7/26/2019 Grain Forecast

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5HOUT5 & MURMUI \5

GRAI N F ORECAST

BY 5HON ARIEH-LERER

It's hard to imagine, but a few years back,

e knew what quinoa was. Now, we

entally, is actually a seed., . .Which grains

The Huffington Post.

R H E T T

Rhett is a milled-harvest bug wheat

eming diva of a grain can be used

a base in a variety of summer dishes,

luding rhett spread, rhett under beets.

aged widespread consumption of the

cheap-to-harvest grain with the slo

gan "It's not bad: it's worse "

Pro tip: Worse has valuable health

benefits. When sanded down and ster

ilized, it can be used as the tip of a

medical swab.

O A L - E

Roll over, quinoa, this new grain

has a dash in its name Oal-e (pro

nounced "Dennis") is a common brown

grain, native to Asia and parts of Af

rica, that gets its name from market-

surprisingly, not another type of food.

For example, peanuts are not actually

nuts, so they're considered legumes.

Tomatoes are double legumes: they're

not actually vegetables, which makes

them fruit and also makes them le

gumes, which means that they're not

actually fruit, which makes them dou

ble legumes. Greek zorba is an infin

ity legume: it's not actually a grain,

which makes it a legume, but it's a

legume despite being a grain, which

makes it a grain, which makes it not

actually a legume, which in turn makes

it a legume again, which makes it not

actually a grain. Because zorba is so

rich in logic, it was commonly used

i n t h e a n c i e n t M e d i t e r r a n e a n a s a

b r a i n - b o o s t e r .

Pro tip: Zorba's flavor is umami,

which is Japanese for "impossible to

describe." If you hear somebody try-

and rhetted beets. Rhett's ambitious

texture and "eyes on the prize" flavor

are paying off": the grain is slowly but

surely backstabbing its way to the top

of this harvest's B-list. (Poor sorghum )

Pro tip: Rhett is harvested from the

bottoms of used crates at the Park Slope

Food Co-op. Help the crop this year

by participating in the third annual

Rliett Scrape. ($86 entrance fee.)

W O R S E

Worse is the lovable underdog of

the grain world. It is a coarse-grade

compound grain with a vibrantly chalky

mouth feel. A favorite of nineteenth-

century Bavarian contractors, con

gealed worse is also a great substitute

for stucco; plus, it's gluten-free Worse

has a rich history: in the nineteen-

thirties, the U.S. government encour-

ing executives at Whole Foods. Oal-e

is often jokingly referred to as t-oo-

my'a., which is a satirical nod to the

grain's vowel-heavy moniker. Reading

through this paragraph, you're prob

ably pronouncing oal-e' in your head

as "oh-all-ayc," even though, as stated,

it should be pronounced "Dennis." Do

yourself a favor, and reread the para

graph, pronouncing oal-e correctly.

Pro tip: Adding some oal-e'to your

evening salad is a great way to let peo

ple know that you've heard of oal-e'.

But just remember, if you're new to

using oal-e, you're probably better ofif

calling it ei-h, ea-q-o, or "brown rice."

ZORBA (greek)

Greek zorba, despite being con

sidered a grain, is actually a legume.

A legume is any type of food that is,

ing to describe the taste of zorba as

"umami," you can tell them, "No, ac

tually, it's umami."

B O O M

The big winner this season is boom.

Boom is a groat type of super oat, rich

in antioxidants, bonus fats, and hy

perlinks. Load up your mega-pilaf

with some boom to send your family

a clear message that you value maxi

mum lipids and giga-bios over baddy

acids and nega-bozos. That's right,

boom is bad-free: it's what Mother

Earth has been dying to serve her

children. Destined to be the new ul

tra-stuff, boom is also a good source

of kapow-bang science food. Mmm-

healthy.

Pro tip: To avoid death or sponta

neous urination, cook with quinoa.

THE NE^ VOKKEfl, APIIIL 4. 20I6

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