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6th Grade Writing Strategies 1.6 (7Q)Revise writing to improve the organization and consistency of ideas within and

between paragraphs.Lesson to be used by EDI-trained teachers only.

Learning Objective Name __________________________

Today, we will revise writing to improve organization1 of ideas between paragraphs.1 the way different parts work together

CFUWhat are we going to do today?What are we going to revise? What does organization mean?

Activate (or provide) Prior Knowledge

CFUStudents, you already know how to help people follow your ideas by using certain “signal” words. Those signal words are called transitions. Transitions and other techniques can be used to organize your writing. Today, we will revise writing to improve the organization of ideas between paragraphs.

Today, we will revise writing to improve organization of ideas between paragraphs.We will revise writing to improve organization of ideas between paragraphs.Organization means the way different parts work together.

Read this passage about what happened in a movie. On your whiteboards, write the words that are used to connect the different parts of this story.

In the movie Super 8, the first thing we see is a boy at his mother’s funeral. Then, we find out he is part of a movie his school friends are making in town. Later, when they start shooting the movie, a train derails right next to them. Finally, we learn about the big mystery that was on that train.




Concept Development

To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly. Revise so the reader can easily follow the ideas from one paragraph to the next. Add ideas in the first sentence of a paragraph that repeat words or ideas of the previous paragraph. Add a transitional word or phrase to the start of the next paragraph.

Example:

CFUIn your own words, what does it mean to revise writing? To revise writing means ________. What is one way to revise writing? How do you know that two paragraphs need to be connected better? What can be used to make better connections between paragraphs? Which phrase repeats the idea of “eating the right foods makes us healthy”? a. Getting a lot vitamins and minerals is good for you. b. Vegetables are very healthy foods to eat.

Learning Basketball

1. Learning to play basketball takes practice. 2. Basketball includes a group of skills that you can get better at over time. 3. Like anything else, you need to start slow, and keep practicing.

4. We suggest that you focus on learning the basic fundamentals. 5. Unfortunately, most people don't really understand what fundamentals means. 6. The fundamentals include working on the little things that make you better. 8. The fundamentals of shooting, for example, include proper foot alignment, leg bend, hand position, arm angle, follow-through, and so on.

9. Finally, you must remember that basketball really includes a lot of skills. 10. Shooting isn’t everything! 12. There are also fundamentals of dribbling, defense, rebounding, and passing. 13. If you go slow and learn the basics in each area, then you’ll be a big help to your team.

1. Which word is repeated from the first paragraph at the start of the 2nd? The word “learning” is repeated.

2. What idea is repeated in the first sentence of the 2nd paragraph? The word “fundamentals” is the same general idea as “skills”. In fact, it is a synonym for skills.

3. What transitional word links the 2nd paragraph to the 3rd paragraph? The word “finally” lets the reader know that one last idea is coming.

Adapted from http://www.breakthroughbasketball.com

Common Transitional Phrases

First, last, second, in addition, finally, however, for example, in fact, now, soon, in conclusion, thus, because, on the other hand, meanwhile, although, in the same way, moreover, therefore, later

Learning to play softball well takes practice! We practice throwing and catching the ball. We practice hitting the ball with a bat, and then we learn how to run the bases. We get to wear cool uniforms and special shoes. We have a celebration after each game whether we win or lose. We wear sunglasses on sunny days.

Non-Example:




Importance

To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.• Revise so the reader can easily follow the ideas from one paragraph to the next. • Add ideas in the first sentence that repeat words or ideas of the previous paragraph. • Add a transitional word or phrase to the start of the next paragraph.

It is important to revise writing to improve the organization of ideas between paragraphs because it helps you to: 1. guide the reader to follow your ideas.

CFUDoes anyone else have another reason why it is important to revise writing to improve the organization of ideas between paragraphs? (pair-share) Why is it important to revise writing to improve the organization of ideas between paragraphs? You may give me one of my reasons or one of your own. Which reason is the most important to you? Why?

2. do well on the CST.

Last sentence of a paragraph: You can choose contacts or glasses, but the important thing is having lenses that correct your vision.

First sentence of next paragraph: In addition, correcting your vision will lead to an improvement in your personality.




Skill Development/Guided PracticeTo revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.

Revise so the reader can easily follow the ideas from one paragraph to the next. Add ideas in the first sentence that repeat words or ideas of the previous paragraph. Add a transitional word or phrase to the start of the next paragraph.

Revise writing to improve organization of ideas between paragraphs.

CFUHow did I know what to circle? How did I know how to revise the sentence? How did I answer the questions? How did you know what to circle? How did you know how to revise the sentence? How did you answer the questions?

Step #1: Read the passage, noticing how repeated words or ideas are underlined. a. Circle transitional phrases between paragraphs, if any. Hint: Usually in 1st sentence.Step #2: Revise the given sentence to make ideas easier to follow between paragraphs. a. If you repeat an idea, use a synonym for the underlined word. b. If you replace a transitional phrase, make sure it sounds better in that sentence.

Step #3: Answer the questions to improve organization. Hint: Refer to your underlining for help.

Presidents’ Wives 1. Americans have always been interested in their presidents' wives. 2. Many first ladies have been remembered because of the ways they have influenced their husbands. 3. Other first ladies have made the history books on their own. 4. In fact, the influence took many forms throughout the years. 5. Lady Bird Johnson made it her business to send signals during her husband’s speeches. 6. When Lady Bird Johnson thought her husband was talking too long, she wrote a note and sent it up to the platform. 7. It read, “It's time to stop!” 8. And he did. 9. One of the most famous first ladies was Eleanor Roosevelt, the wife of President Franklin D. Roosevelt. 10. She was active in political and social causes throughout her husband's tenure2 in office. 11. So, being the wife of the president has become an important government duty. 12. In fact, many of the ladies who held this position exercised a strong influence not only on their husband but also on the country. 13. First ladies today have realized the importance of their role and promote specific issues. 2 length of time in office 170 words

1. Revise sentence 4, using a different transitional phrase and repeating a word or idea from the 1 st paragraph:For example, the influence of presidents’ wives took many forms throughout the years.



2. A better transition between the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs could be gained by replacing SO with which of these transitions?

a. Because b. First, c. Soon, d. Now,

3. Which sentence could best be added to the start of the 3rd paragraph?

a. In conclusion, a first lady does more than help with speeches.b. Therefore, a first lady is any president’s wife. c. In addition, a first lady must be concerned with fashion.d. Although a first lady is influential.




Skill Development/Guided Practice (continued)To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.



CFUHow did I know what to circle? How did I know how to revise the sentence? How did I answer the questions? How did you know what to circle? How did you know how to revise the sentence? How did you answer the questions?

Step #1: Read the passage, noticing how repeated words or ideas are underlined. a. Circle transitional phrases between paragraphs, if any. Hint: Usually in 1st sentence.Step #2: Revise the given sentence to make ideas easier to follow between paragraphs. a. If you repeat an idea, use a synonym for the underlined word. b. If you replace a transitional phrase, make sure it sounds better in that sentence.


Dolls 1. A doll is a model of a human (often a baby). 2. It can also be a character (like Bert and Ernie from Sesame Street) or an animal. 3. Most dolls are toys for children to play with. 4. A doll or stuffed animal of soft material is sometimes called a plush toy. 5. A popular toy of this type is the Teddy Bear. 6. A distinction is often made between dolls and action figures, which are generally made of plastic and able to be posed. 7. They often are based on characters from television shows or films. 8. Therefore, modern ones are often cloth or plastic. 9. Other materials that have been used include cornhusks, bone, stone, wood, wax, and even apples. 10. Often people will make dolls out of whatever materials are available to them. 11. Dolls have been found in Egyptian tombs which date to as early as 2000 BCE. 12. Meanwhile, these human- or animal-shaped toys allow children to practice being an adult. 13. For example, dolls allow children to pretend to be a parent. 14. Toy soldiers, perhaps the origin of modern action figures, allow children to act out battles, while miniature animal figures let children act out farm activities. 192 words 1. Revise sentence 8, using a different transitional phrase and repeating a word or idea from the 1 st paragraph:Now, modern dolls are often made of cloth or plastic.



2. A better transition between the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs could be gained by replacing MEANWHILE with which of these transitions?

a. Because b. First, c. Soon, d. In fact,


a. First, the most important thing is what kids learn.b. On the other hand, dolls have a larger purpose. c. In the same way, dolls are a way of playing.d. Because dolls are for children.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Plush_toy




Closure 1. In your own words, what does it mean to revise writing?2. Revise writing below to improve organization of ideas between paragraphs.3. What did you learn today about revising writing to improve organization of ideas

between paragraphs? Why is that important to you? (pair-share)

The Story of Toys 1. Toys as a "big business" did not begin until after the 1830s. 2. Then, steamboats and steam trains made it easier to get products to stores. 3. Early toys were made of wood, tin, or cast iron, and involved simple things like horses, soldiers, and wagons. 4. Thus, current toys meet the changing needs of children. 5. In recent years, many toys have added flashing lights and sounds to capture the attention of children raised around television and the Internet. 6. Batteries have also become a big business. 7. The most common types of toys include construction sets (like Lincoln Logs or Legos), dolls and stuffed animals (like Barbie or Elmo), vehicles, puzzles (like Rubik’s Cube), and physical action (like balls and yo-yos). 8. Video games have also become popular since the 1970s. 9. So, toys often teach children about the world around them. 10. They give kids a chance to experience construction, taking care of others, or solving problems. 11. And they are also fun! 157 words

Step #1: Read the passage, noticing how repeated words or ideas are underlined. . a. Circle transitional phrases between paragraphs, if any. Hint: Usually in 1st sentence.Step #2: Revise the given sentence to make the ideas easier to follow between paragraphs. a. If you repeat an idea, use a synonym for the underlined word. b. If you replace a transitional phrase, make sure it sounds better in that sentence.


Adapted from article by Mary Bellis at http://inventors.about.com/od/tstartinventions/a/Toy_Inventions_2.htm

1. Revise sentence 5, using a different transitional phrase and repeating a word or idea from the 1 st paragraph:Now, current toys are made to meet the changing needs of children.


a. Finally, b. First, c. Soon, d. Although,


a. Now, toys are made to break easily.b. On the other hand, children don’t really care about toys. c. However, toys are more than just play!d. Because toys are not just for kids these days.






Independent PracticeTo revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.



Step #1: Read the passage, noticing how repeated words or ideas are underlined. . a. Circle transitional phrases between paragraphs, if any. Hint: Usually in 1st sentence.Step #2: Revise the given sentence to make the ideas easier to follow between paragraphs. a. If you repeat an idea, use a synonym for the underlined word. b. If you replace a transitional phrase, make sure it sounds better in that sentence. Step #3: Answer the questions to improve organization. Hint: Refer to your underlining for help.

History of Roller Skating 1. Roller skating has only been available in the last 300 years. 2. It started in the early 1700s in Holland when an unknown Dutchman decided to go “ice skating” in the summer. 3. He nailed wooden spools to strips of wood and attached them to his shoes. 4. In 1760, a London inventor, Joseph Merlin, attended a party wearing one of his new inventions, metal-wheeled boots. 5. Later, modern skating developed in America. 6. In 1863, American James Plimpton made a skate with two parallel sets of wheels. 7. This design allowed skaters to move in a smooth curve, to turn easily, and to skate backwards. 8. In 1979, the Olson brothers invented in-line skates. 9. They put the wheels all in a line and used modern materials. 10. This became what we know as roller blades. 11. In 1993, Bert Lovitt and Warren Winslow invented a skate that can go on all types of surfaces. 12. It uses 2 large, side-mounted, out-of-line angled wheels. 13. More skaters are trying these Landrollers because they are safer and more fun. 14. Soon, roller skating has become popular for fitness programs, for athletes on teams, and for kids. 15. It’s fun to move faster than walking, and skaters can do tricks as well. 16. Putting wheels on our feet, a novel idea back in the 1700s, is now an exciting, high-tech way to get around and enjoy the outdoors. 218 words 1. Revise sentence 5, using a different transitional phrase and repeating a word or idea from the 1 st paragraph:However, modern skating was invented and developed in America.



2. A better transition between the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs could be gained by replacing SOON with which of these transitions?

a. Because b. In the same way,c. However, d. Thus,


a. First, roller skating is good for exercise.b. Therefore, skating has become a big business. c. Thus, roller skating is a truly American sport.d. Lastly, it’s good to know that roller skating has many advantages.

Adapted from http://www.landroller.com/history-of-roller-skates.htm




Periodic Review 1To revise writing means to change the text to organize your ideas more clearly.




The Hula Hoop 1. The hula hoop is an ancient invention. 2. No modern company and no single inventor can claim that they invented the first hula hoop. 3. The Greeks used hooping as a form of exercise. 4. Older hoops were made from metal, bamboo, wood, grasses, and even vines. 5. In the early 1800s, British sailors first witnessed hula dancing in the Hawaiian Islands. 6. Hula dancing and hooping look similar and the name "hula hoop" came together. 7. On the other hand, the modern hula hoop uses new materials. 8. Also, plastic hula hoops were made with bits of glitter and noise makers. 9. The hula hoop became popular in America in 1958. 10. The Wham-O company sold twenty million hula hoops for $1.98 in the first six months. 11. Meanwhile, many people are setting world records with hula hoops. 12. On June 4, 2005, Australian Kareena Oates set a record for hula hooping -- with 100 hoops for three full revolutions. 13. The world record for the largest hula hoop (by circumference) spun was set by American Ashrita Furman at 51.5 feet on June 1, 2007. 175 words

1. Revise sentence 7, using a different transitional phrase and repeating a word or idea from the 1 st paragraph:Later, the modern hula hoop was made using new materials.



2. A better transition between the 2nd and 3rd paragraphs could be gained by replacing MEANWHILE with which of these transitions?

a. Although, b. In addition,

c. Soon, d. Because


a. Finally, being able to spin a hula hoop has become a mark of pride.

b. Although hula hoops have continued in their popularity. c. Thus, Wham-O created a major fad.d. However, the hula hoop is just a toy.

Adapted from an article by Mary Bellis at http://inventors.about.com/od/hstartinventions/a/Hula_Hoop.htm







Step #1: Read the passage, noticing how repeated words or ideas are underlined. . a. Circle transitional phrases between paragraphs, if any. Hint: Usually in 1st sentence.Step #2: Revise the given sentence to make the ideas easier to follow between paragraphs. a. If you repeat an idea, use a synonym for the underlined word. b. If you replace a transitional phrase, make sure it sounds better in that sentence.


History of Writing Tools 1. Writing has advanced quite a bit since the early cavemen wrote on cave walls with a sharpened stone. 2. From that rough beginning, mankind developed the alphabet, different kinds of paper, and a variety of inks. 3. But our writing instruments took some time to improve. 4. However, the quill was used for a long time. 5. It had to be dipped into ink regularly and only lasted about a week. 6. Goose feathers were the most common. 7. In the 1800s, inventors tried to make a holder for ink inside the pen to reduce dipping and avoid splatters. 8. This led to the development of the fountain pen. 9. Fountain pens are still used today. 10. It was popular until the first ballpoint pen was invented by a newspaper reporter from Hungary named Laszlo Biro in 1938. 11. He put a small ball bearing1 in the tip of the pen. 12. This ball rotated as the pen moved, picking up ink and leaving it on the paper. 13. In addition, the modern version of Biro's pen has sales of 14 million pens a day. 14. Some black ballpoint pens produce more than 28,000 linear feet of writing -- more than five miles, before running out of ink. 15. We’ve come a long way from sharp stones on cave walls! 1 a metal ball that makes parts of a machine run smoother 209 words

1. Revise sentence 5, using a different transitional phrase and repeating a word or idea from the 1 st paragraph:For example, the quill pen was the main writing tool for a long time.




a. In fact, b. Meanwhile, c. In the same way,

d. Although,


a.In conclusion, today’s pen is available around the world.b. However, the pen is different in different countries. c. Soon, the pen will give way to electronic writing.d. Thus, pens are saving bird feathers.

Adapted from an article by Mary Bellis at http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/blpen.htm








The Story of Shoes 1. Shoes were needed when early man moved from warm climates into colder regions. 2. Then, feet needed protection from the environment. 3. Usually animal skins were used for the soles and tied with thin strips of leather. 4. However, about 1600-1200 BCE, a type of soft shoe was worn by the mountain people who lived on the border of Iran. 5. It was made of wraparound leather, similar to a moccasin. 6. The most common footwear in history has been sandals, which consists of a hard sole attached to the foot with laces. 7. In fact, modern shoes are sewn together with the bottoms to uppers. 8. These shoes were commonly fastened with buckles. 9. But in 1790, the modern shoestring (string and shoe holes) was invented in England. 10. Eventually, rubber was discovered and used for soles to develop the popular sneakers. 11. The first rubber-soled shoes were made in the United States in the late 1800s. 12. By 1917, Keds were sold as canvas-top sneakers. 13. They were called sneakers because the rubber sole made the shoe very quiet as you walked. 14. Thus, several companies today make rubber-soled sneakers. 15. There are dance sneakers, casual sneakers, and athletic sneakers for both men and women. 16. There are cute designs and dazzling colors. 17. Both young and old people now see sneakers as fashionable. 18. Of course, sandals, boots, and regular shoes are still worn today. 19. But sneakers now rival sandals as the most common shoe in the world. 235 words

1. Revise sentence 7, using a different transitional phrase and repeating a word or idea from the 1 st paragraph:Now, modern shoes are made by sewing together the soles to uppers.




a. Because b. Later, c. Soon, d. In fact,


a. Finally, sneakers were made famous by basketball players on TV.b. Moreover, sneakers have become popular worldwide.c. For example, rubber has made these shoes cheaper.d. Because rubber wasn’t their only claim to fame.

Adapted from http://inventors.about.com/od/sstartinventions/a/Shoes.htm

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