It's Memorial Day here, and I'm hanging out with Lark, Ang, and Rose, and we decided to throw a bunch of names into a Tinkerbell bucket that once held popcorn at TokyoDisney, draw some names, and play Asylums. It was decided that I should write mine up, now that I'm finished.

I should mention that when we play Asylums at Lark's house, we generally do it with ACR, Larger Households, and Random Triplets and Quads. So it's not so much the 7 uncontrollables you have to worry about, but the 7 uncontrollables and whatever children happen to be born into the mess (who are also uncontrollable). It's like a regular Asylum, with extra screaming, green-fuming, and dog food consumption.

We got to pick our own caretaker, and I picked Kestrel, my fourth-generation Uglacy spare. The face may be lumpy, but he's got a fairly mellow personality (Virgo 10/3/8/3/6), and he's a Pop Sim, which has its advantages. For instance, his LTW was 20 Best Friends, which is easily do-able in an Asylum, with a minimum of seven sitting ducks. I got him a job so he'd bring friends home, but he didn't really need the career.

I've always had a bit of a soft spot for Kest, and it was nice to play him again. In the sea of outgoing grouches that was my Uglacy in those days, he was a breath of fresh air.

I picked a bird for Charisma skilling, and left enough money to stock the cage and feed the bird, whose name is Dingo, because Throatwobbler Mangrove wouldn't fit in the box.

Cagedpetfixes is in the hack folder, so I didn't anticipate much of a problem keeping him alive.

As far as the uncontrollables go, on the far left is my villain, Cypress Vetinari, and the redheaded guy in green is Wally Doran, from Lark's Back-Asswards Apocalypse. The blonde lady in the pink and blue is Azula Fitzhugh, from Marina's Villainous Apocalypse (OK, Lark says that's how Azula looks with her default skins); the black-haired lady is Desdemona Doran, from Rose's second turn at the Boolpropian Round Robin; the brunette is the SimSelf of OliveTheGreat; the redheaded lady is the SimSelf of Cait-who-writes-the-Regacy.

Which you will notice is only six other Sims.

That is because Matthew Bradford, of Silverbelle's Bradford Legacy, decided he was too good to come into the house with everyone else.

There was an early effort to get everyone some Cooking so they didn't burn the place down.

This would be entirely useless, as the uncontrollables feeding themselves was an extremely rare occurrence.

After this, pretty much no one gained any more Cooking. Ever.

“Why are you sitting so close to the screen?”

“Are you kidding? This show is great!”

“I mean, I LOVE this part!”

Yeah, Cypress, way to be creepy.

At this point, things are still going well. And by that I mean, no one is pregnant yet, and no one has gone to bed, so they're all still dressed.

Very shortly, it will be All Underwear and PJ's, All the Time.

Except for Kestrel, who gets to Macro/Caffeinate instead of sleeping.

Two hours in, and Azula's knocked up by Matthew.

And apparently she thinks she's, like, a wild dog or something, and needs to sleep with all the males in the pack so no one knows whose the baby is, so they all think it's theirs and won't kill it?

Literally, Matthew left the room and she jumped in there with Cypress.

Azula is wasting no time making Poor Life Choices.

Desdemona wandered over to put the moves on Cypress, and she and Azula were passing him between them for a while, before Matthew decided to come back in and stake his claim.

Desdemona thinks Matthew is icky, so points to her there, but she's all up in Cypress's business, so she loses all those points again.

Liv becomes the second official member of the Matthew Bradford Fan Club.

Poor Wally becomes the first casualty of the Dance Sphere.

He's a Pleasure Sim, so eventually this will come back to haunt him.

Cypress makes pancakes, which is just about the only time we will see an uncontrollable feeding themselves or anyone else.

Cait also decides that Matthew is the bee's knees.

If you're keeping score, it's Matthew 3, Cypress 1, Wally 0, Kestrel 0 best friends.

And this is why Cypress is pretty much done with pants for now. He's Outgoing and Neat, which means he'll Primp rather than bathing, unless someone is green-fuming and it's more inconvenient for them if he takes a nice long bath.

I wish I were kidding.

I didn't actually throw his name into the Tinkerbell bucket, because I've played Asylums with him in before, and he's fairly self-sufficient, but Lark said he was failtastic in one of hers, and as it turned out, he's still fairly self-sufficient for me.

Matthew knocks up Cait next.

This is the wee hours of Day 2, by the way.

Cypress and his tiny tiny man-panties become the next victims of the Dance Sphere.

Matthew puts the moves on Desdemona—right in front of Cait, no less—but she is not buying his line.

Wally becomes obsessed with Dingo, who can't even talk at this point.

Me: “Hey, Lark, Wally is so obsessed with the bird that he's almost starved himself to death.”

Lark: “A DINGO KILLED MY WALLY.”

On his first day of work, Kest brought this lady, Jessica Picaso, home from work.

Lark assures me she's horrible to everyone, which I found to be the case, as she did not have one single positive interaction with anyone in the house, ever.

There are wiser choices to piss off than Cypress, though.

She just kept stalking him to beat him up. Eventually he got tired and wandered away.

So then she pissed off Wally, who is quite a bit nicer than Cypress.

Azula decides that the Wally/Jessica feud is taking too much focus, so she pops into her second trimester.

Oh, and she's also starving, because Dingo won't be happy until he kills everyone.

Jessica and Wally finally throw down, because Kest was too busy caffeinating to kick her out.

While everyone's distracted by the fight, Olive takes the opportunity to sneak off to the photo booth.

And who should join her but Matthew Bradford?

But HAH! Liv doesn't get pregnant... yet.

Desdemona, on the other hand, totally gets knocked up.

And Wally gets his butt kicked.

Jessica Picaso was escorted to the door with extreme prejudice. She spent the next few days kicking the trash can over and stealing the newspaper.

Dammit, Matthew, NO.

You don't get ALL of them.

Cypress isn't worried that Matthew will steal Desdemona from him, he's whining because he's getting no Aspiration.

Dude. You're a KNOWLEDGE SIM. Go SKILL SOMETHING.

They don't. None of them skill. At all.

NOW Liv is pregnant.

That makes 4 out of 4 female Sims who are pregnant. The Pregnancy For All hack is in, but all the boys rolled straight or bi (and promptly started flirting with the ladies), so at least I don't have to worry about Wally getting pregnant too.

I have to assume that threats are involved.

Cait could fix herself food, but doesn't.

At this point, I just stuffed Kest's Inventory with gelatin, because he spent a few hours a day at work, and the uncontrollables would rather die than feed themselves.

Cypress and Desdemona finally fall in love. And hey, at least she can't get MORE pregnant.

Azula goes into labor not long after, and Wally seems to realize what's coming.

Only one baby this time, a little girl named Toph.

Toph is immediately placed on the floor so Azula can go jump in the photobooth with Wally.

She doesn't get pregnant again.

Yet.

Kest, trying to deal with the situation, hands Toph to Liv.

Liv drops Toph off in the hallway, for what I'm sure are a number of compelling reasons.

Kest goes and feeds her, because no one else is going to.

Sometimes Wally is on the ball and helps out with the babies. Other times, not.

And yes, babies plural, because it's not long before Cait goes into labor too.

Babydaddy Matthew is irritated that she interrupted his couch nap to have a baby.

The baby is Matthew Jr., because of course he would.

This is about how things to towards the end of week 1: two babies on the floor, one of them with a dirty diaper, a bunch of people eating gelatin, Matthew stalking one of his babymamas, and someone trying to kill themselves with Dingo.

Cypress picked up MJ up off the floor, held him for a while, then put him back down and wandered off.

He's dressed because Wally was stinky and needed a shower, so clearly Cypress had to get there first.

Kest takes time out of working the phones to feed MJ.

He has shown no signs of wanting to take anyone into the photobooth. This is probably wise.

Cait feeds Toph. Wins points for feeding a baby, loses points because it's not her baby. So close!

NO, MATTHEW.

Desdemona rejected him, so he jumped back into the photobooth with Liv.

Desdemona, who is a terrible pregnant Sim, becomes the first plate-nap. At this point, her portrait was Tang, moving slowly to Tomato.

I really thought she was going to die.

Nothing says “Asylum” quite like a plate-nap, gelatin, green-fuming, and mopping up a pee puddle.

Then Wally took a sponge bath, despite the shower being empty.

Matthew and Azula went at it again.

However, Azula did NOT get pregnant.

You can see Wally down there on the right, taking a sponge bath, and the shower at the top middle is totally empty.

Way to traumatize the children, Wally.

Even though Toph was older, MJ pooped first, so he got to grow up first.

He looks a LOT like Cait.

Wally handed Toph to Liv, and they both stood there staring at her for a while.

Then Liv put Toph down so she could pop.

Hungry MJ turned to the Automatic Toddler Feeder.

Several hours later, Kest was finally able to grow up Toph, who looks mostly like Matthew.

It's sort of a weird situation, because normally when you have babies and toddlers in an Asylum, you WANT the Social Worker to show up and take them away. But with Kest's LTW of 20 Best Friends, I WANT them to stay in the house—two more captive Best Friends is nothing to sneeze at. So I can't just ignore them—when I get the “your child is skin and bones” popup, I HAVE to make Kest drop what he's doing and feed them, because he can't afford to have the Social Worker take them!

By this point, Kest is BFFs with every adult in the house, plus at or close to Best Friend status with another 5 people outside the household, and he knows enough outside people to meet his LTW. But he needs TIME to chat on the phone or invite them over, that's hard to come by when babysitting 9 Sims.

Desdemona goes into labor next.

And yup, passes the baby off to Cypress to have another baby.

MJ, meanwhile, begs Azula for some food that doesn't taste like Kibbles 'N' Bits, and a diaper change.

And Toph didn't quite make it to the doggie bed for her nap.

Cypress dropped his baby so he could complain about the collective stench of Desdemona, Wally, and MJ.

I named Cypress and Desdemona's daughters Helena and Hermia. Helena has black hair like Desdemona, and Hermia is blonde like Cypress. That's backwards from the play, but they're crazy, what do you expect?

Liv tries to figure out why she picked up the baby, while Matthew and Azula continue to ignore their offspring.

And Dingo lures in a new victim.

Yes, Desdemona is still green-fuming.

MATTHEW PICKS UP HIS SON!

Write that down on your calendars, y'all!

He even gives MJ a bath AT THE EXPENSE OF HIS OWN HYGIENE.

Who are you, and what have you done with Matthew Bradford?

Wally takes Toph for a bath, LIKE A BOSS.

Yay Wally!

Liv pops again.

And then promptly passes out on the kitchen floor.

I should mention that, although I don't have pictures of it, Liv and Cait HATE each other. It's like they know what happened in Lark's OWBC, and have managed to hold one heck of a grudge.

It's not ACR-related, because there have been no boinging noises. They just DO NOT get along.

Azula manages to pick up HER OWN daughter, but can't figure out how to turn around 180* and get a bottle from the fridge BEHIND her.

So close, Azula. So close.

Kest still needs friends, and since he took care of MJ when he was a baby, the relationship is pretty high, so a little playing and they're Besties.

Matthew takes the opportunity to knock Cait up again.

He just looks sooooo proud of himself, doesn't he?

Somewhere down the line, Cypress became enemies with someone. I have no idea who.

Kestrel is not amused.

It was time to grow up Cypress and Desdemona's twins. Helena pooped first, so she got the honors.

Desdemona's hair, but mostly Cypress's features.

MJ went outside to angrily chase lightning bugs. This is something I rarely see, since almost all of my houses are on foundations.

In an effort to make another Bestie, Kest sat down with Toph to play.

After a snuggle, he'd moved one step closer to his LTW. The question is if he'd make it before Cait had her babies—after all, isn't four plus however many Liv is carrying enough?

Clearly not, since Desdemona got pregnant by Cypress again.

And she was so much fun the first time she was pregnant.

Kest finally went to grow up Hermia, but it was interrupted by Liv going into labor.

At this point, Hermia is almost a day younger than her twin sister.

Liv only gives me one, though, a girl named Kalamata.

Cypress grabs Hermia and feeds her a bottle. She looks as surprised as I was.

My man Wally takes care of Kalamata.

Cypress even steps up and gives a stinky MJ a bottle. No dog food for you today!

After three or four tries, Kest grows Hermia up. Complete opposite of Helena: Cypress's coloring, but Desdemona's features.

Liv got mad at Wally for some reason. The poor guy can't catch a break.

Matthew was the next one to plate-nap.

It was satisfying to see, not gonna lie.

Toph grew up badly, as Asylum children do, and got mad at Kest for it.

While I was busy watching Toph age up in the red, Wally knocked Azula up.

On one hand, I'm glad Wally finally got some, on the other hand, DAMMIT.

MJ grows up badly too, and doesn't look happy about it.

Cypress changes Hermia's diaper. It's even his own daughter!

Wally finally fell off the Dance Sphere one too many times. Lampshade Dance time!

Seventeen friends down, and all Kest needs is for Helena to wake up so he can play with her. He was almost Best Friends with this Townie, so when she walked by, he invited her in for a date.

Almost two weeks in, and the poor guy finally gets his First Kiss.

Kest was trying to grow up Kalamata, but got interrupted by Cait going into labor again.

Cait and Matthew threw me triplets. Apparently that was too many babies for Family Sim Cait.

Matthew thinks she's hot when she's having a nervous breakdown.

The babies are two boys and a girl, Austen, Bradford, and Jane.

I'm reeeaaaallllly hoping that Kest can get the last couple of Besties he needs before Desdemona goes into labor.

After several more misfires, Kest is able to grow Kalamata up. She favors Olive.

Poor guy. Three babies, and only one Kestrel.

Matthew is apparently crazy enough that he's playing with MJ!

“You want to take care of your daughter?”

“Who the what now?”

They honestly have no idea how to feed themselves beyond drinking milk straight from the carton.

Cypress picked up Austen, who was hungry, and refused to stop fussing, and Cypress had no idea how to handle that.

No one seems to realize that the triplets even exist. And I'd rather have Kest push the last couple of friends than cater to their every need.

So, we have Wally and his lampshade, Liv and Cait and Toph and MJ eating gelatin, an extremely pregnant Desdemona ignoring three stinky babies, Cypress standing around in his tiny panties, Kest taking care of Hermia so he can be Besties with her, and Helena sacked out on a doggie bed.

Yup, totally normal.

Desdemona can't wait half a day to go into labor, and has another set of twins by Cypress. In a moment of sanity, she passes the older one off to Kestrel, who I can at least have feed her before dropping her on the kitchen floor to marinate in her own stench.

Two more girls for Cypress and Desdemona: Beatrice and Hero.

Pregnant Azula changed one of the triplets. I think Kest was astonished.

He needed one more friend, and there was a nice little old lady who was close, but it was going to be another day or so before that LTR was high enough, unless drastic measures were taken.

So, it was time for a quickie lawn date with the nice little old lady.

A few minutes later, and BOOM, Kest is Permaplat on Friday of week 2.

You can see the veritable pile of babies in the kitchen. Liv's even holding one, although I'm not sure she knows what to do with it.

Here's what it looked like at the end. Yes, that's 18 Sims in the household. Ten kids born, six of them are Matthew's with Azula, Cait, and Liv, and four are Cypress and Desdemona's.

Starting at the top of the left column and going down, it's Toph, Helena, Hermia, Kalamata, Austen, Beatrice, Bradford, Hero, and Jane. The other column is Azula, Cait, Cypress, Desdemona, Kestrel, Matthew, Liv, Wally, and Matthew Jr.

I actually got lucky, and MJ and Toph aged up Wednesday night, so they only had two days of school, which meant they couldn't get a failing grade by the weekend, so I didn't have to worry about the Social Worker. I'm not sure what the actual score of the Asylum was, but I think we can agree that with 17 uncontrollable Sims and no Social Worker visits and nobody dying despite their best efforts, I win!