28 | access | summer

By catHy leuNg

summer is a popular time to get married in many countries, equally so in

the Netherlands. so if you are lucky enough to get an invite, here’s a little

look at what to expect from a wedding in the Netherlands.

Dutch weddings - a guide for guests

I have had the pleasure of attending many

Dutch huwelijken (weddings), including

my own, and they have all been uniquely

special occasions. There are though some

common traditions and protocol that may

not be familiar to non-Dutch nationals.

Which guest list are you on?

The typical format for a Dutch wedding can

include the marriage ceremony, a drinks

reception, a sit-down dinner, and an eve-

ning party. It should be clear from your

invitation which part of the day you are

invited to. For work colleagues, for exam-

ple, it is often the case that you will just be

invited to the evening party.

Ceremoniemeesters

After the main wedding invitation from the

couple themselves, you may very well get a

separate letter from the Ceremoniemeesters.

As well as a best man and bridesmaids,

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access | summer | 29

Lifestyle

many couples will appoint friends to act

as Ceremoniemeesters to help lighten the

load before and during the wedding.

In general, they play an active role in com-

municating with guests before the wed-

ding and providing master of ceremony

duties during the wedding, the reception

and party. They might let you know about

any theme for the party and provide advice

on how to get there and places to stay.

The ceremony

A couple getting married in the

Netherlands must always have a civil cere-

mony, performed by a town hall official

but not necessarily in the gemeentehuis

(town hall), and they may choose to have

an additional religious ceremony after this

has taken place. During the civil ceremony

you generally won’t hear the bride and

groom making personal vows. There may

be readings and speeches from close

friends and family though and the civil ser-

vant who marries the pair will certainly

give a speech first before asking the bride

and groom whether they agree to be mar-

ried. They answer with a simple “Ja”.

Congratulations!

You will be expected to personally congrat-

ulate the bride and groom in person once

the ceremony is over; it is a very important

element of the proceedings. So much so

that it is sometimes not left to chance: the

use of clip-on, flashing LED hearts can be

used to help the couple identify who hasn’t

yet congratulated them yet - when they

have, the light is turned off. Additionally,

at the reception you may well hear a group

of Dutchies burst into song. They’re proba-

bly not drunk already, there is an old tradi-

tion of serenading the bride and groom

with a song using personalised lyrics about

the couple.

Speeches

It is fair to say, the Dutch like to give

speeches but when it comes to weddings,

they excel themselves. Speeches are usually

given by the father of the groom as well as

the father of the bride and be warned: they

can go on for some time.

The party

The dress code for the evening party can

often be different than for the daytime fes-

tivities. For example, in my husband’s jaar-

club (university fraternity), they often make

this a black tie occasion. Wedding themes

and fancy dress also seems to be growing

in popularity. Of the quirkier weddings I’ve

attended, one requested guests adopt a

sailing theme, and another that they wear

red, green and blue - the colours of the

Schiermonikoog flag. Party food can be as

simple as circulating trays of bitterballen,

but the good news is that drinks (beer and

wine) are usually also circulated on trays -

so no big queues at the bar.

Surprise!

A lovely thing the Ceremoniemeesters also

do is to arrange a special surprise for the

bride and groom, planned together with

the guests. The nature of this surprise can

take many forms but in general it is a way

of enabling the guests to give a personal

and lasting message to the bride and

groom that they can keep and treasure.

I have seen video booths for taped mes-

sages, photo booths for a photo collage,

a collection of songs written in tribute to

the couple, and signatures on the hull of

the couple’s new sailing boat (although

I expect that hasn’t stood the test of time).

For our wedding, the Ceremoniemeesters

asked our guests to email three words that

came to mind when they thought of us.

The resulting word cloud was printed on

a canvas and framed - it was incredibly

touching and a great example of the bene-

fits of having Ceremoniemeesters.

So with this little social guide, you should

be better prepared for some huwelijk

action. Now all you have to do is wait to

be invited. «

“ there is an old tradition of serenading the bride and groom with a song using personalised lyrics about the couple”

Information

Need a hat?Not something you’ll easily find on the Dutch high street, I recommend:Hoeden MV, Amsterdamwww.hoeden-mv.com

Getting married?For comprehensive information on getting married in the Netherlands, download the ACCESS Guide, ‘Marriage’, from www.access-nl.org.