Improving SentenceConcision and Coherence

How does making sentence concise and coherent improve

your argument?

Two Strategies

The Paramedic Method

Cutting Clutter

The Paramedic Method

The Paramedic Method

Developed by Richard Lanham, the paramedic method is a set of clear steps for analyzing and revising wordy sentences.

Writers use the paramedic method to improve clarity and readability so that their meaning is communicated concisely and effectively.

The Paramedic Method

• Circle the prepositions and underline the prepositional phrases.

• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is

kicking who?” Put a box around nominalizations.

• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not compound) active verb. Write the nominalization as an active verb.

• Circle the prepositions and underline the prepositional phrases.

• Original

The grant proposals reviews were read by the students.

Step 1

• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.

• Original

The grant proposals reviews were read by the students.

“To be” verbs are conjugations of “to be”: am, is, are, was, were, be, being, been

Step 2

• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is kicking who?” Put a box around nominalizations.

• Original

The grant proposal reviews were read

by the students.

Step 3

• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not compound) active verb. Write the nominalization as an active verb.

• Original

The grant proposal reviews were read

by the students.

• Revision

• The students reviewed the grant proposals.

Step 4

Lard Content

• Number of words removed: 3

• Number of words in original sentence: 9

• 3/9= 33%

Practice

• On your graded argument, use colored pencils or highlighters to mark your draft.

• Follow the guidelines on the next slide for practicing the paramedic method..

The Paramedic Method

• Circle the prepositions and underline the prepositional phrases.

• Circle the “to be” forms of verbs.• Ask, “Where’s the action?” “Who is

kicking who?” Put a box around nominalizations.

• Put this “kicking” in a simple (not compound) active verb. Write the nominalization as an active verb.

Cut the Clutter

1. Avoid empty sentence openers.

• Avoid expletives--There is, There are, and There were--as sentence openers when There adds nothing to the meaning of a sentence:Wordy: There is a prize in every box of Quacko cereal.Revised: A prize is in every box of Quacko cereal.Wordy: There are two security guards at the gate.Revised: Two security guards stand at the gate.

Step 1:

• Circle all the expletives at the beginning of your sentences.

• Revise to eliminate the expletives.

2. Don't Overwork Modifiers

• Do not overwork very, really, totally, and other modifiers that add little or nothing to the meaning of a sentence.Wordy: By the time she got home, Ashley was very tired.Revised: By the time she got home, Ashley was exhausted Wordy: She was also really hungry.Revised: She was also famished.  

Step 2:

• Put a triangle around common modifiers.

• Revise to use a fresh, precise word.

3. Replace Vague Nouns

• Replace vague nouns (such as area, aspect, case, factor, manner, situation, something, thing, type, and way) with more specific words--or eliminate them altogether.Wordy: After reading several things in the area of psychology-type subjects, I decided to put myself in a situation where I might change my major.Revised: After reading several psychology books, I decided to change my major.

Step 3:

• Put a star by vague nouns.

• Think of three or four more precise terms to use in place of the vague nouns.

• Pick the most precise.

4. Cut Empty Phrases• Some of the most common

phrases mean little, if anything, and should be cut from our writing:

– all things being equal– all things considered– as a matter of fact– as far as I am concerned– at the end of the day– at the present time– due to the fact that– for all intents and

purposes

– for the most part– for the purpose of– in a manner of speaking– in my opinion– in the event of– in the final analysis– it seems that– the point that I am trying to make– type of– what I am trying to say– what I want to make clear

Step 4:

• Look for the empty phrases and strike through each in your essay.

– all things being equal– all things considered– as a matter of fact– as far as I am concerned– at the end of the day– at the present time– due to the fact that– for all intents and purposes– for the most part– for the purpose of– in a manner of speaking– in my opinion– in the event of– in the final analysis– it seems that– the point that I am trying to

make– type of– what I am trying to say– what I want to make clear