SPECIAL EDITION: ** **

What is Conflict? (EIRIE)

-Conflict Q&A -Conflict Confessions

TRUE LIFE: “I’m A Hot Head”

“INSIDE”

Dealing with Conflict 201

Conflict Styles

Index •  What  Is  Conflict?                        2  

•  Deal  with  Conflict  201                      3    

•  Who  Handled  It  Be:er?                      5  

•  Conflict  Confessions                        6  

•  Conflict  Q  &  A                          7  

•  Conflict  Styles                          9  

•  True  Life:  “I’m  A  Hot  Head”                    12  

WHAT  IS  CONFLICT? A  PROCESS  THAT  STEMS  FROM  THE  ESCALATION  OF  A  

DISAGREEMENT  BETWEEN  TWO  INTERDEPENDENT  INDIVIDUALS  OR  GROUPS  THAT  PERCEIVE  A  THREAT  TO  

THEIR  NEEDS,  INTERESTS,  OR  CONCERNS.    

E  I  R  I  E  S  C  A  L  A  T  E  D  

NVOLED

OOTOFPROBLEM

MP  A  C  T  

X  P  R  E  S  S  O  R  NO  T  

E:  Started  small  and  got  bigger  

I:    Par]es  involved  

R:  The  main  reason  for  the  conflict  

I:    The  affect  on  both  par]es  futures  

E:  Expression  from  both  par]es  

The remote

Both roommates are angry

Started just watching T.V., ended in a fight over the remote

Potential problems will occur in the future

Dealing 201 CONFLICT with Dealing with conflict can be extremely difficult. The

majority of people feel this way because they do not know how to approach and manage a conflict once it had been brought to the

Knowing when to use these conflict styles can be difficult, but it involves taking a deeper look into the conflict. It is important to look at the relationship status, the expected reaction of the other person, as well as the impact the conflict may have on yourself, the other person and the relationship. Depending on multiple factors, you can decide how assertive or how cooperative you need to be in the conflict and go on to pick your style or styles.

WHEN? HOW? One way or another? After deciding when to approach a conflict, you need to know how! What is your style? Are you Avoiding, Accommodating, Compromising, Competing, or Collaborating? The goal of avoiding is to is to delay, there is no assertiveness and no cooperation. No one wins when avoidance is used. The goal of accommodating is to yield. This relationship may have higher value and therefore cooperation is high. Compromising is finding middle ground. This requires give and take from both sides. The goal of competing is to win! This is used when an issue has high value and the relationship may be low. Competing conflict can get heated due to the high assertiveness. Collaborating is used in an effort to make all parties happy. When collaborating works, both parties win.

surface. Individuals often get scared as an argument escalates and don’t know how to properly find a solution. Once you have used E.R.I.I.E. to decide if you are indeed in a conflict and if you should express it, you need to know how to do so effectively. There are five conflict resolution styles, Avoiding, Accommodating, Compromising, Competing and Collaborating. Each of the five varies on levels of cooperation and assertiveness.

Cool Off with…  

WARNING:  recommending  Chillaxia  to  a  hot  head  in  the  middle  of  an  argument  or  heated  conflict  may  result  in  worsening  of  symptoms.  Please  consult  hot  head  prior  to  escalated  symptoms.  If  worsening  of  symptoms  occur  stop  use  of  Chillaxia  and  consult  anger  management  officer.    

HOT HEADED?

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Who Handled It Better?

Chris Brown v. Drake They love Rihanna, but still hate each

other. An escalating competition between R&B singer Chris Brown and rapper Drake over their gorgeous ex-girlfriend exploded inside a packed Manhattan club. Drake instigated the fight by rejecting Brown’s $2,00 champagne peace offering by sending back an ill-mannered note, which led to bottle throwing and fists flying. Drake and Brown, as well as their crew and bodyguards, walked away with injuries. 58% of people agreed that Drake’s competitive conflict style was not the right way to handle this.

Lindsay Lohan v. Amanda Bynes Both two former child stars, Amanda

Bynes and Lindsay Lohan have raised some trouble and have written themselves a poor reputation, this was highlighted in the childish drama they found themselves in. Lohan offended Bynes’ in a tweet saying, Why did I get put in jail and a nickelodeon star has had NO punishment(s) so far? Bynes fired back thru vicious texts. 62% of people agreed that Lohan’s avoidant approach was not becoming of her.

62%

58%

38%

52%

+Conflict Confessions Readers reveal their dirtiest deeds when dealing with bad roommates “I had this roommate I was fighting with who couldn't resist eating anything that was given to him in our dorm. He was feeling kind of hungry so I offered him a burger. Without flinching, he ate/scarfed everything down in 3 bites. He doesn't know to this day that I got it from the garbage bin across the hall.” John S. from Duke University

“One of my roommates would just sit on Facebook for hours looking at and commenting on whatever she could. One day she took it too far and liked EVERYTHING on my page. I had about 100 notifications and decided I had to do something. About a week later I went out and bought 300 sticky notes, and wrote "like" on all of them. Then I posted them on every single item in her room and his things in the bathroom too. Across one of his walls I spelled out LIKE using about 100 sticky notes. She was pissed when she got home and had to take it all down but she learned her lesson and never trolled on my wall again.” Alyssa F. from UCLA

+ Conflict Q & A

Q: When I’m with my boyfriend I ask him questions such as “How was your day?” and he answers my questions in only a few words and never asks about my day. Also when I talk to him he seems to be barely listening to me and I am getting frustrated. Why does he do this?

A: Men and women often have different communication styles. Masculine communicators tend to get straight to the point and do not include many details. Also masculine communicators can find feminine communication to have too much detail and will wonder when they are going to get to the point and this may often lead to miscommunication.

Q: Whenever I try to talk to my boyfriend about our relationship he always try's to avoid the topic. I do not understand why this is and I am hurt that never wants to talk about it. Why does he do this?

A: Again men and women tend to communicate about relationships differently. Masculine communicators do not like to talk about relationships unless there is a problem, while feminine communicators see this kind of talk as a way to sustain the relationship. Therefore this difference in styles could lead to miscommunication and conflict.

+

Competing- Collaborating-

Compromising- Avoiding-

Accomodating-

+Recognizing Conflict Styles By the Way Others Handle Conflict n  Someone bumps into you on a crowded sidewalk . Do you apologize? Yes/No

n  Is your motto “My way or the highway?” Yes/No

n  You’re having lunch with your notorious difficult mother-in-law. Are you ready with soothing words to pacify her? Yes/No

n  Your friend gets a bad haircut. Do you offer a compliment rather than keep quiet? Yes/No

n  When you help a friend, do you crave recognition? Yes/No

n  Abortion, religion, politics: Your favorite dinner table topics?

n  You get into an argument with your significant other. Are you tempted to storm out of the room and slam the door? Yes/No

n  In a relationship, do you keep track of who calls whom? Yes/No

n  Have you ever been called a sore lose? Yes/No

n  Your sister returns the sweater you bought for her birthday. Are you offended? Yes/No

n  After an argument, do you sometimes follow up with an email, or a phone call just to get the last word? Yes/No

+ You’re a… BOXER

You thrive on accomplishment, so you tend to see conflict as a winner-takes-all competition, even if it means resorting to jabs or low blows when tensions spike. Rules of Engagement: When emotions run high, avoid fueling the fight with generalizations ("You're never there for me") or long-buried slights ("You barely talked to me at last year's party"). Recasting the point you want to make as a "feeling" statement ("I felt undervalued when you forgot my birthday") will help your opponent not get defensive. But if you sense that you're getting too heated, suggest tabling the conversation until you've had a chance to cool down.

You’re a… SMILER

Cucumbers have nothing on your cool facade—even when you're hurt or stressed, your smile doesn't waver. But people-pleasing can be a dead end: Your opponent doesn't know what you truly want, and you're mad at yourself for saying one thing when you mean another. Rules of Engagement: Stating what you really think may feel abrasive at first, but it grows easier with time. If you're flustered by a request, resist a knee-jerk assent. Instead, use a set answer—"Let me check my calendar first"—so you can respond after giving it some thought. If you feel pressured to bow to someone's opinion, an empathetic statement ("I understand where you're coming from") can placate an opponent without compromising your stance.

+ You’re a… DIPLOMAT

You're a great negotiator and a crackerjack problem solver. During conflicts, your first impulse is to smooth things over ("If you're upset that I canceled our lunch, why don't we get together tomorrow instead?"). Your quick-fix knack is noble, but it can prompt you to act before you fully understand the situation—or how you feel about it. Rules of Engagement: To combat your instinct for action, practice becoming an attentive listener. Rather than proposing a fix, ask the person, "How can we come up with a solution that's good for both of us?" To show that you're listening, focus on your body language: Shoulders back and down conveys receptivity to others.

You’re a… STONEWALLER

You tend to think before speaking, so you're less likely to say things you regret. But you're also prone to holding your tongue in the hope that others will read your mind; when they don't, you get irritated. Rules of Engagement: Before you head into a tense situation, draw up a communication cheat sheet, listing your needs ("I wish Liz would call me more often") and how you'll convey them ("I'll say, 'Liz, I feel hurt when you don't make an equal effort to see me'"). When you see your opportunity to speak up, recall the cheat sheet. If the thought of direct confrontation makes you shudder, talk to the person while doing an activity, like walking or driving, that doesn't require eye contact. Side-by-side conversations foster more openness.

True Life: “I’m A Hot Head”

Hot Head: An impetuous or short tempered person.

Conflict  is  an  expressed  struggle  between  at  least  two  interdependent  par5es  who  perceive  incompa5ble  goals  from  others  in  achieving  their  own  goals  

Here’s a quick story on how we consulted one of our clients who had a coworker who was a serious Hot Head:

Sue: “Dear Lead Magazine, my coworker is a serious Hot Head, whenever we have an issue at worker she blows up on everyone and then

leaves work, we never get anything accomplished and its extremely frustrating. Since in my job I have to work directly with her I need to get

some sort of insight on how I can get over this hump.”

Dear Sue, !ank you for entrusting us in helping you with your issue. Conflict will always arise in groups, trust us when we say, we understand your issue. Dealing with Hot Heads can sometimes be a sticky situation,

here’s how we would deal with it.

1.   Take a step back and cool off (Especially if the person made you mad, you don’t want to make the situation any worse)

2. Give that person some time to cool off as well. 3. Try to negotiate an agreement between everyone involved in the conflict.

4. Smile (Sometimes a smile is all you need to cool the situation off) 5. Remember sometimes you may have to agree to disagree on some

issues(Not everyone in the group may be in agreement to a suggestion. 6. STAY CALM (Keep a good mind that you don’t always know what that

person has went through that day, maybe they had a bad day)