DR. KIM’S SECRETS TO UNLEASHING YOUR PROFESSIONAL POWER › PDFs › FS... · 2012-01-09 ·...

Find your strengths ... move beyond pastlimitations ... become the best you!

DR. KIM’S SECRETS TOUNLEASHING YOUR

PROFESSIONALPOWER

By Kimberly Ventus-Darks, PhD

Secrets to Unleashing Your Professional Power 2

By Kimberly Ventus-Darks

© 2012 National Seminars Training


Do you sometimes get the feeling that you are on the edge of something great in your life but aren’t sure how to make it happen?

Sometimes it can seem like you are the only one who is unsatisfied with how things are going in life, but I’m here to tell you – others are thinking the exact same thing!

I guarantee you that 90% of the people you associate with from day to day have wondered and pondered about where their life is going and why they don’t seem to be achieving the professional success and personal happiness they long for. Just like you, they feel that something great is on the horizon, yet it seems beyond their grasp. They’re eager to see results, but uncertain where to turn or what to do to get the ball rolling.

You are not alone! Whew! Doesn’t that feel better? Still, you might be thinking, “I’ve got company in my confusion and uncertainty, but it doesn’t solve the dilemma … how do I get


what I really, really want — both personally and professionally?”

Education helps, but it’s no guarantee. Hard work helps, but alone it isn’t enough. Having one super-great idea might do the trick. You’d probably have it made if you could invent the next Facebook® or iPhone® or Spanx®. (By the way – do you happen to have the next gazillion-dollar idea under your belt? If so, then by all means, stop reading this book, and put all your effort into bringing your concept to fruition!)

If you’re not holding on to the next best thing since the automatic garage door opener, then keep reading, my friend, because I’m going to fill you in on the success principles that are sure to make a difference for you.

In fact, I’m going to boil it all down to one mega success tip that will make all the difference for you:

PROFESSIONAL POWER. It’s the secret. Everyone … and I mean everyone … has within them the

ability to develop their professional power.

Professional power is developed in many ways and comes in many forms … but it always boils down to a few key beliefs and habits.


When people become successful they often make the mistake of not learning the mystery behind what actually makes them good at what they do. For many already successful people, asking the question “How did I get here?” seems too hard and simply a waste of energy. After all, they’ve already got what they want so they figure there’s no point in analyzing it. The problem with that logic is that one success does not always lead to the next success. That’s why it is so important that you understand yourself better … it’s essential for achieving your goals and realizing your dreams throughout your life.

People are successful for different reasons. And the reason they are successful is based on their own gifts … we are all unique.

For some, the source of success might be the ability to connect to people and easily influence others to see things from a different perspective; for others, their blessing might not be connecting with people but instead it might be their ability to see the details. And for others, success comes from honoring their artistic inclinations and pursuing endeavors aligned with those special gifts and talents.

You see, what’s true for all of us is that our professional power is tied to understanding ourselves, believing in our dreams, and honoring the unique strengths and talents we’re given. It’s the common thread in all success.


How do you recognize professional power in yourself and others?

• Professional power is when you learn to celebrate the gifts in others because you realize that it takes everyone to effectively keep the professional wheel turning!

• Professional power is when your confidence is not easily swayed by criticism from others when things are not going well.

• Professional power is when what you say and what you do are aligned … you walk your talk.

• Professional power is when you give your absolute best, not for others to admire and be impressed with you, but simply because of the high personal standards you’ve established for yourself.

• Professional power is when you learn to listen more than you talk because you never underestimate the knowledge of other people and you are always open to learning and growing more!


How do you unleash your professional power? In order to unleash your professional power, you must identify what you are naturally good at … the skills you seem to excel at with very little effort or training.

If you’ve been to one of my training programs, you know I often talk about your “blessings” and “curses.” It is often easier to discover your blessing through understanding the significance of your curse.

Usually what we are blessed with is also what we are cursed with — and, my friend, you can’t have one without the other. Let me walk you through a couple of examples that’ll illustrate this point.

Jim has a natural talent for analysis. He’s a numbers guy. He’s thorough … he’s strategic. Jim finds the flaws and opportunities in any strategy or report. If something has to be 100% right, all the way, all the time … Jim is your go-to guy. Yet, Jim’s blessing is also a curse, because Jim’s attention to detail sometimes has him fretting details that simply don’t matter. It also slows Jim down – he may not be seen as productive as other people who aren’t quite as detail focused as Jim. Ever heard the phrase “paralysis by analysis”? That sometimes happens to Jim. His analytic skills are both his blessing and his curse.


Here’s another example. Jerre’s blessing is that she’s an outgoing, vivacious extrovert … a natural relationship-builder. She can easily and quickly establish rapport with anyone, anywhere. For Jerre, people she doesn’t know are just friends she hasn’t met yet. When it comes to working on a project, Jerre is great at getting the team together and rallying everyone around a concept – but she focuses so much on the “discussing” that sometimes she falls short on the “doing.” In fact, some people perceive Jerre as “all talk and no show.” For Jerre, her outgoing personality is her blessing and at the same time, her curse.

Most of us learn from a very young age to play to our strengths. The more successful we become, the more closed-minded we become about the things that we need to change in our lives. We too easily assume that we should continue to do what we are doing simply because we are already successful. If you are a natural-born leader and a person who is comfortable delegating and giving orders to others, then the downside of your blessing (i.e., your curse) and the area that will give you the most heartache professionally is that others will see you as being bossy, impatient, and intimidating. And although these three things may cause you to be misunderstood by others, they are also very important in order to be a good and effective leader. Here’s why:


1. Being bossy simply means that you are comfortable with telling others what to do, which is required to be a good leader. The trait of “bossiness,” though, is typically seen by others as a negative … a trait linked with not caring about what others think.

2. The positive side of being impatient is that it produces motivation to get things done, which is a major attribute in leading others. But, when you are impatient with other people, it can make you come across insensitive to their needs, thoughts, and concerns.

3. You need to project confidence and authority to have people look up to you. Still, some people are intimidated by those who project confidence because that confidence is misinterpreted as a sense of superiority. No one thinks highly of people who are going around thinking they’re better than others.

Hopefully, you now get what I mean by “your blessing is your curse.”

So what are your blessings? Can you see the positive things they bring to your life … the advantages you get … the path to success that these blessings can provide for you? Can you also now see that your blessings when applied incorrectly or taken to extreme can flip on you to become curses instead of blessings?


If you can recognize how your blessings serve you, and how they can conversely sabotage you at other times, then you’re well on your way to understanding how to unleash your professional power.


A Gift Gone Wrong: Jen’s Story

Jen was a 27-year-old marketing professional who had worked her way up quickly in a mid-sized technology company, earning a reputation as a star employee. It was no surprise then when Jen was hired by a large marketing services agency and received a huge bump in salary … after all, she was articulate, motivated, and seemed to be destined for great things. She was the dream applicant for the job!

Hired by the vice president of marketing, Jen stood out from the other candidates because of her ability to influence, her fresh ideas, and her experience saving money and bringing teams together.

From day one it was obvious that Jen had a natural way with the people at the organization. While she did not officially supervise anyone directly, almost everyone saw Jen as a person of authority. Jen’s supervisor would even depend on her to answer questions and fix problems in the department instead of fixing them herself.

The first year, everything was all roses and rainbows for Jen. She was refreshing to be around and her bubbly, upbeat demeanor was contagious. She talked with power and others


saw her as a go-to person in the company … a true mover and shaker they looked up to.

But Jen’s sunny outlook didn’t last. After a year of establishing herself in the department, Jen became discontented not only with her job but also with her professional responsibilities. She was still the one everyone depended on the most, which had been satisfying, even flattering, in her first year, but it wasn’t enough anymore. As Jen became more and more familiar with her job she realized that she needed more challenge, yet never asked for it. Jen had become bored and, without knowing it, it showed in her attitude and her behavior. She was still the go-to person, a person with significant influence over others, but now instead of being a builder of teams and a positive influence, Jen was becoming a negative influence … a team saboteur. She began gossiping about different people and voicing her concerns inappropriately when she did not agree with the team. Gone was the light hearted, effervescent personality for which Jen had been known. Now, she was coming across as increasingly more cynical, harsh, and judgmental. Her uncanny ability to influence others was once her greatest strength … but with her soured demeanor, it was becoming her greatest weakness. Negativity spreads and Jen’s negativity was spreading. Her influence on others caused them to wonder about their own


satisfaction concerning their jobs. Before long the entire department was at odds with one another.

The staff still trusted and believed in Jen – and Jen knew it. She started getting a thrill with how she had the power to cause the mood in the department to drastically go up and down. Though still not officially anyone’s supervisor, she knew she was in a position of authority. It didn’t last. After a while the other team members became suspicious about what Jen was doing behind their back and behind closed doors. They began to question Jen’s true motivations. Jen was a person they’d regarded highly but who now seemed to be using her influence in self-serving ways.

It is very clear in the story above that Jen’s natural abilities initially fostered admiration and trust among her team. Perhaps while you were reading the story, some people came to mind who you admire for their positive influence on those around them. You may have also recalled people you know who wield their influence in not-so-positive ways. The ability to influence others can be a tremendous asset when used wisely or a devastating flaw when the influence is not directed toward achieving the greater good for all.

When we talk about gifts and natural abilities, we easily recognize that Jen is a natural-born leader. She is gifted at


influencing people, and others are naturally drawn to trusting her with their issues and concerns. Also clear in the story is that Jen was unaware of when and how her innate abilities shifted from serving her to sabotaging her. She was surprised at her ability to influence the department both when she had their best interest at heart and also when she didn’t.

This story of Jen is a great example of a gift gone wrong. Jen’s natural ability gave her favor and influence initially … it gave her the advantage over the other applicants and landed her the job … but Jen did not understand her gift.

So what’s the lesson here? Know yourself … know your gifts. A key to Jen’s professional power was her ability to influence others, but she never truly understood that about herself. Not understanding her gift, she was unable to make sure it was always used correctly. Had Jen realized just how influential she could be, she could have handled her situation much differently. For example, when she started to get bored, she could have used her gift of influence to convince her supervisor to give her more responsibilities or maybe even switch positions completely where she would have been more challenged.

When you know your gifts – and most importantly, when you know their bright side and their dark side – you’re ready to unleash your professional power in ways that will help you achieve everything you’ve ever wanted!


Five questions to ask yourself that will help you better understand what your

blessings are …

1. What is the one thing that you would enjoy doing full-time as a hobby without getting paid for it?

2. What have you been told you are good at? Think about from the time you were a small child clear through today. Make a list!

3. At work, what things do you do or projects do you work on where time seems to just fly by … where you get so engrossed in what you’re doing, the rest of the world seems to disappear?

4. If you were to teach people to do one thing in life that you feel like you have already mastered, what would it be?

5. What is the part of your personality that has caused you the most friction or misunderstanding with other people or yourself?


Three Secrets to Unleashing Your Professional Power

As mentioned before, a huge mistake many people make is not understanding what drives their successes. The problem with not understanding your natural gifts … your blessings … is that you will not understand how to become more successful when you need to!

Not understanding the reasons behind your successes prevents you from achieving more success.

If you don’t understand why you’re able to achieve what you achieve, you’ll have a tendency to think that you caught a lucky break or that you were simply in the right place at the right time. Now, I am not saying that timing is not important, but timing alone is never the full reason for your accomplishments in life.

If what we are doing allows us to be more successful than “most people,” the majority of us do not put energy in trying to understand the impact of our faults. This zaps us of professional power. The “new” way of thinking is to allow your curse to be a confirmation that you are blessed! As mentioned previously, you can’t have one without the other. You can’t be blessed without also experiencing the curse side of the blessing.


Even more important, the degree to which you are “cursed” is a clue to how significant your blessings actually are. The more attacked you feel by your curse, the more blessed you actually are. Likewise, little curses produce little blessings.

Let’s face it, if we all had the same gift, then it would not be seen as a gift at all. We need to really connect with the idea that the more gifted we are, the more misunderstood we will be. And unless we are able to thoroughly understand the downside of our gift, we are not going to learn how to master the magic of its professional blessing. Secret 1: To harness the full benefit of your natural gifts, embrace “the uncomfortable.” The strength of your professional power is largely determined by both your personality and your willingness to adjust your behaviors to harness the full benefit of your special abilities.

Let’s be real: regardless of how professionally talented you are, if you’re hiding your light under a barrel, no one’s going to see it! If you’re shy and tend to keep to yourself, you’ve got to be willing to break out of your shell more often. Conversely, if you’re an extrovert who enjoys being the center of attention, you may need to be willing to speak less and listen more often. It may be uncomfortable to break out of your natural habits from time to time, yet it is key to your success. And,


you’ll find, the more you do the “uncomfortable,” the less uncomfortable it gets!

Secret 2: Professionally powerful people are authentic. Have you ever witnessed anyone trying to be someone else? It doesn’t really work, does it?

People know the “real” you from the imitation. Leave acting to actors, and be authentic always. Here’s a word of caution, though: don’t ever use “that’s just who I am” as an excuse not to be the best you possible.

Secret 3: Professional power needs to be replenished daily – you’re on a journey, this is not a destination.

Every single day you have the opportunity to enhance your professional power or dilute it. People with the most professional power recognize that they’re a work in progress. They know there is always more to learn, ways to grow, and new skills to build. They’re neither hypercritical of themselves nor noncritical, but rather “gently honest” with themselves at all times.

To unleash your professional power, you must be a persistent


seeker of truth and lifelong improvement. You must frequently evaluate your efforts and your results and recognize when your gifts are fueling your success or signaling there are opportunities for improvement. The more you understand yourself, the more quickly your professional power will grow.


What You Can Learn From the Habits of Some of the World’s

most Professionally Powerful People It would be hard to deny the influence and professional power that Oprah Winfrey has been able to attain. When we look at the dynamics of Oprah’s professional journey, it is clear that she did not necessarily gain success because she was so much prettier than anyone else or because she had impressive family connections that landed her cushy jobs. Born out of wedlock and raised in her first years by her grandmother, Oprah says she was expected to grow up doing just what her grandmother told her she would do – keep house for people of means. Oprah had an altogether different vision for her future. She recounts the attention she got as a child speaking in church and as a young girl excelling in school. This led her to speak more and more in public … which helped her get better and better at it. It’s the perfect example of natural gifts being expanded upon and blossoming into something truly magical. Whether you like Oprah or not, you have to agree that her career has been phenomenal.

Another person who gained influence and power because of his ability to be “famously normal” is President Bill Clinton. Some may argue that it is his folksy demeanor or his charming Southern accent that people are drawn to. I think that we all


would agree that these small personality attributes combined with his authentic manner helped him connect to the common person and is probably one reason he went so far in his career. President Clinton’s ability to relate in the midst of holding the most powerful job in our country worked in his favor.

It is important to recognize that professional power manifests in many different forms. Donald Trump carries a different natural gift: a visionary business mind. Many have suggested that Mr. Trump had to learn the skill of connecting with people in order to succeed. In his role on the NBC television show The Apprentice, Trump shows his business savvy while showing his human side at the same time. Say what you will about “The Donald” … whether you love him or hate him, you have to admit he emanates professional power!

One final example from the world of the famous is Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta. Haven’t heard of her? Well then, perhaps you’ve heard the name she’s better known by, Lady Gaga. Regardless if you understand her music, style, or perspective, in all likelihood you’ve heard of Lady Gaga. Her ability to be different, mysterious, and confusing while at the same time loving and accepting to the common and the uncommon has made her an icon in today’s music. Through Lady Gaga we are learning that a quiet confidence, taking a bold stand, along with acceptance and love for everyone is the “new power” of the future.


Yes, professional power comes in many unusual shapes, sizes, and forms. Sometimes it even comes from a woman wearing an ensemble made entirely out of meat!


Unleashing your professional power starts today and it begins with you!

We’ve talked about what professional power is, what it isn’t, how your gifts are your blessings and also your curses, and how professional power manifests in so many different ways. Recall what I said earlier about professional power: Your professional power is tied to understanding yourself, believing in your dreams, and honoring the unique strengths and talents you’ve been given.

We’ve talked about what happens when you don’t recognize your gifts – remember Jen, who didn’t understand her gift for influencing people, and thus didn’t realize that her gift could be used to enhance her professional power or rob her of it?

I’ve given you three big secrets to unleashing your professional power:

1.Toharnessthefullbenefitofyournaturalgifts, embrace “the uncomfortable.”

2. Professionally powerful people are authentic.

3. Professional power needs to be replenished daily – you’re on a journey, this is not a destination.


Have you taken the time to consider your natural gifts yet? If not, I encourage you to revisit the 5 questions previously posted that’ll help you better understand what your blessings are. Then ask yourself …

• When does the blessing switch from being a blessing to a curse in my life and vice versa? How has that helped you? How has that hindered me?

• What patterns in my life do you want to see repeated more frequently?

• Which ones would I like to see less often in my life, or eliminate altogether?

• Now that I know more about what you want — and don’t want — what do I intend to do to get more of what I want, and less of what I don’t? Be specific!

To paraphrase Glenda the Good Witch from The Wizard of Oz, you’ve always had the power inside you. You have within you the seeds of extraordinary professional power. If you want to achieve your personal and professional goals … if you want to unleash your professional power … the time to begin is now. And it’s up to you to make it happen!

I wish you joy, peace and extraordinary success along your journey


Bonus Pearls of Wisdom From Dr. Kim

These bonus “pearls” are from Dr. Kim’s wildly popular seminar Communicating With Confidence, Credibility, and Influence brought to you exclusively by National Seminars Training (www.NationalSeminarsTraining.com).

Never accept “no” from a person who doesn’t have the power to say “yes.”

When you let people close doors on you who never had the power to open them in the first place, you’re relinquishing your power. Instead, go straight to the source who can give you want you want … and be persistent in going after it.

One out of six people are addicted to chaos. Don’t be one of them and don’t get sucked

into their game.

If you want to be your best, you need to understand where you’re headed and remain focused on your goal. Chaos is a trap that will steal your time and diminish your


success. Don’t allow others to entice you into their web of inefficiency and ineffectiveness — keep your eyes on your prize and you’ll get it!

We teach people how to treat us by what we accept from them.

Is someone not giving you the respect you deserve? Then you are allowing that to happen. Teach people what you will allow and what you won’t allow. You must have the courage to speak up or walk away, otherwise the disrespect will not only continue, it may get even worse.

If there’s no enemy inside you, then the words of others can never harm you.

When you truly and deeply respect yourself on the inside, then you’ll know how to set boundaries on the outside. It doesn’t mean that people won’t try to speak to you in hurtful ways, but you’ll recognize that it is their problem, not yours. And you’ll be wise enough to recognize toxic people and get them out of your life for good!


Difficult people will have you focus on the facts. Keep your focus on the truth.

From time to time, we all get in difficult situations where the facts don’t really speak to the truth. Don’t allow yourself to get mired in factual details — seek truth and you’ll find your way every time.

Don’t expect things from your job that it will not and that it cannot do for you!

Your job is not a place for personal therapy. It’s not there for you to fill some vast void in your life. It’s not your friend … your mate … or your savior. It’s where you work. You can derive great pleasure from it, you can learn many things, and you can expand your skills. But it was never meant to be the most important relationship in your life. Be realistic about what you expect.

Speak up or give up your right to complain.

Standing up for yourself can sometimes be uncomfortable. But, so what? You don’t think it’s uncomfortable for others? Be a grownup and face facts: you are the captain of your ship, you are in charge. You have a voice, and I’m not talking about the one inside your head. Let your voice be heard! It’s your job to stand up for yourself and


speak assertively. If you can’t do that, then drop whatever your complaint is … it must not be that important to you if you’re not willing to do anything about it.

“No” today does not necessarily mean “no” tomorrow.

Persistence is key to getting what you want out of life. If you hear “no,” don’t think that the “no” means forever. Tomorrow is a new day. If you want anything badly enough, keep asking until you get your “yes.”

The Best Kept Secrets About Managing People 30

The real you ... getting it back!$79.95 value

• Guard your feelings and react to conflict with wisdom, not emotions!• Take a stress test and see how much chaos is really in your life!• Finally get the dangerous people out of your life• Learn instant verbal comebacks for when you are being attacked• Develop your self-confidence within 72 hours• Lean to finally say “no” without guilt or shame• Learn to get respect from both men and women instantly


earing Dr. Kim speak is like being swept away by a one-woman emotional

typhoon! One of the best-loved trainers for Rockhurst University Continuing Education Center, Inc., Dr. Kim travels the country inspiring awe in thousands of professionals every month. Dr. Kim is the founder and life coach of a communications company that provides personal development coaching on conflict resolution, anger management, leadership, dealing with difficult people and behaviors, and other personal and professional development topics.

“Her presentation showed great insight and a firm grasp on what is going on in the workplace today.”— Tracy Fassburg-Weiss, Gormand, Bryder and Associates

Connecting with audiences in a way most speakers only dream of, Dr. Kim has a commanding presence and larger-than-life personality. Profoundly wise and exceptionally motivating, Dr. Kim’s sessions have been described as “transformational” and “life-changing.” Whether she makes you laugh or makes you cry — or even both — you’ll never forget your training adventure with the spellbinding Dr. Kim.

About Dr. Kim AchievementsEducation • Doctorate in Interpersonal Communication and Administration • Master’s in Health Care Administration • BA in Health Care Administration/ Business Administration

Work History • Professorships: University of Cincinnati, The College of Mount St. Joseph, Antonelli College, Southern Ohio College

Publications • Books: — When You Know That You Are Special But Your Life Is Ordinary — Wit and Wisdom from the Buppie Club (contributing author) • Motivational Tape: — Release It and Let It Go • Columns: — Advice Columnist for Praise! magazine and Cornerstone Christian newspaper — Contributed numerous articles to national magazines, newsletters, and other publications

Clients Include • West Virginia University (Morgantown, WV) • Dayton Public Schools (Dayton, OH) • Walt Disney (Orlando, FL) • Indiana University • AT&T • Lucent Technologies • City of Alameda (Alameda, CA) • Army Depot (Anniston, AL) • West Virginia Department of Education

H

To book Dr. Kim to speak at your next event, call 1-800-344-4613

Secrets to Unleashing Your Professional Power 32The Best Kept Secrets About Managing People 32

.

—,

DR. KIM’S SECRETS TO UNLEASHING YOUR PROFESSIONAL POWER › PDFs › FS... · 2012-01-09 ·...

Documents

Transcript of DR. KIM’S SECRETS TO UNLEASHING YOUR PROFESSIONAL POWER › PDFs › FS... · 2012-01-09 ·...