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4/14/12

LET US BUILD

STRONG FAMILIES


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Allah (SWT) commands us

O ye who believe! save yourselves and

your families from a Fire whose fuel isMen and Stones over which are(appointed) angels stern (and) severewho flinch not (from executing) theCommands they receive from Allah butdo (precisely) what they are


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Family is a test and trial

Your riches and your children may bebut a trial: but in the Presence ofAllah is the highest RewardTaghabun, 64:15.


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Strong Family System

Family is the foundation of a strongsociety. It requires:

Proper division of responsibilities &loving relations between husbandand wife.

Proper upbringing of children. Provide the environment under which

human values and morals develop

and grow in the new generation


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Disintegrating familysystem

Free sexual relationship

Illegitimate children become the

basis of a society Relationship between man and

woman is based on lust, passion

and impulse. Division of work is not based on

family responsibility and natural

gifts.


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Home is a place of peaceand tranquility

And Allah has made for you in yourhomes an abode.Nahal16:

It has been reported by Ibn Abi Alduniaand others (Sahih al-Jaami) that, WhenAllah loves the people of a household,he introduces kindness among them.


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ow us m omes arebeing affected by anti

family environment 1) Separation and divorce rates 2) Percentage of families headed by

a single parent 3) Teenagers issues

4) Disagreements, tension and

conflict among married couples 5) Intergenerational conflict

6) Rate of depression, particularly

among wives


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Reasons Behind TheseProblems.

Almost everything around us tends tominimize positive family values andprinciples

Couples choose to have an I, meorientation of life, rather than a we,us perspective

Both father and mother are workingoutside of their homes for economicreasons

Care and education of their children


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Reasons Behind TheseProblems

Both parents dont understand thattheir familys well being must be amajor priority and that they must

sacrifice to build, protect, andreinforce their family

When spouses forget the rights that

Allah (SWT) has given their matesover them, their love disappears.Instead, anger, disagreements, and

conflict take its place


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How to Solve TheseProblems

Sense of hope and the belief that it isnever too late to change

Good intentions and ideas are notenough. We must develop a newmindset based on Islamic principlesand practices

Marriage requires collaboration,commitment and a sense ofresponsibility

Develo a dee er knowled e of the


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How to solve theseproblems

We must set aside a special timeeach week for our family members toenjoy one another, communicate,

plan, and study Our tempers can get us into big

problems.

Patience and forgiveness are the bestgifts that we can use to correctmistakes

We can have rich famil relationshi s


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How to solve theseproblems

Need to encourage each other intheir obedience to Allah

Raise their kids according to Islamicvalues

Children get much of their sense of

security and tranquility from the waytheir fathers and mothers treat eachother; hence, the greatest thing wecan give to them is through our

loving and being kind to one another


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Steps towards a strongMuslim family

1-Choosing the Right Partner

For the Man

The whole world is a place ofenjoyment and the bestenjoyment is a righteous wife.

Muslim no. 1468 and An-Nisaee fromIbn Amr

A righteous wife who will help youin religious and worldly affairs isbetter than all the treasures the


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Choosing a wife

A woman is married for fourreasons; her wealth, her family,her beauty and her faith. So,

marry the one who is religiousand you will prosper. Saheeh al-Bukharee vol.9 no. 132.

Marry women who are lovingand prolific in giving birth, as Ishall outnumber the other

Prophet's (nation) through you.-


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Choosing a husband

If somebody comes to you andyou are pleased with hischaracter and religion then

marry him. If you do not, therewill be discord on earth andwidespread corruption. Ibn

Majah 1967.


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2- Live with kindness & love

The best of you is the one whois best to his wives, and I am thebest of you towards them

[Authentic At-Tahawee] Let no male believer ever hate a

female believer. Though he may

dislike one of her attribute, hewill be pleased with another[Saheeh Muslim]

The believer with most


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3-Obligation on Womanto Obey Her Husband

If a woman prays the fiveprayer, guards her private parts(from anything illegal), and

obeys her husband, she willenter Paradise from any door shewishes. [Authentic - at-Tabaree

It is not allowed for a woman tofast in the presence of herhusband except with his

permission, except in Ramadaan,-


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4-Spouses to fulfill theirrespective duties

And they (women) have rights(over their husbands as regardsliving expenses, etc.) similar (to

those of their husbands) overthem (as regards obedience andrespect, etc.) to what is

reasonable, but men have adegree (of responsibility) overthem. And Allah is All-Mighty andAll-Wise. [ Al-Baqarah (2): 228]


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into a place ofRemembrance of Allah

(SWT) The example of the home inwhich Allah is remembered andthe home in which Allah is not

remembered, is like comparingthe living and the dead [SaheehMuslim (1/539)]

The voluntary (prayer) in thehome is better then thevoluntary (prayer) with the

people. It is like the (obligatory)


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6-Teaching the Family

O you who believe, protectyourselves and your familiesfrom a Fire whose fuel is people

and stone [Soorah at-Tahreem: 6] Ali (radhi allahu anhu) said about this

verse: Teach them (family) and

show them good manners. Spare a time of the day for the family

from busy schedule and establish

regular sittings with the family to


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7-Establishing a Libraryin Your Home

Enough resources to benefit thechildren, the elders, both men andwomen, relatives and guests

Locate it in easily accessible place

Books and cassettes of reliablescholars, on the issues of IslamicCreed, Qur'aan and its Sciences,Hadeeth and its Sciences, etiquettesin Islam, seerah of Noble Prophet

Muhammad (sallallahu alaihi wa-

nv ng e g eous


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- nv ng e g eousand the scholars to visit

the HOME A good companion is like musk;even if nothing of it goes to you,its fragrance will reach you. A

bad companion is like a man whohas bellows; if its (black) sootdoes not reach you, its smoke

will reach you. [Abu Dawood(4811)]

rac c ng oo


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- rac c ng oomanners and Gentleness

in the HOME If Allah, the Most High and theMost Majestic, intends good forthe people, He puts within them

gentleness." [Musnad Ahmad(6/71)]

"The one who is not merciful, will

not have mercy shown to him."[Saheeh al-Bukharee]

Being playful with one's wife and


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10-Discipline among theFamily

Strict time keeping in the House: AStrict timetable in the house shouldbe formed, for example eating

timings, all members of the familyshould eat together, sleepingtimings, wake up early, no late-nights

etc Duties for house chores assigned and

everyone must be held accountable.

Violations of Islamic rules and house


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Qualities of StrongFamilies

1-Commitment

Trust

Honesty Dependability

Faithfulness

Sharing


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2-Appreciation andaffection

Caring for each other

Friendship

Respect for individuality Playfulness

Humor

os ve


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- os vecommunication

Sharing feelings

Giving compliments

Avoiding blame

Being able to compromise

Agreeing to disagree


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4-Time together

Quality time in great quantity

Good things take time

Enjoying each others company Simple good times

Sharing fun times


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5-Spiritual wellbeing

Hope

Faith

Compassion Shared ethical values

Oneness with humankind

y o cope w


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- y o cope wstress and crisis

Adaptability

Seeing crises as challenges andopportunities

Growing through crises together

Openness to change

Resilience


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rhythm and pattern &are flexible to change

They have routines, rituals, andtraditions that give direction,meaning, and structure to the daily

flow of life.There are rules or principles that

they live by.

Healthiest families are also open tochange

From both the past and the presentrow new traditions and new rh thm


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How to maintain strongfamilies?

1-Have regular dates.

If you are married, make time forregular fun-time with your partner. Astrong marriage can add strength tothe family.

Some families also have regular datenights with their children.

Regardless of your familycircumstance, make time for theim ortant relationshi s in our life.


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2-Hold regular familymeetings.

. Family meetings help us give properattention to our family.

They provide a forum of discussionfor family issues.

They give opportunity to plan forfamily time.

Family meetings help us to beproactive instead of reactive.

a e a po n o express


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- a e a po n o expressyour appreciation more

often. Leave thank-you notes around thehouse.

Incorporate an appreciation ritualinto your family meeting.

Celebrate special achievements offamily members.

Make a list of 101 things for whichyour family can be grateful.

a e a p an or e ec ve y


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- a e a p an or e ec ve ydealing with conflict before

you have conflict. Don't wait until the heat is on andtempers are high to decide how tobest resolve a disagreement.

Plan ahead.

When needed, put your plan intoaction.


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6 K f il j l


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6-Keep a family journal orscrap book

Keep a scrap book of significantfamily events and achievements.

Remember the good times whichgive us strength to endure the toughtimes.

e e ra e ecogn ze e


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- e e ra e ecogn ze eachievements of family

members. Remember significant anniversarieswith parties or family rituals.

Make time to bask in the joyfulmoments of life.


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DUA

Our Lord! grant unto us wives andoffspring who will be the comfort of our

eyes and give us (the grace) to lead therighteous Al Furqan, 25:74

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