THE CARTOON HISTORY OF THE

'5*

W^HM

ft

LARRY GONICKAuthor of The Cartoon History of the Universe

BUNGLEREARLy MORNING, OCTOBER 12, 1492.'

IT WAS CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUSANP £REW, VITAMIN-STARVEP, FRI6HTENEP,AMP MUTINOUSLy IRRITABLE AFTER MORETHAN A MONTH AT SEA.

TO MOTIVATE THE MEN,COLUMBUS HAP PROMISEPA PERPETUAL PENSIONOF 15,000 MARAVEPIS AyEAR TO THE FIRST ONETO SI6HT LANP. AT 2 A.M.,THE LOOKOUT £ALLEP OUT.

COLUMBUS TUMBLEP OUTOF BEP ANP HAP A LOOK.

LORP TAKEyou; ITIS LANP/

(LORP TAKE YOU-PROP PEAP,THE STRONGEST OATHCOLUMBUS WOULP USE.;

UPON WHI£H, HE 6RANTEPTHE PENSION TO HIMSEUF,ON THE &ROUNPS THAT HEWAS FIRST TO CONFIRMTHE

IT WASN'T REALUNTIL I SAW IT/

17

AMP HE 60T AWAY WITH IT! THE £REWWAS SO HAPPY TO BE LANPIN6... SOMEWHERE-

LOAPIN6 THEIR LONGBOATS WITHTRAPE 60OPS AMP RELIGIOUS RE&ALIA, THE

ROWEP IN TO MEET THE JAPANESEANP/OR INPIANS.

JAPAN/ OR THEINPIE3 OR JAPAN IN

THE INPIES.'

BY SI6NS, COLUMBUS ORPEREP THE NATIVE PEOPLES TO BECOME CHRISTIANS, SUBMIT TOSPAIN, ANP TRAPE 6OLP FOR HIS 6EW6AWS. COLUMBUS WAS LU£KY... IF THIS HAP REALLYBEEN ASIA, HIS ANNOUNCEMENTS WOULP HAVE £OST HIM HIS HEAP...

*^

BUT AS IT WAS, THE WHOLE SHOW LOOKEP LIKE A WEIRP, INCOMPREHENSIBLE NOVELTY

I

IT'S AMAZING- THEYALMOST LOOK HUMAN...

AFTER BEFRIENPIN6 TME"INPIANS," COLUMBUS KIP-NAPPEP A FEW TO TEA£HTHEM SPANISH.

BUT WE'RE STILLFRIENPS, RI6HT?

THE MEN FLIRTEP WITHLO£AL WOMEM... OR RAPEPTHEM AMP HA£KEP UP THEWOMEN'S AN6.RY BROTHERSANP FATHERS. WHEN THEARAWAKS PEMANPEP JUS-TICE, COLUMBUS PROTE^TEPTHE PERPETRATORS.'

WORP TRAVELEP THROUGHTHE ISLANPS BY SPEEP

THEY'RE PEPRAVEP^MONKEYS COMPLETELY

OUT OF CONTROL.' 1

HAVE TO!THEY'REMY BESTSOLPIERS!

NOW, WHENEVER THEY HEARP THE SPANISHWERE £OMIN6, THE "INPIANS" TOOK TO THEHILLS- THIS £ONFUS£P COLUMBUS.

I PEFINITELY THINK I SAWWHATEVER THAT IS-

I'M JUST TRYING TO BEA £OOP CHRISTIAN ANPLOYAL SUBJECT...

COMPLETELYPESERTEP

HE LEFT SOME MEN ON HAITI TO FOUNP ACOLONY, SAILEP AROUNP TO SURVEY THEISLAMPS' NATURAL RESOURCES, MISUNPER-STOOP MOST OF THEM, ANP WENT HOME.

MARTIN PINZON,CAPTAIN OF THEPIHTA, THOUGHT

COLUMBUS WAS ANIPIOT... PINZON EXPLOREP ONHIS OWN, THEM HURRIEPHOME TO SMEAR THE BOSS.

OUR NATION'S FATEPEPENPS ON THISCLUELESS POOFUS.'

WHEN COLUMBUS RETURNEPANP SPAIN £ELEBRATEP HISPIS^OVERIES, PINZON RETIREPTO HIS HOME IN PIS6RA£E.

HE PIEP IN 149? OF "MELAN-CHOLY," THEY SAY... BUT WASIT $UI£IPE? AT THE TIME, THE£HUR£H £ONSIPEREP SUI£IP£A TICKET STRAI6HT TO HELL-FAMILIES RARELY APMITTEP

AMP WRITERS ALMOSTNEVER MENTIONEP IT.

HE PIEP OF ABROKEN NE£K-I

MEAN, HEART!

19

KING FERPINANP ANP C?UEEN ISABELLA SWALLOWEP ITANP OUTFITTEP EIGHTEEN 5HIP5 TO £ARRY IWC" PA5-

AUU WITH THE 5AME BOUNPUE55

UNLIMITEPOPPORTUNITY/

CAPITALGROWTH

POTENTIAL.'

BA£K IN SPAIN,COLUMBUS MAPE HIS-TORY'S FIRST PIT£H FORAMERICAN REAL ESTATE-

STREETSPAVEPWITH60LP.'

BUT 6ROUNPUE55... ARRIVING INHAITI, THEY FOUNP THE PREVIOUS COLONISTSNEARLY ALL PEAP ANP PEVOIP OF THEYELLOW STUFF.

WHAT PIP YOUPI^OVER IN THENEW WORLP?

rMY OWN PATHETICFOOLISH GULLIBILITY...

<:OLUMBUS'S REACTION? HE SAILEP AWAY...HE A4U£H PREFERREP EXPLORING TORUNNING A COLONY.'

BY THE TIME HE RETURNEP TO HAITI, THE COLONY WAS HALFPEAP, ILL, ANP PEMORALIZEP... NO ONE HAP INCOME, BUT EVERY-ONE HAP EXCUSES... ANP WORST OF ALL, SOMEONE HAP SAILEPAWAY TO COMPLAIN TO THE KING!

STOP THAT )SHIP.'! f

THERE WAS ONLY ONETHIN6 TO PO-.

COLUMBUS HURRIEP HOME TOPEFENP HIS* HONOR, HIS £OM-MANP, HIS ASSETS, HIS FREEPOM.

NATURALLY, HE ARGUEP THAT THE £OLONY WOULP SU£-£EEP ONLY IF HE WERE GRANTEP EVEN MORE POWER.

THE PROBLEM, HIGHNESSES, IS THATEVERYONE POES AS HE PLEASES.' NO ONEWANTS TO WORK HARP.' WHO WOULP?NOT ME, BUT NEVER MINP THAT...

THE ROYAL PUO RENEWEP £OLUMBUS'S AUTHORITY BUTPROPPEP SOME STERN HINTS ABOUT PEALING WITH PEOPLE.

IN THE FIRST PLA£E,FOR GOP'S SAKE,

PAX

YES... VERY WISE,YOUR HIGHNESS-I NEVER THOUGHTOF THAT...

SO-BA£K TO HAITI, THISTIME WITH THE TITLE OFVI£EROX, OR UNPER-KING.

IS THIS STILL ASIA,BY THE WAY?

HE ASSIGNEP "CN^OMIENPA ," OR ALLOTMENTS OF INPIANS, TO ALL THE LEAPING COLONISTS,WHO WORKEP THEM TO PEATH IN THE SEARCH FOR GOLP MINES.

21

TME COMPLAINTS KEPT£OMIN&... COLUMBUSWAS TOO £RUEL, TOOSOFT, TOO ARBITRARY,TOO GENEROUS TO HISOWN FAMILY ANP TOOSTIN6Y TO EVERYONEELSE, TOO £OOP TOTHE INPIANS, TOO HARPON THE INPIANS...

WHAT "SHOULP" HE HAVE PONE? PUT IT THIS WAV-- WHEN YOUR60ALS ARE TO BEFRIENP ANP SUBJECT" PEOPLE, ROB ANPRESPECT THEM, SMASH THEIR 6OPS AMP CONVERT THEMWITH KINPNESS, THEN you MAX RUN INTO PROBLEMS/

WOW.' 15THERE A

MISTAKE HEPIPNT MAKE?

£OME ON,PEOPLE/ JUST

PO m

KIN6 FERPINANP PE£IPEP TOSENP A NEW GOVERNOR TOTHE INPIES ANP TO PUTCOLUMBUS OUT.

OUT OF AJOB, I MEAN-

IN IRONS, THAT IS. THE E*-APMIRAL RETURNEP TO SPAINWRAPPCP IN CHAINS.

UNFAIR; I BAPTIZEPTHOUSAWPS BEFORETHEY

THE NEW GOVERNOR HAP MORE SU££ESSWITH THE COLONISTS, BUT THE INPIANSPERISHEP FASTER THAN EVER.

AMI£O, WHY PO YOUKILL THESE POORINPIANS WHEN WENEEP THEM ALIVETO WORK LIKE PO£S?

I'M SORRY, GOVERNOR...I JUST F£LT LIKE IT...

AH, IT'S 6OOPTO LIVE ANEMOTIONALLYFULL LIFE...

FERPINANP STRIPPEP COLUMBUS OF ALL HISTITLES (ANP, MERCIFULLY, HIS CHAINS;, BUTLET HIM KEEP HIS PROPERTY IN HAITI.

6O HOME-REST... YOUNEEP IT...

B-BUT I'M REALLY, 1REALLY 6.REAT/ J

r-^

THE EX-APMIRAL, RI£H AMPRESTLESS, LAUN£HEP AFOURTH VOXA6E IN 1902. HESHOULP HAVE STAXEP HO/VIE.

I JUST HATETO SIT STILL.'

A CREWMAN AMI? SOMELOCALS VOLUNTEEREP TO£ANO£ FOR HELP—ACROSSHUNPREPS OF MILES OFOPEM SEA.

YES, COLUMBUS HAP AMALMANAC- IT PREPI TEPA UUNAR E£UP$E OMFEB. 29, 1*704... AMP—YOUTHOUGHT THIS HAPPENEPONLY IM OOf*\C BOOKS?

FIRST £AME SHIPWRECK,KILLING MAM/.

COLUMBUS AMP SOMEOTHERS WASHEP UP ALIVEOM JAMAICA-

XESS! LIFE FELT SOTAME WITHOUT

MISERV/

A FEW OF THEM REA^HEPHAITI... BUT THE GOVERNOR,WHO PISLIKEP COLUMBUS,PAWPLEP FOR MOMTHS.

SO... IF WE PIEHERE, AT LEASTIT'S THE EMP OFA LIFE WELL LEP.'

YOURSOR

MIME?

MEANWHILE, THE JAMAICANS6REW FEP UP WITH FEEPIM6EXTRA MOUTHS... THE SPAN-IARPS SAW NOTHING BUTMEMA^IM^ STARES- AMPTHEM-

THE JAMAICANS TURMEP6EMEROUS A6.AIM... THEGOVERNOR IM HAITI SENTA SHIP... AMP IN 15£M, AFTER16 MOMTHS ON THE ISLANP,COLUMBUS SAILEP HOME-

AT LAST.'SOMEONEBESIPES MEWORSHIPS ME/

HE PIEP EXHAUSTCP TWOVEARS LATER-

POOR COLUMBUS.' A 6REATVISIONARY, A MASTERFULSAILOR, A PERSISTENTOF OVER-THE-TOP; SELF-PROMOTER, HE WAS OUTOF HIS PEPTH IN MATTERSOF PIPLOMA£X, GOVERN-MENT, S^IENTIFI^ OBSER-VATION, ANP ORPINARXEMPATHV. POOR COLUMBUS/POOR CARIBBEAN/