David Mandel & Associates , LLC May 9, 2013

Partnership with Domestic Violence Survivors: Critical to

Helping Children Heal, Building Collaborative

Relationships and Supporting the Mission of Child Welfare

David Mandel & Associates, LLCMay 9, 2013

Safe and Together™ Principles

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2

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Keeping child Safe and Together™ with non-offending parent

Safety Healing from trauma Stability and nurturance

Partnering with non-offending parent as default position

Efficient Effective Child-centered

Intervening with perpetrator to reduce risk and harm to child

Engagement Accountability Courts

(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

Develop case plan based on the strengths

Validating her strengths builds partnership

Does not mandate unnecessary services

Assess survivor’s strengths as they relate to the childrenPrior traditional and non-traditional safety

planningDay to day care of the

childrenPositive impact on

children

Full spectrum of the survivor’s efforts to promote the safety and well being of the childrenGoes beyond “yardstick” of LE,

Injunction, LeaveAvoids double standard around

mothers and fathers

Strengths Based Approach to the Non-offending Parent


What do the Experts Say?

• Most domestic violence survivors continue parenting, nurturing, appropriately disciplining and supporting their children

• The most healing intervention for a child is to remain in the care of the adult survivor

• Children who witness domestic violence can be harmed when unnecessarily removed from the adult survivor

• If you want to keep children safe and well, partner with the adult survivor


What does the Survivor Bring to the Table?

Nurturance AffectionStability HopeDiscipline PlanningSafety FunLoveHealingProvide financiallyShared ExperienceFamiliarityFamilySupervisionPositive ExampleEducational help(c)2013 David Mandel & Associates LLC Do not reproduce or distribute without permission

How does child welfare benefit from partnering with survivors?


What is Partnership?


• A professional engagement with domestic violence survivors that is mutually* beneficial.

• *Survivors gain resources, assistance and support from child protection to aid their efforts at keeping children safe. Child protection gains necessary information and a partner in keeping children safe.

Partnership Doesn’t Happen in a Vacuum…

What if she doesn’t tell us where he is?What if she’s done everything we’ve asked her to do?What if she is my favorite client?What if this is the third referral? The tenth?What is she was abused in a previous relationship?What if she’s lying?What if I think she’s making things worse?What if I have to remove the children anyway?What if she wants to stay in the relationship?

NONE OF THESE IS A REASON TO AVOID PARTNERSHIP WITH SURVIVORS


“What yardstick do you use to measure the survivor’s

protective efforts?”

“Yardstick” Exercise

Stay calm and keep your voice calm

Do not ask the survivor why she stays in the relationship

Ask open ended questions so that you can get better information

Talk about and ask about behaviors. You’ll get better information if you focus on an action or behavior than on whether or not someone is “good,” “bad,” “violent” or other

A Few Hints


StabilityTalk about what happenedSafety

• How is the survivor relating to the children around safety, stability, nurturance and healing from trauma?

• How do we assess the survivor’s efforts to relate to the children in these ways?

• How do we document these efforts?

What Children Exposed to Perpetrators’ Behaviors Need


What do Children Gain from Partnerships with

Survivors?• Child-focused

o Keeps the focus on the children instead of the survivors’ hopes/relationship status/feelings about the perpetrator

o Assesses needs of children regardless of relationship status

o Acknowledges child traumao Provides context for children’s

needs/isolation/behavioral issues

o Encourages healing in the relationship between the survivor and children


• Models positive interactions with survivors:o The children have heard

blaming, verbal abuse and criticisms of the survivor which may shape how they see her

o Partnership models respectful language and interaction

o Partnership models looking at survivors’ strengths and positive parenting

o Children may learn how hard the survivor is working to keep them safe and well

David Mandel & Associates , LLC May 9, 2013

Documents

Transcript of David Mandel & Associates , LLC May 9, 2013