Journal de Rona Amir

8/3/2019 Journal de Rona Amir

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D ARI TO E NGLISH TRANSLATION

(all footnotes are translator’s explanatory notes)[left half of image 3556]

[Date written in English on top of page:] April 8, 2008[Islamic incantation in Arabic]

In the name of God, the Beneficent, the Merciful

Diary of Rona Amir [image 3555]

My name is Rona, daughter of Amir Mohammad, born on 3 rd Assad 1339 solar anno hejira1 in DehAfghanan, Kabul. I do not remember my early childhood, but when they put me to school at the ageof five I kept crying. They had placed me beside a boy at school, and I was crying and protesting thatI didn’t want to sit beside a boy. My brother, Noor, who was a teacher at Istiqlal School came to meand said, “It doesn’t matter, the boy is like a brother to you, don’t cry”, but I kept crying.I had been enrolled in Istiqlal School which was located at Malik Asghar intersection. I attended thisschool up to grade 4. When I was in fourth grade, the French sponsors of the school planned to tear down the old school building and build a brand new one in its place, so the students had to go toschool at Shahr-e-Nao, behind Zaynab Cinema. I completed grade 6 at this location. In grade 7, Ientered Malalai School because I was now older and there were few girls at Istiqlal School. There

were many more subjects to study in grade 7, and I failed the math exam. I studied hard with my brother Haji during the three months’ winter recess and took the math exam again and passed. I wasvery happy at Malalai School because I had a lot of girl friends, and fortunately I came from a liberal-minded family so there were few restrictions imposed on me. Sometimes after school I used to gowatch basketball matches between different schools and there was no objection from my family.[image 3554]

On my part, I kept their trust in me [and did not do any thing offensive], but then, I was a very shyand timid girl. The foreign language taught at Malalai School was French, which I liked very muchand got three commendation certificates [for it] from the school.So life passed like this; home and school. I was not allowed to go to the family home.2 My father wasa retired army colonel who had graduated from the Military Academy and had served long years inthe armed forces. He had studied at the Military Academy at the same time as Zahir Khan3 and DaoudKhan4. We were [nine siblings, all told]; three1 Corresponding to circa 25 July 1960.2 Sic, despite the fact that this sentence seems out of place here.3 King of Afghanistan, 1933-19734 Cousin of the King, prime minster 1953-1963 and president of the republic, 1973-78.



sisters and two brothers from one wife [of my father’s] and three sisters and one brother from another wife. My mother was my father’s second wife.5 According to custom when a young girl’s hand is being asked for marriage.6 The “ritual” undertaken by the groom’s family for asking a girl’s hand in marriage. 7 Which at the time had the posh-est banquet hall in all of Kabul.

We were a middle class family. I had just finished 11th grade when my brother Noor married. Shirin

Jan, who was a distant relative on my father’s side, had come to my brother’s wedding reception andsaw me sitting there, quiet and subdued. She liked me and asked for my hand in marriage for her sonfrom her first husband. After visiting our house several times5 she invited all of us to her house so thather son could have a good look at me. After our visit her son announced his consent, so [Shirin Jan’sfamily] stepped up the khwastgari6. I knew nothing about such things, so when my elder brother came to me to ask me whether I accepted the union, I said “Give me away in marriage if he is a goodman; don’t if he is not.” They asked around and found out that [the suitor] was a good man but noteducated, since due to family problems he had not been able to complete his education.In short, we became engaged. Some problems came up during the betrothal celebrations whichresulted in hurt feelings, but they were dealt with and a grand celebration was held at theIntercontinental Hotel7. After two years our wedding also took place at this hotel. After gettingmarried, my lot in life began a downward spiral, right up to today that I am writing these memoirs.

[TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] My

husband told me that I should go and see a doctor because I wasn’t getting pregnant. I went to see[Dr.] Karima Rashidi. She gave me some injections and said “You will conceive, it is too soon [to getworried].” After six months and no positive result, I went to see [Dr.] Tireena who at that time was[a] very renowned [gynecologist]. She also told me that I was going to conceive and that there wasnothing to worry about. In short, I spent some six, seven years like this but could not get to bear achild. Finally, my husband started picking on me. He wouldn’t allow me to go visit my mother, and athome he would find fault with my cooking and serving meals, and he would find excuses to harassme.

[image 3553]

[It reached a point where] I had to say “Go and take another wife, what can I do?”He twice took me to India [for treatment] and [he used to say] “I will take a second wife [but] you

also I will have treated.” Finally, Aziz, [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCEDE NON-PUBLICATION] promised to find a [second] wife for him and I knew nothing about it.

[Some time later] Aziz’s wife came to visit us and she saw that [we had] a large house but nochildren, so she gave her [own] sister in marriage to my husband. It was thus that he married a secondtime and I was visited with a new catastrophe. [My husband’s second wife] conceived after threemonths and my husband promised her that he would have



8 Literally “happiness went towards her”.9 Houses in Afghanistan are normally built with flat roofs which are used as terraces.10 A custom in some families with a barren and a fertile co-wife married to the same husband, by which the fertilewife gives (or consents to give) her new-born child for “in-family adoption” to the barren co-wife for the latter toraise as her own in order for her to feel somewhat mollified for her inability to have children of her own.11 Despite the “in-family adoption” mentioned, the biological mother continues to breast-feed the baby and perform basic mothering duties which the co-wife cannot perform.

their child born in India, and [also promised me] at the same time that he would see to my treatment.In short, his first child was born in India and was christened Sadaf as a first name and Zainab as asecond name, and I too was taken for treatment [to India], but the [Indian] doctor told me that I had tohave surgery in order for conceptive treatment to succeed. Shafie did not allow this because we onlyhad 15 days left and [cited the pretext] that there were no [good] doctors in Kabul, and what if the[surgical] wound were to become infected? So we came back to Kabul and when Sadaf was a year old[her mother] became pregnant again and my husband’s treatment of me, which was not bad, began todeteriorate and his [second] wife [schemed] to gradually separate me from my husband. Wherever myhusband went and whatever he brought home, he treated both of us equally, but his [second] wifedidn’t like this and after their son Hamed was born happiness left me.8 Until Hamed was eight months

old I did the chores at home for a week and then it was [my co-wife]’s turn to do the householdchores for a week.One day my husband had guests. They played cards throughout the whole night. When his guests left,I told [my co-wife] “Come to your son, I will do the cleaning up”, but she said “[No], I will do [thecleaning].” I was sitting on the roof 9 of the one-storey house above a solarium, and Hamed was in myarms. There were about two hand-spans of cement and the rest was of glass. I do not know how ithappened but I moved a little [and the next thing I knew] Hamed and I had both fallen down [onto thefloor beneath]. It was a Saturday and both of us were taken to the hospital. Hamed’s leg and my head,arm and leg were badly hurt. After a lot of treatment by Dr Anwar, Shafie’s brother, both [Hamed andI] got well again through the grace of God. I was [an adult] and could bear the pain, but Hamed wasvery little and it was very difficult for him until he got well again. He was allergic to antibiotics, butthrough the grace of God both of us recuperated. My husband, though, treated me very badly after that and he used to say time and again, “You dropped my son,” and I used to reply “I didn’t do it on purpose, I was hurt too”, but he used to say

[image 3552]

“I don’t care about you, you hurt my son.” I suffered so much until his son got well again that I couldnot even think about my own condition. [My husband] did not treat me and my family decently untilHamed was well again. Hamed’s mother had conceived once more and at the time of Hamed’s fallfrom the roof she had Sahar, her third child, in her womb. Sahar was born through the grace of Godthree months after [the mishap]. When Sahar was 40 days old, her mother gave her to me10 and said“She is yours and you will have charge of her.” It was Tooba who [initiated] this and I was veryhappy. Night and day I worked hard and did not allow [Tooba] to do any housework so that Sahar would not be discomforted.11 When Sahar was four months old her mother said that Shafie shouldstay three nights with her and one night with me. Because she had given Sahar to



12 Literally, “Little Lamb”. a nickname.13 A community in Peshawar, Pakistan14 A community in Peshawar so named because mostly Pakistani army officers live and own houses there. “Fauji”means “Army”.15 i.e. abnormal situation, as displaced people or refugees16 In Afghan culture, the harshest and most hurtful non-obscene vituperation is to curse someone’s father.17 Buying and possessing gold and gold jewelry is considered a woman’s investment and guarantee of future financialsecurity because her gold and jewelry are considered her very own.

me, I agreed. Sahar was eight months old when the civil war in Kabul intensified and we fledAfghanistan to Pakistan. At this time Tooba was once again two-and-a-half months’ pregnant with

[TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION], was

born in Pakistan, then came [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DENON-PUBLICATION] and then Geeti. At first we were living in Hayatabad13 together with Anwar,

[Shafie’s] brother, then we moved to Defense Colony, Fauji section14. When little Geeti was four months old we went to Dubai. Throughout this period I helped Tooba a lot because I was childlessmyself.

[ bottom of right hand page, in square brackets:] We exited Kabul on 18 August 1992

Throughout each of Tooba’s pregnancies I helped her, four months before her giving birth and 40days after. From the seventh month [of her pregnancy] I would tell her not to do any housework [butto leave everything to me]. Every child of hers was born at the end of her 10 th month of gestation. Isuffered a lot while the children grew up in an environment of displaced people15, because if they hurtor burnt themselves I would be answerable in any case. This was because Tooba would be pregnantand would be resting, and miserable me who was estranged [intimately] from my husband wouldalways be busy with the housework, and if one of the children hurt themselves it would be my father who would be cursed a hundred times16.We came to Dubai in April of 1996. We had left Afghanistan in August of 1992. Once in Dubai,[Tooba] didn’t conceive for five years, meaning that she didn’t want to get pregnant again. It was

during this period that she shed all worries. She separated Shafie from me for ever [in regard tosleeping arrangements], she bought a lot of gold [jewelry]17, she took driving courses, and she took away the financial management and power [sic] of the household from me. First she told Shafie tospend three nights with her and one night with me. After some time she said that [Shafie shouldspend] one week with her and one night with me; then finally she permanently separated him fromme –but not aggressively, through shouting and quarrelling, but gently and smoothly, without puttingherself at risk of any censure. She put the [responsibility for the arrangement] squarely on Shafie’sshoulders, and miserable me who wouldn’t question Shafie in regard to anything swallowedeverything without a word, because I had no option.

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[on top of right hand page, above diary text:] Two o’clock in the morning, 5.6.2008We were very happy for some time after we arrived in Dubai because there was a change in our lives.But [for me] this happiness was short lived because Tooba, little by little, implemented all theschemes she had and drove me [deeper] into misery without allowing any blame or censure to attachto herself. One day Shafie said “I want to buy gold [jewelry] for both of you.” He told me, “Choosewhether you want [gold] bangles or a



18 i.e. a matching set of earrings, pendant, etc.19 Most probably meaning gold coins, locally called “pounds” and “half-pounds”, strung together with a gold chainand worn around the neck like a necklace20 A wedding ring or a ring signifying matrimony21 i.e socializing in the community

set18”. He asked the same of Tooba. I said I wanted a set because I had bangles. [This was] because I

had had two sets [of gold] but Shafie [had taken them away from me and] had sold them when wewere in India, because, [he said,] “Tooba keeps telling me ‘Rona has a lot of gold and I have little’, soI will sell all your gold and [later] I will buy you both [the same thing and treat you both equally].” SoI gave him both my [gold] sets; one was a set he had given me before he married Tooba, and itconsisted of 11 half-pounds19 without the chain, and the other set was with a bangle and earringswhich he sold for around 55,000 [Indian Rupees]. These he sold at a time when a dollar was [theequivalent of] 30 Afghanis. When Sadaf was born he took me to a jewelry shop and I chose a setwhich did not include a bangle and a ring because I liked it. [The same set] cost 3,200 dirhams in1997. I said “Buy me a chilla20” because he had sold my chilla too. In response he told me “That isenough now, some other time,” and he deceived me. I am in Canada now that I am writing thisepisode, and a long time has passed since then, but because it pained me a great deal I wanted to putthis episode, this bitter story of my life, on paper. Anyway, let me continue my story.

The next day he took Tooba out to buy her gold [jewelry]. Tooba told him “Buy me bangles becausehere [in Dubai] there is not much going-and-coming21 and no weddings [to attend], so I don’t want to buy a set.” So Shafie bought her six bangles, the [total] weight of which was equal to my gold set.She showed me a bangle and said “This one Shafie bought for me.” I asked her, “What is the weight[of the bangle]?” She said, “It weighs 20 grams” but it really was something like 50 grams because itwas as thick as two fingers. I said, “Even if you show it to a blind person, he will not believe you!The weight [of the bangle] is far more.” She began arguing with me, saying, “Sure, so what? Nextyear I will buy a set of the same [weight and thickness]”. I said “You can buy [whatever you want], but don’t lie to me about the weight.” When Shafie took Tooba out he bought a chilla for me too, andgave it to me. I had asked him to buy me a chilla when we were out shopping together, because Iwanted to choose one according to my own taste, but he didn’t buy me one. He bought me one on the

day he went shopping with Tooba because Tooba knew that the chilla I previously had, which had been sold, was a meshed one, which I didn’t like because things got caught in the mesh.

[image 3550]

I wanted a smooth chilla, but [Shafie] had brought me a meshed one [again]. I said, “When I askedyou to buy me one [when I was with you], you didn’t. This one is meshed, [too].” He answered, “If you don’t like it, give it to Tooba.” I flung it to Tooba, and she exchanged it for a ring.The next year, when we were going to Australia, I told Shafie that I wanted to go shopping to buyclothes for myself. He [answered] “Is it your wedding you’re going to, that you want to prepareclothes for yourself?” [He said this to me at a time when] Tooba was going out shopping every singleday, buying clothes and things for herself and her children. I said nothing. One day Tooba said “I am

going shopping to buy things for the children.” They were out until 11 o’clock [at night]. When theyreturned they were not22 To “resort to patience” is considered virtuous in underdogs, as the underdog commits the mean party to God andGod punishes them in mysterious ways as a reward to the suffering party for “resorting to patience”.

carrying any shopping bags, only a few small bags. They came in and sat down. Shafie suddenly[turned to Tooba and] said, “Tooba, bring out your gold and put it on.” I saw Tooba take out her setand put it on. Shafie said “[You look] very pretty with it”. I could only stare. I couldn’t say anything because if I said anything she would say “I can do what I please. He’s not buying any for you!” Shehad also bought a few small bangles and two small bracelets and a pendant. I was half-expecting her



to give one of the bracelets to me, but she said “I have bought these bracelets as gifts [for friends inAustralia].” She had bought the pendant for Qiam’s wife. When we reached Australia she gave the pendant to Qiam’s wife, but the rest she kept for herself because the people she had bought the giftsfor did not come to see her, so she didn’t give the gifts of gold to anyone but kept them all for herself.When [Shafie] bought [Tooba] the gold in Dubai I could not eat anything for a week, because he hadmade a promise to me and had lied. After a week, Tooba came to me and said “The reason why I buy[so much] gold is for [the sake of] the children. I [myself] don’t care much for gold. You have a set[of gold], that should be enough for you because you do not have any children. What will you do withgold? You’re just making yourself miserable!” So she brought me some food and said “He will buyyou gold whenever you wish. Don’t worry, you know that Shafie doesn’t listen. I told him, ‘Buysome [gold] for Rona too’ but he said ‘If I buy any [gold] for Rona, she will think I did it because Iam scared of her.’ ” It was a sly excuse that she had cooked up, but Tooba was very smart. She would both buy gold for herself and shut me up, too. Later, after some eight years, when I was about to go toFrance, I asked her to buy me a ring, but she answered “I won’t. You can go and find a husband for yourself who would buy you one. I won’t be the one to buy you [a ring].” I [needed a ring because I]didn’t have one, so Tooba said “You can go and trade in your pendant and buy a ring instead.” Sheoffered to go for me, saying “I will go, but Shafie should not know [that I am doing this]. I will trade

it in for you. But a round pendant does not become you, you are advanced in age. Don’t say anythingabout this to Shafie.” I went with her to the jewelry store. When we entered the jewelry store, shetook me to a display and told me to choose what I wanted, then she disappeared somewhere. I feltlost, and I was timid and left alone, but finally I exchanged a small set with a ring. The vendor said“This is 18 carat gold,” and he exchanged it for a price of 1,900 dirhams.

[image 3549]

My pendant weighed 36 grams, and the pendant [sic] I exchanged it for weighed 23 grams, but it was22 carat gold. When arriving in Canada, Shafie asked me at the Canadian airport “You had a [gold] pendant, what did you do with it?” I said “You yourself had told me to exchange it and buy a ring for myself, so I traded it in.” He didn’t say anything because we were at the airport. I didn’t mention

Tooba’s name and the fact that she had guided me [in the transaction]. Well, in order not to strayfrom the story [of my life], I will put an end to the gold saga.When in Australia, [Tooba/Shafie kept taunting me by showing off the gold that Tooba had bought], but I resorted to patience22, and consequently [Shafie] suffered huge losses23 Literally: He had made life bitter for me.

in his business. God humiliated them and avenged me through other means. It is true that “God is thesuccor of the helpless”. Before going to Australia, Shafie first filed a case for immigration to NewZealand. Everyone was cleared for immigration [to New Zealand] except me. My medical clearancewas rejected. Parwiz, Shafie’s friend, suggested to him, “Let’s all go to Australia. Get a visa [toAustralia], I have family there, we can [all] go to Australia.” Shafie obtained a business visa grantingus one year’s residence in that country. [A] lawyer told Shafie to hire legal counsel when in Australiain order to apply for permanent resident status. When we landed in Australia, some of Shafie’s friendsadvised him to buy property as that would expedite his application for permanent residence. Shafieeagerly bought two large houses and a swath of land. His lawyer kept telling him not to buy propertyas it would damage his case, and to defer such purchase until after obtaining permanent residentstatus. But the silly fool listened to his friends instead of listening to his lawyer, and had to auctionoff both his houses and the land he had bought, incurring [great] losses in the process. Besides this, awoman, named [blank], who was the head of [an] association of Afghan immigrants in Australia,advised the Australian government that Shafie was not a desirable person. This provided an excusefor the Australian government to [tell Shafie], “You came here to engage in business, but you haven’t



done anything for Australia. The fact that you bought and sold property here [was for your personalgain]. You should have bought property here and employed a number of Australians in order to benefit the Australian government. Whatever you did, you did with your own personal interest inmind.” So they expelled us from that country. At this time only one day was left to the expiry of the3-years’ validity of our Dubai visas. We went back to the Hayat Regency [?], a hotel in Dubai with asection named Gilorya equipped for family sojourn. We stayed there for three months. I have very bad memories of this period at this hotel because Shafie had to spend a lot of money, his bid for resettlement in Australia had failed, and he even had to sell a house he had in Kabul [to pay for theexpenses]. So he was always in a bad mood and he took it out on me. He used to say “This is all because of you –we had been accepted [for resettlement] in New Zealand, but all this loss we haveincurred because of you.” But [it was not because of me], it was because of his own stupid mistakes.Every day he used to sit together with his [second] wife and ventilate against me. One day he said tome, “Go back to Kabul, I can’t keep you as my tail wherever I go.” I said, “The Taliban are in power [in Afghanistan],

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how can I go back there? Many a lion-whiskered macho brute has had to flee Kabul, and you want tosend me there?” He began hitting me. The children came in and said to him, “Dad, stop hitting her”and he replied, “I am beating her up [to punish her] because she swore at your mom and insulted her.”He lied because he didn’t want to lose face in front of the children. Whatever I did, if I sat down, if Igot up, if I ate anything, there was blame and censure attached to it. In short, he had made life atorture for me.23

Later they rented a house at Yasamin Building and we moved there, and Shafie announced [out of frustration], “For a while we won’t even talk about an [immigration] application. We will not apply toimmigrate to any country. In some years’ time we will [revisit this issue].



24 “jan” is a suffix to a name, denoting [in this case] mild affection25 Literally: invitation

Waking up in the morning some time later, I noticed that Shafie and Tooba were not at home. I askedTooba’s children “Where is your mother?” They said that they didn’t know. I thought they had goneto see a doctor. Noon approached and still no sign of them. That day it was Tooba’s turn to do thecooking and the household chores, but she hadn’t even called me [to let me know about her absence].

I was wondering what to do, so I thought I’d do some ironing. They finally showed up around three inthe afternoon. I asked her “Where have you been? You didn’t even tell me anything about what tocook [for lunch].” Tooba answered “You should have cooked something, whatever.” [After a fewminutes] I repeated, “Where have you been?” She said “We went to see a lawyer who has filed animmigration-to-Canada application for us.” I was very upset because they could have told me the previous night [that they intended to do this], but she didn’t like [to let me in on what was going on]and wanted to arrange everything stealthily.One day I asked [her], “You are going to go to Canada. What about me?” She would never tell me thetruth. She answered, “You won’t be left alone in Dubai. I don’t know, maybe he’ll send you [back] toKabul.” It was two years before they were accepted [for immigration to Canada]. During these twoyears I worried every day, thinking that if they are accepted and I have to go back to Kabul, it will be

very difficult for me. I was thinking perhaps I would go to [join] my family in France. Finally, oneday, after completion of the medical tests and the paper work, [Shafie] brought home everyone’s plane tickets [to Canada]. For me, he had obtained a visa to Germany. Homayun jan24, Tooba’s brother, had sent me a sponsorship25 letter [on the strength of which] I had been given, within threeweeks, a visa to Germany. I was very happy that day and couldn’t wait for the day of departure, because I hadn’t seen my family for fifteen years. We bought gifts and Tooba packed everything thatshe had bought and needed into cartons to ship to Canada by container. One month before their departure, Shafie shipped a car together with all needed household items, from furniture to kitchenutilities to blankets, [etc.] in a container to Canada. The night of our departure I cleared out andcleaned the kitchen and no one slept. Finally, after morning prayers everyone got up at 5 in themorning and prepared to leave. We had some 10 pieces of luggage and departed to the airport in twotaxis. My flight was at 8:30 and theirs was at 9:00. I reached my destination after seven and a half

hours, they flew for sixteen hours with a stopover in London. [image 3547]

[on top of right hand page, above diary text:] 14.6.2007, Thursday, flight was at 8 in the morning and Ireached Charles de Gaul airport in Paris at 1½ [sic]When I disembarked at the airport, I saw my mother from afar and recognized her, but I didn’t

recognize [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] because she had filled out. When I had [last] seen her she had married and had two

children, [but] she was young then. Now that I was seeing her at age 42, I really can never forget that

moment. I took them in my arms and was crying. Anyway, we went home. [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN

RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] was chattering away but I wasnodding off because I was so tired. Next morning, I got up and realized that the children were not

beside me. [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] and I were sleeping in the same room, but I was so [emotionally close] to the

children26 Word “Paris” is written over the crossed-out word “Frankfurt”.

that it was really unbearable. I cried every day; I couldn’t even read the Koran. This was the first timeI had been separated from my [husband’s] family. I would feel better after talking to them on the



phone or seeing them over the internet. No one can read the future. I wish I hadn’t [missed them] somuch. After two months I went to Germany to extend my visa, because they had [told me] thatwhoever had sponsored me [in the first place] should sign the request for extension of stay. I didn’tknow this. I went to Germany on August 8 th. Homayun, Tooba’s brother, called me and said that Ishould go to Germany a month in advance [of the visa expiry date] because it was [by appointment]

and I could attend Layla jan’s wedding also. He invited [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNEORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] to come [to Germany] too, together with her

children. [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION]was very happy and said that we could go to Razia’s house a few weeks [before Layla jan’s wedding]and we’d be able to attend Razia’s daughter’s wedding also, but Razia said that she could

accommodate us for a week, not more, since she would be working. [TEXTE RETIRÉ ENRAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] said “It doesn’t matter, I will [do

the work in your place]”. [Razia] said “It is because lots of people would be coming for the wedding

and there wouldn’t be enough space for all.” [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNEORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] was upset, so when Homayun jan said “Come to

Layla’s wedding” she was very happy , but later Homayun called and told me that I should go to

Germany with [only one companion] because he didn’t have enough space at home [to accommodatemore]. [He said] “When the wedding is over, I will bring her [back] myself. Until [the wedding date]

she can stay with some relatives, if she has any.” [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNEORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] said that she wasn’t going to go at all and would go

to cancel her ticket. [When she went to do so] they checked the computer [record] and said “Only one

day is left. No one else will buy this ticket.” [[TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNEORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION]] had paid €1,000 [for the ticket]. [The agent] said

that they would refund [only] €200. [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCEDE NON-PUBLICATION] didn’t accept and said “No matter, we will go to Nazee’s place, my

aunt’s house, Razia’s brothers’ house.” It was finally at Nazee’s house that our schedule was sortedout. All of us took a big bus on Saturday and went to Germany. After we left the house we changed

trains twice, once from [Le Nyor?? Nyor??] to Poitier, [then] from Poitier to Tour. At Tour we took the bus and went up to Paris.26 The bus should have let us off at Kessel but we disembarked atFrankfurt. We didn’t speak the language [so we couldn’t communicate]. It was with great difficultythat we were able to ask [sic]. At the train station [a] vehicle from the bus company [came and pickedus up]. [They] said “A car should have come; we don’t know, perhaps there has been an accident.[in square brackets beneath diary text at bottom of left half of page:] We departed 5 ½ in the morning, traindeparture was at 6 ½]

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[in square brackets above diary text at top of right half of page:] Layla jan’s wedding was on August 11; at 6

in the evening on Saturday we departed to return to Paris.[TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] paid

€200 for the car to take us back to Kessel. [After reaching Kessel] I called Homayun from [TEXTERETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION]’s cellphone. He

came and sent [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] to [unintelligible] Nazee’s house and we went to Homayun’s house. At the train

station Homayun didn’t even once [invite [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE



ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION]] to go to his house, even for a day. Two days were

left to the wedding. I was very upset but didn’t say anything. Neither did Homayun say “Your sister can come [with you]” after the wedding was over. I remained at Homayun’s house for a week, then 27

The month of fasting for Muslims.28 i.e. to increase the credibility of my passport29 Literally: Who wants to take responsibility for trouble?

30 Literally: My visa was stuck with them.[TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] 32 A strong oath.33 Literally: “Hit myself”; cultural gesture of extreme anguish and helplessness

I called [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNE ORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION]to come from Nazee’s house so that we could go back to France. My sister came to the train station.We linked up there and set out for Paris. After we reached Paris we took a bus for [Nyor??]It was twelve midnight when we reached the Nyor train station. Then we walked home. It was nearlyan hour’s walk. We were very tired and after we had a bath we went to bed.

Two weeks were left to the expiry of my visa. [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNEORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] took me to a doctor because of the corns in my feet

and once because of my nose, and got medicine for me because I had allergy.After the two weeks were over I departed for Dubai at 5 in the morning on 6 September 2007. Thedeparture hour from Paris was 15 ½ (3 ½). It was a 7 hour journey. I reached Dubai at twelvemidnight, and by the time I reached home it was one in the morning. It was very hot in Dubai.After some days Ramadan27 began. I was in Dubai for another one-and-a-half months after the end of Ramadan, me and Shafie [and] Tamana [sic]. Shafie obtained a six-month visa for London for me inorder to strengthen28 my passport so I could get a visa to Canada. If [Canada] wouldn’t give me [avisa] I could go back to France. But the Canadian embassy gave me a three-month visa. We departedon November 5 and after a two hour stopover in London and changing planes we departed again andarrived in Canada at 5 ½ Canada time. At the Canadian airport they searched the luggage verymeticulously, item by item. Then we set out for home. After some days Tooba sometimes used to say“Shafie was so bored at Dubai. He can’t live for a minute without me.” She was picking on me.

Sometimes she would say “Why did you [have to leave] France? You should have stayed there.” Or she would say “You might stay here on a visa for two years, three years, [but finally you would haveto go].” Or she would say “Your family got rid of you. Who would want [a dead weight around their necks]29? She would make me so miserable and upset. Sometimes she wouldn’t speak with me, so Iwould go and speak with her because she had my passport.30 Tooba used to say, “Your life is in myhands.”

[image 3545]

Every day I had to put up [with something]. Once [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNEORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION], Shafie’s daughter, said to me, “Swear upon my

head32

: haven’t you slept with my father?” I said, “Even if I have/do [there is nothing shameful in it] because he is my husband, but it is not appropriate for you at this age to ask [such a question].” Sometime later one day Tooba told Sahar to come and peel some potatoes. Sahar told her sister Geeti to goand bring the potatoes [to her]. Tooba said [to Sahar], “You bootlick and fawn on others but will notcome [to do my bidding].” She summoned Sahar to her and gave her a tongue lashing. Later, Sahar came home and [mixed] the medicine named Paizin [sic] [which is found] in handbags for preservation [sic] in some water and drank it. When I came and saw what had happened I was veryupset, I [slapped] myself 33 and said “Why do you want death?34 From Paghman, area near Kabul. Here used as a taunt.



Why did you take medicine [to commit suicide]?” Her mother said “She can go to hell. Let her killherself.” I said “Why should she kill herself? Why did you give her to me in the first place? I don’twant this to happen.” She said “This will be the last day for you here.” I said, “You Paghmani34, youcan’t kick me out. You are one wife of his, I am another.” She said “You are not his wife, you are myservant.” Later Shafie came and I went to bed. The following morning Tooba had told himeverything. Shafie was furious at me. I told him everything that had happened since Dubai. I said“What is it that I am to blame for? What have I done?” I saw that Shafie calmed down and went back.After a couple of days Shafie sat me down and proceeded to preach to me, telling me that I should tryto get along with Tooba. He put the blame [for the clash] on me, even though I was innocent. Eachand every time since Tooba entered our [family] Shafie has sided with her, even when no blameattached itself to me. This sort of injustice I cannot put up with [anymore].I was so frustrated. I used to wander in parks and cry. When I returned home no one would speak with me except for Geeti and Sahar, furtively, when their mother was not there. It was very painfulfor me, very difficult. She wouldn’t allow any of the children to sleep in my room. I always had to goout to call my family in order to calm down. Then I used to come back and prepare something for myself to eat. Tooba and I would not speak to each other for some 5-6 months. Then one day, when itwas my birthday, Tooba bought a cake and sent it to me by the hand of her daughter and I went to her

to thank her. Thus we reconciled. The night before [TEXTE RETIRÉ EN RAISON D’UNEORDONNANCE DE NON-PUBLICATION] had made us reconcile but we still wouldn’t speak

with each other. At this juncture I told [Tooba] everything, how life was so difficult for me here, andexpressed the hope that she would help me. She promised me that she would.[image 3556, right half of page]

On Thursday, 21st August at 3 ½ o’clock [sic] we left home for Toronto. We wanted to go to NiagaraFalls and rent hotel rooms for a week. After four hours of travel, it was 20 minutes to 7 in theevening, Shafie saw the police and stopped the car in order to change [places] with Tooba. The policewas under [a] tower and observing us with binoculars. He came towards us . Tooba said “I wasdriving”, the police said “No, it was your husband [who was driving].” After an hour’s debate andargument the police [impounded] the car and called for two taxis for us, and also called for a tow-

truck and had the car towed away for a week. We wanted to continue on to Toronto with a rental car, but when we went to rent a car the [rental] office had closed. If we were to go by taxi it would havecost us $1,200. Finally we [decided to] go to a hotel nearby. We passed the night there and in themorning Hamed and his father took the train to Montreal -the fare was $90- to bring Tooba’s car.They departed in the morning and reached Montreal in the late afternoon. From Montreal they set off again at 5 in the afternoon and reached us by 9 in the evening. At 10 at night we left the hotel for Niagara Falls and after two hours we entered Toronto city and reached Niagara after another 1 ½hours. It was nearly 3 in the morning [when we reached Niagara] . We went to the hotel [and stayedthere] until 10 in the morning …

[image 3557]

Then we went to another hotel near the Falls [where we had reserved rooms] for a week. It was aSaturday [when we went to this hotel]. We stayed at this hotel from Saturday till Wednesday, and wevisited the Falls which was very beautiful. We explored the place a lot. On one of those days Wahidaand Farid’s wife came from Toronto. They had prepared some kabab35 which they brought with them.We left the hotel for Toronto at 7 o’clock in the morning on the Wednesday and went to the home of Farid, Shafie’s friend. On Thursday we went to Wahida jan’s place at 7 in the evening and spent thenight there. On the Friday afternoon at 6 o’clock we departed to Farid’s house. Farid’s house was atRichmond Hill (Yong St.) [sic] and Wahida’s house was at Pekaren [sic]. Farid’s wife is a very kindlady. She made us stay until the Sunday. On the Sunday we left for Montreal. It was 11 ½ o’clock



when we left Farid’s house and came to Wahida’s, and from there we took Tooba’s car and set out at12, arriving home at 6 ½ o’clock. 35 Broiled meat

Journal de Rona Amir

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