Interventions that build resilient relationships: Learning skills for

productive conversations

Professor Carol CardnoUnitec Institute of Technology

Resilience – a psychological resource• Absolutely no agreement on a specific definition of

resilience across psychological studies of children and adults

• However in relation to workplace resilience there is a more consolidated meaning

• Resilience is needed when there is drastic change, chaos or something that threatens equilibrium

• Resilience requires adaptation, risk-taking and the need for flexibility

• It is about ‘bounce back’ and also uses ‘setbacks’ as a springboard for new opportunities

Individual and organisational resiliency• In organisational settings the ideal resilient

environment is characterised by productive relationships which are responsive and have the ability to deal with dissonance.

• Individuals and teams can develop skills that enable resilient responses when the social environment is disordered or a damaged.

• What is most needed is understanding of self and others and open communication in order to “start all over again”

Resilient relationships• Organisational work with individuals and teams

depends on interpersonal relationships being functional.

• When these relationships are damaged or become dis-functional we cannot be productive.

• Being productive is about achieving the result we desire by managing defensiveness and dilemmas

• Resilient relationships help this to happen and these practices also strengthen resilient relationships.

Analysis of resilience(using the Kent and Davis framework)

• Resilience treated as a personal trait– Focus on individual and personality– Psychoanalytic approaches favoured

• Resilience treated as a process– - processes used to protect from harm– - processes used to move things towards recovery

• Resilience treated as emerging through interventions to build capacity, trust, strength and sustainability

Defensiveness – creates barriersWe all revert to defensive responses when things do not go our way in problem-solving.The threat and embarrassment that trigger defensiveness create a fear of failing again which is why one becomes averse to risk-taking.Recognising (and countering) defensiveness in self and others are the most important skills to develop.Dilemmas trigger highly defensive responses.

Dilemmas that challenge leaders• When there are tensions and potential conflict in a

situation then a dilemma may be present.• The ‘leadership dilemma’ presents as a constant

challenge to achieve the goals of the organisation and simultaneously preserve a positive collegial relationship.

• When a leadership dilemma is present it challenges our ability to deal with defensiveness.

• This kind of dilemma needs to be recognised and articulated as part of a productive conversation.

When relationships fail!• Most managers know what it feels like to fail in

a communication situation related to problem-solving.

• Resilience requires the ‘bounce back’ quality and demands a high level of interpersonal skill focused on “trying again”.

• I profess to know something about a particular skill-set for enabling productive conversations and offer this learning to managers who want to build resilient and productive relationships.

The song!

• Nothing’s impossible I have found. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start all over again!

• Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers – Stardust – Circa 1936

• Mel Torme in the 1970s• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AGUsRG

uZb6k

• http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFczWMwzvns

Interventions can build resilience• If you really want to solve long-term complex

people problems then you may need to view them as ‘leadership dilemmas’ and not simple routine problems (Cardno, 2012).

• You also need to understand how defensive behaviour stops us from being productive.

• A dilemma management intervention offers a new way of seeing problems and trying to resolve them.

• It involves learning the skills for engaging in a productive conversation.

Reflection-in-action as a tool for building resilience

• Reflection-in-action involves being able to reflect upon (and alter) what you are doing – whist in mid-action.

• It is a high order cognitive skill associated with openness to learning and it lies at the heart of a productive conversation.

• I am now going to show you how we conduct a productive conversation using the Triple I approach (Cardno, 2012).

The Triple I Approach1. Say what you think or feel

(inform)2. Say why you think or feel this

way (illustrate)3. Check with others (inquire)4. Deal with emotions

(acknowledge these)

• These rules are resources that aid high levels of advocacy and inquiry

1. INFORM – STATE YOUR CONCERN• Saying what you think or feel• “I am feeling frustrated with your lack of

progress towards completing the programme review documentation.”

• “I think you are still having difficulties with planning your teaching in ways that will help you to cope with demanding students.”

• This is advocacy – where the focus is on giving quality information – and both parties need to do this.

2. ILLUSTRATE – STATE THE REASONS FOR YOUR CONCERN

• Saying why you think or feel this way• “because I have now observed that you are

allowing other tasks to become a priority.”• “for example, you are not using the start of the

lesson to set a specific objective for these three students as we discussed and you agreed last week.”

• This is deepening advocacy – explaining and giving examples to display your reasoning

• Encourage others to do the same.

3. INQUIRE – CHECK OTHER’S REACTIONS

• Checking with others• “What do you think?”• “How do you see this from your perspective?”• This sort of questioning is used to genuinely seek

information – not control it!• Ask relevant (not rhetorical) questions to generate

information so that inquiry balances advocacy• Utilise feedback to reflect-in-action and change

tack if necessary

FURTHER STEPS FOR COMPLETING A CONVERSATION

• 4. SUMMARISE shared understanding• repeat steps 1-4 if necessary to reach a point

where there is a common view of the concern(s) – this is also associated with reflection-in-action – your preconceived objectives may need to be altered!

• 5. jointly suggest and evaluate solutions• 6. decide together on a solution• 7. Agree next step and plan joint monitoring

DEALING WITH EMOTIONS• Be prepared to ‘feel’ and ‘deal’ with emotions

that attend defensiveness – both your defensive response and the response of others.

• Be observant – and acknowledge what you think is happening.

• Do not make assumptions about other’s emotional state – check with them.

• Ask others to help you decide how to proceed if they become emotional.

Intervention Triumphs• The topic of productive conversations has great appeal• I often encounter self-belief in personal emotional

resources to bolster application of the theory• There is some quickly read and easily comprehended

literature available and being used• Collegial on-going learning (and resilience-building)

after the event has been identified as important• When there is a relationship disaster – it is often the

catalyst for applying new learning• The understanding of this new way of processing

problems is claimed by many participants

Tragedy – learning failures• In several cases people did not want to look too

closely at their own practice – find this disquieting• Interventions must go to a much deeper level of

intrapersonal awareness than people usually want – discomfort is a barrier but essential for learning

• Learning must be both intellectual and practical otherwise it does not “take hold”

• Interventions must be multiple and spread over time (2 – 3 years) to have an impact on:– Personal learning internalisation– Organisational and team culture

Implications for resilient relationships• The idea holds a lot of promise• It is hard to deliver because the learning

experience is highly demanding in terms of both cognition and competence

• I hear people bewailing the failure of problem-solving efforts but continuing to tolerate these

• Possibilities for building resilient relationships exist but top leadership must value this or nothing much will change

References• Cardno, C. (2012). Managing effective relationships in education.

London: Sage.• Flach, F. (1988). Resilience: Discovering a new strength at times of

stress. New York: Fawcett Columbine.• Kent, M. & Davis, M. C. (2010). Resilience interventions: The

emergence of capacity-building programs and models. In J. W. Reich, A. J. Zautra & J. S. Hall (Eds.) Handbook of adult resilience, (pp. 427-449). New York: Guilford Press.

• Wilson, S. M. & Ferch, S. R. (2005). Enhancing resilience in the workplace through the practice of caring relationships. Organizational Development Journal, 23(4), 45-60.

• Youssef, C. M. & Luthans, F. (2007). Positive organizational behaviour in the workplace: The impact of hope, optimism, and resilience. Journal of Management, 33(5), 774-800.