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The Script“It doesn’t work.”

I opened my eyes and all I could see was a silhouette. A big silhouette. 6’6” looks big when you’re standing next to it. It looks even bigger when you’re lying !at on your back.

“Hello Steven. It’s nice to see you as well. I’m "ne thanks, and yourself?” I re-plied, desperately trying to get my eyes adjusted to the harsh, midday sun.

“You said it would work and it hasn’t.” It’d been 4 months since we’d last spoken and my mind was racing to "ll in the missing words from his sentence.

#en I realised what he was talking about. I also realised what would be in"-nitely funnier. “Oh… Hey… Sit down. It’s not working? #at’s ok. It happens to everyone.” I was steadily increasing the volume of my voice. “You must be really embarrassed. #at’s "ne.” I was half shouting at this point. #e two cute girls lying to our le$, lathered in coconut oil had turned their heads to see what was going on. It wasn’t enough. “Just sit down. We can talk this through.” Still get-ting louder. #e group of 4 teenagers sitting between the water and us turned to see what all the commotion was about. “It’s OK, it happens to everyone.” Still louder. Steven looked at me confused. #e group of guys playing touch football to our right were now looking over. It was time. “Just about every guy su%ers through erectile dysfunction once in his life.”

Giggles. Laughter. Blushing.

#ank you. I’m here all day. Try the veal.

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“No, you idiot. #e volume. Turn up the volume. Changing pathways… does that ring a bell? I’ve done it. I’ve turned it up to 11!” He yelled, waving his hands in the air and raising his head to the sky “And it’s still not working… I’m still stuck trying to Get things from the world. I’m still making the world responsible for how I feel. I want to change pathways. You said it would work.”

We were on one of the main beaches in Sydney. It was a bright, sunny day. #ere was a warm, o% shore breeze, gently blowing the smell of sunscreen and cigarettes out over the ocean. As it made it’s way over the breaking waves, it caught the top and threw a "ne mist into the air.

Surfers, swimmers, and tourists bobbed up and down in the three foot swell.

I was lying !at on my back with my feet pointing towards the water. My bright red towel was the only thing protecting me from the scorching sand beneath. Steven was standing to my right and hadn’t quite worked out what to do with his disproportionate body. Sit? Stand? Kneel? He looked lost and awkward.

I propped myself up on my elbows and patted the sand next to me.

“Take a seat. Lets talk this through. How are you?”

He dropped his towel from under his arm and placed it on the ground to my right. Behind him, I could see hundreds of bronzed bodies stretched out on the sand. It was the half way through autumn so the days were getting cooler and shorter, but there was still enough bite in the sun to bring thousands to the beaches on the occasional sunny Saturday. He took his t-shirt o% and sat down on his towel.

“I’m doing well. Well, kind of well. Actually, not so well. I mean… I’m good. But…”

“Take a breath. Start again.”

A$er a long sigh and a knowing smile, he continued, “I’m making progress. I’m de"nitely seeing a lot of changes in my life. De"nitely, seeing changes. #ere are just some things that are getting to me. I met this… Hang on.” He paused, com-posed himself and then continued. “Sorry, I completely forgot. How are you?”

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Smiling… “I’m well, mate. It’s a tough life, but someone’s got to do it.” I’d been at the beach for nearly 2 hours when Steven found me. We’d arranged to meet over the phone and I was surprised that he’d been able to pick me out in this big crowd. I’d woken up early to get some work done before the day started and I was on my ‘lunch break’. “Please continue… what were you saying?”

Steven unzipped the bag he was carrying in his right hand and took out a tube of sunscreen. Popping the cap, he started smearing the thick white paste across his unshaven face.

“More than anything, I’m stuck. You’ve helped me so much, SOOO much, but I still feel like I’ve got a long way to go. I know that trying to make her attracted to me isn’t going to work. I know that it’s pointless. I don’t want to use lines and routines to ‘do attraction’. It all feels so dirty. I de"nitely don’t want to go back to playing games to try and use women. You’ve brought me this far. Now, what’s next? #is ‘turn up the volume’ thing sound great, but now I’m stuck.”

I don’t know if it was his days in the army that taught him that look, but there was this intensity in his eye’s that cut through me. It wasn’t a normal, Saturday morning, ‘it’s been a while, it’s good to catch up’ kind of look. #ere was some-thing more in there… a pleading. A burning desire to really make a change.

He dropped the sunscreen on the towel, and I picked it up. I !ipped open the cap and squirted a small amount into my palm.

“Good. #at’s perfect.” I stopped talking as I wiped the sunscreen over my mouth and under my nose.

“Perfect? What’s so perfect about it? What do you mean?”

“I mean it’s perfect. Where you are, right now, is perfect. You’ve done exactly what you needed to do. You followed your old pathway until you reached a point where you knew that it wasn’t going to help you get where you wanted to go. #en you called me and now we’re here. You’re at the perfect spot to change the way you live your life and you’re sitting here with someone who’s walked in your shoes before. What could be more perfect than that?”

“Hmmm… Yes. Ok. Great. I’m perfect. You’re perfect. #is moment is perfect. Nice. What’s next?”

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“A little more perfection.” Smiling, I sat up and turned my attention out to the water. #ere were beautiful waves, curling through the o% shore breeze. “Out there…” I said, pointing out to the water. “…Let’s go!”

I stood up, wrapped my belongings in my towel, and !icked sand all over Steven’s chest. “Oh look, you’re covered in sand, I guess you’re going to have to wash it o%… Last one in is buying lunch!”

He tried to stand up, but right at the moment he was precariously balanced on one foot whilst he tried to drag the other under his body, I pushed him back down.

#ere are some people who can make anything look graceful. #e have such mastery over their bodies that every movement, regardless of how unplanned or awkward it is, appears like dance. Steven was not one of these people. Of all the gi$s that had been bestowed upon him, grace was not one. As he fell, his arms went one way, legs went the other, and his face smiled up at me with a look of defeat.

As I stood above him, laughing, he kicked sand right into my mouth.

#is was going to be a fun day.

As I spat out the sand, he jumped to his feet and started sprinting down to the water. Before I knew it, he was half way there and I was standing still.

Fuck.

I hope I had enough money for lunch.

Steven was waist deep by the time I hit the water. I bounded a$er him and eventually caught up.

Grinning as if he’d just won an Olympic gold medal, he turned to me. “I think I’ll have a steak. Rump, please. Medium rare with a side of mash potato. Yes. #at would be good, thanks. Do I place my order here or at the counter?”

Smug bastard. “You’re having #ai. And if I’m paying, you’re ordering. Grab a jug of water while you’re up. I’ll be thirsty a$er this swim.”

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“Is that from having to paddle so hard to catch up to me? You were a long way behind. It must have taken a lot of energy. You could have just yelled out and I would have waited. I don’t know if I would have heard you, but if I did, I would have stopped for sure.”

“Yeah, sorry about that. It took me a while to "nd your phone and wallet and give them to the group of teenagers next to us. #ey were very patient. It was very kind of them.”

“#at’s "ne. I don’t need them seeing as you’re buying me lunch.”

“I hate you…”

I ducked under a wave and started paddling out the back. #e shore was crowded with tourists and school kids playing in the shore break and the only real space was out behind the shore break.

#e swim wasn’t long but it was tough. #ere was quite a swell pounding the beach and it made it di&cult to keep moving forward. #ere were quite a few occasions where I was going backwards instead of forwards, but I eventually made it to quieter water. Steven limped out a few meters behind me.

I lay there, !oating on my back, trying to catch my breath and letting the waves gently li$ me up and bring me down and they rolled into shore. #e next set of big waves wasn’t due for a little while so we had a minute to rest.

“So, what have you been up to?” I asked between short breaths, trying to con-serve as much oxygen as I could.

He was !oating next to me, facing out to sea, but turned his head to answer, “#at scale of consciousness thing is good. I can see where I need to be and what I need to do. It’s much harder than I thought it would be though! It seemed so easy on paper, but changing levels is so hard!”

And here was the issue. “Hmmm… would you like to know why?”

“Yes! If I could just change levels, this whole thing would be so much easier!”

“And that’s exactly why you can’t change levels…”

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#ere was a glimpse of a big wave climbing above the others somewhere out on the horizon. I hoped it was heading towards us.

“What do you mean?”

Smiling… “What are the three di%erent pathways?”

“Getting, Doing and Creating.”

“#at’s right. And what’s the core of the Getting pathway?”

I lost sight of him behind the crest of a wave as I dropped over the back of it, but he reappeared quickly.

“It’s… Trying to Get your certainty from the outside world. It’s placing respon-sibility for how feel on the outcomes of your actions… or something like that. Isn’t it?”

“Yes, that’s it. It’s depending on the outside world for your life and experience of life. And what about Doing?”

“Well, it’s "nding your certainty through the actions you take rather than the outcomes of those actions.”

“#at’s right. It’s taking responsibility for the world you create and your experi-ence of the world you create rather than pushing it o% onto someone or some-thing else.” #e waves were starting to build and that big wave I spotted on the horizon was starting to close in. “So…” I continued, trying not to breathe in any more water “…why do you want to change levels? What’s your motivation?”

Steven had dri$ed slowly away from me, two quick strokes of his long arms brought him back to my side again.

“I wanted to change because there were things that I was still dealing with that I wouldn’t have to deal with if I was at another level. #ings just seem so much easier at Neutrality. It’s just so much simpler. #ere’s less frustration, less dif-"culty, less annoyance.”

“Ok. So, you were experiencing annoyance, frustration, and di&culty and you

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were trying to escape them by changing levels?”

As the words le$ my mouth, the next set of waves started rolling in. #ese in-coming walls of water rose menacingly as they eclipsed the horizon. I turned to face the beach and started paddling like a mad man. It was now or never.

If you’ve never caught a wave before, the sensation can be hard to imagine. It’s as if out of nowhere, a… a… well, wave, rises out the ground and starts to li$ you. #e body of water picks you up and starts to throw you down the face of what feels like a mountain. And the more it rises, the further you have to fall.

As you fall, you have a choice. You can allow yourself to be sucked up to the top of the wave and dumped into the sand bar when the wave breaks or you can paddle and kick as hard as you can to try and get stay on the face.

If you allow yourself to get caught on the top and smashed down onto the sand, you could end up in a world of pain. If you choose to push yourself down the front and across the face, you could experience the closest thing to a pure ex-pression of freedom as I’ve ever found.

When you get it right, when you drop down the face at just the right time, and turn to cut across the face at just the right point in the wave, you feel like you’re gliding. You feel like you’re sliding down the face of a mountain with wet, warm avalanche nipping at your heels, and the only thing you can do is to continue to slide. When you get it right, there’s nothing else. Just you and the wave.

When you get it right…

As I felt myself losing the battle and getting pulled higher and higher up the face of the wave, I realised that I’d made the wrong decision. Sitting on the crest of the wave as it slammed me into the sand bar con"rmed this.

I now knew what it felt like to be a t-shirt in a front load washing machine. Life goal accomplished.

Ouch…

A$er 30 seconds of being tossed around like a rag doll, I managed to work out which way was up and get my head above water.

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I struggled through the rest of the set, trying to get back out past the breaking waves. I managed to get there just as the last wave rolled past me. I got there just in time to wait another 20 minutes for the next wave to beat me up.

“#at looked like fun.” Said Steven, smiling smugly. “All I saw was you paddling for the wave and your feet disappearing as the wave broke… I didn’t realise we were having a face-plant competition! You should have told me…”

“It was a good learning experience…Very good. For example, I learnt what sand tastes like…”

Cheekily… “Again…”

Arsehole. “Yes, again. I learnt that I could hold my breath for about 45 seconds whilst getting my arse kicked under water. I learnt what it feels like to have your face dragged against the bottom of the ocean !oor. An all around positive experience, I’d say!”

“Good for you. I learnt what it feels like to laugh at the pain of others. I learnt how nice it is to watch you fail rather than having you laughing at me failing. De"nitely a positive experience.”

“Well, it had to happen once in your life… Maybe one day, it’ll happen again. Let me know if it does. I’ll make a note of it.” I replied, smiling. “So, the ques-tion I asked you before. You said you want to change levels because you were experiencing pain, frustration, and di&culty, right?”

He was !oating on his back, riding the gentle swell that was rolling through between sets. “Yeah, that’s what I was talking about. Neutrality just seemed so easy, like you never had to deal with anything like that. It wouldn’t matter if girls blew you o%. You wouldn’t even care…”

I kicked my legs up from underneath me and joined him, !oating on my back.

“Ok, good. Now, thinking about that statement, are you taking responsibility for your life and your experience of your life or are you assigning responsibility for that onto the outside world? And what pathway is that?”

A wave kicked up and splashed water into Steven’s mouth. He sat up, spat it out,

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and thought for a second.

“I’m… blaming the outside world, aren’t I? I’m assigning responsibility for my experience of life to things outside myself and then trying to "nd a way to not have to deal with it…”

“And what pathway is that?”

He scanned the horizon for incoming waves before turning back to me “Getting… I’ve been trying to Get to neutrality to escape frustration and pain.”

“What’s the highest level you can reach through Getting?”

“Pride…”

“And you wonder why you have experience the change you wanted…?”

Steven just !oated beside me, lost deep in thought.

I took his silence as agreement and continued, “Forget the scale. It’s useless for what you want to do. It’s only going to help you get to Pride because that’s all it can ever help you do. If you’re focusing on the scale, you’re focusing on what you should be doing rather than what you desire to do. If you really want to make progress, you have to look deeper inside yourself rather than further outside yourself.”

#e sun felt hot against my exposed skin. #ere were no other people out as far as we were, so we had as much space as we wanted. A surfer would occasionally dri$ into our vicinity, but there were much better waves for sur'oards at other areas of the beach. #ey quickly found that out and paddled down south.

We !oated for a few minutes before Steven spoke again. “So how do I look deeper? I don’t get it. You said that all I need to do is ‘turn up the volume’ to change levels… And I did that… but I’m still right here.”

I nodded slowly, agreeing with his version of events. “#at’s right. I did say that. I thought that would be enough to get you over the edge but it turns out that it wasn’t. So, lets try again.” #e waves were starting to just starting to pick up again. #e next set was starting to come through. “Have a look at the beach.

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Can you see how far south we’ve dri$ed?”

Steven twisted around in the water. “About 25 meters…”

“Good. #e waves here aren’t as good as they were back where we "rst got it. Let’s head back.”

“Hang on, just tell me about how to change whilst we’re here. It’s calmer and it’ll be easier to talk.”

“I would, but I’m attempting to make a Karate Kid style analogy here. A ‘wax on, wax o% ’ kind of thing. It will make me feel very wise. Come on, play along.”

He laughed loudly and nodded. “Ok, "ne. Lets do this, Mr. Miagee. As long as I don’t have to paint your fence, I’ll play along.”

“Good. Just remember to call me Sensei. Now, where was I? #at’s right. We need to get back to the spot we were in before. It’s a much nicer place to be. How are you going to get there?”

Steven stared at me, a little confused. “It’s 25 meters, I’m going to swim. When you’re an athlete, you’re able to do these kinds of things.”

“Oh, sorry, Ian #orpe. I’ll keep that in mind. Have fun swimming, I’ll meet you there!” And with that, I turned my head and started paddling towards shore.

#e waves had been building up as we were talking and the "rst big one was upon us. I turned and paddled for dear life. I kicked harder than I ever had and I swear my arms were moving faster than the speed of light. I could feel the wave surging behind me, li$ing above the water level, propelling me towards the shore. I pulled harder than I ever have before. It turns out that it wasn’t enough.

SMASH.

Face. Sand. Tumble. Water. Breath? No. Sand. Up? No. Down. Tumble. Sand. Easing. Up? Yes.

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I took a big breath and brushed the hair out of my eyes. Steven was laughing as he paddled against the current that was carrying him down the beach. #e wave had carried me most of the way to the shore and I was able to walk the rest of the way out.

#ere were two young boys giggling at me as I climbed onto the sand. “Are you OK? #at looked painful!”

“#anks guys… I’m "ne…” I said.

I walked along the beach to where our bags were. #e 14 litres of salt water I’d swallowed when I had my head pounded into the sand had made me a little thirsty. I took a quick swig of my water bottle and headed back out. I could still see Steve struggling against the current as I dove back under the "rst wave.

I swam back through the sore break and made it back out to our original spot still a few minutes ahead of Steven. He was pu&ng and panting by the time he arrived.

“How’d you get here so fast?” He asked, a little shocked.

“I’m not answering until you address me by my proper title” I replied "rmly. I crossed my arms and faced directly out to sea.

“Sensei!” he called, his deep voice booming out over the water.

“Hi! At ease soldier…” It felt so natural rolling o% my tongue. I thought to my¬self, ‘I must have been and army general in a past life,’ but forgot it just as fast.

“How’d you get out here so fast? I was swimming the whole time whilst you were busy getting smashed to pieces trying to catch waves again.”

“And how was your swim?”

“It was pretty tiring. I was "ghting against the current the whole time, but I made it. How was your face plant?”

“Well, I may have performed a beautiful face plant, but I also got a drink and a

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breather on the shore before I beat you back here.”

“Yes, I see that… So enlighten me Sensei, what’s this invaluable lesson I’m about to learn?”

#e swell had settled down and we were just !oating around behind the break-ers. A few guys who were sick of running over tourists had come to join us out the back but there was still lots of space.

“Can you see where we came from?”

“Yes. It’s just over there.” He replied, waving his arms towards the south end of the beach.

“Good. And you know where we are now?”

He paused for a second, questioning the point of the question. “…Um… Yes. I think I can work it out. I’m not the smartest guy on earth, but this is one thing I can manage to do.”

“Good. Now, how did you bridge the gap between the two points and what was your experience of that?”

Steven bobbed up and down for a second before answering. “I swan from there to here and it was tiring. It was hard work because I was swimming against the current.”

“Good. How did I bridge the gap and what do you think my experience was like?”

He bobbed up and down for another minute as he thought about the question. “You smashed your face into the sand bar, had a drink, walked slowly back to the water, then swam out. I don’t know your exact experience, but I’m going to guess that it was a bit painful, then relaxing.”

“Good. How else could we have done it and what would our experience have been then?”

“Is this actually going anywhere? I mean, I could see how Daniel-san improved

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through painting the fence because Mr. Miagee gave him some kind of clue, but this seems pointless.”

“Just answer the question and ALL WILL BE REVEALED!!” I waved my arms in the air to add emphasis. I didn’t think that I’d have to "nd another way to keep my head above water as I did it so I sank. Steven was laughing as I came back up. “Just answer the question.”

“Ok. We could’ve hailed a passing dolphin and hitched a ride. It would have been sweet. We… could have stuck our hand in the air, gotten the lifesavers to pick us up, and then swum back out. #at would have been fun.”

“And if we’d relied on them and they’d never turned up?”

“#en it would have been shit… Come on Sensei, let me have it!”

I paused to see if he’s guess the point of this game, but it didn’t seem to work. “Ok, here it is. If you condense the whole ‘certainty / uncertainty / pathway’ thing down to it’s core element, you get what call your Script. Your Script is made up of three parts: how you currently feel, how you want to feel, and the pathway you’re using to bridge the gap…”

“Ummm…” Steven’s blank stare told me that I was moving too fast.

“Ok. I’ll think of it like this. A classic example of this is ‘running out of things to say’. Is running out of things really an issue? Is it really going to cause you pain? Well, that depends on your Script.” A waved slashed water into my mouth and I stopped talking to spit the water out before continuing. “If you feel empty and alone, you want to feel connected to people around you, and the pathway you follow is to keep women in conversation with you, regardless of what you’re talking about, then yes, running out of things to say will be an issue. If you feel empty and alone, you want to feel connected, and the pathway you follow is to "nd people who you have things in common with to speak about, then running out of things isn’t going to be an issue. It’s going to tell you that you don’t have things in common with this person so you don’t need to talk to them. Does that make sense?”

“Perfect sense. It’s the Scale and certainty thing, all condensed. Is this what you were trying to show with this swimming thing?”

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“Wow… you’re not as dumb as you look!” I’d suspected he was autistic for a while, but he was doing well to disprove that thought. “Your experience of life is not determined by how you feel or how you want to feel, it’s determined by how you try and bridge the gap.”

“Hence, the conversation about how could we have bridged the gap and what would we have experienced in doing so?”

“#at’s right.” I bobbed up and down silently to see if he’d pick up the point of this, but once again, it didn’t work. It appears as though I’d been giving him too much credit. When he didn’t respond, I continued. “So, the point of this whole conversation is about changing levels of consciousness. #e way you change levels is to identify how you currently feel, how you want to feel, and what you need to do to bridge the gap in a way that works for you.”

Steven was lost in though. #e old Ukrainian cogs were turning slowly but they eventually got there. “Ok, that makes sense… But how do I do that?”

“Well, what were you doing before? What pathway were you following? And how was that manifesting in your world?”

He blinked, stopped, and then spoke. “I was trying to experience certainty through… Well, if I’m going to be bluntly honest, making the every one and every thing around me responsible for the world I lived in and my experience of the world I lived in.”

Nodding… “Did that work for you?”

“No, not at all. #at’s why I’m here, dri$ing to Tasmania whilst I watch you mangle yourself on the sand bar.” He replied, grinning broadly.

“Good. What’s a di%erent pathway you can follow?”

“I could… Well, I guess I have to stop making everyone and everything around me responsible for the world I live in and the experience of the world I live in… Is that right?”

“I don’t know. Does it sound right to you? If you did that, what would change? How would your life be di%erent? What actions would you take? How would

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they be di%erent to the actions you’re currently taking? How would you carry yourself through your world?”

#is was a big question and I knew it. It wasn’t something that was just going to magically pop into his head. He needed time.

We bobbed up and down whilst the sun continued to shine. We’d dri$ed fur-ther out the back behind where all the waves were breaking so the sets didn’t disturb us any more. It took Steven a few minutes to come back to life.

“I don’t know… Can you help me with this one?”

“I can, but let’s do this on the sand. I’m getting a little tired.”

We paddled back into shore and walked back to our towels. It took us a few minutes to get in without chewing sand.

I lay on my back on my towel. Steven lay next to me on his.

I reached into my bag, pulled out my water bottle, and took a drink. “#ere’s a reason you’re having a problem working out what would change. It’s impos-sible to know what you would change until you know what you’re going to do di%erently. And it’s only once you know what kind of world you want to live in, the experience of life you’re looking for, and how you need to live your life to create those, that you can ever know what you’re going to do di%erently. So, the question you need to answer before you go any further is: what kind of world do you want to create?”

Steven lay on his back with his eyes closed. He was still and quiet.

It didn’t look like he was going to answer me any time soon so started playing with the sand between us. I’d constructed most of a fort before he spoke again.

“#at’s a big question – what kind of world do I want to create? How am I sup¬posed to know the answer to that?” He rolled his head towards me and opened his eyes.

“You’re right, that is a big question. But it’s a question you’re going to have to answer is you ever want to change pathways. I’ll help you out with this one. Sit

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up. Look around. Let’s "nd a woman you’re attracted to.”

Steven propped himself up on his elbows and scanned our immediate area.

“Her…” He said, pointing down towards the water. “…#e one in the yellow bikini.”

She was shorter than average but perfectly in proportion. Her tanned legs ex-tended perfectly into the curves of her swimmers. Her !at stomach appeared as mount for her perky breasts that bounced as she moved.

“Look at her. In your perfect world, how would you relate to her? Would you hide yourself behind a veil of lies and deception? Would you withhold informa-tion to try and impress her? Would you intentionally deceive her to make her like you more?”

“…No. I wouldn’t. I wouldn’t do any of that stu%. In my perfect world, I wouldn’t hide anything from her. It would be very open and honest. I would be very beautiful. I would be very pure. But at the moment, I can’t do that. #ere’s so much of my life that I’m unhappy with. If I were being totally honest with her, I would have to tell her how dissatis"ed I am with my life. I can’t just do that, she’s not going to want to be with me if I do that. In my perfect world, people don’t walk up to perfect strangers and just lay all their crap on them.”

I nodded in agreement. “Perfect. #at’s great. You’re really starting to think about this.” He looked me dead in the eyes, searching for an answer. “Now, why are their things that you’re dissatis"ed with in your life? What are they and what’s the core?”

Steven looked back towards the girl in the yellow bikini. “I guess I would like more friends. Not just people to hang out with, but people I really connect with. I want to have more people I can just open up to and really share myself with.”

“Good. What would you need to do to have friends like that?”

“I don’t know…” Steven replied, shrugging his shoulders.

“#ink about it. If you want more friends you can open up to, share yourself

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with, and connect with on a deep level, what do you need to do to make more friends like that? Can you do that by not meeting new people? And can you do that by meeting new people, but hiding who you really are?”

“I see what you’re saying…” He lay back on one elbow and faced me. “It’s the same thing. I want to relate to her in a way that’s open and real and genuine but I can’t at the moment because I’m not relating to my friends and other people I know like that. If I open up to new people I meet and "nd people I really connect with then I’ll be able to open up to her like that without having to hide anything.”

I rolled onto my stomach and dug my hands into the sand. It was much cooler underneath the baking hot surface. “Ah, you are clever. #e only thing that’s preventing you from being open, free, and expressive with her and not driving her away is the fact that you’re not being open, free, and expressive in the rest of your life. #is is why this will NEVER work as a set of tricks to attract women. #is has to be a way of living your life. If you use it to try and attract women then you’re going to fail because your open expression is going to be neediness and dependency. If you make this the way you live your life then your open and free expression will be one of power and strength.”

Steven looked at me. Not at me but through me. He wasn’t scanning my face for signs of lying, he was searching for something more. He was searching for strength – a support. Someone to lean on when this got tough.

“But what if my open and honest expression is just whining. People don’t want to listen to a whiner. If I just start complaining about my life, no-one is going to want to be my friend.”

“Why are you whining? Sure, the external environment may not be the way you want it to be, so why aren’t you doing anything about it? Why are you sitting on your arse complaining about it and making someone else responsible for it? If your life isn’t the way you want it to be, who’s responsible for that and what are you going to do about it?”

Nodding slowly…“Yeah… I see.”

“And if you did something about it, if you took control, if you took responsibil-ity for where you life is, right now, and made it into the life that you wanted, do

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you think you’d whine?”

“…I guess not.”

“#e most important part is knowing what kind of world you want to create and taking action towards creating that. #at is the essence of Doing. Own your world. Find your strength, your power, and your certainty through taking action in every moment. And not just towards creating the physical content of that perfect world, but transforming the way people relate to each other. Be a stand for what you believe to be right. In your perfect world, do people blame each other for the state of their life or do they do something about their life and transform it into the life they desire?”

“#ey take action.”

“In your perfect world, do people hide their thoughts, feelings, and opinions to make themselves look good?”

“No.”

“In your perfect world, do people feel good about themselves through making themselves look better than other people?”

“No.”

“In your perfect world, are people judgemental and critical of other people?”

“No.”

“In your perfect world, do other people force their opinions onto other peo-ple?”

“No.”

“If you lived your life in this way, if you changed the pathway you were follow-ing to experience your certainty, how would your experience of life change? How would you feel if you spent every minute of every day moving towards the life you desired, simply through the way you carried yourself through your world?”

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Steven’s eyes dri$ed o%. He was looking over the sand but not seeing anything. His attention was directed inwards.

“I’d… It would be amazing. I’d feel… Well… Amazing.”

“If you felt the sense of power in your life, how much time do you think you’d spend trying to control other people to feel powerful?”

“I wouldn’t need to do it at all. I’d be… It’d be pointless. It would be unneces-sary because I’d already feel powerful in my life.”

“If you spent your life being open, honest, real, and standing up for the world you wanted to create, do you think you’d be friends with everyone?”

“Oh god no. I’d piss a whole lot of people o% !”

“#at’s right. But, do you think the people who you’d naturally connect with would be able to see who you really are and desire to connect with you?”

“For sure!”

“Good. #is is good. #e core element in transforming the pathway that you’re following is "nding your image of the life you want to live and devoting yourself, relentlessly to creating that life. When you have that image in your head, everything changes. When you decide how you’re going to live your life, DESPITE what everyone says, not because of what everyone else says, you stop relying on them for the sensation you seek from your life. But you can’t do it without that image. You need to know what life you desire. NEED. It’s the most important piece of the puzzle. It’s the key. Find out what your idea of perfection is and live it shamelessly, open, and freely. Some people are going to hate it and not want to be part of it. Some people are going to love it and never leave your side. Some people are going to be completely indi%erent and laugh with you and they live their adventures. Everyone is going to be di%erent.”

Steven sat up and crossed his legs under his oversized body. “Keep going…”

“#is is what it means to live a life of integrity. Integrity isn’t just saying what is true for you in any moment; it’s living your life in the way that you believe to be right in every moment. #at may mean withholding information to prevent

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someone from being hurt. #at might mean hurting someone intentionally because you believe the hurt is going to help them. It means living your life on your standards and never backing down. It means shooting for your dreams in every moment and never giving up. When you do this, you will experience a depth of connection with people that goes beyond anything you’ve ever experi-enced in your life. It won’t be with everyone, it won’t even be with most people, but the ones you do experience it with… Well… You’ll change each other’s lives. You’ll get to experience a sensation of power than runs deeper than any kind of manipulative trick or technique ever constructed. You’ll experience the power that can only come from being solely and entirely responsible for the life you’ve created. You’ll experience the freedom of never being having to look to anyone else for the decision of how to live your life.”

He nodded. “I get it. I’ve been looking to everyone around me for the decisions about how to live my life, all this time. All my life. #e reason I haven’t been able to change pathways was because I didn’t know what I wanted. I can’t create the life I want without knowing what that life is. And when I know what that is, then I’m able to take control. When I’m in control, I get to experience every-thing I’ve ever wanted. It’s so simple. #is is the di%erence, isn’t it? #is is the di%erence between the pathways, between the Getting and the Doing… It’s so obvious. But this isn’t going to be easy… How can I do this? I’ve been running the same patterns for so long, how can I change?”

“Come on.” I stood up and motioned for Steven to join me. “Let me show you.”

We’d been at the beach for nearly 2 hours and the crowd and started to thin out. #ere were still plenty of people around, but the masses were starting to head home.

“Great. What am I looking at?

“I have three questions for you to consider. One: What do you want your world, right now, to consist of? What is the physical content you desire? Two: What do you want your experience of your world, right now, to be? What do you want to feel as we stand here? #ree: What do you need to do to have both of them? Look around you. Look at this world. Look at all the possibilities that surround you. #ere’s a world out there that one endless stream of opportuni-ties and you’re standing smack, bang in the middle of it. You’re living it, right

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now. Is this all you want it to be? Is that what you want your life to be? What do you want to be di%erent and what are you going to do about it? #ere’s noth-ing standing your way. Nothing at all. It’s only you. You are the only barrier in your life preventing you from living the life you’ve always wanted. What life do you want and what are you going to do about it? #at’s how you do it. You stop directing your attention to anyone else or anything else. You let go of trying to impress people, to gain their approval, to gain their love, and you direct your attention to the only person who can ever give you the experience of life that you’ve been searching for.”

“What do I want my life to be? I want it to be full of friends, I want it to be full of laughter, and I want it to be full of smiles and love. I want to experience my life as free, open, alive, and powerful. What do I need to do to do that? Wow… I need to take control. I need to cut the bullshit. I need to step up and take responsibility. I need to stop trying to convince women be attracted to me and I need to start the search for the women I desire. I need to stop trying to please my friends who I don’t really get along with and "nd people who I click with at a core level. I need to stop playing little boy games, I need to cut the crap, and I need to stop sucking at the teat of society and man up. I need to stop being dependant on everyone around me and I need to be responsible for the world I’m creating.”

“To do this, you need to take conscious control of your focus and direct it to¬wards: what do I need to do, right now, to create the world I desire? Every-thing will !ow from that.”

He stood, tall and proud, with his broad shoulders stretched out in de"ance of everything the world had to throw at him. “I get it.”

“Good. So, what do you need to do, right now, to create the world you desire?”

Steven breathed deeply and held my gaze with steady eyes. He spoke calmly, clearly, and with the conviction of a Man who had made the decision to trans-form his life. “I need to go home. I need to sit down. I need to decide what kind of world I desire to create. #en I need to live it. I need to go through my entire life and clean up any area where I’ve been living in a way that isn’t in alignment with the life I desire to create and then I need to take control. I need to stop making everyone around me responsible my life and I need to own my world.”

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Nodding… “Here are four questions for you to consider as you "nd your truth.”

“One: What is the physical content of that world? Where do you wake up? Who do you want up with? Where do you live? What physical content is around you as you live your life?”

“Two: How do you engage the activities you undertake in that world? Do you take it easy or do you push yourself? Do you coast through or do you try and challenge yourself as much as possible? Do you push through your fears or do you give in to them? Do you hold back and restrain yourself or do you give everything you have?”

“#ree: How do you relate to yourself? Are you judgement and critical or accepting and forgiving? Are you pushy and demanding or are you kind and relaxed?”

“Four: How do you relate to other people? Are you judgement and critical or accepting and forgiving? Are you pushy and demanding or are you kind and re-laxed? Do you try and force your views onto other people or do you allow them to live their life? Do you use them to feel good about yourself or do you source the feeling you desire though the way you engage your world?”

“Once you know that, then it all comes down to focus. Focus, focus, focus. You’ve been living your life with your attention directed outwards. Now, it’s time to bring it in. It’s all in your hands. You have to decide what you are going to do with it.”

Steven reached down, picked up his possessions, and extended his right hand. We shook and with a silent nod, he was o%.

#ere was so much more to tell him. #is wasn’t his "nal step in the same way this wasn’t mine. #ere was more to go, FAR more, but this was how it was go-ing to end, for now.

It was still a little while before he was ready to hear the secrets of #e Art of Dying.