by the hand and gently prepared us for any foreseeable detours. BNA is a vessel that God uses to support those privileged to journey down a path full of miracles and life lessons. To families experiencing a prenatal diagnosis and carrying to term I would say it’s okay to receive help…particularly the love from BNA.

How did you hear about BNA?

They say God works in mysterious ways, but without hesitation I know beyond a shadow of doubt that God sent Kayla and me not just a life jacket, but a life raft.

Wrapped in Love: Meet BNA’s “Blanket Lady”

While most parents haven’t met Trudy Barrett, they know her handiwork. At her home in Mississippi, Trudy sews special blankets for each BNA baby. Each blanket is a true gift from the heart.

Trudy started volunteering for BNA after seeing a post on Facebook. “It mentioned volunteers were needed to make ‘gifts’ for these very special babies. It specifically mentioned ‘baby name blankets,’” she says. Trudy has loved sewing ever since high school and had recently bought an embroidery-quilting machine “to try [her] hand at learning something new after retiring from work.” She respond-ed to the Facebook post and has been making blankets ever since.

“I had the basic skills to make a receiving blanket but needed inspiration for adding names and em-bellishments,” she explains, adding that she spent hours on Pinterest and Etsy looking for

...continued on next page Trudy Barrett

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ideas. Getting those names and embellishments right was important. Each blanket Trudy makes is one-of-a-kind, from the fabric itself to the style of embroidery that she chooses for the child’s name.

Trudy loves making special blankets for her “special babies” and choosing fabrics and themes that will be treasured by a family. When told that the father of one baby girl loved race cars, she selected a colorful race car pattern and matched it with bright blue fabric, white and red polka dot binding, and sparkly red thread for the baby’s name.

From bright flowers to “surfer boy” themes, each blanket is as unique as the baby who will be snuggled in it.

“It seems as though there has always been something—I think it is God’s hand—that points me towards a particular theme or design,” says Trudy. She often finds that the idea comes first, and when she receives a request for a blanket “it always seems to be appropriate.”

Prayer covers the whole process of creating her gifts and is often stitched into the blankets themselves. “For this child we pray,” “You are loved with everlasting love,” “Bless this child O Lord, we pray; Love on him night and day,” and “Unending Love, Amazing Grace” are just a few examples of the spiritual messages lovingly stitched onto BNA blankets.

Trudy says she was drawn to BNA because, many years ago, her nephew was born “with one of these same issues.”

“Having been there with my sister,” says Trudy, “I feel anything I can do to support these precious babies and their par-ents is more than worth the time and effort I put into each [blanket].” She wants parents to know that “they are never truly alone on this journey.”

BNA parents know that sometimes it is the material, tangible gift handcrafted with love that helps to anchor us to the support and prayers of those around us.

Maureen, a BNA mom, laid her precious baby Luke to rest in one of Trudy’s blankets this past year. “When you must bury your much-loved and longed-for son, nothing seems enough. No funeral, no flowers, no eulogy seems important enough to capture the meaning of your child’s life and the heartbreak his death brings,” says Maureen. “But parting with our Luke Francis was softened—literally—knowing he would be wrapped safely and warmly in a precious blanket from Trudy. Created specifically for our little boy and with such love, we were able to lay our darling Luke to rest blanketed in beauty and wrapped in the love, prayers, and devotion of our BNA family. It was one last thing we could provide for our son, and we couldn’t have completed that last material gesture for our baby without Trudy’s talent or heart.”

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We Need You!

If you are interested in supporting BNA, there are many ways you can help. Let us know what skills you have that could benefit the parents we serve—just use the contact button on our site and a staff member will respond within twenty-four hours to discuss volunteering. Financial donations are always appreciated and can be made at the BNA website via PayPal.

Who are we?

Be Not Afraid is a private non-profit that provides a free service of case management to parents carrying to term following a prenatal diagnosis. As a Catholic organiza-tion, we believe that every child deserves to be welcomed, no matter how brief their life may be or the nature of their disability. Our support is peer-based and parent-

www.benotafraid.net Email: benotafraidnc@live.com Phone: 704-948-4587

B e N o t A f r a i d — C h a r l o t t e , N C

What Parents Say About BNA... “My family and I are blessed to have BNA in our lives. They have been supportive, caring, compassionate, and thoughtful. They assisted us in locating doctors who re-spected our wishes and were willing to treat our daughter like any other baby in spite of her prenatal diagnosis. They provided education, resources, and referrals. They made sure our birth plan would be honored. We would not have known what to without them, and we are thankful for everything they have done for us.”

—Mom of Baby Jordana Desiree, † June 7th, 2019

...we can say with confidence, “The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid.” —Hebrews 13:6