Leadership and Using our EQ to Listen, Learn and Lead!

Offered by James Kimberly, President

Sapphire Consulting www.consultsapphire.com

(603) 889-1099 jim@consultsapphire.com

PMI – NH April 2015

What About Tomorrow?

“We are in learning mode, we are not perfect. We need to communicate to learn, to have a safe place to be and we are asking of ourselves and of others for higher performance.

How long do we remain relevant by doing the same things?”

–Senior Leader October 2014

What I am Learning….

• There are more distractions than ever affecting our relationships, productivity and focus

• If we can’t focus we aren’t Listening

• If we aren’t listening we are not Learning

• If we are not learning, we are not Leading in a way to get commitment with integrity

Our Dialogue Today

• Key EQ skills today’s leaders need.

• Innovating more quickly and sustainably

• Think and act more globally, more broadly.

• Avoid the derailers of success.

• Using ethics and values to drive organizational culture while still allowing us to adapt and learn on the fly.

EQ

Effective

Not so Much

IQ

Effective

Not so Much

Tech

Effective

Not so Much

Leveraging EQ to…..

Listen intently to yourself & others to connect with thoughts and feelings about people and process….

Learn from your own perspectives and those of others to find deeper meaning and to inform proactive problem solving for our challenges ahead

Lead others by sharing the knowledge of what you have learned and act on it with intention, purpose and an achievement attitude….

EQ Definition

EQ is the capacity for recognizing

our own feelings and those of

others, for motivating ourselves,

and for managing emotions well in

ourselves and in our relationships.

- Daniel Goleman

©2014 Sapphire Consulting, LLC 7

Emotional Intelligence (Goleman)

Self Awareness

Social Awareness

Self Management

Relationship Management

Self Others M

anag

emen

t

Aw

aren

ess

EQ Research – Business Case

Emotional Intelligence (Goleman)

Self Awareness

Social Awareness

Self Management

Relationship Management

Self Others M

anag

emen

t

Aw

aren

ess

11

The Human Brain and Emotional Intelligence

prefrontal cortex

thalamus

amygdala

brain stem

How Do You See Yourself?

Emotional Self Awareness

• Ability to be aware of our feelings, know what triggers them and know how our feelings affect others.

• Connected to one’s values and important goals.

• With candor and humility, understands and knows one' self. Laughs at one’s self.

• Self-confidence and realistic self-assessment

Self Management

• Ability to self regulate emotions

• To control or redirect disruptive emotions

• To hold back and delay strong impulses

• Motivates one’s self

• Effectively manages stress

• Assertive

• Flexible, adaptable – open to change

• Optimism in the face of failure

Five Top Amygdala Triggers at Work

1. Condescension and lack of respect.

2. Being treated unfairly.

3. Being unappreciated.

4. Feeling that you're not being listened to or heard.

5. Being held to unrealistic deadlines.

-Goleman, Daniel (2011). The Brain and Emotional Intelligence: New Insights

Stress Tolerance

Stress and Performance

Flow

Disengaged Chaotic

Assertiveness

Assertiveness

• At our tables….

• What does Assertiveness look like at work when it is:

• Under - utilized?

• Over - utilized?

• Just right?

Flexibility and Adaptability

Optimism

• The ability to be positive in the face of setbacks

• To look at difficulties and challenges as specific, temporary, and external attributions about their situation;

• pessimists make more enduring, global internal attributions about a stressor.

Social Awareness

• Skill in treating people according to their emotional reactions

• Cross cultural awareness

• Service to clients and customers

• Being “in-tune”

Empathy

1. Cognitive Empathy - to rationally understand how others see it, to take their perspective. Reflective listening

2. Emotional Empathy - to have compassion and to feel with another

3. Empathic Concern – “I sense what you need and here I am”

Detaching judgment from understanding

Relationship Management • Building and maintaining close interpersonal

relationships across boundaries

• Managing relationships well

• Can lead change

• Persuasive

• Give and receive feedback

Self Awareness

• Self Regard/confidence

• Reality Testing

• Knows goals, objectives, values

• Mindful

Social Awareness

• Empathy

• Cultural sensitivity

• Non judgmental

• Social Responsibility

Self Management

• Impulse control

• Assertiveness

• Stress Tolerance

• Motivation

• Flexibility

• Optimism

Relationship Management

• Builds strong relationships in & across boundaries

• Persuasive, leads change

• Mutual Feedback

Sapphire Consulting (603) 889-1099) www.consultsapphire.com

Charlie Wow

• High Self Regard and Self Actualization

• Highly Expressive, Assertive and Problem Solver

• Highly Socially Responsible

• Lower Empathy

• Low Impulse Control

• Low Stress Torlerance

• Low Reality Testing

Leveraging EQ to…..

Listen intently to yourself & others to connect with thoughts and feelings about people and process….

Learn from your own perspectives and those of others to find deeper meaning and to inform proactive problem solving for our challenges ahead

Lead others by sharing the knowledge of what you have learned and act on it with intention, purpose and an achievement attitude….

James Kimberly, President Sapphire Consulting

www.consultsapphire.com (603) 889-1099

jim@consultsapphire.com

ABCDE Technique - Albert Ellis

B

Step 3:

Beliefs I have

about me and

situation

C

Step 2:

Consequences

(Feelings I have

after the event)

D

Step 4:

Debate, Dispute,or

Discard my beliefs

E

Step 5:

Effects of D (how

has it changed my

thinking?)

A

I'll never get the order now that I missed the meeting.

My boss is going to kill me and I won't get the promotion to sales manager.

Flying Goose Airlines is always delayed!

Angry, Mad, Furious.

Pessimistic about my prospects of closing the deal

Depressed about my future with the company

I'll probably get a chance to present later, most people have experienced flight delays.

Even though my boss won't be happy, I still have a chance on the order if I can

reschedule the trip and do my best.

One order is not going to make or break my chances to get the promotion, I have had

a great year so far.

Flying Goose Airlines is late only 50% of the time, it could be worse!

It calms me down. If I can keep my cool with the agent as I reschedule perhaps she

can help me get there faster than if I get mad at her.

She didn't cause the mechanical problem, why get mad at her?

After a two hour delay, the gate agent announces the flight has been cancelled due to

a maintenance issue. I have been working on this big sales presentation to a

prospective customer for 3 months and now I won’t make the meeting.

Step 1:

Activating Event

ABCDE Technique - Albert Ellis

B

Step 3:

Beliefs I have

about me and

situation

C

Step 2:

Consequences

(Feelings I have

after the event)

D

Step 4:

Debate, Dispute,or

Discard my beliefs

E

Step 5:

Effects of D (how

has it changed my

thinking?)

A

Step 1:

Activating Event