EVERY TUESDAYa play :)

by Chelsea Smet

May 3rd, 2013

Copyright (C) 2013 by Chelsea Smet8506 W. Northridge Rd. Wichita, KS 67205 ~*~ (316) 209-7036

1

CHARACTERS

BRAEDON HAWKER, 18

LILLIUM BRADSHAW, 18

ANN BRADSHAW, 40’s; her mother

EDWARD BRADSHAW, early 50’s; her father

JOCELYN “JO” TURNER, 18; her best friend

SAM LEVETT, 17; her boyfriend

TIME

The real-time action of the play occurs over the course of a

few hours.

The memories encompass two years of friendship and five

separate Tuesdays.

PLACE

An unspecified town 14 hours away from Brown University.

A hospital waiting room.

Additionally, in memory, a school hallway and LILLIUM’s living

room.

QUOTES

Slightly disconnected and less literal than the memories that

they define.

When a quote is read, its accreditation is read along with it.

The quotes are spoken to the audience.

MEMORIES

Memories flow directly in and out of scenes with minimal set

changes. They are non-specific memories and projections of

LILLIUM in the combined visions of BRAEDON, SAM, and JOCELYN.

However, it should be assumed that their events are accurate.

2

! (Spotlight LILLIUM center stage, alone.)

! ! LILLIUM“Do any human beings ever realize life while they live it -- every, every minute?”Thornton Wilder; Our Town

~ SCENE ONE

! (Lights off. LILLIUM exits.

! Lights back up on hospital waiting room. One of ! those quiet ones in a more private wing of the ! hospital. EDWARD and ANN are sitting together at a ! table. EDWARD is holding a large stack of papers ! bound together. He is reading aloud from a middle ! page.)

! ! EDWARD“...is classified as a persistent vegetative state, not to be confused with brain death. If, under any circumstances, brain death occurs, than the patient, Lillium Bradshaw, is legally classified as ‘dead.’ In such an instance, if the patient is an organ donor...”

! ! ANN! (Interrupting.)Can we stop?

! ! EDWARDWe only have three pages left, can we please just --

! ! ANNCan we talk about it?

! ! EDWARDAbout what, about which part?

! ! ANNAbout all of it. About brain death.

3

! ! EDWARDWe already discussed it --

! ! ANNI want to discuss it again.

! ! EDWARDDo you want me to get Dr. Welden?

! ! ANNNo. I don’t need him. I want to discuss it with you.

! (Pause.)

! ! EDWARD! (Giving up.)You’re right, we need a break.

! ! ANN! (Exasperated.)Okay, that’s fine, we can avoid it.

! ! EDWARDI’m not avoiding it. We need a break.

! ! ANNI’ll be right here, waiting to discuss it, when you’re ready.

! ! EDWARDI can’t do this again. If you want to argue about --

! ! ANNI’m not trying to argue with you --

! ! EDWARDNo, Ann, not again. Not now. Let me know when you’re ready to finish the damn paperwork. I’m going for a walk.

! (He begins to leave.)

! ! ANNEdward, I am not trying to --

! ! EDWARDI am going for a walk.

4

! ! ANNEdward!! (He’s gone. She picks up the paperwork and begins to ! read.)“In such an instance, if the patient is an organ donor, it will be at the discretion of her legal guardians to determine a course of action. However, in the case of a prolonged persistent vegetative state, possible courses of action are as follows...”

! (BRAEDON has entered quietly. ANN notices him and ! stops.)

! ! BRAEDONHey, Mrs. Bradshaw.

! ! ANNI can’t finish it, Braedon. I can’t fill it out.! (Pause.)Its not just checking boxes. Its time to make decisions.! (Pause.)Where did you go?

! ! BRAEDONJust downstairs to --

! ! ANNNo, the past few months. You were at our house every day for years and then, all of the sudden, you were gone. I didn’t understand. I know it wasn’t my business, but I asked Lillium, I asked her over and over again, “Where’s Braedon? He never comes around anymore.” And she just said, “Braedon has a life, mom.”! (Pause.)When’s the last time you saw her?

! ! BRAEDONMrs. Bradshaw, I --

! ! ANNCome on. Its Ann to you. Its always been Ann to you. You’re family.

! ! BRAEDONWhat’s going on?

5

! (ANN picks up the paperwork and begins reading.)

! ! ANN“Four weeks of low brain activity is classified as a persistent vegetative state, not to be confused with brain death. If, under any circumstances, brain death occurs, than the patient, Lillium Bradshaw, is legally classified as ‘dead.’ In such an instance, if the patient is an organ donor it will be at the discretion of her legal guardians to determine a course of action.”

! ! BRAEDON! (Misunderstanding.)Persistent vegetative state.

! ! ANN! (As if she doesn’t hear him.)She ran a red light.

! ! BRAEDONDon’t think about that, don’t --

! ! ANNThey said the crash was her fault. She ran a red light and, basically, ran right into the truck.! (Pause.)Three people died. But not her. Not Lillium. Lillium is too strong. Lillium is in a persistent vegetative state.

! (She begins to cry. BRAEDON sits down next to her, ! not knowing what to say. He holds her hand. SAM ! enters. He is surprised to see BRAEDON.)

! ! SAMYou came back.

! ! BRAEDONI only went downstairs for a minute.

! ! SAMI thought you went home.

! ! BRAEDONWell, I didn’t.

6

! ! SAM! (Noticing her.)Ann, are you okay?

! ! ANNOh, I’m fine, Sam, thank you.

! ! SAMDo we know anything yet?

! ! ANN! (After a pause.)No, um, nothing. Edward and I just have a few more pages of paperwork to finish.! (She gathers them up quickly and rises.)I’m going to go find him. He went for a walk.

! (She exits. SAM and BRAEDON share an awkward ! moment.)

! ! SAMReally? Still nothing?

! ! BRAEDONPersistent vegetative state.

! ! SAMWhat the hell does that mean? Is that even...a thing? Did you make that up?

! ! BRAEDONFour weeks of low brain activity.

! (Pause.)

! ! SAMWell, she’ll wake up any day now. She’ll wake up and, ya know, maybe she’ll forget things at first, but I’ll help her remember. I will. She’ll remember me and Jo and her parents and she’ll remember Brown and...she’s gonna be fine. She’s gonna wake up soon, I feel it.! (Pause.)I really thought you left.

! ! BRAEDONI almost did.

7

! ! SAMIt wouldn’t be the first time.

! ! BRAEDONStop. You don’t know anything about --

! ! SAMI know she felt like shit. I know she missed you. I know she blamed herself.

! ! BRAEDON! (Interjecting.)I had my own issues.

! ! SAMYeah, obviously.! (Pause.)Look, I don’t understand you. I don’t even like you. I love Lillium and loving Lillium means dealing with you, but she’s not here right now, so --

! ! BRAEDON! (Only partially listening.)She’s not here at all. She’s in a persistent vegetative state.

! ! SAMAt least pretend to feel something about --

! ! BRAEDONAnn lied to you, Sam. When she said no decisions have been made. The paperwork is a decision. If Lillium stays like this, her brain could fail her and she’ll be brain dead.

! ! SAMYeah, but her brain hasn’t failed her --

! ! BRAEDONBut it could.

! ! SAMSo what? It hasn’t.

! ! BRAEDONIf her brain is dead, she’s dead.

8

! ! SAMShut up. Just stop. I can’t listen to you talk about her. You have no right to talk about her.

! ! BRAEDONShe’s my best friend.

! ! SAMBullshit.

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONShe wouldn’t want this.

! ! SAMWant what?

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONNothing.

! (SAM exits. BRAEDON waits a moment, and then reveals ! a letter. He begins reading from it.)

! ! BRAEDON (cont’d)“Dear Braedon. I knew you’d find this if you didn’t look very hard. I am leaving for Brown soon and I haven’t seen you since I got my acceptance letter. I know its hard, but I would like to see you before I go. I’m leaving this coming Tuesday. Please attempt to acknowledge my presence before then. I love you. Lillium.”

~ MEMORY ONE

! (A high school hallway. JOCELYN is speaking quietly ! to a crouched SAM.)

! ! SAMOkay, so when she comes by --

! ! JOCELYNTell her I need her help with my monologue --

9

! ! SAMAnd take her into the empty practice room and distract her. I need maybe five minutes to set up.

! ! JOCELYNI can do that.

! ! SAMWe need a signal.

! ! JOCELYNWhat?

! ! SAMFor when we’re all clear.

! ! JOCELYNWhat exactly are you setting up?

! ! SAMThe marching band.

! ! JOCELYNWhat?! Sam!

! ! SAMThey’re playing that song...you know, the one she likes...the dance one.

! ! JOCELYNHow did you convince the entire marching band to do that?

! ! SAMWell, its during class time and what’s-his-name, the band teacher, thought it would be funny so he...told everybody to do it.

! ! JOCELYN! (Genuinely impressed.)That’s awesome.

! ! SAMIt’ll be awesome if it works.

! ! JOCELYNNo, really, its awesome. Its, like, the sweetest thing ever.

10

! ! SAMDon’t be too impressed. I haven’t done it yet.

! ! JOCELYNIt’ll work, trust me. It would work on me.

! ! SAM! (Not rudely.)Sparkling grape juice and a compliment would work on you.

! ! JOCELYN! (Slightly hurt nonetheless.)Okay, Sam, do you want my help or not?!

! ! SAMI’m just kidding. I’m nervous. Holy shit, I’m nervous.

! (SAM begins to shift his weight, looking around. ! JOCELYN puts her hands on his shoulders and steadies ! him.)

! ! JOCELYNIt’ll be fine.

! ! SAMRemember the plan!

! ! JOCELYNRemember to breathe.

! ! SAM! (More to himself.)I can do this. This will work.

! ! JOCELYNYou better hope it works.

! ! SAM! (With growing panic.)What’s that supposed to mean?

! ! JOCELYNYou can’t go to the dance unless she says yes, Mr. Underclassman.

11

! ! SAMOh, well...that, too.

! ! JOCELYN! (Teasing him.)I’m onto you. I see through your plan.

! ! SAMI asked for your help!

! ! JOCELYNI am gonna help!

! ! SAMDo you think she’ll like it?

! ! JOCELYNFor the millionth time, yes. She’s going to love it.

! ! SAMOkay, so look casual and wait for her to walk by.

! (He strikes an awkward, un-casual pose.)

! ! JOCELYN“Look casual.”

! (LILLIUM enters, sees the two, and begins to cross ! over.)

! ! SAMShit -- we’ve been spotted!

! ! JOCELYNCalm down. Act like everything’s normal.

! ! LILLIUM! (As she approaches.)Hey, guys!

! ! SAM! (Awkward, fumbling.)So...uh...Jo...really nice student president posters you’ve got hanging up.

12

! ! JOCELYN! (Annoyed.)Yeah...I worked really hard on them.

! ! SAMThey have...good colors.

! ! LILLIUMDid you just notice those, Sam?

! ! SAMHuh? What?

! ! LILLIUMThey’ve been hanging up for, like, a week.

! ! SAMYeah...I knew that. I totally knew that.

! (LILLIUM turns to look at one. While she’s not ! looking, SAM motions helplessly to JOCELYN, trying ! to signal her to start phase one of the plan.)

! ! JOCELYN! (Exaggerated.)So! Lillium! I need SO much help on my monologue!

! ! LILLIUMWhat?

! ! JOCELYNI just need so much help on it! I haven't practiced at all! I just need five minutes in the practice room! Right this very instant!

! ! LILLIUMOh, okay. Um...Sam, do you want to come, too?

! ! SAMNah. I have a...thing. That I have to do. With stuff. Places.

! ! JOCELYN! (Over-the-top, with a glance at SAM.)Yeah, and I need help right now!

13

! ! LILLIUM! (To SAM.)Are you sure?

! ! SAMYeah. Um, see you later?

! ! LILLIUMThat’s fine, its just --

! ! SAMOkay, see you soon, bye!! (SAM leans in to give LILLIUM a kiss on the cheek, ! changes his mind, reaches for a hug, changes his ! mind again, and settles on lightly punching her in ! the shoulder.)Cool. Bye.

! (He exits at a run. JOCELYN watches SAM leave, ! smiling to herself. LILLIUM turns to JOCELYN, ! utterly confused.)

! ! LILLIUMOkay, tell me I’m not the only one that sees it...the way he acts around me. Its weird, right? Something’s up.

! ! JOCELYNOh, no. Not really. Typical Sam! Now, let’s go work on my monologue.

! ! LILLIUMJo, I’m serious.! (Pause.)You know something!

! ! JOCELYNI don’t know anything! And I definitely don’t know anything to do with the marching band or the Homecoming dance.

! ! LILLIUMNow you’re acting strange.

! ! JOCELYNMonologue, remember?

14

! (As JOCELYN pulls LILLIUM towards the exit, BRAEDON ! enters, passing them. LILLIUM stops when she sees ! him.)

! ! BRAEDONHey! Going somewhere?

! ! LILLIUMJo’s acting weird.

! ! JOCELYNI am not.

! ! LILLIUMAnd Sam is acting weird.

! ! BRAEDONI’m doing okay.

! ! LILLIUMWell, I’m glad someone is.

! ! JOCELYNCan we please go?

! ! LILLIUMNo, not until you tell me what’s going on, Jo.

! ! JOCELYNBraedon, tell her not to worry about it. Tell her she’s making stuff up again. Over thinking everything.

! ! BRAEDON! (With robotic mock-seriousness.)Don’t worry about it. You’re making stuff up again. You’re over thinking everything.

! ! JOCELYNOh, you’re no help.

! ! BRAEDONWhat’s the big deal?

! ! LILLIUMSam is acting suspicious.

15

! ! BRAEDONIs he finally gonna grow a pair and ask you out?

! ! JOCELYNNot if I don’t distract her long enough for him to assemble the freakin’ marching band!

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMWait, were you serious about that?

! ! BRAEDONThe marching band?

! ! LILLIUMJo, are you serious? He’s really going to --

! ! JOCELYNI didn’t say anything!

! (JOCELYN stomps off in a fury. LILLIUM pauses and ! then turns to BRAEDON.)

! ! LILLIUMOh, boy.

! ! BRAEDONWhat is it?

! ! LILLIUM! (Earnestly; realizing it for the first time.)He likes me.

! ! BRAEDONGo get him.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMWhat is it?

! ! BRAEDONWhat? Nothing. Go get him!

! (Pause.)

16

! ! LILLIUMI know what it is.

! ! BRAEDONI know where this is going.

! ! LILLIUM! (Growing in melodrama, a joke they’ve made before.)Its going to be so hard for you to see me go out with Sam Levett --

! ! BRAEDONOh, yeah, I definitely know where this is going --

! ! LILLIUMSince you, Braedon Hawker, are already so madly in love with me.

! ! BRAEDON! (Matching her.)Yes, my heart aches at the thought. I’ll print his picture on dartboards until you finally break-up with the scoundrel.

! ! LILLIUMOh, how will our friendship survive?

! ! BRAEDONIt won’t. I’ll feed you to the wolves.

! ! LILLIUMBreaking your heart will suffice for me.

! ! BRAEDONAnd I’ll rue the day I told you to go get him.

! ! LILLIUMAnd regret it for the rest of your life!

! ! BRAEDONUntil his mysterious murder.

! ! LILLIUMNo one will suspect you!

17

! ! BRAEDONNot even you.

! ! LILLIUMOf course not. My best friend kill my one true love?! Impossible!

! ! BRAEDONLittle do you know, my plan is already in action!

! ! LILLIUMLittle do you know, I already suspect you!

! (Pause. They laugh and look at each other for a ! moment.)

! ! BRAEDON! (With finality.)Go get him.

! ! LILLIUMI’m going!

! (LILLIUM hugs BRAEDON and runs off after JOCELYN, ! almost skipping.)

! ! BRAEDON“I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.”Lemony Snicket; The Beatrice Letters

~ SCENE TWO

! (The hospital waiting room. SAM is alone at the ! table, reading the letter BRAEDON left there ! previously.)

! ! SAM“Please attempt to acknowledge my presence before then. I love you. Lillium.”

! (JOCELYN has entered quietly. She watches SAM for a ! moment.)

18

! ! JOCELYNSam.

! ! SAMJo!! (He runs to her, hugs her.)I’m glad you’re here.

! ! JOCELYNAre you --

! ! SAMI’m fine.! (Pause.)I’m fine.

! ! JOCELYNWell, I came as soon as I could.

! ! SAMWhat?

! ! JOCELYNAnn called me.! (Pause.)Ann never calls me, Sam. What happened?

! ! SAMYour guess is as good as mine. No one is telling me anything.

! ! JOCELYNShe said I needed to be here, she said she wanted my help.

! ! SAMI don’t know anything, Jo. People won’t tell me --

! ! JOCELYNBut you know something. We’re here for a reason.

! ! SAMShe’s asleep, okay? That’s all there is to it.

! ! JOCELYNWell, if nothing’s changed, what’s the point of --

19

! ! SAMHer brain could die. That’s all I know. They, the doctors and stuff, they need to know what to do if her brain dies.

! ! JOCELYNI don’t understand.

! ! SAMIt doesn’t matter. I mean...she’s not dead. Not at all. Nothing has to change.! (Pause.)Nothing is changing. God, how long has it been?

! ! JOCELYNA month.

! ! SAMYeah. Its been a month and nothing’s changed. Can you believe that?

! ! JOCELYNSam --

! ! SAMLook, I’m sorry, I just...! (Pause. Remembering BRAEDON’s earlier comment.)If her brains’s dead, she’s dead.

! ! JOCELYNNo. No, that’s not how it works, Sam. You’re dead when your heart stops, if her heart doesn’t stop then she’s still --

! ! SAMShe doesn’t hear me. The Doctor, he said you never know, sometimes people can hear everything, but I don’t think that’s true. I go in there and I talk to her and...I know she can’t hear me.

! ! JOCELYNDon’t do that to yourself.

! ! SAMShe wouldn’t have wanted this, Jo. She wouldn’t want us to all stand around holding out hope.

20

! ! JOCELYNShe would have wanted to live. She wouldn’t want us to give up.! (Pause.)That’s what you’re doing, ya know. You’re giving up. I just got here and you’ve already decided --

! ! SAMNo, we, you and I, don’t get to decide anything. We’re nobody. We’re not her parents. I hate it.

! ! JOCELYNDecide what?

! ! SAMJo, really think about it. Is this really what Lillium would have wanted?

! ! JOCELYNI don’t understand what you’re saying. You don’t sound like yourself.

! ! SAMIf she was here, if it was you or me in there, or Ann or Edward or somebody...what would she want?

! (Pause.)

! ! JOCELYNWait, you mean kill her? You mean they might...unplug her? They might kill her?! (Pause.)Do you think they should?

! ! SAM! (Still contemplating BRAEDON’s words.)Its mercy, right? Its fair.

! ! JOCELYN! (Completely bewildered.)No, Sam. Its not mercy. What you’re talking about is murder. You just said --

! ! SAMNo, no, I’m just asking you --

21

! ! JOCELYNWow, some boyfriend you are, giving up on her like that. I can’t believe you.

! ! SAMBut what would she have thought? Not you, Jo, I know what you think. What would she have thought?! (Pause.)What are we fighting for?! (Pause.)I don’t want her dead, but I don’t her to suffer anymore. That’s so much worse. Its just...selfish, right? To keep her alive and --

! ! JOCELYN! (Misunderstanding.)You think I’m selfish?

! ! SAM! (Exasperated.)And now you’re making it about you.

! ! JOCELYNShe was my best friend.

! ! SAM“Was.” You keep saying “was.” See? Somewhere in you --

! ! JOCELYNIs! She is my best friend!

! ! SAMWhat’s something you know about her? Something no one else knows.

! ! JOCELYNWhat?

! ! SAMGo on.

! ! JOCELYNWell, I can’t think of anything off the top of my --

22

! ! SAMMe neither. I’m thinking and thinking. Of secrets I knew or things she told me. We had plans, for the future, we had goals. But...none of it was just ours.

! ! JOCELYNSo? She’s a private person.

! ! SAMNo, Jo, not really. We just don’t know anything about her.

! ! JOCELYNStop saying that. Stop trying to tell me I wasn’t a good friend -

! ! SAMJesus, Jo, that’s not what I’m saying!

! ! JOCELYNStop yelling at me.! (Pause.) They won’t do it. I don’t care what you say, they love her too much and --

! ! SAMThey don’t care what I say either. Haven’t you figured it out yet, Jo? We’re here because we love her. Not because they need our input.! (Pause.)I thought I knew her.

! ! JOCELYNYou did. I don’t know what makes you think you didn’t.! (He abruptly hands her BRAEDON’s note.)What the hell is this?! (She reads it. SAM watches her silently.)Is he here? Is Braedon...here?

! ! SAMHe was here before I was.

! ! JOCELYNWhat?!

! ! SAMHe’s been here all day.

23

! ! JOCELYNOh, screw him. What is this? What does this mean?! (She looks SAM squarely in the eye reassuringly.)She loved you okay. You two were perfect, you two are perfect. And this, whatever this is...it means nothing.

! (There is an awkward pause. JOCELYN kisses SAM. He ! stops her.)

! ! SAMStop. Not here.

! ! JOCELYN! (With genuine tears.)I’m sorry. That was really stupid. I can’t believe I did that.! (She continues to sob. SAM puts his arm around her ! cautiously.)I just miss her.

! ! SAM! (More to himself.)Me too.

~ MEMORY TWO

! (LILLIUM’s living room. BRAEDON and LILLIUM enter, ! mid-conversation.)

! ! LILLIUMIt was cute!

! ! BRAEDONIt was...big. And unnecessary.

! ! LILLIUMWell, what do you expect for a one year anniversary? That’s a big thing and Sam likes that kind of stuff, he likes to make big deals out of things.

! ! BRAEDONCome on, admit it, it was a little cheesy.

! ! LILLIUMIt was romantic.

24

! ! BRAEDONRomantic. But cheesy.

! ! LILLIUMJust romantic.

! ! BRAEDONRecreating the entire thing, really?

! ! LILLIUMThe marching band already knew the song.

! ! BRAEDON! (Singing.)“Could I have this dance, for the rest of my life...” Everybody knows that song, Lillium, because Sam has half the school parading around playing it every semester.

! ! LILLIUMIt was sweet.

! ! BRAEDONI’m just kidding. It was..a lot. But, for the occasion, I guess it was sort of appropriate.

! ! LILLIUMThe look on your face when the whole tuba section --

! ! BRAEDONJust comes out of nowhere! I was completely unprepared!

! ! LILLIUMIt was priceless.! (Pause.)I’m surprised you didn’t know it was happening. I figured Sam would have told you. I thought maybe you helped him plan it.

! ! BRAEDONAre you kidding? Sam wouldn’t ask me. Jo probably helped him, though. Jo would do anything for Sam.

! ! LILLIUMWhat do you mean?

25

! ! BRAEDONWell, she helped him ask you out. He didn’t ask for my help then, why would he ask me now?

! ! LILLIUMBecause you’re my best friend, too, and you would have wanted to --

! ! BRAEDONCome on, Lillium. Sam hates me.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMThat is just not true, Braedon, and you know it.

! ! BRAEDONHe barely talks to me --

! ! LILLIUMHe doesn’t know what to say!

! ! BRAEDONI can’t remember the last full conversation I had with the guy.

! ! LILLIUMCome on. Stop it. Sam likes you. He would tell me if he didn’t like you, and I would tell him to get over it. Because I like you.

! ! BRAEDONI’m just sayin’...I’m your friend, not his. The tuba section wasn’t my idea.

! (They laugh.)

! ! LILLIUMIt doesn’t feel like a year has passed.

! ! BRAEDONWe’re getting old. Everything is flying by. Tomorrow we’ll have grandkids.

26

! ! LILLIUMI hope not! We sound like my mom. “No regrets, Lillium, it all passes too quickly.”

! ! BRAEDONI love your mom.

! ! LILLIUMI guess she has a point. A whole year just ran way from us.! (She spots something on the counter and moves to ! pick it up.)Well...almost. A year on Tuesday.

! ! BRAEDON! (Watching her.)Yeah?

! ! LILLIUM! (She picks it up.)Yup.

! ! BRAEDONWhat is that?

! (She turns around and shows him an application to ! Brown University. She holds up a sticky note ! attached to it and reads.)

! ! LILLIUM“Lillium, hope school was good today. I saw this on your desk and noticed you hadn’t started filling it out. The deadline for submission is only a few months away. Please take the time to fill it out before I get home this evening. Its only your future on the line. Dad.”

! ! BRAEDON“Its only your future on the line?”

! ! LILLIUMThat’s my dad.

! ! BRAEDONI know, but even for him, that’s so --

! ! LILLIUMNo, not really. That’s my dad.

27

! (She picks up another sticky note, tucked under the ! previous one.)Oh. And here’s one from mom. “Don’t listen to your father. Take your time. Love, mom.”

! ! BRAEDONI knew I liked her.

! ! LILLIUM! (Laughing lightly with little commitment.)Yeah.! (She looks through the application.)There are four essays you have to fill out. I don’t want to write four essays.

! ! BRAEDONYeah, but...its Brown. The dream.

! ! LILLIUMYeah, the dream. Sure.! (Pause.)Its just a lot of work. You have to actually do the work. You can’t just...have marching bands serenade you all day, ya know?

! ! BRAEDONYeah.

! ! LILLIUM! (Laughing, singing to herself as she flips through ! the application.)“Could I have this dance, for the rest of my life? Would you be my partner every night?”! (Pause. She reads from the application, directing ! the questions at BRAEDON.)“Name a fictional character that has greatly influenced the way you view the world, your learning style, your attitude towards relationships, or a combination of the above.”

! ! BRAEDONBugs Bunny.

! ! LILLIUM“Fill in the blank. I will truly know I’ve changed the world when...”

28

! ! BRAEDONI have an E true Hollywood story.

! ! LILLIUM“An object or concept I don’t understand is...”

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONUnrequited love.

! ! LILLIUM“If you could be anywhere in the world at this moment, where would you be?”

! ! BRAEDONBrown University.

! ! LILLIUMUgh, do you think people actually write that?

! ! BRAEDONOh, I’d bet money on it.

! ! LILLIUMThat’s terrible.

! ! BRAEDON! (Taking the application from her.)Your turn. Fictional character.

! ! LILLIUMScarlett O’Hara? I don’t know.

! ! BRAEDONHow will you know when you’ve changed the world?

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMI won’t. I’d have to be dead.

! ! BRAEDONThat got morbid.

29

! ! LILLIUMNo, seriously. Maybe I’ll die and look down...and everyone will be sad, but it won’t really matter for a little while. Or maybe I’ll look down and things will change. I mean, how else would you know that sort of thing?

! ! BRAEDONYou’re definitely gonna get in to this school.

! ! LILLIUMShut up.

! ! BRAEDONNext! An object or concept you don’t understand.

! ! LILLIUMExpectation.

! ! BRAEDONAnd, last but not least, if you could be anywhere in the world right now, it would be...

! ! LILLIUMAn ocean.

! ! BRAEDONAn ocean?

! ! LILLIUMAny ocean. I’d like to see the ocean, I think.

! ! BRAEDONOkay.

! ! LILLIUMIts infinite.

! ! BRAEDONNo, I think it ends at some point.

! ! LILLIUMOkay, smartass.

! (He gives her back the application.)

30

! ! BRAEDONFill it out.

! ! LILLIUMNot right now.

! ! BRAEDONNo. Fill it out. I’ll wait.

! ! LILLIUMNo, seriously, Braedon, I can’t concentrate on it right now.

! ! BRAEDONYou have something with the second question though. Just don’t forget what you said.

! ! LILLIUMDo you think marching bands serenade you in heaven?! (Pause.)I don’t get the question. I don’t think its answerable. I don’t think everyone changes the world. You can effect people, I guess, or matter to people, but --

! ! BRAEDONIts just a stupid college essay. The prompts never make any sense.

! ! LILLIUMI know you thought it was morbid. But I think about that sometimes.

! ! BRAEDONAbout...death?

! ! LILLIUMWell, kind of. Don’t freak out.

! ! BRAEDONI’m not.

! ! LILLIUMYou die, but other people still live. They live past you. They have more time. And who’s to say any of them really knew you or loved you or...who’s to say you changed anyone’s world?! (BRAEDON smiles and hands her the application.)What?

31

! ! BRAEDONWrite that down. That’s your essay. That’s how you’re going to get into the school.

! ! LILLIUMWill you read it when I’m done?

! ! BRAEDONAbsolutely. Now, go and write it. I’ll be right here.

! (LILLIUM smiles at him and begins to exit with the ! application. She turns around just before she ! leaves.)

! ! LILLIUMThank you.

! (She exits.)

! ! BRAEDON“Unrequited love is the perfect romantic construct. It allows two cowardly people to act out a fantasy of love without having to face any real consequences.”Galt Niederhoffer; The Romantics

~ SCENE THREE

! (Two different areas of the hospital waiting room; ! two separate conversations. JOCELYN approaches SAM. ! ANN approaches EDWARD, who is pouring over his ! paperwork.)

! ! JOCELYNI’m sorry.

! ! ANNI’m sorry.

! ! EDWARDYou don’t have to apologize.

! ! SAMNo, I’m sorry.

32

! ! ANNI feel like I do.

! ! EDWARDWell, you don’t.

! ! JOCELYNI don’t think sometimes.

! ! SAMI’m not mad at you.

! ! JOCELYNI don’t want you to hate me.

! ! EDWARDSit down, Ann.

! ! SAMI can’t hate you.

! (SAM stands and crosses to JOCELYN. He rests his ! forehead on hers for a moment. ANN sits next to ! EDWARD.)

! ! ANNThere’s really terrible food in the cafeteria.

! ! EDWARDHospital food.

! (Pause.)

! ! ANNBraedon is here.

! ! EDWARDOkay.

! ! ANNDon’t you think that’s weird?

! ! EDWARDI’m not surprised.

33

! ! ANNHe just disappeared for a while.

! ! EDWARDIt didn’t surprise me.

! ! SAMHave you seen him yet?

! ! JOCELYNNo. And I don’t want to. I think I’ll scream at him.

! ! SAMSame.

! ! JOCELYNDo you think they’ll listen to him? Ann and Edward. They’ve known him longer than they’ve known us.

! ! SAMThey’re not going to listen to the two of us.

! ! ANNWell, it surprised me. They were friends since...forever. They’ve always been so close.

! ! EDWARDThat’s why it didn’t surprise me.

! ! JOCELYNYes, they will.

! ! SAMStop.

! ! JOCELYNWhy else would Ann call me?

! ! SAMAsk Ann.

! ! JOCELYNI will.

34

! ! ANN! (Bitterly.)Nothing surprises you. Not with Lillium.

! ! SAMThey won’t listen to us, they’ll listen to Braedon.

! ! ANNThey’ll want to know what we decide. Sam, Jo, Braedon. They have a right to know.

! ! EDWARDThey have a right to be here. They don’t have a right to know.

! ! ANNDon’t give up. Please don’t give up on her.

! ! EDWARDNo one’s giving up.

! ! ANNIt feels like --

! ! EDWARD! (Hurt. Sincere.)I’m tired, Ann. I’m tired all the time.

! ! JOCELYNNo, they hate him just as much as we --

! ! SAMThey don’t hate him. Nobody hates him.

! ! JOCELYN! (Naively.)I hate him.

! ! SAMYou don’t, though. I don’t.

! ! JOCELYNDon’t you remember what it was like when he left? She didn’t even leave her room. It was so...eighth grade. It wasn’t like her.

35

! ! SAMHe didn’t leave, he just stopped being everywhere.

! ! JOCELYNBeing everywhere?

! ! ANNDid we do something wrong? As parents?

! ! EDWARDNo, Ann.

! ! SAMThat guy creeps me out, Jo. I’ve never liked him. He followed her around like a dog.

! ! JOCELYNCome on, he’s known her forever and --

! ! SAMWhy did he hang around? Why was he always there?

! ! JOCELYNShe was his best friend.

! ! SAMYou were her best friend.

! ! JOCELYNHer other best friend, yes.

! ! ANNDiscuss it, discuss something for once, don’t just dismiss everything I say --

! ! EDWARDI am not dismissing you, I’m disagreeing with you.! (Pause.)I don’t like being in the hospital all day. I have work to do, I’m going to be swamped when I finally get back. I haven’t taken any calls today, and my biggest client’s hearing had to be postponed.

! ! ANNWell, what do you want me to do about that? I’m stuck here, too. I have things I could be doing.

36

! ! SAMHe messes with my head. He says shit and it makes me change my mind, I feel like I’m wrong, I feel like I don’t know anything, I just --

! ! JOCELYNThat’s Braedon. He’s deeper than the rest of us, always has been.

! (Pause.)

! ! SAMYou don’t hate him.

! ! JOCELYNI do now.

! ! SAMYou’re defending him.

! ! JOCELYNI’m explaining him.

! ! SAMHe’s pathetic. He has to be explained.

! ! JOCELYNHe should explain what he did.

! ! SAMCome on Jo, don’t be stupid.

! ! EDWARDAll that’s left are boxes, Ann. Only three pages of ‘yes’ and ‘no’ boxes.

! ! JOCELYNDon’t be stupid?

! ! SAMYou know what happened.

! ! JOCELYNNo, I don’t, Lillium never said anything, she never --

37

! ! SAMHe followed her around. He never left her.

! ! JOCELYNOh, don’t do that. Don’t be that guy. Everyone always assumed he was --

! ! SAMNo one assumed anything, its the most obvious thing in the world.

! (Pause.)

! ! JOCELYN! (Flustered.)That’s not true. You can pick up on that, really? You think you can read that much into people?

! ! SAMJo, you’re not this stupid, he was obsessed with her --

! ! JOCELYNHe loved her, yes. But was he in love with --

! ! SAMYou’re kidding me.

! ! JOCELYNScrew you, Sam. You don’t like Braedon so you invented a reason to hate him.

! ! SAMJesus Christ, Jo, get your shit together, one minute you hate Braedon, the next minute you’re all about defending him --

! ! JOCELYNI don’t know what I think anymore, okay?!

! ! ANNYou haven’t even been in to visit her.

! ! EDWARDNo, not yet.

! ! SAMI can see that.

38

! ! ANNIts been a month.

! ! EDWARDIt feels longer.

! ! JOCELYNIf he was so in love with her, he wouldn’t have left. Its that simple.

! ! SAMWell, what the hell does that mean?

! ! EDWARDI don’t want to see her.

! ! ANNYou’re cold.

! ! JOCELYNThere’s a lot that’s messed up with the four of us.

! ! SAM! (Not meanly.)Yeah, no shit.

! ! EDWARDI want to go for another walk.

! ! ANNI’ll come with you.

! ! JOCELYN! (As if she’s just realizing it.)Lillium might die.

! ! EDWARDNo, I want to go alone.! (He hands her the paperwork.)Look at it. Read it. Please, Ann. I can’t do it all myself.

! ! SAMYeah.

39

~ MEMORY THREE

! (LILLIUM’s living room. JOCELYN is standing at the ! doorway, calling out.)

! ! JOCELYN! (Chanting.)Send it, send it, send it!! (LILLIUM enters.)Yay!

! ! LILLIUMOkay, its done. Its in the mail. And now I wait.

! ! JOCELYNHow long?

! ! LILLIUMCould be a couple months.

! ! JOCELYNGross.

! ! LILLIUMBut it’s gone. I feel...lighter. I feel like I lost a hundred pounds.

! ! JOCELYN! (Chanting cheerleader-style.)You’re gonna be a lawyer, its gonna be really great.

! ! LILLIUMWe don’t know that yet.

! ! JOCELYNI’ll Skype you from California and show you the beach and all my fancy art gallery openings --

! ! LILLIUMOh, I bet.

! ! JOCELYN-- and you’ll show me your...lawyer stuff.

! ! LILLIUMI’ll take you to mock trials with me.

40

! ! JOCELYNPerfect!

! ! LILLIUMYou’ll have to show me the ocean.

! ! JOCELYNSure. It’ll be right there.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMWow, I actually just --

! ! JOCELYNApplied to your dream school? Weird, right?

! ! LILLIUMMy dad is not going to talk about anything else until I find out what happened.

! ! JOCELYNUntil you find out you got in.

! ! LILLIUMI hope so.

! ! JOCELYNLillium and Jocelyn all grown up. It seemed impossible. We’ve come so far and...all that cliche crap your mom always says.! (They laugh.)I’m proud of us. You’re gonna be a great lawyer someday, Lillium.

! ! LILLIUMThanks, Jo.

! ! JOCELYNAnd, one day, when some jealous nobody steals my great art work, you’ll represent me in court. We’ll sue the bastard for all he’s worth.

! ! LILLIUMIts a deal.

41

! (They hug. JOCELYN’s phone begins ringing. She reads ! a text.)

! ! JOCELYNBoo, I’m late for my scholarship meeting.

! ! LILLIUMOh crap, I’ve been holding you up.

! ! JOCELYNNo, its not your fault. I wasn’t even paying attention. Where’s my purse?

! ! LILLIUM! (Picking it up and handing it to her.)Found it.

! ! JOCELYN! (Taking the purse from LILLIUM.)Um, when is Sam supposed to get here?

! ! LILLIUMWhat? I don’t know, soon probably. But you have a scholarship meeting to go too, Miss Art School, so you’ll have to miss the marching band this time.

! ! JOCELYNVery funny, Miss Ivy League. I guess I’ll see you later and...and I’m really proud of you! And you’re pretty and are going to be very rich one day.

! ! LILLIUMJo, leave!

! ! JOCELYNI’ll see you later!

! (JOCELYN leaves. LILLIUM sits down by herself for a ! moment, oddly pensive. She sings to herself.)

! ! LILLIUM“Could I have this dance...for the rest of my life? Would you be my partner every night? When we’re together, it feels so right --”

42

! (SAM has entered, behind. He joins her song.)

! ! SAM! (With her.)“-- could I have this dance...for the rest of my life?”

! ! LILLIUM! (Turning around.)Hey you!

! ! SAMI caught Jo leaving. I heard I barely missed it.

! ! LILLIUMWell, its still out in the mailbox if you want to go look at it.

! ! SAMI missed the big moment! The defining moment.

! ! LILLIUMThe defining moment is the rejection letter.

! ! SAMThe acceptance letter, you mean.

! ! LILLIUMOr the wait list letter, I guess.! (Pause.)Or my dad’s face when I tell him I got in.

! ! SAMOptimism!

! ! LILLIUMA step towards that, maybe.

! ! SAMI’ve never been prouder.! (He kisses her.)So, when will you know?

! ! LILLIUMIt could be March, it could be April. I have no idea. With my luck, I’ll hear about it the night of Prom.

43

! ! SAMHm. I should factor that in to the evening. I’ll schedule it between pictures and dinner.

! ! LILLIUMUgh, or I’ll get it on graduation day.

! ! SAMWe’ll have the valedictorian work it into their speech. Oh wait, we can’t do that, because you’re the valedictorian.

! ! LILLIUMShut up. Its not even hard.

! ! SAMThere is no way I’m going to be my class valedictorian.

! ! LILLIUMNah, but you’ll get one of those Yearbook awards. Most Likely to Succeed.

! ! SAMI’ll get a special award for my legendary Homecoming invitation.

! ! LILLIUMOh, here it goes.

! ! SAM! (A dramatic, Forensics-style retelling.)Its three o’clock on a Tuesday afternoon in October. An unsuspecting Lillium Bradshaw is being held captive in a practice room --

! ! LILLIUMUnsuspecting? Yeah, right. Jo ruined the whole thing.

! ! SAM-- Suddenly, taking her completely by surprise, the door opens and a single clarinet is heard --

! ! LILLIUMI think you remember this differently than I do.

! ! SAMShe leaves the room, looks around, and what does she see?

44

! (Pause.)That’s your cue, Lillium. What does she see?

! ! LILLIUMOh! She sees the entire marching band playing something that vaguely resembles her favorite song --

! ! SAM-- that sounds exactly like her favorite song! --

! ! LILLIUM“Could I Have This Dance” by Ann Murray.

! ! SAMEnter Sam Levett, confident, strong, sexy --

! ! LILLIUMOh, boy.

! ! SAM-- he walks towards her, hands her a single rose --

! ! LILLIUMI don’t remember that part.

! ! SAM-- and says “Will you go to Homecoming with me?” And the rest is history.

! ! LILLIUMThat was a beautiful retelling, Sam.

! ! SAMThat’s how I remember it.

! ! LILLIUMThe rose was a little much.

! ! SAMThere will be a rose next time. Round two: the halls of Brown University.

! ! LILLIUMOh, boy.

45

! ! SAMThat’s really why I need to know when you’re leaving. I need to know when to hold rehearsals with the band.

! ! LILLIUMShut up.

! ! SAMSo, please find out sooner rather than later. For scheduling purposes.

! ! LILLIUMWell, I hope I find out soon.! (Pause.)More time to say goodbye.

! (Pause. Suddenly serious.)

! ! SAMI’ll come visit you. All the time.

! ! LILLIUMIts 14 hours away, Sam.

! ! SAMI’ll drive out. I will.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMI don’t think I want to have this discussion yet.

! ! SAMOkay. We don’t have to.

! ! LILLIUMI think I want to wait, that’s all. Wait until I really know.

! ! SAMI wasn’t trying to start anything.

! ! LILLIUMI know.

! ! SAMIts going to be --

46

! ! LILLIUMI really don’t want to think about it yet.

! ! SAMOkay.

! (She kisses him. There is a knock on the door. ! LILLIUM breaks away from SAM and answers. BRAEDON ! enters.)

! ! BRAEDONDid you send it?

! ! LILLIUMSure did!

! (BRAEDON picks her up in a colossal hug, twirling ! her around the room. He sets her down when he sees ! SAM, watching disapprovingly.)

! ! SAM! (Flatly.)Hey, dude.

! ! BRAEDONHey.! (To LILLIUM.)Guess I’m not the first to congratulate you.

! (Awkward pause.)

! ! SAM! (Heading quickly to the door.)I’m gonna go get some food. Do you want anything, Lillium?

! ! LILLIUMWhat? Sure, just pick me up whatever.

! ! SAMOkay. I’ll be right back. Love you.

! ! LILLIUM! (Stopping him as he exits.)Are you okay?

47

! ! SAMI’m fine. Just hungry. I’ll be back.

! (And he’s gone. Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMWhat the hell was that?

! ! BRAEDONHe hates me.

! ! LILLIUMBraedon!

! ! BRAEDONIts true. Stop denying it.

! ! LILLIUMIts not you, its Brown. He’s worried about the distance.

! ! BRAEDONI get that, I just don’t see why he takes it out on me.

! ! LILLIUMGive him a break, okay?

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONHe said he loved you.

! ! LILLIUMWhat? When?

! ! BRAEDONJust now. Before he left.

! ! LILLIUM! (Overwhelmed.)Oh. That’s nice.! (Pause.)He said “I love you?!” He actually said it?

! ! BRAEDONI heard him say it.

48

! ! LILLIUMWhy the hell didn’t I hear it?!

! ! BRAEDONI think you did.

! ! LILLIUMWhy don’t I remember it?

! ! BRAEDONI’m sure he’ll say it again when he comes --

! ! LILLIUMI am just not on planet Earth today, I guess.

! ! BRAEDONThat’s because you finally sent it.

! ! LILLIUMYeah, I guess so.! (She stands and picks up a piece of paper nearby.)I printed this for you. Its my essay. The second one.

! ! BRAEDONHow will you know when you’ve changed the world?

! ! LILLIUMIts my deep and cynical lawyer look at death and its implications.

! ! BRAEDONThat sounded like a lawyer.

! ! LILLIUMMy dad really liked it.

! ! BRAEDONThat’s because he’s a lawyer.

! ! LILLIUMWell, I wanted you to read it, too.! (Pause.)He really said he loved me?

! ! BRAEDONYup.

49

! (Pause. BRAEDON scans the paper.)

! ! LILLIUMTell me something. Is it fair for me to leave him?

! ! BRAEDONLillium, don’t be that girl. That girl that doesn’t want to leave because of some guy --

! ! LILLIUMNo, no! Not to him. To me. Is it fair for me to leave him when I waited so long for him? I mean, he just found me. He finally found me.! (Pause.)What am I saying? I don’t even know if I’m going to Brown yet.

! ! BRAEDONHe found you once. He’ll find you again.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUM! (Hitting him.)Stop always knowing the perfect thing to say.

! ! BRAEDONIts my curse.

! ! LILLIUMRead my essay.

! ! BRAEDONWill do.

! (BRAEDON exits.)

! ! LILLIUM.“There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so.”William Shakespeare; Hamlet

50

~ SCENE FOUR

! (The hospital waiting room. JOCELYN and SAM are on ! the couch; she is napping in his arms. He, however, ! is wide awake. BRAEDON enters, faltering for a ! moment when he sees them.)

! ! SAMHey.

! ! BRAEDONSorry. I don’t want to wake her up.

! ! SAMNah, she’s fine.

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONI was looking for Ann and Edward.

! ! SAMYeah? Um...I haven’t seen them.

! ! BRAEDONIts a big hospital.

! ! SAMYeah.

! (JOCELYN begins to shift.)

! ! BRAEDONI really didn’t mean to --

! ! SAMShe should wake up anyway.! (He shakes her gently.)Jo?

! ! JOCELYNWhat? Yeah. Yeah.! (She looks around, sees BRAEDON.)Hi, Braedon.

51

! ! BRAEDONHey, Jocelyn.

! ! JOCELYNWow, I haven’t seen you in a really long --

! ! BRAEDONSorry I woke you up.

! (Pause.)

! ! JOCELYNThis is kind of awkward.

! ! BRAEDON! (Sincerely, but not sentimentally.)I’m really sorry.

! (Pause.)

! ! JOCELYNFor what?

! ! BRAEDONI know you probably hate me.

! ! JOCELYN! (She thinks about it.)I don’t think so. No. I don’t hate you.

! (JOCELYN steals a glance at SAM, who smiles weakly.)

! ! BRAEDONOh. Well, that’s better than I thought it would --

! ! SAMIt doesn’t mean we’re cool with you, dude.

! ! JOCELYN! (Ignoring SAM.)What happened, Braedon?

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONNothing. It was my fault.

52

! ! JOCELYNI want to be so mad at you, but I’m not.! (JOCELYN hugs BRAEDON. He hesitates to return the ! hug. The hug breaks.)I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I don’t know why that was so easy.

! ! BRAEDONWe all care about her.

! (BRAEDON looks pointedly at SAM.)

! ! SAMYeah, don’t expect a hug from me.

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONI didn’t.

! (ANN and EDWARD enter. JOCELYN immediately hugs ! ANN.)

! ! ANNJo! You made it.

! ! JOCELYNI’ve been here a few hours. We couldn’t find you.

! ! EDWARDHave any of you gone home yet?

! (They all shake their heads.)

! ! ANNIt means a lot that you guys have stayed so long.

! ! JOCELYNAnything for Lillium.

! ! SAMOf course.

! (Pause.)

53

! ! EDWARD! (Trying to get at something.)It does mean a lot, Ann.

! ! ANN! (Not wanting to.)Yes. It means so much to us. More than we can say. But...Edward and I...we need something from you.

! ! JOCELYNAnything.

! ! ANNYou guys need to go home, get some rest, even just a little. We’ll call you in the morning and let you know what we decide and --

! ! SAMNo, no way. I’m not leaving.

! ! JOCELYNI just got here!

! ! ANNPlease. For us. We want to go home, too. Its been a long day --

! ! SAM! (Exasperated.)Now? You want us to go home now?

! ! EDWARDSam, this is not the time for your chivalry.

! ! SAMWhat? No. I just think its the wrong time to --

! ! EDWARDWe are telling you to leave. We are leaving. We are all leaving.

! ! ANNWe can come back in the morning.

54

! ! JOCELYN! (Cautiously.)Have you guys decided anything?

! (Pause.)

! ! EDWARDNo.

! ! ANNWe’re going to sleep on it. Its a very hard decision.

! ! JOCELYNOh, I know. Please know that I know that...I sympathize. I love you guys so much and I would never want to --

! ! ANNOh, Jo. We know.

! (Pause.)

! ! SAMIs it still visiting hours?

! ! ANNYes.

! ! SAMI want to see her. Before we go. I know we’ll be back but...I want to see her.

! ! JOCELYNI’ll go with you.

! ! ANNThat’s fine. We’ll wait.

! ! SAMOh, you don’t have to.

! ! ANNNo, we’ll wait.

! ! EDWARDYou do need to go home sometime, Sam.

55

! (SAM and JOCELYN begin to exit. BRAEDON breaks.)

! ! BRAEDONStop! Stop leaving!! (A confused pause.)You can’t just put it to rest, you can’t just sleep on it, you have to do something.

! ! ANNBraedon, please --

! ! BRAEDONNo, no, I’m sick of it. There has been too much standing around and...and not enough discussion. I’ve been watching all day and I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I can’t do it anymore.

! ! SAMJesus Christ, not this again.

! ! BRAEDON! (Approaching ANN.)If you sleep on it, you’ll make the wrong decision.

! (Pause.)

! ! EDWARD! (Strong.)Go home.

! ! BRAEDONHow come no one understands? How come no one is listening to me?

! ! SAMI am so done with you, dude.

! ! JOCELYNSam, don’t --

! ! SAMNo, he was doing this holier-than-thou routine earlier today, thinking he’s better than all of us, acting like he’s the only one that knew her. The typical preachy Braedon bullshit.

! ! BRAEDONI’m not trying to preach, I just want someone to listen --

56

! ! SAMThey just said they want us to leave, they just said they want more time to think. Stop screwing with everyone’s minds.

! ! JOCELYNCan we just go see her and leave, Sam?

! ! SAMIs Braedon done with his douchebag speech? Because I can wait. I want to hear the whole thing. Don’t stop now.

! ! BRAEDON! (Once again approaching ANN.)I am not trying to tell you what to do, I just want you to think about it, think about her, think about what she believed.

! ! SAMYes, no one knew her but you, no one cared about her but you.

! ! BRAEDON! (Rounding on him.)I never said that!

! ! SAMOh, it was heavily implied. You’ve been saying it as long as I’ve known you.

! ! BRAEDON! (Frustrated and slowly going a little mad.)I just wish you guys would admit that Lillium didn’t think like the rest of us, that Lillium --

! ! SAMOkay, we get it, no artificial life, no vegetable status, none of that shit. We get it, Braedon. That’s what you think she would want, that’s your freakin’ opinion.

! ! JOCELYNLook, no one knows what she would have wanted, she’s the only one that could tell us that.

! ! SAMOh, no shit, Jo.

57

! ! JOCELYN! (Taken aback.)Don’t snap at me.

! ! ANNSam, be reasonable.

! ! SAMIts stupid! Its stupid to keep repeating the same useless shit over and over again if we’re not going to --

! ! EDWARDThat’s enough, Sam.

! ! SAM! (Appealing to him.)Edward --

! ! EDWARD! (Very angry.)Mr. Bradshaw.

! (Pause. SAM is slightly shocked.)

! ! BRAEDONI know no one wants to hear it, I know everyone is sick of hearing it, but...look...! (He scrambles for something to say.)Did you read her essay?

! (Pause.)

! ! JOCELYNWhat essay?

! ! BRAEDON! (Desperation building.)Her essay for Brown. About changing the world. It was about death and changing the world and...look, did any of you read it?

! ! SAMWait, hang on, you think...you think because you read some essay she wrote that you know everything about her?

58

! ! BRAEDONDid you read it?

! ! SAMI don’t even know what you’re talking about.

! ! BRAEDONI read it. I read it and --

! ! ANNJust stop. This isn’t going anywhere.

! ! EDWARDYou all need to leave.

! ! SAMWell, if he gets a say, I get a say. And I say no.

! ! JOCELYNStop being such an asshole, Sam.

! ! SAMOh, I’m the asshole? I’m the asshole? That’s nice.! (Pause. To BRAEDON.)You’re always there, not doing anything, not saying anything, not going anywhere. You’re just...there. Like this stalker Lillium couldn’t shake.

! ! ANNSam!

! ! JOCELYNWhat the hell, Sam? Braedon, he doesn’t mean it, he’s just mad and --

! ! BRAEDON! (No longer humoring SAM.)No, he’s right, I am a stalker. I used to sleep in her bushes. He’s the model boyfriend, and I’m just a stalker.

! ! SAMFuck you, you sarcastic prick.

! ! JOCELYNSam, you’re completely out of --

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! ! SAMShut up, Jocelyn! God. I’m sick of your voice. I’m sick of your face. I’m sick of you being here. Why are you here? Just...get out. Go away.

! ! JOCELYN! (With a pause, completely lost.)What?

! ! SAMWhat purpose do you serve? What purpose have you ever fucking served except to sit there and paint shit and kiss people when they don’t fucking ask you to? Why are you always here? Why are either of you ever here? She was my girlfriend, okay, I get to talk too, damn it.! (Pause.)She loved me. I loved her.

! ! BRAEDON‘Loved.’

! ! SAMWhat?

! ! BRAEDONYou said ‘loved.’ ‘Loved,’ not ‘love.’ You know. You won’t admit it, but you know I’m --

! ! SAMShut up, Braedon, I didn’t say anything, I --

! ! JOCELYN! (Small.)Yes you did, Sam.

! ! SAM! (Borderlining over-the-top.)Well I didn’t mean it! Jesus, are we done yet?! ‘Loved,’ ‘love,’ whatever. I love her, so --

! ! BRAEDON! (Almost accidentally.)No, you don’t.

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! ! SAM! (Pacing.)I don’t love her? Fuck you.

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDON! (With contempt, his thoughts uncontrolled.)You’re a grand gesture, that’s it, that’s all you are, Sam. You have a marching band and a good story, and that’s it, that’s all, and the only thing you knew about her was that she liked one song.

! ! SAMIts our song, jackass.

! ! ANN! (Meekly, in the background, unheard by anyone but ! EDWARD.)Its our song.

! ! BRAEDON! (To SAM.)No, its her song. You hijacked it.

! ! EDWARD! (Loudly. Indicating ANN.)Its our song!! (Pause.)“Could I Have This Dance” is our song. Did either of you know that?

! ! BRAEDON! (Surprised.)No.

! ! EDWARDThen don’t talk to me about my daughter.

! (EDWARD exits with ANN, consoling her.)

! ! JOCELYNGreat job, assholes. Look what you did.

! ! SAMGo away, Jocelyn.

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! (Pause.)

! ! JOCELYNI hate both of you.! (Pause.)I loved her, too. You guys aren’t all she had.

! (She begins to exit.)

! ! SAM! (Switching tactics.)Come on. You’re not really gonna leave.

! ! JOCELYNDon’t call me. Don’t tell me anything. Okay?

! ! SAM! (Again switching tactics.)You’re not gonna leave me. I know, you, Jo. You can’t do it.

! (Pause.)

! ! JOCELYN! (Hurt.)Goodbye, Sam.

! (JOCELYN exits. SAM and BRAEDON size each other up.)

! ! SAMWhat don’t you screw up, Braedon?

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONDon’t talk to me.

! (SAM exits.)

~ MEMORY FOUR

! (A high school hallway. BRAEDON is getting his ! things out of his locker. LILLIUM approaches him ! from behind, scaring him with her greeting.)

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! ! LILLIUMHey there, Hawkeye.

! ! BRAEDON! (Jumping, then exasperated.)Hawkeye, really?

! ! LILLIUMI thought I’d test it out.

! ! BRAEDONIts a dud, Black Widow.

! ! LILLIUMDoesn’t work. Its not a pun on my real name.

! ! BRAEDONWhat pun is there for Lillium?

! ! LILLIUMIn second grade this fat girl called me Lily-dumb.

! ! BRAEDONReally? I feel like I would have remembered that.

! ! LILLIUMYou were too busy eating glue in the corner.

! ! BRAEDON.You’re in a mood.

! ! LILLIUM! (She has a secret.)I am.

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONYou got in, didn’t you? You got into Brown?

! (LILLIUM reveals an acceptance letter to Brown.)

! ! LILLIUMI did!

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! (She begins to jump up and down in joy. BRAEDON hugs ! her, just as joyous.)

! ! BRAEDONThat...that is amazing. Lillium, I am so proud of you.

! ! LILLIUMI haven’t even told my parents yet. Its just been sitting in my bag all day. I can’t believe I didn’t burst sooner. But, I trust you. It was weird I kind of felt like...you needed to know before anyone else could.

! ! BRAEDONDid you tell Sam?

! ! LILLIUMNo, he’s next.! (Pause. Less joy.)Its going to start that conversation.

! ! BRAEDONThe you-moving-away conversation

! ! LILLIUMThe me-moving-away-while-he-stays-here conversation.

! ! BRAEDONHe’ll be happy for you.

! ! LILLIUMHe will. But...long distance. I don’t know if we can...I just don’t know.! (Pause.)But I don’t want to think about that right now. I want to think about the look on my dad’s face when I say “I did it. What you always wanted. I did it for you, dad.”

! ! BRAEDONAnd you did it for you.

! ! LILLIUM! (Thinking.)I don’t know who I did it for.! (Slowly piecing it together, unsure of her true ! reaction.)

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I’m going to be a lawyer. I am going to Brown and I am going to be a lawyer.! (Pause.)How should I tell Sam?

! ! BRAEDONThe same way you told me.

! ! LILLIUM! (With growing anxiety.)That I’m going to Brown. To be a lawyer. And that I won’t be back every weekend and that we might not last forever. How do you tell someone that?

! ! BRAEDONYou trust them with the truth.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMYou always know what to say. I wish I could just send you to say things for me, sometimes. Then I’d never have any problems.

! ! BRAEDONFalse.! (Pause.)I’ll miss you. When you go to Brown. I’ll miss you, too.

! (LILLIUM suddenly becomes very emotional, her fear ! and emotions outpouring as BRAEDON attempts to save ! face.)

! ! LILLIUMBraedon, I am so sorry, I didn’t even think...I didn’t mean to ignore you, its just --

! ! BRAEDONNo, I didn’t take it that --

! ! LILLIUMMy parents will be sad too but deep down they want me to go --

! ! BRAEDONPlease don’t think I meant it --

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! ! LILLIUMAnd Jo will be sad but she’s leaving, too! To art school in freakin’ California, and that’s even further away!

! ! BRAEDONI’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be selfish --

! ! LILLIUMI love Sam and I have to leave him and I don’t want to just break-up with him because I’m scared of distance but what else am I supposed to do, I’m scared!

! ! BRAEDONLillium, stop --

! ! LILLIUMAnd I think I have it in my head that you’ll just always be there because you are my rock and I go to you with these things and you support me, you always support me, and it hadn’t even occurred to me that I could lose that, it hadn’t even occurred to me that I could lose my best friend, so --

! ! BRAEDON! (With finality.)You’re not losing me. Its okay.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMOh, boy.! (Pause.)I’m sorry, Braedon. I’m not handling this so well, am I?

! ! BRAEDONYou’re learning what you want.

! ! LILLIUMOr what I don’t.

! (Pause. BRAEDON has a reluctant realization.)

! ! BRAEDONI have something to tell you, too.

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! ! LILLIUM! (Thinking this lightens the mood.)Alright. I guess its your turn.

! ! BRAEDONNo, Lillium, --

! ! LILLIUMNo, please. Please say it. Get my mind off my breakdown.

! (BRAEDON begins awkwardly, fumbling, no finesse.)

! ! BRAEDONThere is no good time. I have fought and I have...just decided that there is no good time to tell you this. But I need you to listen because...you’re going to Brown. And you’re going to be a lawyer. And you and Sam are going to handle the distance. But I am Braedon, not Sam, I can’t put myself on his level, I can’t be the same.! (Pause.)Its a stupid inside joke, its our own thing, and for all that, for what’s its worth...for everything its ever been...I need to tell you. Its so stupid, its so pointless. But if I don’t tell you all I’ll feel is lost and so...bear with me. Just let me tell you. Shit.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMOkay.

! ! BRAEDONNo, that wasn’t it.

! ! LILLIUMAre you alright?

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDON! (Without looking at her. Fumbling)I’m just...I’m in love with you.

! (Pause.)

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! ! LILLIUM! (Not sentimentally.)No, you’re not.

! ! BRAEDONSee, I can’t be mad at you for saying that, because I’ve done this to you, I’ve told you enough times over the years and years of our friendship that no, I didn’t have feelings for you, no, I didn’t love you...and I think you actually started to believe it. I think I wanted myself to believe it.

! ! LILLIUM! (Because she knows he does.)You don’t love me.

! ! BRAEDONI do, though. I do. And its taken more time than I’m proud of for me to realize it, but --

! ! LILLIUMLook, Braedon --

! ! BRAEDONI know how this is coming off, it probably seems like I want to run away with you and build a house out of hopes and dreams and all that cliche bullshit...and I know if this was one of those stupid movies that you would have a dramatic realization, a dramatic realization right now that, oops -- unbeknownst to you, you’ve loved me the whole time, too! Because I’m such a “nice guy.”! (Pause.)But that is not what I’m saying, that’s not what I expect to happen, and its not even what I want to happen.

! ! LILLIUMThen what do you want?

! ! BRAEDONIf you loved me, too. If you told me that this whole time, deep down, you loved me back...then you wouldn’t be the person I’m in love with. Because one of the reasons I am so, so in love with you is because I see how much you love Sam. You adore him and...its the way I adore you.! (Pause.)I adore you.! (Longer pause.)

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I think we’re inevitable. I don’t know if I need you to find me or even if you will. Even if you should. But it won’t stop. It doesn’t disappear. Its always there...loving you is always there.

! ! LILLIUM! (With dual sadness and anger.)Be done. Please be done.

! ! BRAEDON! (Rabid-fire. Sincere and earnestly sentimental.)But I’m not. I’m never done. I don’t have control of it. I love you all the time. I love you when I don’t see you for days and days and I love when I’m at your house for twelve hours straight studying and watching crappy movies. I love your essays and your favorite song and oceans and I love when you’re with Sam and I love when you’re...! (Pause. He realizes he’s ranting.)I always love you.! (Pause.)And I guess that’s all I wanted to say.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUM! (Almost angry.)I have nothing to say.

! ! BRAEDONThere was no good time to tell you this.! (Pause.)It doesn’t go away but it doesn’t hurt. It doesn’t hurt anymore. It just sits.

! ! LILLIUMI love Sam. I am in love with Sam.! (Pause. BRAEDON turns to leave. She stops him.)How do you love me?

! ! BRAEDONHow?

! ! LILLIUMYes. What did I do?

69

! ! BRAEDONYou didn’t do anything. No one thing.! (Pause.)I just realized at some point that I was waiting for you. That I ignored or avoided or ruined anything I could have possibly had with anyone else because...I only wanted you.

! (They stare at each other awkwardly for a moment. ! LILLIUM approaches him harshly, takes a moment, and ! then hugs him. He holds her almost casually, knowing ! it means nothing. He kisses her on the forehead. ! They break their embrace and LILLIUM exits.)

! ! BRAEDON“I have opinions about Shakespeare. About other peoples’ lifestyles I have absolutely no opinions whatsoever. And I don’t think one should be too hard on oneself if the object of one’s affections returns the favor with rather less enthusiasm than one might have hoped.”Wendy Wasserstein; The Object of My Affection

~ SCENE FIVE

! (The hospital waiting room. EDWARD sits at the table ! with the paperwork in front of him. Additionally, ! the note LILLIUM wrote BRAEDON continues to lie on ! the table. BRAEDON is further back, secluded. ! JOCELYN enters.)

! ! JOCELYNMr. Bradshaw. I’m going now.

! ! EDWARDDon’t feel like you have to leave. You have just as much right to be here as any of us.

! ! JOCELYNI don’t want to be here anymore.

! ! EDWARDWe’ll be in touch, Jo.

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! (JOCELYN begins to leave. She stops before she ! exits.)

! ! JOCELYNListen to Braedon. He’s right. He knew her best. I don’t think I knew her at all.

! ! EDWARDI think you did.

! ! JOCELYNMaybe.

! ! EDWARDWhat do you think? What would she have wanted?

! ! JOCELYNShe would have wanted to live. As long as she could. She wanted to make people happy. Its really cliche. But that’s how she was.

! ! EDWARDThank you.

! ! JOCELYNTell Ann goodbye for me?

! ! EDWARDOf course.

! (Pause. JOCELYN thinks for a moment.)

! ! JOCELYNAnd Sam, too. Tell Sam...tell him something.

! (EDWARD nods. JOCELYN turns to leave and notices ! BRAEDON for the first time. She nods at him and ! goes. EDWARD takes a moment. He sees the note, still ! on the table. He picks it up and reads it. BRAEDON ! watches him, approaches him, and takes the note, ! putting it in his pocket.)

! ! BRAEDONIts my last piece of her.

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! ! EDWARDYou were a good friend.

! ! BRAEDONThank you, sir.

! (Pause.)

! ! EDWARDAnn and I are fond of you. We like you.! (Pause.)Sam is not a cruel person. I’m sure you know that.

! ! BRAEDONSure.! (Pause.)Jo’s right. She did want to make people happy. She wanted to make you happy. That’s why she was going to Brown.

! ! EDWARD! (Thoughtfully, consciously.)Lillium was going to Brown because she was an outstanding and ambitious student. She was going to Brown because she was worthy of it. My daughter didn’t do things just to make me happy. You are not here to make decisions and you are not here to tell me about my daughter. You are here because it makes sense, because you should be here, but not because you get to say anything. So stop saying things. I don’t want to hear them.

! ! BRAEDONI didn’t mean to --

! ! EDWARDI read it. The essay. I read it. Not everything Lillium did was only shared with you.

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONI loved her, sir.

! ! EDWARD! (Simple. Not condescending.)Well. That’s just too obvious, isn’t it?

72

! (ANN enters.)

! ! ANNBraedon.! (She rushes to him and hugs him.)I am so, so sorry.! (Pause.)What’s happening?

! ! EDWARDBraedon was just leaving.

! ! ANNSo soon?

! ! EDWARDAnd Jocelyn just left.

! ! ANNWhy now? Why is everybody leaving? We never should have said anything, Ed.! (To BRAEDON.)Please don’t leave, you need to --

! ! EDWARDNot the hospital, Ann. The room. He’s leaving the room. He has things to fix with Sam.

! ! BRAEDONMrs. Bradshaw.! (He hands her the note.)Have this, read it, use it, I don’t know. Do something with it.

! ! ANN! (She looks at it quickly.)Thank you, Braedon.

! ! BRAEDONI’ll go see Sam, I guess.

! ! ANNWhere did he run off to?

! ! BRAEDONHe’s visiting her.

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! (BRAEDON exits.)

! ! ANNJo didn’t need to leave.

! ! EDWARDI didn’t tell her to go.

! ! ANNWe scared her off.

! ! EDWARDShe’s not a strong person, I’m surprised she lasted as long as she did.

! ! ANNThey’re here because they care, Edward. Not to annoy us.

! (Pause.)

! ! EDWARDLillium loved our song.

! ! ANN! (Smiling warmly.)She did.

! ! EDWARD! (Quietly, to himself.)“Could I have this dance...for the rest of my life? Would you be my partner every night?”

! ! ANN! (Joining him.)“When we’re together, it feels so right...”

! (ANN and EDWARD look at each other for a moment. ! ANN, close to tears, attempts to laugh through them. ! EDWARD goes to her and holds her gently. He kisses ! her on the forehead, holds her hands, and leads her ! to the couch. He picks up the paperwork and begins ! reading.)

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! ! EDWARD“If, under any circumstances, brain death occurs, than the patient, Lillium Bradshaw, is legally classified as ‘dead.’ In such an instance, if the patient is an organ donor it will be at the discretion of her legal guardians to determine a course of action. However, in the case of a prolonged persistent vegetative state, possible courses of action are as follows...”

! ! ANNThree pages left.

! ! EDWARDDo we still need to have a discussion?

! ! ANNI think that happened. We just weren’t the ones discussing it.

! ! EDWARDSomething happened, Ann. Our daughter doesn’t run red lights, our daughter doesn’t crash, our daughter doesn’t make stupid, irrational decisions. Something happened.

! ! ANNThree people died.

! ! EDWARDLillium didn’t cause this. Nothing is her fault.

! (Pause.)

! ! ANNWhatever you want to do is okay with me.

! ! EDWARDAnn, don’t --

! ! ANNNo. Really. She was just like you. Whatever you think is right is what’s right. Sam, Braedon, Jo...they’re her friends. They loved her, they cared about her, they knew her. But Lillium is just like you and she always has been. So its your decision, Edward.

75

! (EDWARD begins to flip through the paperwork, ! marking different things on each page. He begins ! signing sections towards the end of the paperwork, ! with ANN reading over his shoulder and cosigning. ! ANN pulls out the note BRAEDON gave her and begins ! reading it. SAM enters, out of breathe, excitable.)

! ! SAMShe moved!

! ! ANN! (Buying into it. She drops LILLIUM’s note on the ! table.)What?

! ! SAMShe moved! Her hand, it moved!

! ! ANNOh my goodness!

! ! SAMShe did, she did! I was holding her hand and...she moved! She squeezed my hand, I felt it. I actually felt it. She’s awake and she’s going to be okay and --

! ! EDWARD! (Not buying into it.)What did the doctor say?

! ! ANNEd, she moved!

! ! EDWARD! (Wearied.)What did the doctor say, Sam?

! ! SAMWhat the hell does it matter? I felt her --

! ! EDWARDSam, if the doctor didn’t say anything, then it doesn’t matter.

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! ! SAM! (Desperate.)I felt it. I felt her move.

! (Pause. ANN approaches SAM.)

! ! ANNDid you, Sam? Did you actually feel something?

! ! SAMYes, what the hell, do you think I’m lying? I’m not lying, I felt her squeeze my hand, I know she did.! (EDWARD begins to exit with the paperwork.)No, no, don’t leave, don’t leave. Come see her!

! ! EDWARDI don’t want to see her.

! ! ANNI’ll go with you, Sam.

! ! EDWARDNo, Ann, we have paperwork to give to the doctor.

! ! SAMPaperwork?! (Pause.)Paperwork? Well, okay, do that and then come see her.

! (Pause.)

! ! ANNEd, maybe we made the wrong decision.

! ! EDWARDI’m going now.

! ! ANNEd, come back.

! ! SAMWhat did you decide?

! ! EDWARDDon’t bother, Sam.

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! ! SAMNo, tell me, tell me damn it, what did you decide?

! ! ANNListen to him, Edward.

! ! SAMAre you going to kill her? Are you going to listen to Braedon and --

! ! ANNSam, please calm down, he’s not going anywhere, we’re going to go --

! ! SAM! (Grabbing EDWARD.)Don’t you dare leave. Tell me what you said!

! ! EDWARDDon’t touch me.

! ! ANNStop, fighting, just --

! ! EDWARDMove on, Sam! Go back and see her if that’s what makes you happy.

! ! ANNStop arguing, stop yelling please, --

! (The argument begins to escalate. At some point in ! the middle of it, LILLIUM appears. She crosses to ! the table, picks up the note she wrote, puts it in ! her pocket. Suddenly, there is silence.)

! ! LILLIUMDear Braedon. I knew you’d find this if you didn’t look very hard. I am leaving for Brown soon and I haven’t seen you since I got my acceptance letter. I know its hard, but I would like to see you before I go. I’m leaving this coming Tuesday. Please attempt to acknowledge my presence before then. I love you. Lillium.

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~ MEMORY FIVE

! (LILLIUM’s living room. She is nearly packed to ! leave. There are boxes everywhere. BRAEDON enters.)

! ! LILLIUMHi.

! ! BRAEDONWow, you’re all...wow. So many boxes.

! ! LILLIUMThey’ve been growing. There’s more every day. I tried to consolidate everything but...I don’t want to miss something, ya know? Its a 14 hour drive all the way back here if I forget anything or my mom would have to deal with shipping it and --

! ! BRAEDON! (Interjecting.)Right. Exactly.

! ! LILLIUM-- my roommate, I’ve talked to her a little, she doesn’t, like, want a TV or a mini fridge or anything, so I’m bringing all that, too.

! ! BRAEDONNo TV?

! ! LILLIUMYeah! Its weird, isn’t it? I thought it was weird.

! ! BRAEDONIts weird.

! ! LILLIUMYeah.

! (Awkward silence.)

! ! BRAEDONSo did you need something or...?

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! ! LILLIUM! (At the same time as him.)I’m really glad you came.! (Pause.)Oh, boy. Sorry. You first.

! ! BRAEDONNothing. I just didn’t know...what you wanted. I mean, I found your note.

! ! LILLIUMWell, I wanted to say goodbye.

! ! BRAEDONGoodbye.

! ! LILLIUM! (Annoyed.)Braedon, don’t do that.

! ! BRAEDONDo what?

! ! LILLIUMYou’re doing that thing you do when you’re mad.

! ! BRAEDONNo, I’m --

! ! LILLIUMYes, the brooding silence thing. Why are you so mad at me?

! ! BRAEDONI’m not mad at you.

! ! LILLIUMIt feels that way.

! ! BRAEDONI mean it. I’m not mad at you. I just don’t know what to say. I don’t know why I’m here.

! ! LILLIUMBecause I’m leaving tomorrow, Braedon. Because I’m going 14 hours away to a college I’m not sure I want to go to, in a town I’m not sure I want to live in, with a weird roommate

80

that doesn’t watch TV, and I’m gonna be a lawyer, and I’m scared and I need you, I need my best --

! ! BRAEDON! (Again interjecting.)Okay. I’m here. I know.

! ! LILLIUMYou’re here but you’re not here, not the way I --

! ! BRAEDONI can’t be. I’m sorry.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMI don’t know what you wanted me to say, I don’t know what you wanted me to do. You said you didn’t expect anything grand, but now...now that’s kind of what it feels like. You said you didn’t want me to melt into your arms or whatever but...that seems like what you wanted. So, tell me if I’m wrong, or --

! ! BRAEDONIt made sense at the time, Lillium. It was the easiest thing in the world, but...this is my fault. I’m not mad at you.

! ! LILLIUMI didn’t say no.

! ! BRAEDONWhat?

! ! LILLIUMI feel...something. I don’t feel nothing.! (Pause.)It was a tricky situation, okay?

! ! BRAEDONYou said --

! ! LILLIUMI didn’t say anything! I was confused. It was a bad position, you put me in a really awful position --

! ! BRAEDONI thought it would --

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! ! LILLIUMYou say it made you feel better...or you thought it would. But it just made me feel terrible.! (Pause.)And I love Sam.

! (Pause. LILLIUM is a mess.)

! ! BRAEDONI never wanted that.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMYou had so much time.

! ! BRAEDONWhat time?

! ! LILLIUMTo tell me. You had so many years to say something. Before I even knew Sam, before he even --

! ! BRAEDONI didn’t always know.

! ! LILLIUMYou said you --

! ! BRAEDONNow I know. Now I know how I always felt. It makes sense now, but --

! ! LILLIUMYou could have said something any time, whenever you figured it out, though, you could have --

! ! BRAEDONIt doesn’t affect my day, Lillium. I function just fine. I live. I let it sit there but I don’t let it hurt me.! (Pause.)There was no point in saying anything. I chose not to say anything. So what does it matter?

82

! ! LILLIUMI could have said yes. We could have ended up together. I could have loved you, too. Then you wouldn’t have to wait to be found and lie to me and --

! ! BRAEDONIt doesn’t matter.

! ! LILLIUMYou didn’t call me.! (Pause.)I mean, that day, I didn’t know what to do, I was scared to talk to you...but I still called. I called and I texted and...we go to the same school! I saw you every day and you pretended I wasn’t --

! ! BRAEDONI’ve said everything I need to say.

! ! LILLIUMI was on your side! I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t change it. But I was on your side. I want to love you so bad, because, you’re right, I think you’re right. I think we’re inevitable. But I don’t...see that. I don’t feel that. Not right now. I wanted to be on your...damn it...I’m always on your side, you’re my best friend.

! (Pause.)

! ! BRAEDONWhat happened with Sam?

! ! LILLIUMWhat?

! ! BRAEDONWhen you told Sam? What did he say.

! ! LILLIUMI didn’t tell Sam.

! ! BRAEDONNo, about Brown. About leaving.

! (Pause.)

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! ! LILLIUMWe’re gonna try. We’re gonna try and make it work.

! ! BRAEDONGood.

! ! LILLIUMGood?

! ! BRAEDONI believe in you guys. I want you to make it.! (Pause.)Are you gonna marry him?

! ! LILLIUMMaybe. Maybe someday.

! ! BRAEDON! (Almost self-defeating.)And that’s my fault.

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUMI didn’t want to argue with you, but I don’t have anyone else that...that understands.! (Pause.)I don’t want to go to Brown. I want to stay here.

! ! BRAEDONThen stay. Stay for Sam, stay for me, stay for yourself. Go somewhere nearby for a few years. Build up to it. You don’t have to go to Brown to be a lawyer.

! ! LILLIUMBut my dad --

! ! BRAEDONScrew your dad.

! ! LILLIUM! (Exploding.)No, screw you! Screw you for abandoning me. I needed you. Now all I have is boxes. Everything is in boxes.

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! ! BRAEDON! (Exploding right back)I needed you, too! I don’t have anyone else. I don’t want anyone else. I just...! (Pause.)Go to Brown or don’t go to Brown. But whatever you do, decide it yourself. I can’t pick for you, I can’t convince you to do anything.

! (And that was all she needed to hear.)

! ! LILLIUMSee, you always know what to say. I always need you.

! (There is a long and pronounced silence.)

! ! BRAEDONI’ll call. I promise.

! ! LILLIUMPlease.

! (She rushes to him and hugs him. He holds her, but ! begins to let go sooner than even he expected. As he ! turns to leave, suddenly there is a shift. LILLIUM’s ! entire demeanor changes. She is frightened, frantic, ! threatened by something. She grabs his hand ! forcefully, stopping him from moving. She speaks ! urgently, loudly.)

! ! LILLIUM (cont’d)Stop!

! ! BRAEDONWhat?

! ! LILLIUMDon’t go!

! ! BRAEDONLillium, wait --

! ! LILLIUMDon’t leave!

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! ! BRAEDONLillium, no, this isn’t right --

! ! LILLIUMI said don’t leave, damn it, so don’t leave.

! (She fights him, holding him there. She kisses him ! forcefully, passionately. He almost gives in, almost ! kisses her back. He pulls away.)

! ! BRAEDONThis isn’t what happened, this isn’t the memory, you can’t just change --

! ! LILLIUMIt can be. Let it be.

! ! BRAEDONIts not. Don’t do this.

! ! LILLIUMDon’t leave. You cannot leave. Because if you leave, I go to Brown, if you leave I get in the car with all the boxes. If you leave, it happens. So you can’t leave, I will not let you leave!

! ! BRAEDONI have to leave! I left. That’s what happened. Its too late to change it.

! ! LILLIUMBut you can stop it! You can stop it if you don’t leave!

! ! BRAEDON! (Knowingly.)Stop what?

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUM! (Admitting it.)I’m dead. Braedon, I’m dead.! (Pause.)You have to stay.

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! ! BRAEDONIt won’t change anything.

! ! LILLIUMIt might.

! ! BRAEDONIt won’t! I’ve tried. I’ve tried all day.! (Pause.)What happened?

! (Pause.)

! ! LILLIUM! (Slowly.)I made it to the hotel, the one I was supposed to stay in that night, but I wanted to keep going. I walked in to the lobby and...I heard it. I heard my song. And I knew it was a sign. I couldn’t stay there, I had to keep going. I had to run away. I was so tired.! (Pause.)I think I fell asleep. Or just stopped caring. I don’t remember.! (Pause.)I can’t be like this. I can’t...live with this. We never saw the ocean. I never found you.

! ! BRAEDONLillium --

! ! LILLIUMI am never going to find you. You waited all that time for nothing. I’m so sorry Braedon.

! ! BRAEDONYou could wake up.

! ! LILLIUMI’m dead.! (Pause.)I died.! (She approaches him, and speaks very purposefully.)Do you understand? Braedon, do you understand me? I’m dead.

! (Pause.)

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! ! BRAEDON! (He understands.)You’re dead.

! (BRAEDON exits. LILLIUM is alone.)

! ! LILLIUM“To die would be an awfully big adventure.”J.M. Barrie; Peter Pan

! (ANN, EDWARD, and SAM appear, in the thick of their ! earlier argument. This time, however, they are ! silent. LILLIUM stands center as the pantomime ! continues around her.

! Anne Murray’s “Could I Have This Dance?” begins ! playing.

! BRAEDON reappears. ANN, EDWARD, and SAM see him and ! they begin reacting. EDWARD approaches him quickly. ! They two have an exchange. EDWARD begins to shake, ! crying, and loses his balance. ANN rushes off. SAM ! stands stoically for a moment. He begins to follow ! ANN off, pauses to kneel down to EDWARD and help him ! off the ground. They exit together.

! As the pantomime progresses, “Could I Have This ! Dance?” gets louder and louder. Once everyone is ! gone, BRAEDON approaches LILLIUM. The chorus begins. ! He indicates a dance. She accepts. They dance ! slowly, closely, and not too gracefully. As the ! chorus ends, they stop and look at each other.

! End of play.)

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