Life SkillBuilders

Cover.........................................................................................1Anger Inventory....................................................................3What’s Your Anger Style? ...................................................4Practicing Anger Management .......................................5Am I Assertive? ......................................................................6Measuring Assertiveness...................................................7Saying No With Style ...........................................................8Caring for the Caregiver.....................................................9Caring for the Caregiver: Recognizing Feelings ......10When a Loved One Is Near Death.................................11Communicating With “Body Language”.....................12Communicating With Your Stance and Gestures....13Listening Is Communicating, Too .................................14Training Your Voice ............................................................154 Steps to More E�ective Speech .................................16Working With Di�cult People .......................................17Resolving Con�icts: What’s Your Style? ......................18Seven Steps to Fair Con�ict Resolution......................19Con�ict Resolution: Assessing the Outcome ...........20The One-Minute Creativity Exercise ............................21“Logical ” vs. Creative Problem Solving ......................22Get Out of That Rut!...........................................................23Desicion Making: Weighing Your Options...............24Decision Making For Leaders..........................................25Recognizing Negative Gender Stereotypes..............26Values: Where Did You Get Your Values? ....................27Ethics on the Job - Where Do You Stand?..................28Feelings Are Like Weather...............................................29Expressing Feelings ...........................................................30Finding Your Feelings........................................................31A Short Course in Goal Setting......................................32De�ning You Goals.............................................................33Goals“ Step by Step ...........................................................34Understanding Grief and Loss .......................................35Are You Grieving? ...............................................................36Good Mourning: The Craft of Healing Well ...............37Look on the Light Side......................................................38Humor Smoothes the Way..............................................39When Humor Is NOT the Answer..................................40Leadership Styles................................................................41Delegate! ...............................................................................42Focus on Leisure .................................................................43Balance the Books With Leisure ....................................44Get Smart About Leisure .................................................45Memories Are Made of This ............................................46Voices From the Past Only Licensees ..........................47Parents’ Memories..............................................................48Budget Boomerangs .........................................................49$pending Diary ...................................................................50

Your Budget Worksheet ...................................................51 What gets You Going ........................................................52Boosting Your Motivation................................................53Positive Self-Talk .................................................................54Tuning In: Meaningful Communication With Kids .55Boosting Your Kids’ Self Esteem ....................................56How Well Do You Know...? ...............................................57Thinking About Change...................................................58Climbing Change Mountain -- One Step at a Time59The More It Changes, the More It Stays The Same .60A Problem -Solving Worksheet......................................61Getting Around Roadblocks...........................................62Brainstorming Guidelines for Problem Solving.......63Procrastination Warning Signs ......................................64Getting Past Procrastination ..........................................65The Procrastination Toolbox...........................................66The Carrot & Stick Approach ..........................................67Building Good Relationships..........................................68Fight Fair................................................................................69Talking and Listening........................................................70Weighing the Risks.............................................................71Stepping Out of the ...Comfort Zone...........................72Learning from Your Risks .................................................73What Are Your Roles? ........................................................74Focus on Roles.....................................................................75Take Time to Dream...........................................................76There's Only One Me!........................................................77Self Awareness A Personal Mandala............................78This Is Your Life ....................................................................79Seeing Yourself Through Some One Else’s Eyes.......80What Does Self-Con�dence Mean to You?................81Cooking up Some Self-Con�dence..............................82You Are Loveable................................................................83 Curbing Your Inner Critic ................................................84Acknowledge Your Accomplishments........................85Setting Limits.......................................................................86Assess Your Stress...............................................................87Five Minute Stress-Busters ..............................................88What’s Bothering You?......................................................89Your Personal Support System ......................................90Assessing Your Support Needs......................................91Finding the Support You Need......................................92Reaching Out .......................................................................93What Do you Do all Day? .................................................94Setting Priorities: the Basic List .....................................9510 Steps for Time Management ....................................96Balancing Work, Family and Personal Needs............97Restoring Harmony............................................................98

Table of Contents

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What is your angerlike? Does it…� last too long?� flare up frequently?� express itself even

when you try to sup-press it?

� go away quickly?� _________________

_________________� _________________

_________________

What is the outcome of your anger? Does it…� interfere with your job or

relationships?� contribute to physical

problems?� lead to accidents?� get you into legal

problems?� ___________________

___________________� ___________________

___________________

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What situations make you especially angry?______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Are there people you have trouble dealing with when you’re angry? Family members or employers often fall into this category:

PERSON HOW YOU RESPOND______________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________ ______________________________________________

Anger InventoryEveryone gets angry. Getting to know what triggers your anger and how you react

can help you manage it in a positive way. Check any of the following boxes that apply to you and use the blank lines to add anything not listed here.

SPECIAL NOTEThis inventoryis confidential.No one shouldsee it but you.

What do you do when youget angry?� clench your jaw� get a stomach ache� raise your voice� want to hurt someone� refuse to speak� want to get away� become verbally or

physically abusive� sweat or turn red� get sarcastic� never get angry� _________________� _________________� _________________

How do you feel when you get angry?� guilty� uncontrollable� anxious� depressed� ashamed� withdrawn� don’t feel it until later� _______________________� _______________________

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What’s Your Anger Style?Anger comes in three basic styles. We may switch styles depending on who or what is triggering our anger,but most of us lean toward one style or another. Check the boxes that describe your anger style and use theblank lines to add any other appropriate descriptions.

Lock it up!BEHAVIOR

� withdraw emotionally � deny anger, but show it in other actions� give the “silent treatment” � ______________________________________� become ill or anxious � ______________________________________

REASONS

� I don’t have the right to be angry. � I may lose my job, or a relationship.� Anger is inappropriate or childish. � I fear I will hurt or offend someone.� I may lose control of myself. � ______________________________________� I can’t cope with strong feelings. � ______________________________________� People will dislike me � ______________________________________

if I show anger.

Turn it loose!BEHAVIOR

� blowing up at people � flying off the handle at small things� getting physical or hurting people � bringing up old grievances� threatening, shouting or swearing � _________________________________� blaming people � _________________________________� breaking things � _________________________________

REASONS

� I need to assert my power over people. � The best defense is a good offense.� I’m afraid of getting close to someone. � _________________________________� I can’t stand to be wrong. � _________________________________� I don’t know how to communicate � _________________________________

calmly when angry.

Manage it!BEHAVIOR

� remaining calm � allowing discussion to happen� focusing on the behavior, � ______________________________________

not the person � ______________________________________� using “I” statements: � ______________________________________

“I feel angry when…” � ______________________________________� sticking to the subject � ______________________________________

REASONS

� Anger is a normal emotion—it’s OK to be angry. � ________________________________� When I’m angry, I want to solve the problem � ________________________________

that’s causing my anger. � ________________________________� I want to be able to express anger appropriately. � ________________________________


Practicing

ANGER MANAGEMENT

� Write out a clear statement: I’mangry because _______________________________________________________. (Be specific.)

� Study your anger. Make a list of reasons why this makes you angry.

� Visualize yourself in the room withthe person. Write down what youwould say to that person.

� Choose a time to talk that is goodfor you and the other person. Maintain eye contact and a calmvoice while talking.

� Put yourself into the other person’sshoes. Allow yourself to be “wrong”some of the time.

� Avoid blaming, attacking, or bring-ing up other grievances.

� Use “I” statements instead of“you” statements. Saying some-thing like “I get angry when...”instead of “you never…” preventsunnecessary blaming.

� Can the situation be changed oravoided in the future? If the answeris yes, think about how that can beaccomplished. If the answer is no,work toward acceptance. Remem-ber, you can’t control other people’sbehavior, but you can control theway you respond.

� Use relaxation techniques such asdeep breathing exercises or

imagery—focusing on a peacefulplace, thought or sound.

� Write a letter to the person withwhom you’re angry. Refrain fromdelivering the letter for a few days.When you review it, you may decideto take another approach.

� Find a physical outlet for anger,such as exercise or housework.

� Set a time limit for anger. Then letit go.

� Use positive self-talk: “I’m angry butI can get on with my life or my job.”

� Know your limits. Seek counseling ifanger continues to be a big problemfor you.

Like any other skill, managing anger takes practice. The next time you get angry,try these approaches:

Keep Track of Your Anger Response:

It helps to practice anger management techniques with a neutral person. Gettogether with a friend and take turns role-playing, with each of you assuming therole of the person the other one is angry with.

Something that triggeredmy anger:

My response: Something I did well in this situation:

Something I could have done better:


Am I Assertive?Does assertiveness come easily to you most of the time? Or do you sometimes find it astruggle to get your needs met without feeling guilty or causing resentment? Take thisquiz to assess your success at assertive behavior and to pinpoint areas where you couldbecome more assertive. Give your answer a number from this scale:


AT WORK AT HOME

1. I am comfortable meeting new people in social situations. _______ _______

2. I am able to say “no” without feeling guilty or anxious. _______ _______

3. I can express strong feelings such as anger, frustration or disappointment. _______ _______

4. I can easily request help and information from others. _______ _______

5. I feel capable of learning new things and performing new tasks. _______ _______

6. I am able to acknowledge and take responsibility for my own mistakes. _______ _______

7. I can discuss my beliefs without judging those who don’t agree with me. _______ _______

8. I am able to express my honest opinion to others, even if they don’t agree. _______ _______

9. I tell others when their behavior is not acceptable to me. _______ _______

10. I can speak up confidently in group situations. _______ _______

11. I can express anger or disappointment without blaming others. _______ _______

12. I believe my needs are as important as those of others and should be considered. _______ _______

13. I can assert my beliefs even when the majority disagrees with me. _______ _______

14. I am comfortable delegating tasks to others. _______ _______

15. I value my own experience and wisdom. _______ _______

If you scored 45 to 60 overall, you are consistently assertive and probably handle most situations well.

A score of 30 to 45 indicates that you are able to be reasonably assertive in many areas but are unsure of your-self in others. Learning assertive behavior techniques would definitely boost your score.

If you scored 15 to 30 you may have difficulty being assertive and could benefit greatly from learning and practic-ing assertive behavior.

Keep a copy of this quiz where you can see it every day. Think of it as your assertiveness “Bill of Rights.” Do you see your score changing as you become more aware of opportunities for assertive behavior?

Never Always1 2 3 4 5


Passive people:

� have trouble saying no.

� do whatever others ask, even if it’s very inconvenient.

� get “stepped on” a lot.

� talk softly and don’t stand up for their rights. They’re not even sure if they

have any rights.

� do anything to avoid a conflict.

� are taken advantage of. They get resentful but don’t tell anyone.

� ________________________________________________________________________

� ________________________________________________________________________

Assertive people:

� are firm and direct.

� don’t blame others but take full responsibility for their own feelings.

� concentrate on the here-and-now.

� can express their needs and feelings calmly and easily.

� are confident about who they are.

� speak firmly and make eye contact.

� respect others’ rights and expect the same from others.

� ________________________________________________________________________

� ________________________________________________________________________

Aggressive people:

� are loud, bossy and pushy.

� get their way, no matter what.

� react instantly.

� like to get even.

� don’t care about feelings.

� give vice-like handshakes.

� believe that winning is everything.

� ________________________________________________________________________

� ________________________________________________________________________


Measuring AssertivenessSometimes assertiveness gets a bad name because people confuse it with aggressiveness. But if there were ayardstick to measure human behavior, assertiveness would be right in the middle, with passiveness at oneend and aggressiveness at the other.

Here are some of the ways passive, assertive, and aggressive people come across to others. You may knowpeople who fit these descriptions. Can you think of other traits these people have?

Few of us are exactly in the middle of this yardstick, but all of us benefit from consciously practicingassertive behavior. Very passive and very aggressive people often have an underlying lack of self-esteem. Ifyou see yourself as usually at one extreme or the other, self-esteem may be an issue for you to explore further.

“I don’twant tocause anytrouble…”

“Let’s talk.We can findthe solutiontogether.”

“I know the way tohandlethis…”


You’re invited togo to the opera.You have noplans for thatevening but youcan’t standopera.

“I’m afraid I haveother plans thatnight.”

“Can I let youknow tomor-row?”

“Thank you forinviting me, but Ireally don’t carefor opera.”

A coworker asksyou to do hiswork for him.

“I’d like to but Idon’t have time.”

“Let me thinkabout it and getback to you.”

“I’m sorry. Iwon’t be able todo that for you.

You’re asked todo somethingyou don’t feelqualified to do.

“Sure. Piece ofcake.”

“Why don’t youask Jane?”

“I’m not experi-enced with that,but I’ll give it mybest shot.”

FOR MANY OF US, thehardest assertiveness skill is theability to say “no” when the

situation requires it. We may feelthreatened by a loss of respect, love or responsibility on the job when we say “no” to someone. It’s possibleto say “no” with grace and tact, following these guidelines:

• Be honest and direct.

• Don’t make excuses.

• Remember that saying “no”

shows self-respect.

When It’s EspeciallyHard to Say “No”

Sometimes it’s harder to say “no” tocertain people. Check the people youhave trouble saying “no” to. Then, inthe space, describe a situation whereyou need to say “no” and write anassertive response:

� Children __________________

__________________________

� Spouse ____________________

__________________________

� A friend ___________________

__________________________

� A parent __________________

__________________________

� A coworker ________________

__________________________

� A neighbor ________________

__________________________

� Your boss _________________

__________________________

� __________________________

__________________________

� __________________________

__________________________

Saying

With Style

Dishonest Response

Indirect Response

Assertive Response

Consider these situations:


Need to understand and accept the natureof the illness

• What’s the outlook for the patient? Will there be eventualrecovery, or is the illness terminal? If it’s terminal, what’s thepatient’s life expectancy? Will I be able to take good care ofthe patient?

• How am I meeting this need now?• What would help me meet this need in the future?

Need to accept outside help for both myphysical and emotional needs

• For my own health, I must learn to ask family members andothers to help with the care of the loved one. Such outsidehelp will also allow me to address my needs for rest, recre-ation, stress reduction and the sharing of my feelings.


Need to recognize and share my feelings,including grief

• My feelings may include guilt, anger, sorrow, grief or even joy. How can I share my feelings so that I don’t become emotionally isolated?


Need to enjoy good times, both with andapart from the person cared for

• What good times can I plan with the patient? These don’t haveto be elaborate or expensive. They could be as simple as amassage with scented oil, reading or sharing music. Whatplans have I made for my own pleasure and recreation?


Need to know my limits and to includethem in planning for long-term care

• Am I staying within the limits of my ability to care for this person? Will there be a time when I can no longer manage the care? What plans have I made for such a possibility?


Need to identify resources, support services, information services andphysical help

• Am I familiar with the resources and support services that areavailable in my community? Do I know where to find outmore about such services?


adult day carealcohol and drug abuse

treatment servicesalternative housingfamily support groupshospice carehousekeeping services

meal delivery servicesmedical, legal, financial

and social assistancenursing homesrespite caretransportation servicesvisiting nurses

Caringfor the Caregiver

What Are YourNeeds?

Caring for a loved one who is chronically illis one of life’s most demanding tasks.

Caregivers owe it to themselves as well as tothe person cared for to recognize and care fortheir own needs.

Look for these resources in your community.


Caring for a chronically ill person can provoke deep and often surprising feelings. Some of themost difficult feelings caregivers have to face are:

• intense, lingering grief because a loved one is no longer able to play animportant and loving part in their lives.

• deep, protective love coexisting with anger and resentment, perhaps even the wish that the person would die.

• guilt over their feelings and over the feeling of not having successfullydealt with the patient’s needs.

When we judge these feelings as unacceptable, we may unconsciously try to hide them.Common defenses against such feelings include blaming, moralizing, denying, self-pity, pre-

tending, attacking, withdrawing, projecting, sarcasm or alcohol and drug abuse. When feelingsare masked in this way, our inner peace is destroyed. The first step in unmasking and healingfeelings is to:

Recognize that feelings are neither good nor bad.To explore your feelings and defenses, allow yourself 15 minutes to relax. Try a stress reductiontechnique, such as deep breathing or progressive muscle relaxation. Then ask these questions:

• What messages is my body giving me right now about my feelings?

• What defenses am I using to disguise my feelings?

• When I let go of these defenses, what feelings come up?

• What caregiving activities trigger these feelings?

• Who can I turn to when I need to share these feelings?

Caring for the Caregiver

Recognizing Feelings


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When a Loved One Is Near Death

Most of us fear death to some degree. Some people view death as a transition into a bet-ter world or as a release from suffering. Others struggle against death because of grief,fear or unfinished business. The greatest gift you can give your loved one is to help withthe process of letting go. The following suggestions may be helpful. Take a few momentsand add your own thoughts to each suggestion.

1 If your dying loved one wants to talk, listenwithout judging, with total acceptance.Avoid pretending that he or she isn’t reallygoing to die.

2 Offer to help take care of unfinished busi-ness. This may include making a will, writ-ing a letter, seeing a friend for the last timeor resolving a disagreement.

3 Help your loved one relax. Suggest listen-ing to music, meditation, reading aloud orany other relaxation techniques that mightwork for him or her.

4 Treat your loved one with respect, even ifhe or she appears unable to respond.Assume that your loved one understandseverything that’s being said.

5 Talk to your loved one, sharing photos,pleasant memories and accomplishments. If appropriate, offer praise and thanks forwhat your relationship has meant to you.

6 Gently massage your loved one. Work onthe hands, arms, shoulders, legs and feet.Notice the response and stop if the mas-sage seems painful.

7 Take care of your loved one’s physicalneeds. He or she will appreciate receivingfood and liquids from you rather than froma nurse. If your loved one can’t drink from aglass, use an eyedropper.

8 Let your loved one know that everything istaken care of and it’s all right to let go.

9 Acknowledge your loved one’s spiritualneeds as well as your own. Offer to pray or meditate with your loved one.

Relaxation techniques to use:

Memories or photos to share:

Affirming statements to share:


Doing This Might Mean This

clenched jaw anger, stress

eyebrows raised surprise, curiosity

fidgety movements nervousness

clenched fists __________________

crossed arms __________________

fixed smile __________________

furrowed brow __________________

hands open, palms out __________________

hands quietly in lap __________________

head tilted __________________

narrowed eyes __________________

pursed lips __________________

shoulder shrugging __________________

slumping posture __________________

wringing hands __________________

_____________________ _________________

_____________________ _________________

_____________________ _________________

_____________________ _________________

How does your body language reinforce what you aretrying to communicate?

When you listen to a person, what clues can you pickup from their body language?


Communicating With “Body Language”Words are only part of communication. We also communicate in the way we sit or stand and use ourhands or facial expressions.

Take a look at the following body “messages.” What would you be trying to say if you used thesemovements?

TYPE

OF

STANCE

OR GESTURE POSSIBLE IMPRESSION

HandshakeFirm AssertivenessCrushing AggressivenessLimp _________________________

Eye contactNone PassivityIntermittent _________________________Constant _________________________

PositionLeaning forward _________________________Sitting straight up _________________________Leaning back _________________________

Personal distance—how close youstand or sit to someone you’re talkingto—often reflects cultural standards.

Some people, for instance, have arelatively close personal distance andhave been known to back others

around the room as they converse.What’s your personal distance? How do you feel when

someone gets closer than that? When someone staysmore distant?

PERSONAL DISTANCE

Close Intimate or invasion of privacy?

Intermediate _____________________________

Distant Formality, coldness or aloofness?

Certain stances or gestures can communicate passive, assertive or aggressive signals. How would you classify the following body signals?

STANCE/GESTURE PASSIVE ASSERTIVE AGGRESSIVEtouching someone lightly as you speak □ □ □standing with fists on hips □ □ □standing with arms folded □ □ □shifting from one foot to the other while standing □ □ □leaning back while sitting with hands behind head □ □ □leaning forward while sitting with hands together,

elbows on knees or table □ □ □leaning forward while sitting, but with hands together

at fingertips forming a “steeple” □ □ □standing with arms folded □ □ □

The way we stand, sit or greet another per-son conveys subtle messages about ourexpectations and attitudes. Ideally, yourstance should convey assertive self-confi-dence and not give passive or aggressive

signals. Check these aspectsof your interactions withothers. What impressionmight they make?


Communicating With Your Stanceand Gestures



Fifty percent of all communicationinvolves listening. Knowing how

to listen well can enhance yourcommunication skills. There are

five steps to good listening:


1. Ask good questions. Proper questions give the other person afeeling of safety and value. Some questions encourage infor-

mation sharing and new ideas, while questions encouraging “yes”or “no” answers keep communication short, narrow and controlled.Also avoid questions that imply criticism.

Which of the following questions encourage a positive response?What are some other approaches you have found useful or not useful?

� How do you feel about…? � Why did you…?� Why can’t you…? � What if we…?

2. Give your full attention to the communication. Deal withdistractions before you begin, or postpone the discussion

until the distractions are taken care of. What are some things thatmight prevent you from being “present” during a discussion? Howcan you keep these distractions from interfering?

Possible Distraction How to Prevent Itphone ringing Let the answering machine get it.______________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________________ _____________________________

3. Demonstrate your attention. Feedback assures others thatyou’re listening to them. Here are some ways you can show

you’re listening. Can you think of others?verbal responses: “uh-huh,” “I see.”eye contactnodding when appropriateempathizing: “It sounds like you’re worried.”not speaking when the other person is

4. Restate important points. Reassure yourself and the otherperson that you got it right:“So you’re saying that…?”“Let me make sure I understand. You want me to…?”

5. Respond with your own reactions. Let the person know whateffect their communication has had and will have on you:

a. Avoid judging other people. If criticism is necessary, discuss theiractions, not their personalities, moods, profession, race, genderor other personal matters: “When you ______________________, it ________________________.”

b. State your conclusions or course of action. And make sure youfollow up.

Listening IsCommunicating,

TooOne of the best ways to make these five steps a natural part ofyour conversation is to practicethem in “pretend” situations. Take turns being the listener with a partner who raises one of the following issues:

”I know next week is a busy time, but I need to be away for three days.”

“You offered to help me, but so far you haven’t been available.”

“I find Mary difficult to work with.”

“The mess in this house is getting on my nerves.”


Try this: Tape record your voice, talking about something you enjoy, or an idea you think isvery important. Then listen to the recording.


TRAINING YOUR VOICEIs your voice:high and nasal? low and resonant?somewhere inbetween?

Do you speak:in a varyingpitch?in a monotone?

Does your voiceproject well?

Do you put a“smile” in yourvoice?

Do you speak:too fast?too slow?at a comfort-able speed?

What do youlike about yourvoice?What would youlike to change?

Try these voice exercises:

1. Practice breathing from the diaphragm.Place your hands on your midriff, just below your rib cage.Inhale deeply through your nose, letting the area touchingyour hands expand as your lungs fill with air. Exhale slowlythrough your mouth, forcing the air out from below your ribcage. The idea is to breathe with your diaphragm, not yourrib muscles. Repeat three times, then let your breathingrelax to a natural rhythm. Using the diaphragm makes yourvoice more resonant.

2. Stretch your vocal cords.Inhale as above. As you exhale, open your mouth and throatwide and relax your jaw. Exhale through your vocal cords,

starting with a high pitched sound and gradually droppingto a low pitch, as in a loud, satisfying yawn.

3. Relax your head and shoulder muscles.Tilt your head to one side, as if to touch your ear to yourshoulder. Repeat on the other side. Shrug your shoulders,then relax them. Tighten and loosen your facial muscles.Open your mouth wide and let your jaw go slack.

4. Vary your pitch.Read something out loud, making your voice go up anddown like a roller coaster.

5. Experiment with emphasis.Read this sentence several times, each time emphasizing adifferent word: “Are you coming with me now?”

Record your voice periodically or ask for feedback from friends who listen to you. It’s the bestway to improve your speaking voice.

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Difficult people can sabotage any conflict resolution session. But often the trouble arises when we overreactto these people. Here are seven difficult types and some do’s and don’ts for working with them. Add yourown notes on what works with these people.


Aggressive types want to force their viewpoint on you. They like to blow off steam. They mayattack verbally.

• Don’t attack back.• Do ask them firmly to sit down and explain calmly what they have to say.

Sometimes, just listening without returning the anger can calm them down.

Know-it-alls are “experts” who have no patience for other people’s input.• Don’t be intimidated, or let them take over a meeting.• Do listen to them and try to benefit from their knowledge.

Victims often complain and feel they are beingtreated unfairly.• Don’t try to become their protector.• Do ask them for suggestions to

improve the situation. They needpractice giving positive ideas.

Sarcastic types use words as weapons, often destroying harmony in a groupand causing resentment. They can be poor team players.

• Don’t let them get away with this behavior. Let them know that sarcasm isunacceptable.

• Do compliment them when they say something positive or show team spirit.

Nay-sayers have nothing good to say about others’ ideas.• Don’t try to reform them.• Do invite them to suggest alternatives. Many times they will back off if

asked to say something constructive.

Yay-sayers will go along with anything just to gain approval.• Discourage them from making more commitments than

they can handle.• Do make sure they follow through on what they agree to

do.

Withdrawn types seem to have nothing to contributeand are difficult to draw out.• Don’t nag them to open up.• Do ask open-ended questions that

require them to produce more than ayes or no answer. Be patient aboutwaiting for their answer.

WORKING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE


When conflicts arise, as they inevitably do, mostpeople use one of the following five approach-

es to restore harmony. Which approach do you feelmost comfortable using?

AvoidanceIt’s not that big of a problem. Why rock the boat?

AccommodationI’m willing to give up a lot to end this conflict.

AggressionEvery conflict has a winner and a loser.

I intend to be the winner.

CompromiseI’ll give a little if you’ll give a little.

Problem SolvingIf we discuss this openly,

we can find a solution that benefits everyone.

Often we use different methods of conflict resolu-tion for different people. Who are some of the peopleyou might have conflicts with? How do you usuallyrespond when conflicts arise with these people?

What if you tried the problem-solving approachwith all of them? If you were confident of your prob-lem solving skills, would you be willing to try it withmore people?


ResolvingConflicts

What’s Your Style?Conflicts occur… I usually use this approach…

Often Sometimes Rarely

Coworkers

Parents

Spouse

Children

Neighbors

Friends

Supervisor

Employees

Strangers

Conflicts seldom go away by themselves. They require open, clear,deliberate communication if they’re going to be resolved. Often aconflict evaporates when the different points of view get a chance tobe heard in a calm setting. Those who are experienced at conflictresolution have learned to follow these steps.

Is there a conflict in your life that needs to be resolved? Why notshare these steps with the other person and see if you can agree touse them to achieve a resolution? Afterward, write a few notes aboutwhat worked and what didn’t work.

SEVEN STEPS TO FAIRCONFLICT RESOLUTION

Arrange a

meeting with

all parties

involved in the

conflict.

1.

Acknowledge that

there’s a conflict.

Make sure all parties

verbally agree on

the nature of

the conflict.

2.When discussing

your role in the

conflict, use “I”

statements.

Encourage others

to do the same.

3.

Ask direct

questions

about the

situation.

4.

Confirm yourunderstanding. Forexample: “If I

understand correctly,this is how you seethe situation...”

5.

Tell the otherparties whatoutcome youwant and askwhat theywant.

6.

Whether or not youcome to an agreement;

agree to work toward aresolution that benefits

everyone; and schedulea follow-up meeting, ifnecessary.

7.




CONFLICT RESOLUTIONAssessing the Outcome

Describe a conflict you’ve had to work out recently:

Who was involved? (friend, boss, coworker, etc.)

What did you do to resolve the conflict?

Describe the process and the outcome:

Would another approach have worked better?

Describe how the process might have gone:


The One-Minute Creativity ExerciseIn one minute, list asmany uses as youcan think of for arubber band.Ready? Begin!

Let’s try this exercise again, using a paper clip. This time, before you begin, consider these suggestions:

• Try for quantity, not quality.

• Dare to be silly. Write down every idea, no matterhow ridiculous it seems to be.

• Consider the object from other points of view. What if you were an ant? A giraffe? A child? A child psychologist? Lost at sea?

After you’ve thought over these suggestions (or added a few of your own), begin!

Try this exercise whenever you want to get your creative juices flowing. Try it with a pencil, a mug or any ordinary object.



“Logical” vs.CreativeProblemSolvingConsider these responses to aproblem. Which ones are youmost comfortable using?


Creative ResponseHow many solutions can I comeup with?

This is a serious problem but it willbe an interesting challenge.

Mistakes are opportunities tobegin again creatively.

“Dumb” questions may lead tosmart solutions.

I think I’ll discuss this with Joe andSally as well as the experts.

This idea seems silly but let’sexplore it further.

I think I’ll set this aside for a day ortwo. Sometimes I gain a new insightwhen I let things “percolate.”

Jim always has an interesting per-spective; I wonder what he’ll sayabout this idea.

It’s working now but I bet I canmake it work better.

“Logical” ResponseWhat’s the right solution?

This is a serious problem. It’sgoing to be hard to solve.

I can’t make any mistakes.

I’m afraid of asking dumbquestions.

I need “expert” advice.

That’s a silly idea. Forget it.

I’ve got to solve this problem right now.

I can’t tell my idea to Jim.He’ll think it’s dumb.

“If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”

Substitute

Combine

Adapt

Magnify/minimize

Put to other uses

Eliminate

Reverse/rearrange

If you usually take themore “logical” approach,you may need to expandyour creative thinkingskills. Next time youneed to solve a problemor come up with a newidea, try the SCAMPERtechnique:

“The first step tobeing creative isto get rid ofyour ownunwritten rules.” —Mary M. Byers


Get Out of That Rut!Life runs smoothly and uneventfully when we follow a regular routine. But when we allow ourdaily routine to blind us to new ideas or choices, we pay a price. People who make creativebreakthroughs are the ones who are continually looking for different ways to do things.

If you’d like to break out of your daily routine, try a few of these rut-busting activities. Below eachone, write down one ortwo new things that youlearned or thought of onthe day you did the activ-ity.


Speak to someone you see every daybut have never spoken to before.

Rearrange your work area.

Take a different route to work in themorning.

Part your hair on the other side.

Sign up for an activity you have neverdone before.

Use your left hand if you’re right-handed, or right hand if you’re left-handed, for one day.

Pretend you’re a photographer. For one day, look at your surroundingsas opportunities for unusual photographs.

Read a novel, except the last chapter.Then write your own ending.

Eat lunch in a different place, with a different person. Order somethingyou have never eaten before.

Draw something you see every day.Don’t worry about how good the drawing looks, but how you “see” the object.

Read a book on a subject you knownothing about.

Pretend it is your first day at work.What are your reactions?

Find a new use for an object commonly found in your work area.


DECISION MAKINGWeighing Your Options

You have a decision to make. So you list the options, measure the advantages against the dis-advantages and make a choice.

Is that the way you make your decisions? If your answer is “sometimes,” you’re not alone.For a variety of reasons, people don’t always evaluate their options when making decisions.Take some time now to practice your decision-making skills.

Pick a decision you have to make that involves a choice between two options. (Many deci-sions are more complicated, involving three or more options, but let’s start with somethingsimple.) Write the advantages and disadvantages under each one. Then consider how impor-tant each list item is. Give it a numerical value from 1 to 10. Write the number next to the item.For each option, add up the advantages and the disadvantages.


DECISION:

Option #1: Option #2:

Advantages Disadvantages Advantages Disadvantages

Total A Total B Total C Total D

Now, subtract the disadvantages from the advantages. Remember, the resulting number mightbe negative. The option with the highest positive number (or lowest negative number ifthey’re both negative) should be the best choice.

OPTION #1 OPTION #2

Total A_______ Total C_______

– Total B_______ – Total D_______

Score_______ Score_______How do you feel about the scores? Your reaction to the scores can help you understand whatyour inner wishes are, with respect to this decision.

Decisions are often too complex to reduce to addition and subtraction. But chances are, youcan get a clearer picture of the pros and cons by doing this exercise.

You can do this exercise with decisions that involve more options. Just list the advantagesand disadvantages of all the options and compare the final numbers.


Decision Makingfor Leaders

As a leader, you’re ultimately responsible for decisions made by

those on your “team.” The next time you’re the leader in a decision-making process, follow these steps:


1. Identify all the available options.

2.Ask group members for further options.

3.Encourage a thorough discussion of the options.

4.Test each option against the situation. (Ask “What if…?”)

5.Assign responsibility for taking action based on a decision.

6.Develop a means for measuring the effectiveness of the decision.

7.Make a decision, based on group input and your own best judgment.


Recognizing Negative Gender StereotypesAt one time, it was thought that women were too emotionally fragileto work in the business community. Old attitudes die hard. Most ofus, male and female, carry around a few unconscious negativestereotypes. Which ones have you experienced?

NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT WOMEN NEGATIVE STEREOTYPES ABOUT MEN

Women fall apart easily. Men are cold and insensitive.

Women are thin-skinned and Men are too stubborn to admit that can’t take criticism. they are wrong.

Women are more interested Men are only interested in sex.in their families than their jobs.

Women will eventually quit their Men are workaholics.jobs to take care of their families.

Women are easily swayed Men never listen to others’ opinionand unsure of themselves. or feedback.

Women’s mood swings interfere Men suppress their emotions until with their ability to perform. they explode with anger.

Women get what they want by flirting. Men are easily swayed by beautiful women.

Look around. For every person who fits a negative stereotype there’sanother one who’s just the opposite. The first step to overcomingprejudice is to recognize it, both in yourself and in others.



Mother:

Father:

Brother or sister:

Other relative:

Friend:

Teacher:

Religious leader:

Public figure:

Youth groups:

People in history:

Organizations:

Heroes—sports, military, professional:

Books:

Television, movies, music:

Other:

Where Did You Get Your Values?There are many influences that help determine your values. Place a star on the people, places orthings that are the most influential. Write in any others that you think helped shape your values.Briefly explain your choices.



Ethics on the Job—Where Do You Stand?

Which of the following do you think you might do under some circumstances? Explain why.

� ignore a safety violation in order Why? ________________________________to not make waves ______________________________________

� give the boss’ son a better than Why? ________________________________deserved performance appraisal ______________________________________

� protect a coworker whose drug use Why? ________________________________is causing safety hazards ______________________________________

� take credit for work that was Why? ________________________________done by someone else ______________________________________

� use company computers to maintain Why? ________________________________a database for your sideline business ______________________________________

� “borrow” small items, such as Why? ________________________________office supplies, for home use ______________________________________

� ignore or cover up a serious legal Why? ________________________________violation by your company because ______________________________________it’s “none of my business” ______________________________________

We all face ethical conflicts on the job and off. What ethical compromises would you refuse to make, even if you might be fired as a result? How would you feel about a coworker whowould check all or some of the above?



Feelings Are Like WeatherStrange as it may seem, you don’t necessarily have to “do something” about your feelings,beyond just noticing them and remembering that they change like the weather.

When you’re feeling an unpleasant emotion, you can look back and see that many such emo-tions pass through your life like afternoon thunder showers.

For the next week, keep a record of your “inner weather.” Whenever you notice an emotion,put a check in the box next to the weather term that most nearly corresponds to your feeling.For instance, if you’re feeling angry, you might check “stormy,” or if you’re feeling confused,you might check “foggy.”


What was your weather like this week?If your inner weather is too stormy or uncomfortable, it might be time to talk to a friend or

counselor about those feelings.

BREEZ

Y

CALM DR

Y

FOGG

Y

GENT

LE RA

IN SH

OWER

S

GUST

Y WIN

DS HAIL

HOT &

HUMI

D

HURR

ICANE

WAR

NING

OVER

CAST

PART

LY CL

OUDY

SUNN

Y AND

WAR

M

THUN

DER &

LIGH

TNIN

G

MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

THURSDAY

FRIDAY

SATURDAY

SUNDAY


Expressing FeelingsStress in your life can produce feelings that make you uncomfortable. So you may try to keep a lid onthem. “Stuffing” your feelings deeper inside leads to even more stress, growing in a vicious cycleuntil you boil over or lash out at someone. Learning how to express your feelings appropriately andconstructively is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself.

What’s the best way for you to express feelings? Check the ways in this list that work for you (addyour own if you don’t see yours on the list):

� Talk with a close friend, family member or spouse.

� Keep a journal of your feelings.

� Join a support group.

� Write letters.

� Talk with a counselor or a religious or spiritual advisor.

� Put your feelings on a tape recorder.

� Express your feelings through music, dance or exercise.

� Express your feelings through art.

� ____________________________________________________________________

� ____________________________________________________________________

� ____________________________________________________________________

If you get into the habit of using one or more of these approaches on a regular basis, you won’t haveto wait for the pressure to become explosive before you express yourself.



Finding Your Feelings

Feelings are neither right nor wrong—they’re simply a way of alerting you to situations that affectyou emotionally. It’s important to pay attention to your feelings, but also to not act upon your feelingsin ways that are harmful to yourself or others. Before you act upon your feelings by stuffing theminward or by expressing a particular behavior, you should try to understand where your feelings arecoming from. Try these techniques to help you get in touch with your feelings:


bSet a digitalwatch so it beepsevery half hour.When it beeps,ask yourself:What am I feelingright now (happi-ness, anger,peace, frustra-tion, etc.)?What is the realsource or causeof this feeling?If the feeling isnegative, whataction do I needto take?

bSit quietly for 20minutes in a com-fortable position.Relax by doingsome deepbreathing.Then let yourconsciousnessmove slowlyaround your bodyand mind, noticingany tense muscles,recurring imagesor ideas, or senseof anxiety. Say“hello” to whateversensation comesup, and then letit pass.

bWrite for 10 min-utes without stop-ping. Write what-ever comes intoyour head, with-out judging orstopping to com-pose what you’regoing to say.Don’t worryabout whetherwhat you write istrue or fair to oth-ers. No one’sgoing to see itbut you.

bWith a trustedfriend, take turnssharing whatevercomes into yourhead for 10 min-utes. Give eachother permissionto be outrageousand “off therecord” in what issaid. Agree thatnothing youexchange is to berepeated.

bIf you have trou-ble acknowledg-ing an emotion,such as anger orfear, make a list.For instance, “Iam angrybecause…” Startwith small, sillythings if you can’tthink of anythingserious. Keepadding to the listuntil you get towhat feels important.


!

!

!

!


Plan for SuccessGoal: _________________

______________________________________

Steps: ____________________________________________________________________________________________

Starting Point: ________________________________________________

Goal Modifications: __________________________________________________________________________________

Deadline: ______________

1. Keep It Simple and SpecificDefine the goal as clearly as possible. “I want to save up fora new car” is too general.

Example: I will open a separate savings account and save$100 each month toward a new car.

2. Break It Into Small StepsHow will you accomplish the goal you’ve chosen. Be specific.

Example: I will bring lunch from home instead of buyinglunch at work. This will save $50. I will quit smoking. This will save another $50.

3. Choose a Starting PointOften goals are thought of as something to be tackled sometime in the vague future. Even if you can’t start rightaway, choose a starting date and stick to it.

Example: I will begin in January, when I’ve paid off the holiday bills.

4. Monitor Progress and Redefinethe Goal If Necessary

As time goes by, you may decide that the original goal wastoo ambitious or not ambitious enough. Example: I will call my bank and credit union for loan estimates. I will read the financial news to find out wheninterest rates are expected to be favorable. I will read consumer publications to determine a reasonable price forthe year and model of car I want.

5. Set a DeadlineSet a date for completion of your goal, and stick with yourplan until then. If it looks like you won’t reach your goal byyour deadline, don’t give up. Review what you’ve accom-plished so far, redefine the goal and set a new deadline.

Example: To be completed by January

A ShortCourse inGoal SettingDo you find it easy to set goals butnot so easy to follow through? Toaccomplish a goal, you must firstset a goal that’s realistic and thenhave a concrete plan for achieving it.Review the following steps and theirexamples, then try it with a goal ofyour own.

!11 12 1

2

3

4

56

7

8

9

10

3214 5 321

4 5

321 4 5


If you’re like most people, every year you make a long list ofNew Year’s resolutions in January and by February you’vegiven up on all of them. By picking and choosing the mostimportant goals out of all the things you’d like to do in a givenperiod of time, you avoid getting so bogged down in goals thatyou can’t accomplish any of them. To help you select the right

goals to focus on, jot down a list of everything youcan think of that you would like to accomplish

in your life. Include both long-term or life-time goals and short-term goals such ascleaning out the hall closet. Remember,goals can be professional, personal, finan-cial, social, educational or spiritual. Checkoff the box that most realistically reflects acompletion period. Check what you con-sider to be your three most important goals.


Now look through the list. Do these goals truly reflect your needs and values, rather than those of your loved ones or loftyideals you read about or heard about on television? The art of goal setting involves choosing and focusing on those goalsthat are most important to you and your life.

GOALS SHORT THIS NEXT WITHIN WITHINTERM YEAR YEAR 5 YEARS LIFETIME

Long-Term Goal:

Short-TermGoal:

Short-Term Goal:

Short-Term Goal:

Short-Term Goal:

Achieving long-term goalsrequires achieving short-termgoals first. Write down one ofyour long-term goals in the flagat the top of the staircase. Thenbreak it down into several short-term goals, writing them in theboxes at each landing. Using thismethod will make reaching yourlong-term goal more manageable.

Step by Step


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UnderstandingGrief and LossThe first step in understanding grief and loss is to realize thatgrief is a natural and essential part of human life, not somethingto be avoided or ashamed of.

How many of the following losses would you consider a reason for grieving?

If you checked all of these examples, you have a better than average understanding of the grief process. Even asmall loss can set the natural process of grief and mourning into motion, not just the ones society considers serious.

Three major stages have been recognized in the grieving process. When there’s loss of any kind, people experience shock, denial, anger, depression and acceptance. The more serious the loss, the greater the pain and the slower the healing.

Honor your feelings and trust the process. In time, you’ll heal in the same way that a broken bone or awound heals.

□ the death of a loved one

□ losing one sock of a favorite pair at thelaundermat

□ losing your job

□ the death of a pet

□ getting divorced or breaking up

□ losing a tooth

□ being raped

□ being denied acceptance at a college

□ filing for bankruptcy

□ an automobile accident

□ menopause or middle age

□ children leaving home

□ missing a party because you had a cold

□ being diagnosed with a life-threateningillness

□ losing your tomato plants to a freak Julyfrost

□ being convicted of a crime

□ retirement

□ getting mugged in a stadium parking lot

□ getting a low grade in an important class

□ discovering that there’s no Santa Claus

□ being prevented from seeing your children or grandchildren

□ having a miscarriage

□ having your house burglarized

□ losing a friend in military combat

Sometimes the body’s response to loss goes“undercover,” and you may be grieving withoutknowing it. Learning to recognize andacknowledge the symptoms of grief is the firststep on the path to getting well again.


In the past month, have you…___1. had trouble sleeping?

___2. lost or gained weight?

___3. felt more tired than usual?

___4. had trouble concentrating?

___5. felt irritable or edgy?

___6. found yourself thinking about suicide?

___7. felt out of control?

___8. lost interest in food?

___9. begun drinking more or taking drugs tohandle stress?

___10. gotten angry in ways that surprised you?

___11. had a series of minor injuries or accidents?

___12. felt unusually isolated or that you have noone to turn to?

___13. felt sad but didn’t know why?

___14. felt less efficient in major areas of your life?

___15. had trouble getting things done?

___16. felt unusually fearful?

___17. felt like you were “coming apart”?

___18. lost interest in sex?

___19. cried at surprising times and places?

___20. felt clumsy or physically slow?___21. been more forgetful than usual?


Are YouGrieving?

If you checked:One to five items: You’re feeling theeffects of stress of some kind in yourlife. Have you experienced a lossrecently? Use the examples on theprevious page as a guide.

Six to 20 items: The more checks,the more likely you are to have experienced a loss of some kind and to have begun the naturalprocess of grieving.

If you checked questions 6, 7, 9 or 17, it’s likely you will need thecounsel of a skilled professional.

Remember the three majorstages of grief and loss: shockand denial, anger or depression,and acceptance. As time goes by,you will move toward acceptanceand new stages of your life. Ifyou’ve been stuck in one stagefor what seems like a long time,don’t try to carry your grief alone.Talk to a trusted friend, coun-selor or spiritual adviser.


Once you understand grief and loss and have assessed your own situa-tion, then you are ready to help yourself heal the pain of your loss.

You could say that it’s a matter of CRAFT.

Complete the following sentences:

ComfortI can make myself feel better by _____________________________________,

______________________________ and ________________________________.

ResourcesCommunity resources for people who are grieving include

_________________________________, _________________________________

and _____________________________. (Look these up in the yellow pages or ask friends, your doctor, pastor or counselor.)

AcceptanceIn the past I have learned to accept the following difficult circumstances:

Feelings & friends

I feel this way about my loss:

I know I am entitled to these feelings. I also know I can count on the follow-ing friends:

Trusting the processTrusting the process often involves relaxing and letting go. Learning toswim or ride a bicycle are common early experiences in trusting a process.Other ways that I have grown by relaxing and letting go are:


Comfort

Resources

Acceptance

Feelings & friends

Trusting the process

“When one doorcloses, anotheropens; but we oftenlook so long and soregretfully upon theclosed door that wedo not see the onewhich has openedfor us.”

—Alexander Graham Bell

Good Mourning

The CRAFT of Healing Well



Look on theLight SideLaughter is a proven stress reducer. A good belly laugh improves breathing and reduces muscle tension.Humor even changes brain chemistry, releasing endorphins that increase your sense of well-being,improve your reasoning powers and make you less sensitive to pain.

All of us can laugh at a good joke, but what about real-life situations? Those who learn to findhumor even in some of the grim realities and emotion-packed challenges of daily life have an edge onpeace of mind. But this mindset takes practice. The following situations range from minor annoyancesto life crises. How could humor ease you through? Add some events from your own life.

Situation The Light SideYou have a flat tire in rush-hour traffic. I’ve always wanted to change a tire

in front of an audience.

Someone spills coffee on your new Now it’s really a “hand-painted” original.hand-painted silk tie/dress.

You lost your job. Oh boy! Now I have time to fix those leaky faucets.

You missed your plane.

Your best friend is getting a divorce.


Humor Smoothes the WayHumor smoothes the way with friends, family members and coworkers. Here are sometips for using humor as a positive tool in potentially uncomfortable situations:

1. Make fun of your own imperfec-tions. When people know you don’ttake yourself too seriously, they’remore comfortable and relaxedaround you, and more likely toopen up.

2. Whenever appropriate, use humorto defuse anger, provided the humorisn’t directed at the person who’sangry.

3. Use humor as a memory aid. Incorporating the information youwant to remember into a joke orsilly rhyme helps you remember it.

4. Humor and creativity go hand inhand. Give people permission tocome up with silly ideas or solutionsto problems. Some of these evolveinto very good solutions, or defusetension so that good solutions canbe found.

Take a few moments and think abouthumor in your own life:


Describe a time when you laughed so hardyou cried:

Think of a favorite comedian or comicactor. What is it about that person thatmakes you laugh?

It’s OK to laugh at yourself. Choose two ofyour imperfections and say somethingfunny about them:

Recall a time when an unpleasant situa-tion was turned around through humor:


Humor is a wonderful tool for setting people at ease andreducing stress. But humor can sometimes do serious

damage. Unacceptable forms of humor include the following:

1. Ethnic humor.Making fun of people’s ethnic, racial, religious or cultural background is insulting.

2. Cruel humor.Practical jokes can be dangerous and almost always result inhurt feelings on some level. People who laugh at others areoften trying to boost themselves at someone else’s expense.Even when you’re laughing because you did the exact samething once, it can hurt someone’s feelings.

3. Sarcastic humor.This often involves putting others down. Even when it’s directed at yourself, it’s a joyless form of humor.

4. Nonstop humor.Humor is a matter of balance. People who make a joke out ofeverything can become tiresome very quickly.

5. Humor as distraction.It’s not OK to use humor to avoid facing a serious issue.

List some acceptable and unacceptable uses of humor thatyou’ve seen or heard recently. What made the unacceptableincidents unacceptable?

Acceptable Unacceptable________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________________________________ ________________________

If everyone can join the laughter—or would if they were present—then it’s probably “good humor.”


WhenHumorIs

NOT theAnswer


LeadershipStylesLeaders do their job in many different ways.Some effective leaders never even appear to beleading at all. Yet they get things done.

At right are four common leadership styles.Check the characteristics under each style thatyou feel apply to you.

Your leadership style may be solidly in onearea, or it may be divided among two or moreareas. What are the strengths and weaknessesof your particular style?

Strengths Weaknesses

You can use this knowledge to become moreaware of how you affect others and therebyenhance your leadership skills.


MO

TIV

AT

OR

enthusiastic �generous �

popular �sociable �

charismatic �dramatic �talkative �

eager for recognition �

DIR

EC

TO

R

direct �self-confident �

a risk-taker �forceful �

ambitious �quick-thinking �an organizer �

dominating �

PERF

ECTI

ON

IST

analytical �self-disciplined �conscientious �

orderly �accurate �

systematic �detail-oriented �hard-to-please �

TEAM

PLA

YER

easygoing �predictable �

helpful �patient �

loyal �likable �

not a risk-taker �lacks confidence �


Delegating tasks helps you get your job done in a sanemanner. Just as importantly, it helps develop new skills inthose to whom you delegate the tasks.

Who needs to delegate? Just about everyone. Here aresome examples. Which ones fit you?

� managers

� supervisors

� committee or team leaders

� parents

� teachers

� ______________________

� ______________________

What are some tasks you feel can be delegated? Choosetasks that don’t require constant monitoring or follow-up:

Who is the best person for these tasks?Consider these factors:• the person’s current workload

• the person’s natural aptitudes

• how coworkers (including any committee members) will react

• the level of enthusiasm for the task

• the value to this person of any new skills learned

After considering who’s best suited for atask:• Choose the best person for each task listed above and

write that person’s name next to the task.

• Prepare others for the change. Make the delegation clearto all involved.

• Make sure the person being assigned a task understandsthe nature of the assignment and feels free to ask questions.

• Finally, when the delegated task is completed, show your appreciation for a job well done.


Delegate!

Focus onLeisure


List 20 things you love to do: activities that generate feelings of joy and vitality for you.

1. ________________________________

2. ________________________________

3. ________________________________

4. ________________________________

5. ________________________________

6. ________________________________

7. ________________________________

8. ________________________________

9. ________________________________

10. _______________________________

11. _______________________________

12. _______________________________

13. _______________________________

14. _______________________________

15. _______________________________

16. _______________________________

17. _______________________________

18. _______________________________

19. _______________________________

20. _______________________________

Next, choose your top five activitiesfrom this list and give the approximatecost of each one in dollars. Is there anyconnection between the amount of

pleasure you derive and the cost?1. $_______________________________2. $_______________________________3. $_______________________________4. $_______________________________5. $_______________________________

Now list 10 leisure activities under $10that you might like to try.1. ________________________________2. ________________________________3. ________________________________4. ________________________________5. ________________________________6. ________________________________7. ________________________________8. ________________________________9. ________________________________10. _______________________________

List five under $5.1. ________________________________2. ________________________________3. ________________________________4. ________________________________5. ________________________________

Genuine enjoyment refreshes youand deepens your life. With a littleplayful creativity, you can enrich yourlife without emptying your pockets.


People often say they would like todo more enjoyable leisure activities,but they can’t afford to. But some-times the best things in life are atleast reasonably priced, if not free.

Leisure activities can be as simpleas taking a walk with a friend orreading the morning paper on asunny park bench.


Balance the Books With LeisureAs the tempo of our lives increases, leisure time may tend to lose out in favor of more“productive” activities. Some people thrive on a whirl of activity, but many of us tendto burn out without a balanced period of “downtime” for rest and relaxation. The key-word here is “balance.”

On the left-hand side of the ledger, write down your major responsibilities, such aswork, family, church, community and household chores. On the right-hand side of thepage, write down the activities you do now for relaxation and pleasure, not profit:


Only you can assess if the books are in balance, but this exercise can giveyou a chance to “audit” your life and decide if you need to make a deposit onthe leisure side of the ledger.


Guard your free time by learning to say no.

Keep a list of things you’d like to do in your freetime. When that time arrives, consult your list,pick an activity and do it.

Turn off the TV one day a week and fill thattime creatively.

Write leisure activities into your weekly schedulejust like other appointments. Keep the appoint-ment.

Leave your work worries at the office. Write workprojects and deadlines on a piece of paper, leavethem in your desk drawer and forget about themuntil you return to work.

Set aside one evening a week for a meeting withfriends or coworkers after work, perhaps for aracquetball game, pizza or a potluck dinner.

Make transition time between work and whatcomes next. Play a special tape in the car and takea scenic or less-traveled route home.

When you get home, change into comfortable,fun clothes that make you feel good.

One or two evenings a week, make it a habit toset aside a special time for yourself before tend-ing to the kids or other home responsibilities.Exercise, read, phone a friend, watch the sunset,water your garden or do nothing at all. This isyour time for yourself.

Choose leisure activities that balance out yourwork life. If you sit behind a desk all day, get outand do something physical after work.

Though leisure time itselfmay be for rest andrelaxation, the same

skillful planning and priori-tizing you use at work canhelp you to get more enjoy-ment out of your free time.

Scan the list to the rightand put a check by ideasyou might like to try. Puttwo checks by those you canput into action immediately.Check only those items thatmight really work for you.Checking too many items orthose that don’t suit yourtemperament will just turnleisure planning into onemore chore to do.

Get Smart About Leisure


Memories AreMade of ThisMemories shape who we are and how we see the world. The traditions of childhood and first experiences can bring out many feelings: comfort, fear,excitement, laughter.

Pick any two of the events or milestones below and describe them on theback of the page. Use as much detail as you can remember about the location,who was present, what they looked like and wore, what was said or done, theweather, the time of year, colors or textures you remember, and your feelings and thoughts at the time—and right now.


1. your favorite childhood toy

2. a family tradition

3. your first kiss

4. a childhood home

5. an incident when you werereally scared

6. your first “best” friend

7. the birth of a child

8. an early disappointment

9. an unusual teacher

10. a favorite special place or hid-ing place

11. an early success

12. a special vacation or outing

13. a first day at school

14. a first day on a job

15. ___________________________________

16. __________________________

Try this with a group of people. Have each person in the group share theevents they picked above. Compare experiences and memories. Do people’sexperiences and the way they remember them seem to reflect their personality,attitudes and expectations of life? In what way? What new details about yourown past did you remember after listening to others’ memories?

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

___________________________________________________________________

______________________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________________Where would we be without memories? Take a little time each day to

remember.

Event Age How event If this hadinfluenced me not happened


Voices Fromthe Past


The past influences the present in many ways. Things that may seeminsignificant when they occur can turn out to have a profound influence onyour life.

What are some significant events that changed your life? How did theyinfluence who you are today? What if an event had not happened?

Your childhood hopes and dreams also influence you. Describe some ofyour childhood goals. Did you achieve them? Why or why not?

Goal Achieved? Why/Why Not?

What are your goals today?


You can find great

significance, self-

awareness or comfort

not only in your own

memories, but in the

memories of your

parents as well.

Interview a parent,

grandparent or other

important adult in

your life. Ask them

about events that

were significant in

their lives. How did

they feel at the time?

It’s not a memory

test, so be careful not

to ask too many ques-

tions too fast. And

respect their privacy.

If they don’t wish to

discuss certain mem-

ories, move on.

Save this interview

for your own chil-

dren, grandchildren,

or other children,

friends, or relatives

important to you.


Parents’Memories

Are there “budget boomerangs” in your life? List your three worst spending habits:

1. ___________________________________________________

2. ___________________________________________________

3. ___________________________________________________

Which of the following defense strategies are you willing totry to improve your money management? Be realistic.

• I will buy only after careful consideration.

• I will limit my spending on leisure and entertainment.

• I will save $_____________ each week (or month).

• I will comparison-shop before buying large items.

• I will maintain loan balances below 20 percent of

• my income.

• I will keep track of expenses and develop a

• monthly budget.

• I will plan a budget based on my income and expenses •• and stick to the plan.

• I will consult a professional if I need help managing

• my money.

• __________________________________________________

• __________________________________________________

• _________________________________________________

BudgetBoomerangsSometimes people spend money to disguise a

problem, to distract themselves from other pressing

business or to get a feeling of euphoria associated

with a fantasy of unlimited wealth. Eventually, the

debts that accumulate from purchases bought on

impulse can “come

back” like

boomerangs to

ruin their budgets.

• shop to relieve boredom or depression?

• buy things to gain approval from others?

• shop when you “feel like it,” instead of when youneed something specific?

• shop because you have cash and you want tospend it?

• buy large items without comparing features, bene-fits and prices?

• buy more on credit than you can pay back in a month

• know exactly how much you can afford to spend?

DefenseStrategies

When it comes to spendingmoney, do you...


For one week, keep track ofeverything you spend. List theitem, its cost, why you bought itand whether you really neededit. Use this information to help

plan your monthly budget and toexplore your spending habits. Put anasterisk by those purchases that repre-sent your three biggest spending pitfallsor purchases you regretted later.


Item/Service Amount saved Less expensive substitute, Amount savedif not if really needed if less expensive

purchased substitute purchased

Day Item Cost Why bought? Needed?

Sunday

Monday

Tuesday

Wednesday

Thursday

Friday

Saturday

$pendingDiary


Do you seewhere you couldmost easily cutdown on spend-ing? List theitems or servicesfrom your “bud-get diary” thatyou couldforego:


YOUR BUDGET WORKSHEET


Net Monthly Income (after taxes and deductions):wages or salaries $

child or spousal support $

interest or dividends $

other: $

other: $

Total Net Income $

Expenseshousing, including rent or mortgage payments, taxes, homeowner’s or renter’s insurance $

utilities, including gas, electricity, trash collection, water and telephone $

transportation, including fares, car payments, gas, car insurance and parking fees $

health and dental care and insurance $

food at home $

entertainment, including dining out $

clothing $

laundry, dry cleaning, personal care, toiletries $

child care and baby-sitting $

credit card and loan payments (excluding mortgage) $

vacations $

gifts (for birthdays, holidays, graduations, weddings, etc.) $

other: $

other: $

other: $

Total Expenses $

Total Net Income Minus Total Expenses $

Amount Over or Under $

List the problem areas in the budget, the amount you need to save, and how you plan to do it.

Problem Area Amount to Save How?

$

$

$

FOUR REASONS WHY BUDGETS FAIL:

1.careless record keeping 2.unrealistic

expectations 3.failure to set priorities 4.failure to plan for

the unexpected


What Gets You Going?

What motivates you in your work, family life and leisure pursuits? Rank by number your most powerful motivators

from the following list:

What were your top five motivators? What do they tell you about what’s impor-tant to you?

The list on the right side contains negative motivators. If you ranked several ofthese among your top five motivators, consider using positive self-talk to replace thesenegative motivators with a more positive slant. For instance, the positive motivator forboredom is enjoyment.

Sometimes negative motivators indicate a need for a change in your life—such asyour job, relationship or residence. What changes can you think of that would help youturn your negative motivators into positive ones?

Negative Motivator Positive Change

_____ enjoyment

_____ family needs

_____ friendships

_____ mental and physical health

_____ security

_____ independence

_____ money and possessions

_____ influence

_____ status

_____ personal achievements

_____ political goals

_____ fear of failure

_____ financial pressure

_____ boredom

_____ other people’sexpectations

_____ revenge or getting even

_____ envy or jealousy

_____ greed

_____ addictions

_____ other_____________________________

_____ other_____________________________



Boosting Your Motivation


Achieving a goal or accomplishing a task is easier if you find ways to personally invest in the process. We all workharder when there are “rewards” for our efforts. The rewards may be external, such as something you give yourself foraccomplishing the task; and they may also be internal, such as knowing that you’re better off after you accomplish it.

Following the example below, list some tasks or goals you’d like to accomplish, some external rewards and someinternal rewards:

TASKS OR GOALS EXTERNAL REWARDS INTERNAL REWARDSclean the hall closet go out to dinner I’ll be able to find my sewing materials.

There will be room for the sheets and towels. Fire hazard will be reduced.


Positive Self-TalkMost of us carry on a silent conversation with

ourselves during the day. What we say to our-selves is a powerful motivator for success or failure.Understanding your own internal dialogue canhelp you learn to rewrite the “script” andhelp you achieve your goals.

Try this exercise in self-talk. In thefirst column, list some things you’d liketo accomplish. In the second column,write what you’re saying to yourselfright now about achieving that goal:


GOAL OR TASK SELF-TALK

being chosen as a team leader I’m not sure I can do this.on a work project

GOAL OR TASK SELF-TALK

being chosen as a team leader I have good skills and the experience on a work project to do a good job.

Now look at your second column. Does your self-talk support your goal? If it does, congratulations! You’re already using positive self-talk for this goal.

If the messages in the second column don’t support your goal, rewrite your self-talk sothat it reinforces your goal.

Positive self-talk takes practice. Whenever you notice negative self-talk going throughyour mind, consciously throw the switch to the positive response—even if it seemsunnatural at first. Positive thinking is a habit that gets easier as you do it.

Negative “You” statement “I” statement Clarifying “You seem” Situation (blaming, shaming, (expressing your statement (reflects back Open-ended question

labeling, etc.) thoughts and feelings) child’s feelings)

Your 13-year-old fails You’re such a slob! Why I don’t enjoy working in a You seem forgetful when Can you think of a solutionto clean up her mess can’t you ever clean up messy kitchen. it comes to cleaning up. to this problem?in the kitchen. after yourself?

Your 17-year-old You must be using drugs. I’m worried about the wayis withdrawn and his You’ll never amount to you’ve changed lately.grades have dropped. anything if you don’t I don’t want anything to

shape up. happen to you.

Your 9-year-old acts You never behave well inup at a family front of relatives. Nextgathering. time you’re staying home!


Tuning InMeaningful Communication With Kids

All of us know the importance of good communication skills on the job and socially. Because theparent-child bond is so full of expectations and emotional attachments, we often forget that thesesame techniques work well with our children. Good parent-child communication includes:

• listening with interest and understanding• using “I” statements to express our own thoughts and feelings• using “You seem” statements to clarify children’s feelings• asking open-ended questions that children can answer safely

Let’s look at some typical situations in which parents need to communicate with children.Try to think of “I” statements to replace the negative “you” statements shown. Add a clarify-ing “You seem” statement and an open-ended question, as in the examples. Then fill in the empty boxes withsituations you’ve encountered with your own children:


A GROUP ACTIVITY:Share your situationsand responses withother group members.You may be surprisedat how many of thesame problems arise indifferent families, andat how many different,positive responses par-ents can come up with.


� I listen to my kids and acknowledge theirfeelings.

� I am clear and consistent about discipline.I use “I” statements to express mythoughts and feelings and I avoid “you”statements that blame, shame, label orridicule my kids.

� I use the same goodmanners with my kidsthat I would with anadult. This means say-ing “please” and“thank you.”

� My behavior with mykids leaves no doubt intheir minds that they areloved.

� I trust my kids and I alwayskeep my promises, so my kids will trust metoo. I don’t make promises I can’t keep.

� I am quick to compliment my kids.

� I am teaching my kids right from wrong.

� I help my kids to set their own goals.

� I understand that both my kids and I willmake mistakes. I am not afraid to say “I’msorry” when the mistake is mine.

� I encourage my kids to be independent, butI make sure I’m available if they need me.

� I am teaching my kids valuable lessonssuch as problem solving, communi-

cation, sharing and respectfor themselves and others.

� I honor each of mykids’ unique abilitiesand personalities,allowing them to bedifferent.

� I encourage my kids topursue what they’re goodat, not what I wish theywere good at.

� I refrain from comparing my kids to some-one else, even to a sibling.

� I take care of myself so I have plenty ofenergy for my kids.


Boosting Your Kids’ Self-Esteem

The following statements are proven boosters to kids’ self-esteem.Keep a copy of this list where you can read it every day.


How Well Do You Know…?This is an exercise for parent and child. Each participant should have a copy of thisworksheet. Fill out the worksheet to the best of your knowledge. When both of youhave completed the worksheet, compare answers. Take a moment to laugh over eachother’s misconceptions and appreciate the ways in which you know each other well.

Parent ChildFavorite color: Favorite color:

Last book read: Last book read:

Most admired celebrity: Most admired celebrity:

Time your alarm is set for: Time your alarm is set for:

Three wishes: Three wishes:

Best friend: Best friend:

Guaranteed to make you mad: Guaranteed to make you mad:

Guaranteed to make you laugh: Guaranteed to make you laugh:

Color of eyes: Color of eyes:

Favorite thing to do together: Favorite thing to do together:

Least favorite thing: Least favorite thing:

Food you hate: Food you hate:

Food that’s “good for you”: Food that’s “good for you”:

If you could have a day off from work or school: If you could have a day off from work or school:

Last time you cried: Last time you cried:

Favorite compliment: Favorite compliment:



Thinking About ChangeWhen we are faced with changes in our lives, we frequently feel full ofcontradictory emotions. Even when the change is welcome, we may stillfeel anxious or fearful.

Recognizing and acknowledging our mixed feelings about change canmake the transition easier. Use this exercise to think through your feelingsabout something in your life that needs changing, or is about to change.

Change: __________________________________________________

When I think about this change, I feel __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

In order to change this, I need to ______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Good things that might come from this change include:_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

But I also fear that these things might happen:_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

This change will affect others in the following ways:Name Effects of this change________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________

I could take these steps to help move the change forward:_________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

These people could support me in this:Name How they could support me________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________

Resources available to help me include:Resource How it can help________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________________________________________________________ _______________________________________________




Climbing Change Mountain—One Step at a TimeSometimes when we want to change a major aspect

of our lives, we may shrink from even beginning

because it seems so big and impossible. Whatever

change you’re contemplating, you can improve

your chances of success if you set up a series of

small, easily attainable steps on the way to

your larger goal.

The path to change isn’t always straight.

Sometimes it’s necessary to take a few side

steps to move forward. Use the

diagram of Change Mountain to

plot a course for the change

you want to make.


The More It Changes, the More It Stays the SameIf you’re like most people, you probably have photographs of yourself from many differ-ent times in your life. This is your chance to get those photos out and explore howyou’ve changed over the years and how you’ve stayed the same.


Step 1.Choose four events in yourlife from as broad a timespan as possible. They canbe events that you especiallylike or ones that representmilestones in your life.

Step 2.Fill in the blanks for eachevent.

Step 3.Look for any patterns inyour life. Do you notice anychanges in a particulardirection, or do you seem to be holding to a steadycourse?

Remember, this exercise is designed for you to think about how you

might have changed over time; there are no right or wrong answers.

Event 1: Event 2:

Year: Year:

What I was like then: What I was like then:

How I’ve changed: How I’ve changed:

How I’m the same: How I’m the same:

Event 3: Event 4:

Year: Year:

What I was like then: What I was like then:

How I’ve changed: How I’ve changed:

How I’m the same: How I’m the same:


A Problem-Solving WorksheetOften a problem seems difficult to solve because you limit your options for solutions. This exercise asks you to come up with more solutions than you may have thought possible.

Now the solutions. Use all the blanks. Write down any solution you think of, even if it’s notpractical. Remember, a “crazy” idea can trigger the most innovative solutions.

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

This is a good time to take a break. Set this aside for a day or two. Let these solutions rollaround in your mind. When you pick up this list again, choose those that seem like the threebest solutions. Write down why you chose them:

Solution: Why?

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

_____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________

Look over your solution lists again. Take another break if you can. Then pick your favorite solu-tion and write about it in more detail:


First, identify the problem (Be specific.):

Solution:


1. Limit the entire session to one hour.

2. Define the problem to be worked on.

3. Define the success criteria for the session: What needs to be accomplished inorder for the results of the session to be satisfactory?

4. Determine how the results of the problem-solving session will be used.

5. Allow five minutes for an introductory statement, 20 minutes for brainstorm-ing and 10 minutes for a summary or prioritizing exercise. During the session:

• Ask each participant to present two to three ideas.

• Allow no criticism of ideas.

• Encourage “free-wheeling.”

• Go for quantity and diversity of ideas.

• Combine and improve on ideas.

6. Assign next-step tasks and accountabilities for further review of information.

7. Summarize the session.

8. Communicate the results to others if appropriate.

9. Evaluate the results and use them to build follow-up sessions dealing with similar issues.

BrainstormingGuidelines

for Problem-SolvingWhen it comes to solving problems, two or more heads are definitely better than one. But problem-solving sessions can be unproductive if the group loses focus or is dominated by one ortwo members. Use the following guidelines to keep group problem-solving sessions productive:


DANGER!


ProcrastinationWarning SignsDon’t let procrastination sneak up on you!Recognize the warning signs. Put this listwhere you can see it as you work.

� Cut along dotted line

Procrastination Warning Signs:

� I need another cup of coffee.� I should clean my (typewriter, toolbox, work area, etc.) first.� I really have the munchies. I’ll go get some fast food.� I don’t have the right pencils (or other articles).� Perhaps if I put on some music…� I’m too tired. I’ll just take a quick nap.� I need more information before I can begin.� I need to make a list of upcoming projects first.� I’ll just ask (any colleague) about (anything) before I get started.� I should call (anyone) before I get too involved in this.

I often procrastinate by:� __________________________________________________________� __________________________________________________________� __________________________________________________________� __________________________________________________________� __________________________________________________________



Getting Past

ProcrastinationWho hasn’t used the ancient method of “time management” known as never doing today what you canput off until tomorrow? But procrastination doesn’t feel good. When an unfinished chore is hangingover your head, it’s like living under your own personal cloud.

The next time you have trouble getting started, ask yourself why you’re doing this to yourself. Perhaps one of the following solutions will work for you:

“I just can’t get started.” Don’t want to start now? Then give yourself a deadline for starting. Do something enjoyable, but stick to your deadline.

“It’s too big of a job.” Break the job into smaller tasks. Don’t think about anything but the firsttask until it’s done, then move on to the second task, the third task, etc.

“I don’t know where to begin.” Jump in and do what looks like the easiest, most enjoyable orleast painful part of the task.

“I really don’t want to do this.” We all have to do things we don’t want to do, but if you’rehabitually procrastinating in one area, stop and examine thismessage. Maybe you really need to make some changes so you’redoing more of the things you love.

Fill in the following “Procrastination Diary” to get a better feel for why you’re putting the job off andwhat you can do about it:

Procrastination DiarySomething I Put Off: Why? Do I Really My Plan of Attack:

Need to Do It?



Why do you want to do this?

Why don’t you want to do it?


The Procrastination Toolbox

Make a stronger connection between you and the project.

Identify the project:___________________________________________

Visualize the project completed and youenjoying the rewards for doing it. What are the rewards of finishing?

Determine how close you are to completing the project.What steps need to be taken in order to finish the project?

Steps: Complete By:1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

6.

7.


P R O C R A S T I N A T I O N

The Carrot & StickApproach

When a project founders, you may need some extra motivation to break free from that “stuck place”and complete the work. Sometimes it takes both a “carrot” (goal) and a “stick” (motivator) to

overcome procrastination and get the job done.Look over the following lists of “carrots” and “sticks” and add some of your own. Choose your

favorites and put them to work for you:


For most people, rewards work better than penalties. For others, only the motivation of unpleasantconsequences if the work is not done will do the trick. What works best for you?

C A R R O T S

• Small gifts to yourselfwhen you completestages of the project.

• Taking time off for a short trip when the work is done.

• ___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

• ___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

• ___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

S T I C K S

• Firm deadlines.

• Making regular progressreports to someone else.

• ___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

• ___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

• ___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________

___________________



Building GoodRelationships

Do people seem to enjoy being with you, or do they head the other way whenyou enter the room? Building relationships begins with the signals you give to showothers you care about them.

Rate your relationship skills on a scale of 1 to 5. Give yourself a 5 if your behav-ior is solidly in the first (“Do you…”) column, and a 1 if it’s decidedly in the third(“Or do you…”) column. For instance, someone who appreciates other people’shumor about half the time would give themselves a 3 for that skill. Now begin.

Do You Knowthe Score?

5 4 3 2 1Do you… RATING Or do you…

WV

show concern for people’s needs? only care about your own problems?

listen to others with genuine interest? tend to ignore what’s really being said?

resist being swayed by first impressions? make judgments about people before gettingto know them?

frequently compliment other people’s resent or ignore other people’s success?accomplishments?

enjoy other people’s ideas? discourage opinions different from your own?

appreciate humor in others? hate kidding and joking by others?

let people finish a statement before interrupt people frequently?jumping in with your thoughts?

use “body language” to show you look bored and impatient?are interested in others?

If you have a score of 30 or above, you probably know how to makeother people feel appreciated in your presence.

If your score is 20 or below, people may feel that you have no interestin them or that you don’t respect them. The next time you’re aroundother people, focus on your behavior in those areas where you gaveyourself a low score. What specific actions or attitudes can you change to give others the feeling you’re interested in what they have to say?

Total:PARTNERS EXERCISE: Do this exer-

cise with your spouse or a

close friend. Fill out the work-

sheet for yourself and for your

partner, then compare your

partner’s perceptions about

your relationship skills with

your own. Use the worksheets

as a starting point for a discus-

sion on ways to improve your

relationship with your partner.


Fight Fair

Disagreements and outright arguments are part of the territory of close relationships. Because nothing destroysa relationship faster than the hurtful things couples say to each other in a bitter argument, it’s crucial that cou-ples learn to argue fairly.

Imagine you had used the following rules in your last argument. How would it have been different? Undereach rule write how observing the rule might have affected the course of the argument:


Be honest.If we had been more honest, our last argument…

Admit your mistakes. If we had been more willing to admit to a mistake, our last argument…

Refrain from blaming or shaming. If we had focused on our own feelings instead of blaming each other, our last argument…

Assume your partner wants you to be happy. If we had done this instead of assuming that we were justtrying to make each other feel bad, our last argument…

Spend as much time listening as you do talking. If each of us had spent more time listening, our lastargument…

Put yourself in your partner’s shoes. If we had made a bigger effort to see each other’s point ofview, our last argument…

Take a “time out” if things get too intense. If we had taken a time out when things got too intense,our last argument…

When the argument is over, do something healing such as a hug or saying “I love you.” If we had known that we would have to end with a hug,our last argument…

Frequent arguments are often a sign that couples need to take better care of themselves and each other. Get together and agree on a time every week to do something that you both enjoy.


Talking and Listening


When a couple builds this ritualinto their life together early on, itcan benefit the relationship in anamazing number of ways.

What effects did you notice the firsttime you tried it?

After doing it three times?

After a month?

STEP 1. Agree to give this exercise time towork. Three times a week for fourweeks is a good trial period.

STEP 2. Set aside a regular time when both ofyou are relaxed, comfortable andwon’t be interrupted. The exerciseshould take about 30 minutes.

STEP 3. Keep a clock handy. For 10 minutesone person tells the other how theirday went, how they’re feeling, andanything else that might be on theirmind. The other person’s job is to lis-ten completely and attentively withoutspeaking.

STEP 4. Switch roles without discussion. Theone who spoke now listens, and thefirst listener speaks for 10 minutes.

STEP 5. Take the remaining 10 minutes to talktogether in any way that’s satisfying toboth of you.

Often, what makes agood relationship

can seem deceptivelysimple. That there are many different versions of the follow-ing exercise is proof of its power.



Use this worksheet to evaluate the pros and cons of a risk you’re deciding to take. Think of arisk as anything new or that represents a significant change in your life. It could be taking on abig project, a new relationship or starting a business. Write the things you gain by taking the riskon the left side of the scale, and the things you stand to lose on the right side. Give each pro andcon a weight, by filling in the circles. If the potential gain or loss is very large, fill in all the cir-cles. If the potential gain or loss is small, fill in just one circle. Then count the number of circlesfor the gains and losses to see which side carries more weight.

Weighing the RisksThough we often make crucial life choices based on gut feelings,

intuition and instinct, it may also help to weigh the risksinvolved—what we stand to win and lose.

RISK TO BE TAKEN:

WHAT I COULD LOSE:

�� _____________________

�� _____________________

�� _____________________

�� _____________________

�� _____________________

�� _____________________

�� _____________________

�� _____________________

�� _____________________

____________ TOTAL

WHAT I MIGHT GAIN:

_____________________��

_____________________��

_____________________��

_____________________��

_____________________��

_____________________��

_____________________��

_____________________��

_____________________��

TOTAL______________



When is the last time youstepped out of the comfortzone?

Are you planning to stepout again soon?

How?

Comfort zones grow andshrink with your self-confidence and sense ofsecurity. How might thispicture have been differentsix months ago?

What about six monthsfrom now?

Stepping Out of the…

Comfort ZoneYour comfort zone is the area of the known, the safe and thefamiliar in your life. When we need to feel safe, we retreat tothis zone, only to be drawn out of it by curiosity, self-confi-dence or a sense of adventure.

Although it’s good to have a sense of security, steppingout of our comfort zone allows for personal growth,new experiences and the achievement of goalsonce thought too difficult to reach.Because only you can determinewhat feels risky for you,begin at the centerof the following cir-cles or zones andimagine yourselfmoving out from thatplace. In the cen-ter, write onlythose activitiesthat you feeltotally safedoing. In thenext circle,write in some-thing that feelsjust a little bitrisky. Keepmoving outward,placing in the outer-most circle things that are sorisky you would probably neverdo them except under ver yunusualcircumstances:


Sometimes, the only way to accomplish a goal,solve a problem or achieve success is to takerisks. Risks not taken can later be a source ofregret, frustration or depression—even ifchances for failure were high.

Think of five times in your life when you have taken a chance and itturned out well. What did you learn from taking these risks?

Risk What I Learned1. ____________________________ 1. ___________________________2. ____________________________ 2. ___________________________3. ____________________________ 3. ___________________________4. ____________________________ 4. ___________________________5. ____________________________ 5. ___________________________

Now list five risk situations that did not turn out well for you:

Risk What I Learned1. ____________________________ 1. ___________________________2. ____________________________ 2. ___________________________3. ____________________________ 3. ___________________________4. ____________________________ 4. ___________________________5. ____________________________ 5. ___________________________

There are times when we evaluate a risk, play it safe, and decide not to take it.There are other times when we later wish we had taken the risk. Can youthink of some risks you did not take, why you avoided the risk, and whetheryou now feel you made the right decision?

Risk Why I Avoided It Right or Wrong Decision?

1. ____________________________________________________________2. ____________________________________________________________3. ____________________________________________________________4. ____________________________________________________________5. ____________________________________________________________


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DIETITIANDISHWASHER

EMPLOYEEEXPERT

FACILITATORFALL GUY

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JUDGELEADING-LADYLISTENER

LOVERMAID

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ORGANIZERPARENT

PEACEMAKERPOLITICIAN

PROBLEM-SOLVERRESCUER

STUDENTSUPPORTING-ACTOR

TEACHER

What AreYour Roles?


• Circle those roles that give you the most satisfaction.

• Draw a square around those roles that you least enjoy. Are any of these roles unnecessary? Could you eliminate them?

• How many circles do you have? Do you perform enough satisfying roles to give meaning to your life?

• How many squares are there? If there are more squares than circles,can you think of ways to reduce or eliminate these roles?

• Draw a line through roles you don’t really need to play. What if youeliminated all those roles that you have crossed out? What rolesremain? Jot down a few ideas for making those roles more satisfying.

What roles do you play? Take a few minutes to list all of them.Include roles in your career, family life and other relationships aswell as those you fulfill in your personal life.

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________

_____________________________ _____________________________


Focus on RolesList 10 roles that are an essential part of your life.

What things do you do well within each role?

What things do you do poorly?

Write down one thing you could work on to change your performance.


ROLE THINGS DONE WELL THINGS DONE POORLY WORK ON


Take Time to Dream


If you could perform anyroles you wanted, whatwould you be doing rightnow? Write down what-ever comes to mind.Don’t let practical consid-erations limit your imagi-nation.

_____________________ _____________________

_____________________ _____________________

_____________________ _____________________

_____________________ _____________________

_____________________ _____________________

_____________________ _____________________

Jot down three or foursteps you can take tomake these dream roles a reality.

_____________________ _____________________

_____________________ _____________________

We’re happiest when theroles in our lives conformto our values. How doyour dream roles reflectyour deepest values andaspirations?

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

Finally, pick one or two ofthese dream roles that youcan realistically turn into alife goal.

_____________________________________________

_____________________________________________

How many of these roles are you already performing? (If more than five, congratulations for achieving a high degree of role satisfaction.)

attorney…

manager…volunteer…

mother…


There’s Only One Me!Three people who are very much like me are:

_________________________ because _________________________________________

_________________________ because _________________________________________

_________________________ because _________________________________________

Three people who are very different from me are:

_________________________ because _________________________________________

_________________________ because _________________________________________

_________________________ because _________________________________________

Three ways that I am unique and proud of it are:

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

__________________________________________________________________________

Only Licensees may copy or distribute thispage, electronically or otherwise. For license

information call 800-457-2752 or visitwww.parlay.com

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Distributed under license. © Parlay International (v.2.1 ) 1420.076

Self-Awareness

A Personal MandalaA mandala (from the Sanskrit word for circle) is a graphic symbol

of the universe. Fill in the sections below to create a mandala for your personal universe.




This Is Your LifeSelf-awareness is as much about where you’re going as where you’ve been. Starting withyour birth date, complete the timeline. Think about the significant events that haveoccurred in your life so far. What do you see yourself accomplishing in five or 10 years?

AGE YEAR EVENT OR ACCOMPLISHMENT

0 Born


There’s nothing like positive feedback togenerate self-confidence. In this partnerexercise, you and your partner are going toshare something positive about each other.

Choose a partner who knows you andwho is honest and can be reasonably objectiveabout you. Each of you will have a copy ofthis exercise and will write for five minutes about the other’s strengths. You can make a list orwrite in sentences, but be specific. What do you admire about your partner? In what waysdoes your partner enrich your life? How does your partner make you proud? In this exercise,be honest, but discuss only the positive aspects of your partner’s character. Ready? Begin.

Now trade papers.

The paper your partner gave you is yours to keep. Sometimes it’s hard for you to see yourself as others see you. Did your partner mention any strengths that you didn’t know you had? Next time you’re being hard on yourself, a quick review of this list can give yourself-confidence a boost.


Seeing Yourself Through Someone Else’s Eyes


Let’s explore what it means to be self-confident.� List the characteristics that indicate to you that a person is self-confident:

________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________________

________________________________ ________________________________ ______________________________

� How would you rate your overall level of self-confidence in the following situations?HIGH LOW

At work 5 4 3 2 1At a party or social event 5 4 3 2 1Meeting people for the first time 5 4 3 2 1Talking to your parents 5 4 3 2 1Giving a presentation to a group 5 4 3 2 1Talking to your children about sex 5 4 3 2 1Meeting with child’s teacher or principal 5 4 3 2 1Talking to your doctor 5 4 3 2 1Disciplining young children 5 4 3 2 1Discussing an important matter with your spouse 5 4 3 2 1Taking your car to a mechanic 5 4 3 2 1Asking people to donate to a cause you support 5 4 3 2 1Talking to your boss about your performance 5 4 3 2 1Attending a business function with your spouse 5 4 3 2 1Disciplining your teenager 5 4 3 2 1

� Thinking about situations in which you feel the most confident, what contributes to your high level of self-confidence?

� Can you think of any ways to boost your self-confidence in the other situations?


What Does Self-Confidence Mean to You?

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Dear ___________________,

Have I told you lately how much I value and respect you?

Though I have known you for a long time, your _________

______________________________ still amazes me.

To me you are beautiful, especially your ___________

and your __________________________________.

I was especially proud of you when ______________

__________________________________________

__________________________________________

I also admire you when ______________________

__________________________________________

__________________________________________

Remember, you are a truly lovable p

erson. Two of your

most lovable traits ar

e your ______________________

and your __________________________________.

Although there are many wonderful people in the world,

there’s nobody quite like you! I love you.

_________________

You Are LovableSometimes we forget to appreciate ourselves as much as we deserve and need.We may berate ourselves about our inadequacies, and wait for others to tell usabout our good points. This is your chance to compose a love letter to yourself.

Only Licensees may copy or distribute this page, electronically or otherwise.For license information call 800-457-2752 or visit www.parlay.com


Curbing Your Inner CriticHow you feel about yourself depends to a surprising extent on self-talk, the never-ending commentary thatgoes on in your head about what you do, think, feel and say.

Much of this self-talk is negative, the voice of a “critical parent” that’s often much more negative than actualparents.

The first step in unhooking yourself from this inner critic is to simply become aware of it.If you were as perfect as you want to be, how would you describe yourself? Using 10 words or less, write a

statement that describes your ideal. Perhaps you would say, “I am a beautiful, loving and valuable person.”We’ll call this statement an “affirmation.”

AFFIRMATION INNER CRITIC

What did your inner critic say when you wrote your affirmation? Write that criticism in the right column. Nowwrite your affirmation again, listening for the voice of the inner critic and write that down in the right column.Do this 10 times.

You may be surprised at how negative your “critic” can be. Take the worst comment and turn it around: Forinstance, if it says, “You’re stupid and wrong,” write “I’m brilliant and right.” Pick three or four of your negativephrases and turn them into affirmations.

Choose the affirmation you like the most and carefully letter it in the space below. Cut it out and tape it onyour bathroom mirror, your refrigerator or your workspace.



Acknowledge YourAccomplishmentsToo often, we ignore or belittle our achievements. It’s one of life’s ironies that even peoplewho have accomplished a lot in their lives sometimes fail to give themselves credit for thoseaccomplishments. “Oh, that,” they say, “that wasn’t much.”

But recognizing your accomplishments in a realistic way gives you a sense of quiet confidence,of knowing who you are, that serves you well in all areas of your life.

What did you do today that you felt good about? Include the small stuff, like picking up a piece of litter as youwalked to your work area, as well as the big stuff.

What about yesterday?

Last week?

This month?

This past year?

The last five years?

The last 10 years?

Who is the person who did these things? You are!


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List a few of the demands onyour life that absolutely must bedone. Include the needs anddemands from your work, spouse,children, relatives, church, otherorganizations, etc.:

Now think about your own needs.

Do you wish for any of the following?

� more free time

� space to do work

� more time with spouse, kids,etc.

� help with household chores

� someone to talk to

� more help with the kids

� ____________________________

� ____________________________

� ____________________________

Setting Limits

What limits can you set toguarantee that you’ll getyour share of the pie? Whatare you willing to stopdoing for others so that youcan meet your own needs?

It takes practice to be firmabout your limits. When youallow others to step over yourlimits, what is the most commonreason?

� I feel uncomfortable saying “no.”

� I’m afraid of losingsomeone or something(my friend, my job, myspouse, my children’slove).

� I feel guilty if I don’t.

� Their needs seem moreimportant than mineat the time.

Sometimes it’s hard to learn to care for yourself as much as you care forothers. And if you tend to view other people’s needs as more important

than your own, it can be doubly hard. This exercise will help you identify some areas in which you might be shortchanging yourself.

When you allow time for your own needs, to balance out the timeyou spend doing for others, you’ll probably be surprised at how

much more you accomplish all around.


Not all stress is bad. Stress isyour body’s response to anychange in its inner or outer

environment. We expect thingssuch as getting fired from a job ora death in the family to producestress. But even good things, suchas a promotion or a new baby,can create stress.

Stress is as much a part of lifeas eating and breathing. The keyto living well with life’s stressorsis making sure there are enoughperiods of relaxation to balanceout the periods of stress. Whenwe’re faced with one stress periodafter another, with no time torelax in between, it can affect ourphysical and mental well-being.

Here are some commonsymptoms of too much stress andnot enough relaxation. Put acheck by any that have troubledyou in the past month:

� fatigue

� sleeplessness

� irritability, anxiety ordepression

� a change in appetite

� headache, backache orchest pain

� a noticeably negativeattitude

� numbness

� feeling overwhelmed orout of control

� poor concentration

� little things botheringyou

� frequent crying

� muscle spasms

� constipation or diarrhea

� shortness of breath

� difficulty controllingyour temper

If you’re experiencing any ofthese symptoms, try some simplestress reduction techniques, suchas meditation, deep breathing,relaxation or exercise.

If you checked many boxes,you may require more than sim-ple relaxation techniques. Con-sider asking a professional coun-selor to help you identify anddeal with the stress in your life.


AssessYourStress

Exercise can be an effective wayto reduce stress.

WHEN I TRIED THIS, I FELT MENTALLY PHYSICALLY

Deep Breathing. Inhale deeply, feeling yourstomach expand. Hold your breath for a fewseconds, then slowly exhale, visualizing ten-sion leaving your body.

Meditation. Close your eyes and mentallyfollow your breathing. As you exhale, mental-ly repeat a simple or soothing word witheach breath. Or visualize a peaceful scene.Do this for at least five minutes or, for morebenefit, up to 30 minutes.

Self-Talk. Replace negative mental respons-es to stress, such as “I can’t cope,” with posi-tive ones, such as “Everything is going towork out” or “I know I can do it.”

Laugh. Just laugh out loud, or do somethingthat will make you laugh, such as reading ajoke book or watching a comedy on TV.

Progressive Muscle Relaxation. While sit-ting or lying in a relaxed position, tense themuscles of your feet as much as you can;then relax them, and notice the difference infeeling. Tense and relax the muscles in yourlegs, arms, stomach, back, neck and head,one region at a time. When finished, remainin a state of complete relaxation for a fewminutes.

Stretching. Sit in a chair with your upperbody resting forward on your lap. Slowly rollup, starting at the base of your spine, untilyour back is straight. Stretch neck musclesby tilting your head to the right and slowlyrolling your head down and to the left.Repeat a few times in both directions.

Self-Massage. Sit with your shouldersrelaxed. Use your right hand to massageyour left shoulder and neck, working yourway up to the scalp. Repeat using the lefthand for the right shoulder.


F I V E - M I N U T E

Stress-BustersMost psychologists agree that some stress is good,

providing you don’t get more than you can handle. These exercises can help you handle the stress that’s part of your busy life.


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What’s BotheringYou?


Late to work!In-laws! No time! Back-seat drivers! Overcharged! Deadlines!

Plumbing problems! Red tape! Taxes! Not enough money! Lost my keys!

Major life events, such as divorce or a job change, can causemajor stress. But so can small things, like the person workingnear you who hums constantly, clicks a ballpoint pen or popsbubble gum.

When small things pile up we may feel stress withoutknowing why. What are some of the little things that may bebothering you? What can you do about them? If there’s noth-ing you can do, how can you reduce the stress they cause?

Annoyance Your Stress Reaction Your Coping Plan


YourPersonalSupportSystem

Family and friends are your personal support network.Who do you rely on (include pets) when you…

need a hug? ___________________

want to learn new things? ___________________

want acceptance and approval? ___________________

have a financial problem? ___________________

want to play? ___________________

want to explore new ideas? ___________________

want sound advice? ___________________

have a problem? ___________________

need help with your kids? ___________________

need to share grief or sorrow? ___________________

need emergency help? ___________________

Do you rely on one person for many things? If so, per-haps you need to broaden your base of support. List twoor three others whom you could call on:

. ______________________________________

. ______________________________________

. ______________________________________



Assessing Your Support NeedsWe all need and get support from family and friends. Sometimes we need support beyondthese resources. In addition to family and friends, your support network might alsoinclude work and business contacts, support groups and professional counselors.

Who can you turn to if you need support in the following situations?

SUPPORT PERSON COMMUNITY RESOURCE

coping with grief or lossmanaging stressbeing a single parentcaring for a hyperactive childquitting smokingcoping with a serious illnessrecovering from alcoholism or drug addictiondealing with a legal problemcaring for an aging parentworking through financial problemsfinding a jobcoping with the effects of alcoholism or drug addiction in the family

Are there other situations for which you could use some support? Write them in thespaces below and list one or two resources you could turn to.

SITUATION SUPPORT PERSON COMMUNITY RESOURCE



PUBLIC LIBRARY. Librarians can show you lists of national groups orassociations, and may also have compiled information on localorganizations.

TELEPHONE BOOK. Check:1. yellow pages under “Associations.” 2. the Subject Index under the name of the topic you’re

interested in (for example “Diabetes”).3. community service pages in the front of the directory.

YOUR DOCTOR. Many doctors can recommend self-help groups and support organizations for medical or other conditions.

YOUR LOCAL HOSPITAL OR MEDICAL CENTER. Ask at the patient relations office.

12-STEP PROGRAMS. Alcoholics Anonymous offers tremendous support topeople recovering from alcoholism or drug addiction. Al-Anonand Alateen support the family and friends of alcoholics andaddicts. Other 12-step programs modeled on AA focus on eatingdisorders, drug addiction, gambling, etc.

SCHOOL COUNSELORS. They can help you find resources for needs of children and parents.

RELIGIOUS ORGANIZATIONS. Most clergy can help you or refer you to help fora crisis or ongoing problem. They’re often a source of comfortduring times of distress.

LOCAL BULLETIN BOARDS. Check supermarket, laundermat or online bulletinboards for meetings of self-help or support groups.

JUST ASK! Friends or business associates may have the information youneed.

START YOUR OWN SUPPORT GROUP. Can’t find the support you’re looking for?Chances are someone else has the same need. Try starting yourown group. By making support and information available to others, you’ll also feel better yourself.


FindingtheSupportYouNeedOnce you haveidentified yourneeds, you willneed to do someresearch to find the rightsupport system.Try theseresources:


For someof us,

the hardestpart ofdeveloping asupport sys-tem is askingfor help. Wemight be afraid we’llbe considered weak ifwe ask for help. Or we might worry that people will refuse to help,or that they will feel burdened by our request. But most people actually feel good aboutbeing able to help others. It reinforces that important human need to be needed.

If you’re having trouble reaching out, ask yourself these questions:


Reaching Out

Who would you ask for help if youweren’t afraid to?

What fears keep you from asking?

How would you feel if someone askedyou for this same help?

What specific things could you do to getmore help and support?

Specific things you could ask a personfor would be information, suggestions,shared experiences, or new contacts.Good beginnings might include:

• Do you know anyone who could help mewith…?

• I’m trying to get more informationabout…

• I’m looking for people who might haveworked with…

• _____________________________________

• _____________________________________

• _____________________________________

• _____________________________________

• _____________________________________


What Do You Do All Day?Have you ever spent a day working frantically and got nothing done? Doesit sometimes seem that the faster you work, the farther behind you get?Fill in this schedule with a typical workday’s activities. Include time usedfor personal chores and leisure or for just doing nothing. Supply as much

detail as you can recall:

Are there areas you could consolidate into one time slot? Time wasted between productivetasks? Time used inefficiently because high-energy work was scheduled during your low-energytime of day? Activities that really should have been postponed to another time? Jot down a fewways you could rearrange your day to make it more efficient.

Sometimes it turns out that reality doesn’t fit our recollections of what we do all day. Tryrepeating this exercise for one particular day, filling out the schedule as you go through the day.Was there a close match between what you thought was your “typical” day and what turned outto be your actual day?


TIME ACTIVITY

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Setting Priorities: ——The Basic List——

In the left column, list all the things you have to do now and in the near future. After you makethe list, rate each item’s level of urgency, using “A” for items that are most urgent and “C” foritems that are the least urgent. Fill in the date by which each item should be completed. Use the last column to rank the priority of items that must be completed on the same date.


THINGS TO DO A B C COMPLETE BY (DATE) PRIORITY RANKING

Now get to work on No. 1.If new tasks occur to you as you’re completing the urgent tasks (and they will), add them tothe appropriate column, re-evaluate the list, if necessary, and get back to work.

URGENCY


1 Make a list, prioritize and check things off as you get them done.

2 Review your list from time to time. Is everything on that list necessary?

3 Ask yourself, “What’s the best use of my timeright now?” Then do it!

4 Be willing to sacrifice “perfection” to get things done.

5 Learn to say “no” to demands that don’t benefit you.

6 Whenever possible, delegate!

7 Don’t waste time on minor decisions.

8 Arrange your work time to keep interruptions to a minimum.

9 Be realistic about what you can accomplish during a given period.

bkWhen is your energy at its peak? Plan your workfor those times and use your less energetic timesfor leisure or a nap.

Not all time management tips work for all people. Which tips from this list have youfound helpful in the past? Which ones are you willing to use today to help you manageyour time? Do you have any of your own time management secrets to add to the list?


10 Tips for Time Management


Balancing Work, Family and Personal Needs

Use this exercise to measure the degree of balanceyou have between the demands of work, family respon-sibilities and personal time.

Answer each question with a number from this scale:

ALWAYS NEVER5 4 3 2 1

AT HOMEDoes your family complain that you don’t spend enough time with them?Do you often feel anxious about the demands of your family?Do responsibilities at home make you resentful?Do you expect your family to adapt to your career needs?

SUBTOTAL

AT WORKDo you feel frustrated because your income is not enough?Do you feel guilty about the time you spend on your career?Do you resent having to bring work home?Do you worry that your work interferes with family needs?

SUBTOTAL

PERSONALDo you feel there’s never enough time for yourself?Do you feel guilty about taking a vacation?Do you wish you got more exercise?Do you feel you never get to do what you like to do?

SUBTOTAL

TOTAL

A total score of less than 20 indicates you have learned to balance family, career and personal needs successfully.21–30 indicates a good balance with some need for improvement.31–40 indicates a fair balance.41–50 shows that you are barely managing the juggling act of home, career and personal needs.

A high score in only one area indicates a need to organize your life so that area takes lessof your time and energy.



Do the demands of your job interfere with familyresponsibilities? Do family obligations make

progress in your career difficult? Are youneglecting your personal needs because yourwork and family demands are so great?

Use this worksheet to identify the areas ofyour life that are out of balance and to plansome ways to restore harmony.


Responsibilities you can delegate immediately, whether at home or at work: ______________________________________

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Tasks you can teach others to do: ________________________________________________________________________

Improvements in organization: _________________________________________________________________________

Expectations you can eliminate: _________________________________________________________________________

Ways to achieve a more positive attitude: _________________________________________________________________

Other: _____________________________________________________________________________________________

Restoring Harmony

Areas that are out of balance:TOO MUCH… TOO LITTLE…

Home

Work

Personal

Activities to add to restore balance:Daily: __________________________________________

_______________________________________________

Weekly: ________________________________________

_______________________________________________

Monthly or less often: _____________________________

_______________________________________________

Activities to eliminate:Daily: __________________________________________

_______________________________________________

Weekly: ________________________________________

_______________________________________________

Monthly or less often: _____________________________

_______________________________________________

Life SkillBuilders

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Transcript of Life SkillBuilders