How the Russian is Different 2

8/4/2019 How the Russian is Different 2

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- ------------------C J _ I H e ~ t pOiKJlCIIIIII!llappy Hinhday'

of the celebrant: You give your own partyno surprises-and it will be a dinner partyincluding champagne waMmiucKoe whenpossible . The birthday 'cake" will be adessert pie 1111p6r or torte TOpT , often withbirthday wishes or the honored one's name onit. Candles CllC'IKII are sometimes used , butthey seem not so obligatory as are ours.Birthday cards are mailed if attendance is notpossible, but they are not integral to the eventitself. Guests do bring gifts noAapKH, however,from flowers and drink, on up.

Within the family, birthdays are celebratedeach year- somehow-as are all children'sbirthdays. A more lavish celebration (withcompany, that is) is more likely for adults onparticular birthdays, especially multiples of tenand the fifty-fifth and sixtieth birthdays, whichmight correspond to retirement yx6n HallCHCIIIO.

These anniversary birthdays t 0 6 1 1 H ~ I t t u , t e AaTLI are especially important for the bosses atwork, where there will be some sort of cake, acommunal gift noAapoK, flowers , everybody'ssignature on a congratulatory letter uoJIJ,paoJiTeJlLHbtli a11,pec, and finally, a congratulatory speech from a co-worker.

The GraduationBLmycKHOH oe'-lepUpon exit from school the members of thegraduating class llblllYCKHitKii and their parentsattend a program at school where the graduatesare given their diplomas opytatOT aTTecTaTLIJpenocnt. Particular emphasis is placed onthose who did especially well: those whoreceived all A 's are awarded a gold medal , andthose with all A 's but two get a silver medal(providing, of course, that their conduct wasexemplary). Afterwards, the parents go home ,and the young ones remain for a party (food and

dance) that has been set up for them by theirparents and teachers. Thereafter, in the weehours of the night they used to roam th e streets(of the large cities) s inging, but now roamingthe streets is not recommended. (This is a sentimental time: the students have gone throughmost of their school lives together , and th ebonds arc strong.)

A school reunion oe'-lep ocTpeutBLIII)'CKH11KOil is a popular event that oftenincludes a dance; all former pupils are invited,sometimes over the radio. University reunion sare often held on Tatiana 's day on 25 January.(She is the matron saint of students.)

The HousewarmingHooocem,eTo celebrate moving into a new apartment , thehousewarming Hoaocenbe is again the chargeof those doing the moving. Guests bring a gift,but it need not be house-related . The event istreated merely as a cause for celebration, ratherthan as a particular ceremony (like thatobserved by the peasants when they moved intoa new log house nJ6a). (On the other hand , ifyou have a cat, it enters the hous'e first- thefirst one to enter th e house is the first to die.)

TRANSLATIONS

a. For several decades, people were kept likeunthinking cattle. I remember how, when I wasstill quite young, the first time they turned meinto a domestic animal. My timid explanation ," I thought. . . " was turned into " the boss thinksfor you, (you have to) live like everyone else."

MOCKOilCKIIC HOilOCTit, 14 cf>eopami 1993b. It bothered many critics that Zamyatin wasan artist completely devoid of any superfluity,stingily measuring out his lyrical comments ,somehow un-Russian in his restraint, and neat,with all his buttons buttoned.

Mark Slonim. Th e Writer and His Creation.

TRANSLATIONS 31


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Evergreen branches indicatea recent funeral

prayer on a tape across the forehead. The religious service differs from the civil in that theyusually also sing: AllllHJJYHR, 118blil ncanoM,Bema11 miMRTb. After the ceremony, mournersfile past the open casket while those nearest anddearest kiss the deceased goodbye. Then thebody is canied out, again feet first.

Most people prefer burial norpe6eHne tocremation KpeMliUltst because belief in an after-

Ha Kmin6111ue o nepeone.

life is common, especially among the religiousoepyiOtUne. A century ago, the peasants buriedtheir dead with vodka, salt, tobacco, and so on tomake postnwrtem life easier. Relatives arrangefor a grave MOfH!la , a tombstone OllMIITHHK,

Eor )J,a!l, lior H BJR!l.God giveth, and God taketh away.

PARTICULAR CEREMONIES 29

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set a date for the wedding. Formerly, the coupkreceived coupons TaiiOHbl that allowed them !0buy wedding or household items in shon supply~ e q m v i T H b t e Tooapbl at stores not open to thepublic JaKpbtTbte MaraJJiHbl. One coupongave the bride the right to a hairdo npll'tecKaon her wedding day without waiting in line.

The wedding itself 6paKocoteTanue willtake place either at the registry office (01111o'lepa pacnucamtcb ="They got married yes terday") or, often in cities these days, at a moreelaborate Wedding Palace .[loopetl 6paKoco'leriHni1; church can follow the registry office.

Our couple napa must make plans for theirhoneymoon MeAOBbiH MeCHI..I, send out invitations npurnarneHHH, and organize a dinner ormake reservations at a restaurant for the wedding feast or supper CBllAe6Hblif JiKII I I , oetep.Relatives p6ACTBeHmtKH must meet one anoth er. Wedding clothes and the requisite household equipment must also come together.The following describes a more elaboratemarriage, especially in a large city where nowadays the attempt is to restore some semblance ofceremony. A wedding car decorated with intertwined rin gs KOJibUaMII picks up the weddingparty, which includes the bride, groom, and twowitnesses CBIIAhemt. The bride is probablywearing a white dress if she has not previouslybeen married (or a pastel will do), and a headdress aTa that often includes a veil and flowers. The groom wears a dark suit. They first goto a waiting room Jail OiKIIAaHHH to make surethat all is in order, and finally the music coaAe6-Hhtti Maprn starts (Mendelssohn is likely but notobligatory). The wedding party enters the wedding hall where the marriage ceremony will beperformed by one to three officials from the registry office. Throughout the Ru ssian Federationthe substance of the ceremony has these basicelements: (I ) a few words to the young peopleon the significance of the creation of a new fam ily; (2) their mutual affirmation of their desire toenter into marriage; (3) the affixing of signatures; and (4) congratulations offered by theadministrator. The latter then gives ou t the ringsfor each, which are worn on the right hand; they

26 CONDUCT

are pronounced husband and wife (oo'h!lllJBi10nac ~ t y i K e ~ t 11 iKenoli): they kiss; photographsarc taken; the wedding march is heard: and theparty exits, perhaps to an adjacent rented roornfor champagne, chocolate. and flowers, or perhaps to lay flowers at th e grave of the UnknownSoldier or to some other monument or site. (Thelatter new tradition is not observed among theintellige ntsia.) The wedding ceremony itse lflasts only a few minutes.

The e1ening is filled with a wedding mea lcoaAe611hlil )'iKJ1H, oe'lep, which starts outwith a s upper beginning with many appetizersand bottles of liquor or champagne and whichends in a noisy fog. Somebody 's uncle is oftenth e master of ceremonies T a M a ~ a and it is hewho starts the toasts and suggests that perhapsth e wine or liquor is bitter: "It 's bitter!''f 6 p ~ > K o ! is shouted hy everyone, until the brideand groom kiss, to sweeten things up. Thoughthree days off of work are granted th e new ly- ,weds, Russians do not have our obligation toleave town at the end of the ceremony -thedrinking party can last several days.

Ru ss ians do elope Taihto oeutaiQTCSI , butthe Ru ssian expression conn otes onl y a secretmar riage, with no fli ght necessary. The verboeutaTbCSI has at its root crown oeHeu becacrowns arc held over the heads of the bride andgroom in the Russian Orthodox wedd ing service oeHtamte. The wedding ceremony atchurch is in fact quite s imilar to th e chceremony. (Take any opportunity to attendRussian Orthodox Chu rch wedd ing cemany-or funeral, for that matter. Wearfortable shoes; nobody except th e infirmallowed to sit. Women wear skirts in ch

Some wedding conventions fromda ys remain in th e language and , sometim es,fact , s ince th ey frequently fi ll a conteneed. Marriage brokers coaT, coaxa wereto arrange a marriage coaTO BCTBO. Theirwas to check out the families' requincluding the s ize of a dowry npnAanoe.agreement cr6oop was reached, annoMOJJBKa was announced and formallyfirmed in a church ceremony o6p


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are avail ahk for some: o f these anatomical\\ords; the techni cal wo rds ar e so tec hnica l as tobe incomp rehensible, and the words everybodyk n o w s ~ t h a t is, those that follow-a re tooawful to be uttered. Euphemisms are resorted to,such a,; the male ' membe r" M)' A


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Sanitation and sex0 !eM He I'OBOpstTIn private homes. the toilet YIIIITlb will be foundall by itself in the toilet room T y a m ~ T , y66p11aH7equipped with toilet paper T y a m ~ n t a H 6 y ~ u i r a or neatly torn newspaper sheets to scr\'e the samepurpose. Wash you r hands afterwards in thebathroom oaHIIaH , which contains a sink and abathtub. (Russians are fairly persistent abouthand-washing, especially before eating.) Publicfacilities o6mecTBeHHbiH TYaJieT are a caut ion,sometimes requiring an iron will, becauseupkeep rarely meets the demand. (Hotels are thebest bet, or you might want to express your gratitude to McDonald 's.) This is especially trueanywhere outside the center of major cities,where the Turkish toilet is not uncommon. (It isalways wise to carry your own paper with you.)Hope on the horizon appears with a new institution, the cooperative restroom KoonepaniBHbiHTyaJieT, where a small fee can get you no line tostand in and a modicum of cleanliness.)l(eHcKntl TyaJieT is the Women 's room; theMen 's room is My.IKCKOii TyaJieT. Also)l(eHcKaH y66pHaH 1My.IKcKaH y6opHall.Flush the toilet! Cnycui oony u T)'aJiere!People traveling by car should consider bushes,etc . as probably preferable to public facilitieswhich may be available. Expressions are 'ro goto the bushes" noitni o KycntKII, or "to make agreen stop" c):leJiaTb JeJieHyiO CTOHHKY.

Considerable attempts are made to avoid adirect reference to the fact that one must use thefacilities ynoocToa: l have to go somewhere.MHe HaAo KOeKYA


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Usc o f th e irn pcra ti1e for111 of tile vc rh i, astandard "ay to ex press a reque st. ;rLl icc, or apropos ition: CneflaiiTe . . . llatlllltlliTe . .OpuueCJiTe. . . Tn be po lite:, precede the fo rmer with Oo)KaflyiiCTa , llyHI.Te i(OOpi.i,I>)'JII.Te JIKJOC'JHI.I (so mcw hat old -fashi oned)H xoty oac n o n p o e ~ i n . . . . H xoTe: OLI uacuoupociiTL Could I ask yo u to .

Acceptance or denialThe acceptance:Xopouw. Good. (The common answe r t,1 an

in vitation, followed by expressions of gra ti tude.)Oo)KaJJyikTa. (A frequently used positive

response to a polite requ est.)JlanHo. OK. (Inform al agreement.)Cetl4ac. Right away.C):leJJaiO . . . Hamtmy. I will (do w hateverthe verb indicates).)l.aoaihe. Let 's (as in our, 'Yes, let's do" or"Sha ll we?" ).noif):leMTe, nowmi. Let's go.c YflononLcToneM, c p a J : ~ o C T b J O , Ox6Tuo

(Al l three accept with pleasure.)The re fu sal:He Mory, HeT, st He Mory, H 11111dK He Mory.

I can ' t. (The polite person will attach11JBIIIHITe to those expressions.)

The indeterminate answe r:Mo)K eT 6bJTb. Maybe. (Avoid 'maybe ifwhat you mean is " no. ")BoJMO)KHO. Poss ibly.BepoliTHO . Probably.Hanepuoe, Haoepno. Surely.He J 11a10. l don ' t kn ow.

Agreement and disagreementKoH e'IHO. Of course.PaJyMeeTcll . It stand s to reason.EeJycn6ouo. Absolutely.

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npaUI IJ ihiiO. Tha t 's right.Coucpmeuuo upaouJthHO .

rig ht.Bep11o. Right.;:J,eiicTotiTeJibiJO. Indee d.81.1 upaoLt! You arc rig ht 1.KouetHO ueT . Of course no t; Coucc M

Not at all ; Pa JyMceTo t n eT Of course 16eJycn6ouo HeT Absolutely not;HeT Of course not (but with an elementdoubt).

HeT, 11c TaK . No, not really.Wh en asked their opinion, Ru ssians oftenit in cases when Americans wo uld not.yo ung Ru ss ian being interviewed for a job 'a soft drink company was offered onefirm 's products. "No, th anks," said he,"[ drink that junk." HHKOr):la He OLIOra]lOCTb.) The probl em can be obviated byaskin g questions with answers yo u reall ywa nt to hear.

The excuse11JmuniTe. Excuse me. (The ex pression

use when apology is least needed.)flpocTJh e. Pardon me. (For either aor minor encroachm ent.)Both expressions are oftenad mi ssion of the error:Jhoumrre Ja onoJ):Iaune.

The responseno)KaJJyilcTa, Hlt4er6, He CTOUT (In

sense, each means, "That's all right.")

Congratulations, good wishesnoJnpaon liTL (To wish well , on any

sian, or to congratulate.)no3):1p3B flHCM C np:b).( tnfKOM!yo u) a happy ho liday!n J : ~ p a o m i J O ! Congratulations!


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Phras.:s th :ll follow a greeting:~ ( a ) uac HliAeTL! Happy to sec you'

KaK xopom6, 'ITO ucTpCTnJJ uac! I low nicethat we met! (Used wh en you arc pleasedwith a meeting.)

KaK )tmoeTe? KaK nemi? KaK IIJlYT neJla ?How arc things? (These replace our '' Howarc you)'' and differ in that the Russianoften gives a substantive or subjectiveanswer such as awful, the dog died when wewould say 'Fine, thank you" on the day ofour mother 's funeral. Therefore, be preparedto wait through the answer if you ask thequestion.)

KaK 3AOP08I.e? KaK 8!.1 ce61i lfJ8CT8yeTe?(Both ask after the health of someone yoususpect is, or may have been, ailing.)

KaK )I(H8emi.? KaK )I(IIJHI.? KaK ycnexu?KaK nemi? qTo H08oro? '"ITo cJli.imHo?These expressions, often preceded by ny,are friendly , informal, and used with goodfriends.

Answers to thc greeting inquiries if things aregoing well:Xopom6. Well or good.npeKpaCHO. Splendidly.3aMe'faTeJJI.HO. Wonderfully.BeJJHKOJJenHo. Marvelously.Bee 8 noplinKe. Things are in good order.Hennoxo. Not bad. (In this situation the

word HopMaJJI.HO is often used, informally.It does not mean "normally" or "as usual ";it means "good" or "well.")

Answers to greetings if you are equivocal abouthow things are:H11'1er6. OK.TaK ce6e. So-so.Hn xopomo, HH nnoxo. Neither good nor bad.Ol,a) KaK 8aM CKa3aTL. What should I say?

(I don't really know what to say.)He 3Hal0, 'ITO If cKaJaTI.. I don't know

what to say.KaK 6ynTo, HH'tero. It seems OKJall right.

16 CONDUCf

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Tabk philoso ph y is not deep, hut it is fairlyconsistcnt: in answer to a toast one often hears.Uail ll


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once. Remember that appetizers arc only thebeginning of the meal.

1 Keep both hands above the table all thetime (as do other Europeans ).3. Do not bother to switch your fork back to

the right hand after having used the knifefor cutting.

4. Expect some looseness in manner andposture, and do not worry about details oftable manners- Russians are usually wor-ried that your table manners are differentfrom theirs.

5. Small dishes of chopped green onion orparsley or whole cloves of garlic (in addi-tion to sour cream) are sometimes servedwith soup; they are a garnish and may beadded as you wish.

6. Butter Macno is served not as a cube butas the contents of a small bowlMacnenKa. This explains why Russiansnewly arrived in the United States scrapethe top of the cube instead of slicing fromone end.

7. If you are eating dinner and a Russianarrives, it is rude and in sulting not toextend an invitation to join you at thetable. (Waiting in the living room willnot do!)

8. If you come upon friends who are in themidst of eating, the polite and commonexpression is l l p ~ l l l T H O r O anneniTa!which corresponds exactly to Bon appetit.1The same expression is used when leav-ing a table at which others are still eating.

9. In the course of a meal you may commenton how tasty something is: KaK oKycuo!or the like. But at the end of a meal, donot comment on a meal in toto as if youwere bestowing an accolade. But be sureto thank the hostess: Eonbmoe cnac1i6o,M a p ~ i 1 1 B n a J v i ~ m p o o n a ! She will answerwith n o : ~ ~ d n y i i C T a or Ha 3JJ.Op0Bbe!

12 CONDUCT

I0. If you arc hos t ing and arc offeringlOr anything else for that matter).keep in mind that "Thank you"actually means "No. thank you" andthe intended Russian recipient exrepetition of the offer (ra ther like theChinese who must be offered Ithree times before they can decently ,accept).

II . Do not bother offering your se rvicesdishwasher or eve n busboy. Yourwill be regarded as a com men t onabilities of the house or host. Theyhelp at your house, e ithe r. (Closehelp, of course.)

A saying used to encourage takin gtage of an offer:U a . O T - - 6 e p ~ 1 . EbtOT--6eni.(f f they are giving out something, take they are beating you, run')

Cnaoioo 3TOMY AOMy, noiiJJ.eM KThanks be to this house, let 's go to the

Drinking at the table3aCT6m,eAt home. or without a special reason,any kind is not a requirement atRussia, one does not employ water, milk,to wash the food down; instead onelonger. (Maybe this explains the soupment.)

Parties or celebrations, however,identified by the bottles reaching fromof the table to another. (It is the ho st'smake sure your glass is full.) Theyinclude a wide range of alcoholiccnnpTHbie u a m i T K ~ t such as white or red(mostly for the women), vodkas and '(mostly for the men), and nonalcoholic


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PHYSICAL CONDUCTKaK ce6Ji secniSome of the most difficult things to rdeam arethose we perceive as automatic or natural wh enin fact they are another aspect of our language;we are not thinking, but we are interpreting.Not a few examples of this problem have to dowith posture, gestures, and social distance.

Russian talking range is closer than in theUnited States. A greater proximity than oursduring conversation is not necessarily an inva-sion of personal territory, an aggression, or asexual invitation (though it can represent friend-liness). Try to avoid automatically backing awaywhen you feel that your personal distance hasbeen invaded. People who shove at the storemerely want to see what's for sale; you canshove back if you want to see. Closeness oftenmeans comfort and friendliness, howe.ve r;females in particular often walk down the streerarm in arm. "Hello" and "Goodbye" kisses arefairly common among Russian females and areoften on the lips. (You can be insulting if youautomatically turn your head away.) Twowomen will sit right alongside one another (legstouching) to talk. But this closeness does not

8 CONDUCT

To ge ther can be comfort ing

Close is OK


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their person, or to impress, in order to enhance their ..selves ." Extravagant or loud behavior to this endis undesirable as well as unbecoming-except for famous pcopk with whom such conduct is alm ostexpected. T1.1 ubiCT)'niiJl, KaK ua cueue. (You acted as if you were on stage.) Therefore, being sel f.confident, self-assured, self-reliant caMoyoepeHHOCTL, caMonaueliHHOCTL arc, in Russ ian, ncgati1,traits. She is too sure of herself = Ou a ynepeHa 8 ceoe. On caMOIIaUeSIHIIblll intimates that the manis so sure of himself or self-reliant that he is almost a snob. What 's bad about these traits is that theoccupation with or attention to one's self does not allow for sensitivity to , or care for, ot her people.And that 's bad. (New Yorkers in particular and Americans in general should avoid talking loudly inpublic as a matter of course: drawing attention to oneself is considered bad manners.)

By culture (i f not by nature) Russians are their brothers' keepers. Maintenance of public order andcustom is the job of all. Comments are made not necessarily on behalf of oneself OT ce6H but on beh alfof the group 66ll.leCTBO. Miscreant children mu st contend not only with their parents but also with anyother proximate humanity in their parents' absence. If you fall in the street, someone will help you up.If you have a run in your stocking, strangers, thinking it a kindness, will let you know. If yo u don 'twear a hat when the weather is cold, older strangers might remark to yo u on your dangerous lax ity.Sadly, this trait is beginning to weaken, and some alienation is occurring, especia lly in the citiesWith the new world order, fewer are willing to he lp ou t, and neighbors are becoming less neighborly.

The Am erican knows that money is blood, but the Russian is only beginning to understand thai. Before, these worries were smaller; everyone had a job, the job was secure, pensions bordered on theadequate, the doctor cost nothing, rent was just a few rubles, and bread was sub sid ized. So, why worry1Go ahead and spend two weeks' wages on a party. Learning how to budget money wa s unnecessary.

Ha Te6e, E61Ke (y6o1Ke), 'ITO HaM ue roiKe.Here, God (or poor one), t:tke what we don ' t want. 1

Incomes were very similar: egalitarian and low. The great American motivators, greed and avarice,were frowned upon; the use o f piggy-banks represented the inculcation of bourgeois-that is, lowmorals. But conditions are changi ng now, especiall y among the young. Older parents are often shockedby their children' s acceptance of the new order. Suddenly, making money is more important than .becoming educated, or, sometimes, money is needed to get the education. The dark corollary to money's new esteem is that the businessperson is o ften in deservedly low repute: Y Hac ell.le 'ICCTHoro61-iJHeca Mano. (We still have little honest bu siness.) And wh en the Ru ssian sees Jews and darkskinned people 'lepuwe from the Caucasus or Central Asia as those most able to put a profit together.both the causes of tolerance and capitalism sink further.

The Ru ssian is brought up to be more dependent than are we . Thus, family bonds are strongerpeople live closer toge ther and derive mutual support from the closeness. Children arc expected. atleast outwardly, to do what they are told. (They are allowed their childhood.) Babysitting is not a

BMeCTe TecHo, a o p o J ~ > cKy'IHO.Crowded wh en together, but lonesome wh en apart.

I . A deri stve desc ription of those so cheap that they ' ll onl y 1 v ~ away something tht:y c3n'1 use r h e m s t : l v e ~

4 CONDUCT'

How the Russian is Different 2

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Transcript of How the Russian is Different 2