Constructive Conversations

By Don Vaillancourtvaillancourt.don@gmail.com

Constructive, Supportive, Positive.If you have nothing good to say, don’t say anything.

Build bridges, don’t burn them.The goal is to build a lasting relationship.

Have empathy.Pay attention to the recipient’s emotional state.

Keep calm at all times. No guns. No Blazing.

Let the other person adapt to your emotional state.

Your message should be clear.Express yourself. Good intentions aren’t good enough.

Listen Actively.Let the other person speak.

Ask Questions.That’s how you learn. It’s not all about you.

Bad Posture is a Sign of Trouble.Back should be straight: leaning in or sitting back.

Steps to a successful conversation:1. Plan ahead.2. Start with a friendly conversation to calm everyone.3. Integrate your feedback into the conversation.4. Negative feedback should be worded constructively to

support.5. Use your own experience when possible, as an example.6. End with friendly conversation, no hard feelings.7. Follow up.

Providing Constructive Feedback1. Acknowledge the positive intention of the individual. 2. Explain to them how the message was (possibly)

received.3. Then provide a suggestion on how you would have done

it differently.

If you’re implicated or a witness:● Never direct it at the recipient. It’s about the other

person.● It’s not about what the recipient did wrong.● Always be constructive.

Reprimanding someone: 1. Let them explain the scenario first. See if they discover

where they made the mistake. This let’s them understand their mistake and take ownership.

2. If they don’t know what you’re referring to, explain the scenario to them. See if they discover where they made the mistake.

3. If they still don’t see where they went wrong, then explain it to them constructively. And provide coaching support.

Exercise on Constructive Feedback:

1. A peer made a presentation to a client. You think the

client may have misunderstood the message and could be disappointed.

2. The architect has told you that the code a direct report has committed is not to TEKSystem’s quality standard. You’ve seen the code yourself and agree.

3. You’ve seen a peer mistreat another employee. It’s your responsibility to resolve the issue.