DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE DEVELOPING EFFECTIVE LISTENING SKILLS LISTENING SKILLS FOR MAJOR AND FOR MAJOR AND PLANNED GIFT PLANNED GIFT FUNDRAISERSFUNDRAISERS

Property of William T. SturtevantFundraising Consultant

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THE IMPORTANCE AND ESSENTIALS OF THE IMPORTANCE AND ESSENTIALS OF COMMUNICATIONSCOMMUNICATIONS

CREDIT TO SARAH A. ARCISZEWSKI OF WMET, NEW YORKCREDIT TO SARAH A. ARCISZEWSKI OF WMET, NEW YORK

TWO MODES OF COMMUNICATIONS:TWO MODES OF COMMUNICATIONS:

• SURVIVALSURVIVAL – TYPIFIED BY PAUSES, INSECURITY – TYPIFIED BY PAUSES, INSECURITY AND CONCERNS WITH SELF (E.G., THE AND CONCERNS WITH SELF (E.G., THE

NEXT NEXT QUESTION OR STATEMENT); ME/ME QUESTION OR STATEMENT); ME/ME CONVERSATION.CONVERSATION.

• CONNECTION CONNECTION – NATURAL, FLOWING – NATURAL, FLOWING CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE CONVERSATION BETWEEN TWO PEOPLE WHO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH EACH WHO FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH EACH OTHER; ME/YOU CONVERSATION.OTHER; ME/YOU CONVERSATION.

ESSENTIAL ELEMENTS FOR CONNECTION MODEESSENTIAL ELEMENTS FOR CONNECTION MODE

• EMPATHY – FOCUS ON THE OTHER PERSON.

• ACTIVE LISTENING.

• SINCERE INTEREST.

• ENTHUSIASM.

LESSONS IN ACTIVE LISTENINGLESSONS IN ACTIVE LISTENING FROM FROM SALES EFFECTIVENESS TRAININGSALES EFFECTIVENESS TRAINING

FOUR MAJOR REASONS WHY WE ARE NOT EFFECTIVE LISTENERS:

• WE HAVE NEVER LEARNED HOW TO LISTEN

• WE BELIEVE THAT FUNDRAISING IS TALKING

• LISTENING REQUIRES FOCUSED CONCENTRATION

• OUR PARADIGMS DISTORT WHAT WE HEAR

LISTENING SKILLS CAN BE BROKEN DOWN LISTENING SKILLS CAN BE BROKEN DOWN INTO THREE BASIC COMPONENTSINTO THREE BASIC COMPONENTS

1. ATTENDING BEHAVIOR1. ATTENDING BEHAVIOR – –

NONVERBAL COMMUNICATIONS THAT NONVERBAL COMMUNICATIONS THAT SHOW THE SHOW THE OTHER PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT OTHER PERSON YOU CARE ABOUT WHAT THEY WHAT THEY ARE SAYING.ARE SAYING.

SILENCE IS POWERFUL BECAUSE IT: SILENCE IS POWERFUL BECAUSE IT:

(1)(1) SHOWS ATTENTION TO THE SPEAKERSHOWS ATTENTION TO THE SPEAKER

(2)(2) AVOIDS JUDGEMENTAL OR DEFENSIVE AVOIDS JUDGEMENTAL OR DEFENSIVE RESPONSESRESPONSES

(3)(3) CREATES MILD PRESSURE FOR THE SPEAKER CREATES MILD PRESSURE FOR THE SPEAKER TO KEEP ON TALKINGTO KEEP ON TALKING

PASSIVE LISTENING HAS TWO ELEMENTS:(1) ACKNOWLEDGEMENT – AN EXCELLENT WAY TO

ENCOURAGE CONVERSATION(2) “DOOR OPENERS” – INVITE THE PROSPECT TO

OPEN UP, E.G., “TELL ME MORE”

2. PASSIVE LISTENING2. PASSIVE LISTENING – –

USE OF QUESTIONS TO CONCENTRATE ON USE OF QUESTIONS TO CONCENTRATE ON WHAT WHAT PROSPECT IS SAYING, CLARIFY PROSPECT IS SAYING, CLARIFY INFORMATION, INFORMATION, AND TO PROVE YOU AND TO PROVE YOU UNDERSTAND AND UNDERSTAND AND EMPATHIZE.EMPATHIZE.

3.3. ACTIVE LISTENINGACTIVE LISTENING - -

SOME GOOD TECHNIQUES SOME GOOD TECHNIQUES FOR THE ACTIVE LISTENER FOR THE ACTIVE LISTENER

WHEN YOU ARE CERTAIN YOU UNDERSTAND WHEN YOU ARE CERTAIN YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT HAS BEEN SAIDWHAT HAS BEEN SAID

• “WHAT I HEAR YOU SAYING IS . . .”

• “IT SEEMS TO YOU . . .”

• “AS YOU SEE IT . . .”

• “I REALLY HEAR YOU SAYING THAT . . .”

• “YOU FEEL . . .”

WHEN YOU FEEL LESS CERTAIN YOU WHEN YOU FEEL LESS CERTAIN YOU UNDERSTANDUNDERSTAND

• “IT APPEARS YOU . . .”

• “CORRECT ME IF I’M WRONG, BUT . . .”

• “LET ME SEE IF I UNDERSTAND; YOU . . .”

• “I THINK I HEAR YOU SAYING . . .”

THE GOAL OF THE EFFECTIVE THE GOAL OF THE EFFECTIVE LISTENER/FUNDRAISER IS TO ENCOURAGE THE LISTENER/FUNDRAISER IS TO ENCOURAGE THE PROSPECT TO TALK, THEN LISTEN TO PROSPECT TO TALK, THEN LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND HIS/HER VIEWS AND UNIQUE UNDERSTAND HIS/HER VIEWS AND UNIQUE NEEDS AND FEARS RELATING TO THE GIFT NEEDS AND FEARS RELATING TO THE GIFT DECISION. THIS MEANS LISTENING WITHOUT DECISION. THIS MEANS LISTENING WITHOUT AN AGENDA. ONLY IN THIS MANNER CAN YOU AN AGENDA. ONLY IN THIS MANNER CAN YOU TRULY BECOME PARTNER/CONSULTANT.TRULY BECOME PARTNER/CONSULTANT.

WHY QUESTIONS ARE SO HELPFUL WHY QUESTIONS ARE SO HELPFUL CREDIT TO CREDIT TO MAJOR ACCOUNT SALESMAJOR ACCOUNT SALES STRATEGY BY NEIL RACKHAM STRATEGY BY NEIL RACKHAM

• QUESTIONS REVEAL NEEDS.

• QUESTIONS EXPOSE PROBLEMS.

• QUESTIONS REVEAL VALUES.

• QUESTIONS UNCOVER MOTIVATIONAL “TRIGGERS.”

• QUESTIONS REVEAL STRATEGIC INFORMATION.

• QUESTIONS CONTROL THE DISCUSSION.

• QUESTIONS ARE AN ALTERNATIVE TO DISAGREEMENT.

• QUESTIONS GIVE THINKING TIME.

TYPES OF QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK TYPES OF QUESTIONS YOU CAN ASK TO SECURE INFORMATIONTO SECURE INFORMATION

• CONFIRMATION – VALIDATE DATA OR POINT OUT INACCURACIES. “ARE YOU STILL CONCERNED ABOUT ESCALATING RATES OF LUNG CANCER IN WOMEN?”

• NEW INFORMATION – TO UPDATE INFORMATION AND FILL IN GAPS. MAY TELL YOU THE RESULTS THE DONOR WANTS. “HOW DID YOU SETTLE IN THIS BEAUTIFUL PART OF THE WORLD?”

• ATTITUDE QUESTIONS – IDENTIFY PERSONAL NEEDS, VALUES, ATTITUDES AND SENSE OF URGENCY. “WHAT IS YOUR OPINION?” OR “HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT ________?”

• COMMITMENT QUESTIONS – HELP YOU LOCATE YOUR CURRENT POSITION IN THE SALE. “AM I CORRECT IN MY UNDERSTANDING THAT WE SHOULD FINALIZE THE ARRANGEMENT FOR YOUR GIFT?”

QUESTIONS WHICH WILL UNLOCK EMOTIONSQUESTIONS WHICH WILL UNLOCK EMOTIONSFROM SCOTT WEST OF FROM SCOTT WEST OF STORYTELLING FOR FINANCIAL ADVISORSSTORYTELLING FOR FINANCIAL ADVISORS

• WHERE ARE YOU (OR YOUR FAMILY) FROM?

• HOW AND WHY DID YOU SETTLE ON YOUR LIFE’S WORK?

• WHAT ARE THE GUIDING PRINCIPLES THAT ALLOWED YOU TO BE SUCCESSFUL?

• WHAT IS THE BEST BUSINESS DECISION YOU EVER MADE?

• WHAT IS THE BEST PERSONAL DECISION YOU EVER MADE?

• IF YOU COULD PASS ALONG ONE LESSON TO YOUR CHILDREN OR GRANDCHILDREN, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

• WHAT DO YOU EXPECT FROM THE CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS YOU SUPPORT?

• HOW DO YOU MEASURE SUCCESS?

TIPS FOR ASKING QUESTIONSTIPS FOR ASKING QUESTIONSFROM FROM NON-MANIPULATIVE SELLINGNON-MANIPULATIVE SELLING

• ASK PERMISSION TO ASK QUESTIONS.

• START WITH BROAD TOPICS, THEN NARROW THE FOCUS.

• BUILD ON PREVIOUS RESPONSES.

• AVOID JARGON OR VERNACULAR.

• IF YOU HAVE TO ASK A SENSITIVE QUESTION, EXPLAIN WHY.

• PHRASE QUESTIONS SO PROSPECTS ANSWER IN A POSTIVE FASHION.

• ASK WHAT GENERAL BENEFITS ARE DESIRED.

POSSIBLE QUESTIONS TO ASK PROSPECTSPOSSIBLE QUESTIONS TO ASK PROSPECTSFROM THE FROM THE RELATIONSHIP EDGE IN BUSINESSRELATIONSHIP EDGE IN BUSINESS

BY JERRY ACUFF AND WALLY WOODBY JERRY ACUFF AND WALLY WOOD

• WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU’RE NOT WORKING?

• WHERE DID YOU GO TO SCHOOL (AND HOW DID YOU CHOOSE IT)?

• WHERE DID YOU GROW UP AND WHAT WAS IT LIKE GROWING UP THERE?

• WHAT DO YOU ENJOY READING?

• HOW DID YOU SETTLE ON YOUR PROFESSION?

• PLEASE TELL ME ABOUT YOUR FAMILY.

• WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE TO VACATION?

POSSIBLE QUESTIONS TO ASK POSSIBLE QUESTIONS TO ASK PROSPECTSPROSPECTS

(CONTINUED)(CONTINUED)

• WHERE WOULD YOU LIKE TO TRAVEL THAT YOU HAVE YET TO VISIT?

• WHAT COMMUNITY AND/OR CHARITABLE ORGANIZATIONS ARE YOU INVOLVED WITH?

• HOW DID YOU DECIDE TO SETTLE IN THIS AREA?

• IF YOU WERE TO CHOOSE ANOTHER PROFESSION, WHAT WOULD IT BE?

• WHAT SPORTS DO YOU ENJOY WATCHING?

• WHAT SPORTS DO YOU ENJOY PARTICIPATING IN?

POOR LISTENING HABITSPOOR LISTENING HABITS

• YOU DO ALL THE TALKING.

• YOU INTERRUPT.

• YOU AVOID EYE CONTACT.

• YOU TOY WITH AN OBJECT WHILE ANOTHER PERSON IS TALKING.

• YOU PUT WORDS IN SPEAKER’S MOUTH.

• YOU PUT PEOPLE ON THE DEFENSIVE WITH YOUR STYLE OF QUESTIONING.

• YOU START TO ARGUE BEFORE THE OTHER PERSON FINISHES THE CASE.

POOR LISTENING HABITSPOOR LISTENING HABITS(CONTINUED(CONTINUED))

• YOU DIGRESS WITH STORIES.

• YOU FINISH SENTENCES.

• YOU WAIT IMPATIENTLY FOR THE OTHER TO FINISH.

• YOU ARE ARTIFICIAL WITH YOUR ATTEMPT TO MAKE EYE CONTACT.

• YOU OVERDO FEEDBACK – TOO MANY NODS OR UH-HUH’S.

• YOU MAKE JUDGEMENTS ABOUT PEOPLE WHILE THEY SPEAK.

• YOU BECOME DISTRACTED (E.G., FOCUS ON WORDS AND MISS THE MESSAGE.

LISTENING TIPSLISTENING TIPS

1. TO TRULY UNDERSTAND WHAT THE PROSPECT/DONOR IS TELLING YOU, YOU NEED TO KNOW:

• WHY IS THE PERSON SAYING THE THINGS SHE IS SAYING?

• WHAT ARE MOTIVES UNDERLYING THE MESSAGE?

• HOW DOES SHE REALLY FEEL ABOUT THE ISSUE?

LISTENING TIPSLISTENING TIPS(CONTINUED)(CONTINUED)

2. USE THE “FUNNEL” APPROACH TO ACTIVE LISTENING:

• MOVE FROM BROAD TO NARROW;

• BUILD ON RESPONSES;

• CLARIFY;

• EXPAND;

• REDIRECT TO NEXT TOPIC;

LISTENING TIPSLISTENING TIPS(CONTINUED)(CONTINUED)

3. CONCENTRATE BY FOCUSING ATTENTION ON PROSPECT – AND ONLY ON PROSPECT;

4. DEMONSTRATE YOUR INTEREST AND ATTENTION;

5. RESEARCH BY ASKING QUESTIONS AND MAKING STATEMENTS WHICH ELICIT RESPONSES;

6. OBSERVE AND INTERPRET NONVERBAL CLUES;

7. ORGANIZE THE INFORMATION YOU OBTAIN.

LISTENING TIPSLISTENING TIPS(CONTINUED)(CONTINUED)

8. IMPORTANT GUIDELINES IN THIS REGARD:

• RESPECT THE OTHER’S POINT OF VIEW.

• UNDERSTAND FULLY WHAT WAS SAID BEFORE RESPONDING.

• USE PARAPHRASING TO CHECK YOUR UNDERSTANDING.

• EXPLORE RELATIONAL AS WELL AS CONTENT MEANING – EXPLORE FEELING.

LISTENING TIPSLISTENING TIPS(CONTINUED)(CONTINUED)

9. BE SURE YOU UNDERSTAND FIRST AND SEEK TO BE UNDERSTOOD SECOND.

10. RESTATE WHAT YOU HEAR, BUT AVOID REPEATING.

11. MATCH TEMPO AND TONE.

12. EVALUATE BUT AVOID VALUE JUDGEMENTS.

13. SEEK TO UNDERSTAND FEELING AS WELL AS VERBAL CONTENT.

METHODS TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS AS A METHODS TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS AS A LISTENER LISTENER FROM FROM MAKING LISTENING WORK FOR YOUMAKING LISTENING WORK FOR YOU

• SEARCH FOR POSITIVE AND AREAS OF COMMON INTEREST.

• TAKE THE INITIATIVE.

• WORK AT LISTENING - EXPEND THE ENERGY AND ENTHUSIASM.

• FOCUS ON CENTRAL IDEAS.

• TAKE MEANINGFUL NOTES.

• RESIST EXTERNAL DISTRACTIONS.

• KEEP AN OPEN MIND.

METHODS TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS AS A METHODS TO IMPROVE YOUR SKILLS AS A LISTENER LISTENER (CONTINUED)(CONTINUED)

• ASK QUESTIONS TO CLARIFY.

• CAPITALIZE ON THOUGHT SPEAK BY SUMMARIZING.

• PRACTICE.

• ANALYZE NONVERBAL CUES (CAUTION!).

• EVALUATE AND BE CRITICAL OF CONTENT NOT THE SPEAKER’S DELIVERY.

IF YOU SEEK TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY IF YOU SEEK TO COMMUNICATE CLEARLY REMEMBER THESE PRINCIPLESREMEMBER THESE PRINCIPLES

• WHEN YOU ARE MAKING ONLY ONE POINT, PEOPLE PROBABLY NEED TO HEAR IT ONLY ONCE.

• IF TWO OR THREE POINTS, REPEAT OTHERWISE PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER.

• IF FOUR OR FIVE POINTS YOU NEED TO REPEAT AND USE ANOTHER SENSORY TOOL.

• SIX OR MORE POINTS MEANS YOU WILL NEED REPETITION AND TWO OR MORE SENSORY TOOLS.

THE EFFECTIVE LISTENERTHE EFFECTIVE LISTENER FROM FROM MAKING LISTENING WORK FOR YOUMAKING LISTENING WORK FOR YOU

• HAS AN OPEN, CURIOUS MIND.

• LISTENS TO NEW IDEAS.

• LISTENS WITH FEELING AND INTUITION.

• IS TOTALLY AWARE.

• LISTENS FROM THE HEART TO STAY NON-JUDGEMENTAL.

• LOOKS FOR IDEAS AND THE ESSENCE.

• PROVIDES FEEDBACK.

• CLARIFIES AND RESTATES TO HELP UNDERSTANDING.

• UNDERSTANDS OWN PARADIGMS AND HOW THEY AFFECT LISTENING.

• FOCUSED ON OTHER PERSON.

WHAT DOES LISTENING ACCOMPLISH WHAT DOES LISTENING ACCOMPLISH FROM FROM THE POWER OF CONSULTATIVE SELLINGTHE POWER OF CONSULTATIVE SELLING

• PROSPECTS MAKE CLEARER TO THEMSELVES THEIR FEELINGS AND REASONINGS.

• PROSPECTS MAY SELL THEMSELVES.

• PROSPECTS ARE ALLOWED TO THINK MORE CREATIVELY.

• PROSPECTS ENJOY THE OPPORTUNITY TO EXPRESS THEIR OWN IDEAS.