ISSUE 10 | April-June 2014

unLOVED p. 06

DEfEatED intO rEDEmptiOn p. 07

yOu’VE bEEn rEjEctED p. 15

unwantED??? p. 18

frOm pastOr jEssE

JESSE SMITHSENIOR PASTOR

EXECUTIVE EDITOR Mark Shetler EDITOR Melissa ShetlerEXECUTIVE DESIGN Jessica RipleyPHOTOGRAPHY Sandy RunnerCONTRIBUTORS Jamie Bateman Gomez, Ian Broddrick, Jane Daly, Shanda Estrada, Bryan Krenzin, Mark Shetler, Melissa Shetler, Jessica Ripley, PC Walker

cOntEnts04 • People Pleasing: It Can Ruin You06 • unLOVED07 • Defeated Into Redemption12 • The Gift of Pain14 • Mark of the Beast: 67815 • You’ve Been Rejected16 • A Tale of Caution17 • Beach Access-Denied18 • Unwanted???

THE COMPASS IS A PUBLICATION OF First Covenant Church of Sacramento P.O. Box 276450 Sacramento, CA 95827 916.861.2240 • www.firstcov.org

THE HOLY BIBLE, NEW INTERNATIONAL VERSION®, NIV® Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.™ Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.

Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson, Inc. Used by permission. All rights reserved.

abOut tHE cOmpassCOMPASS Magazine is First Cov's quarterly publication. In a church our size, it can be an overwhelming task to meet everyone and know everything that is happening. The COMPASS serves as a platform to bring our church family closer together. Within its pages, you will find true stories about the people and ministries of First Cov. And, most importantly, it will help guide you farther along The Path to becoming a fully-devoted follower of Jesus Christ.

“Defeated” is the theme for this issue of the COMPASS. Most of us learn at an early age that we can’t always win, and we learn to accept loss as a part of life. But the harsh reality of adulthood is that our lives are sometimes overwhelmed by defeat, by situations that derail our dreams, by experiences that cause deep pain and uncertainty. As followers of Jesus we don’t want to pretend that we always live in victory. The truth is that even the greatest heroes of the Bible experienced times of undeniable defeat. Moses failed multiple times to convince the Pharaoh of Egypt to let the Hebrews leave peacefully. King David had to face the gut-wrenching consequences of his adulterous relationship with another man’s wife. John the Baptist, who had the unique privilege of experiencing God’s glory at the moment of Jesus’ baptism, later sat in a prison cell with no hope of being released and he wondered out loud if Jesus really was the Messiah.

Grace is so often revealed in amazing ways when we are faced with the difficulties of life. When our emotions are raw and our best efforts fall short of the victory line,

Jesus somehow presents Himself to us. My prayer is that, whenever you find yourself in the midst of personal defeat, you will respond by trusting the only One who has proven to be consistently victorious over death, sin, evil, injustice, sickness, and circumstances.

As always, our staff and ministries are here to serve you. If you need to talk with someone about what you’re going through, please give us a call. If you want information on groups that can offer you support, visit us online at www.firstcov.org. God bless you and thank you for picking up this issue of the COMPASS.

GOt sOmEtHinG tO say?Did you like this issue? Did a particular article stick out to you? Interested in contributing to the next issue? Whatever it is, we want to hear from you! Send us your feedback by emailing compass@firstcov.org or post a comment to our page at facebook.com/firstcov.

2 COMPASS MAGAZINE

THE PURPOSEof First Covenant Church

of Sacramento is to be a

MISSION STATION

to share the Gospel of Jesus Christwith every person everywhere

andto grow and equip believers

into fully devoted followers of Christ.

WWW.FIRSTCOV.ORG 3

sunDayWORSHIP

KIDS FIRSTON EAGLES WINGS (special needs)

SOLAS (young adults)

tuEsDayMOM’S CONNECTION

MOSAIC (senior adults)

RENOVATE (high school)

YOUNG PROFESSIONALS (24-34ish)

wEDnEsDayIDENTITY (middle school)

MEN’S MINISTRIESWOMEN’S MINISTRIES

tHursDayWOMEN’S MINISTRIESCELEBRATE RECOVERY

CHOIR

SPRING EqUIPPING CLASSES | Week of april 27Join us for one of a variety of classes designed to equip you with real-life skills to live more like the real Jesus in the real world today. For class descriptions visit firstcov.org/equip.

MOSAIC BRUNCH | tuesday, april 29MOSAIC seniors will enjoy a special potluck brunch and hear from guest speaker Angela Kellogg. Angela will share about the Sacramento Law Enforcement Chaplaincy Program. This is a great time to build friendships and find out more about this active ministry. Call Suzanne in the church office for more details.

CLUB 45 GO TRIP | friday, may 2- sunday, may 44th and 5th grade students receive an awesome hands-on service experience on this trip to San Francisco. Under the supervision of an excellent adult team, participants learn to address the needs of the urban homeless population and other at-risk individuals. Contact Kellee at kbaker@firstcov.org.

YOUNG PROFESSIONALS MEMORIAL DAY BBq | monday, may 26Celebrate Memorial Day BBQing with friends. For the time and location, check out facebook.com/groups/SolasYoungProfessionals.

WOMEN’S SCRAP, CRAFT AND SEW | saturday, may 31Bring your current project and supplies and hang out with fellow crafters. Come and go as you like, 10 a.m.- 5 p.m. Please bring a snack to share. Meet in the Chapel.

MOSAIC BRUNCH | tuesday, June 3MOSAIC seniors will conclude their regular meeting schedule of the year with a special brunch and a message from Pastor Ted, titled “Hope for the Future.” Lince dancing will continue during the summer months on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays from 9:30-11 a.m. Call Suzanne in the church office for more details.

DANCE STUDIO RECITAL | saturday, June 7First Cov has an incredible Dance Studio and the spring recital is always a huge event. Enjoy the talents of children, youth and adults at either the 2:00 or 6:00 p.m. performance. Admission is free.

CONGREGATIONAL MEETING | sunday, June 8Our congregational meetings are an amazing celebration with reception of new members, ministry reports, prayer and worship. Join us for a light lunch at 12:45 p.m. on the patio followed by the meeting at 1:30 p.m. On the agenda will be the selection of new elders. Child care is provided.

YOUNG PROFESSIONALS RIVER CATS GAME | friday, June 13Spend the evening cheering on the River Cats. We will be hanging out in the lawn seating when the game starts at 7:05 p.m. Connect with others who plan to attend: facebook.com/groups/SolasYoungProfessionals.

CHILD DEDICATIONS | sunday, June 15If you would like your child dedicated in one of our worship services, please contact Carolyn at cmelville@firstcov.org.

WOMEN’S SCRAP, CRAFT AND SEW | saturday, June 21Bring your current project and supplies and hang out with fellow crafters. Come and go as you like, 10 a.m.- 5 p.m. Please bring a snack to share.Meet in the Chapel.

SUMMER BLAST | monday, June 23- friday, June 27A highlight of the church’s summer program is this high energy, high quality children’s program for 5 years through 5th grade. See pages 10 and 11 for more information.

SUMMER EqUIPPING CLASS | sundays, July 13-august 17Our pastoral staff will be leading this Equipping Class. Join them at 10 a.m. for practical lessons in how to grow your character and devotion to Christ.

ALL CHURCH CAMPOUT | friday, July 18- sunday, July 20Enjoy a weekend camping experience for the whole family! Our campout is held at Lake Francis Resort and is the perfect opportunity to relax, have fun and connect with your church family. For more info visit firstcov.org/campout.

RENOVATE (HIGH SCHOOL) SUMMER CAMP | sunday, July 20- friday, July 25High School students will be active in a wide variety of fast-paced activities while being challenged to grow spiritually. Contact Kellee at kbaker@firstcov.org.

YOUNG PROFESSIONALS: STATE FAIR | friday, July 25Walk the midway, ride the ferris wheel or enjoy something deep fried with other young professionals at the California State Fair. For more information check out facebook.com/groups/SolasYoungProfessionals.

IDENTITY (MIDDLE SCHOOL) SUMMER CAMP | thursday, July 31- sunday, august 3Middle school students will have the opportunity to build friendships while exploring relevant issues of faith. Contact Kellee at kbaker@firstcov.org.

YOUNG PROFESSIONALS AqUATIC CENTER DAY | saturday, august 23Don’t miss this opportunity to paddle, canoe or kayak at the Sac State Aquatic Center. Facebook.com/groups/SolasYoungProfessionals. FALL KICK OFF AND BBq | sunday, august 24Join us at Hagan Community Park Pavilion for a catered BBQ as we look ahead to the fall. Activities will include a softball game, jump house and picnic games. For more information contact fhammer@firstcov.org.

cOminG sOOn

For more information on these ministries as well as Equipping Classes and Growth Groups, visit firstcov.org.

4 COMPASS MAGAZINE

By Jamie Bateman Gomez

There was a lot of fighting between my parents in my house growing up. In order to keep the peace, I would always ensure that the house was

clean and homework was done before dad got home. I was hopeful that if the house was clean, or if the usual things argued about were taken care of, there would be no fights that night.

As a result of this constant vigilance, I made myself sick. I would get a nervous stomach when someone dropped me off after soccer practice, or when anticipating the weekend ahead.

As I grew older, I found excuses to be out of the house. I was always very busy, or with a friend, so I was able to manage and “control” things in my home by not being there.

It was around that time that I grew in my involvement in youth group, and was always finding some church or community event I could help at just to keep myself occupied at all times. I also began to understand what a relationship with Christ was. But I started trying to please God in the same way I tried to please my family my whole life–making sure everyone was happy. I was determined to make God happy and earn His love. I took this so far as to include being available at a moment’s notice to students I worked with, and to my family in times of need. Usually ‘times of need’ were, “Jamie I need a ride in five minutes to school,” or “Can you pick me up from light rail in fifteen minutes? It’s raining!” Believe it or not, I would always answer. I would always go. I would always assist if possible. People thought I was crazy. I thought I was being a great Christian.

As time passed, I continued to serve in various ministries, to volunteer with different community programs. I finished college and married my husband Peter. One would think that after marriage, all of this running around would stop. It didn’t. I thought it was fine to have my own agenda, running around pleasing everyone.

Unfortunately, I quickly found that pleasing everyone did not please my husband. He helped at the church too, was involved in activities as well; but let’s just say his self-commitment was at a much healthier level.

PeoPle Pleasing: It Can Ruin You

“PeoPle thought i was cRazy. i thought i was being

a gReat chRistian.”

“can you...”

“suRe...”

“umm yes...”

“okay...”

“will you...”

“do you mind...”

5 COMPASS MAGAZINE

The point came when I finally had to quit some of these commitments. It was affecting my marriage and I had to make a choice. I concluded many of my weekly commitments. I had to tell the kids that I worked with that I could no longer give them rides at random. I even had to have the same conversation with my family—I could no longer be available at every call as I had in the past.

This was probably one of the hardest six months of my life. I felt completely guilt-ridden for saying no. People don’t like hearing no, and they are not afraid to let you know it sometimes. It felt terrible, especially trying to get the kids to understand this. I heard ‘you are deserting us’ more times than I can count.

Through this time, I believe God was teaching me about priorities through my husband. I had heard the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42) many times, but never applied what Jesus says to Martha to my own life. Jesus tells Martha, “You are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:41-42, NIV). God was to come first, and then my husband. The other commitments, while good, could not be my top priorities. The hardest realization was understanding that God still loved me the same whether I was busy five nights a week or none at all. He knew my heart. My heart was to please Him, and I did. He did not need me to work tirelessly to earn His love, it was already there. He was teaching me to be still and know that He is God. That was what He wanted from me. That was how I could please Him.

Jamie lives with her husband Peter in Rancho Cordova and they recently welcomed their baby boy to the family! You can find Jamie enjoying herself in the sunshine with a Chick-fil-A milkshake in hand!

“i heaRd ‘you aRe deseRting us’ moRe times

than i can count.”

iPRAyER ENCOuRAGEMENT

POWERFul PRAyING PART II

By Bryan Krenzin

In Part I of this article (COMPASS, Issue 9, December 2013), I discussed how having sin in your heart can block God’s answers. Because prayer is a two-way endeavor, we must always put ourselves in a position to receive from God and remove blockages. A good start to that is practicing forgiveness.

1 John 5:14-15 states: “This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him” (NIV).

God hears our prayers. We are assured of it. Our job in the relationship is to look and listen for the answers from God. Remember that prayer is a two-way endeavor, once we have made our request of God we must be patient and wait on His answer. God’s answer will not always be the answer we want or come in the form we want, but His answer will be in line with His perfect will. So we have this confidence—He hears us and because He has our best interests in mind He will answer our prayers accordingly.

So, when you are feeling like God isn’t hearing you when you pray, realize that God’s Word says differently and hold on to that promise.

Bryan is an elder at First Covenant Church, whose passion is getting the church to pray! Bryan is a graduate from Bethany University with a degree in Church Leadership and has served as an associate pastor in previous ministries. Bryan has been attending First Covenant for seven years, along with his wife Tami and his daughter Kate.

RemembeR that

pRayeR is a two-

way endeavoR,

once we have

made ouR Request

of God we must be

patient and wait

on his answeR.

WWW.FIRSTCOV.ORG 5

6 COMPASS MAGAZINE

Where does one start when trying to convey a message of spiritual growth after years of enduring a hurt heart and a defeated soul? There are so many memories and stories, that I cannot share them all. Yet I sort through them in an effort to share what, to me, is the most profound.

My earliest memory is of riding my tricycle in our backyard. My mom and dad were tending to our garden. In the middle of the patio was a tray of new plants. I clearly remember hearing my mother’s voice saying, “Shanda, be careful, you are going to knock over those plants.” You can guess what happened next; I knocked over the entire tray of plants. Immediately, I was dragged to my room, thrown on my bed and slapped across the face, over and over again. Eventually, my dad stopped her and took me into the bathroom where he wiped the blood off my mouth. I never even cried, not until I was left alone. Then my heart broke and the tears flowed. I was three years old.

“I never even crIed, not untIl I was left alone. then my heart broke and the tears flowed. I was three years old.”

Skipping forward a few years, I was around seven and sitting on the couch. My parents were ‘discussing’ me. My mom was talking of putting me up for adoption. She SAid She did nOt wAnt Me And thAt She never hAd. I was a pain, too much trouble she said. I wanted to sink into the depths of the couch and disappear. I wanted to just cease to exist.

There were so many other similar incidents, but suffice it to say I was incredibly unloved by my mother. Yet, there were times of happiness as well. My mom could be fun and she could love. My mother was an intelligent, well-spoken and highly educated woman. This made it difficult for anyone to believe the pain she inflicted upon me.

I had a younger sister. While she was not always spared my mother’s “moods”, I certainly took on the majority of them. Many years later, when I was fourteen years old, I discovered quite by accident that my father was not my biological father, yet he had adopted me. Now it began to make sense, I must have reminded my mother of my biological father; or at least that was my perception.

I prayed so hard in my early years, mostly to die. Yes, I was praying for death as young as six years old. I always talked to God. I told him about my pain. At the age of eight I tried to end my life by taking an entire bottle of baby aspirin. The result was an enormous stomachache but I did not die. Defeated. That is how I felt then and every day after that, for more years than I care to reflect on.

These childhood experiences led way to an eating disorder, acts of rebellion, a teenage pregnancy, more pain caused by my mother’s behavior, a seriously abusive relationship, attempted suicide, hospitalizations, court battles—my life was a mess. Space here does not permit me to tell the entire story, but allow me to say that everything started to change when I reconnected with a friend on Facebook. She frequently posted about her church, First Covenant. In an effort to find much needed healing, I eventually decided to attend a worship service. The kindness I was shown was overwhelming and genuine. Since that first Sunday until now I have only missed four services: two for the all-church campouts, one for the women’s retreat, and one when I went out of town to visit my parents.

My life has not magically become better. Rather, the way I approach life has changed. Because of my newfound relationship with Jesus Christ, I do not regret my life any longer. God is growing me. I know now that He has always been with me, even in the midst of terrible defeat. I am full now, and I realize that I have all that I need in Him. After All thOSe yeArS Of feeling unlOved, i let gOd in And i let hiM grOw Me. I am now free to love others and live beyond defeat.

Shanda started as a volunteer in the nursery and joined staff at First Cov after six months. She is the Nursery Director and On Eagles Wings Coordinator. She enjoys visiting shut-ins and the elderly. In her spare time she enjoys camping, reading, time with family and her rose garden!

By Shanda Estrada

6 COMPASS MAGAZINE

DEFEATED into redemption

BY IAN BROddRICK

During my junior year of high school, I defined myself by

my 4.0 GPA, my 6’4”stature, my football team position

and my upper-middle class family. However, God had a

different identity for me, which He spent the next five

years redefining.

WWW.FIRSTCOV.ORG 7

8 COMPASS MAGAZINE

During my junior football season I met with recruiters from a dozen different colleges. However, toward the end of the season as I was settling nicely into my identity, God allowed a long sequence of events to start unfolding.

My parents sat down with me and my sisters and told us that my mom had been committing adultery. They were getting a divorce. My mom’s actions hurt me so deeply that I barely saw her over the next three years.

As my senior football season started I began having back spasms bad enough to drop me to the ground at times. I started physical therapy and just as I began feeling like I could get back out

there to impress the scouts, I came down with mononucleosis. Three weeks later and 45 pounds lighter, my family was ready to hospitalize me. I missed the first semester of my senior

year, and my senior football season. All VISITS FROM RECRuITERS STOPPEd.

During the second semester of my senior year, my girlfriend of a year called to break up with me. Minutes later, tears in my eyes, I got another call. It was a coach from UC Davis (UCD) offering me a walk-on position. I immediately accepted.

However, shortly after that call, I received a rejection letter from UCD. The coach had forgotten to send in my football paperwork and it was my own application that had been rejected. That 4.0 GPA I prided myself in had failed me. The former Division 1 football recruit with a 4.0 and a great

family, was now watching his family fall apart and walking into college with no scholarship, knowing that he only got in because the team

needed to fill their depth chart.

After being accepted into UCD because of football, I went to see an orthopedic surgeon for my knee. I was

diagnosed with osteochondritis dissecans, which means a chunk of bone in my femoral head had died. I spent eight

weeks non-weight bearing and then was cleared to play again.

I played every practice that fall, and my knee started hurting again. During winter conditioning I added on ten hours of physical therapy a week trying to make my knee feel better. I also started going to Athletes in Action (AIA), a Christian group for athletes.

At the end of winter quarter the team surgeon ordered imaging. I needed surgery. I was released from the roster but told I could walk on again when my knee was healed. I spent the next year and a half recovering.

After my surgery I started attending two Christian fellowships, a men’s Bible study and worship services. It was then that God grew me enough in my relationship with Him to help me forgive my mom. It had been three years since learning of her adultery. I finally started praying for her again.

“The former Division 1 football recruit with a 4.0 and a great family,

was now watching his family fall apart and walking into college with

no scholarship...”

8 COMPASS MAGAZINE

A year after my surgery I was interning 35 hours a week plus taking 17 engineering units. My GPA dROPPEd ANd I WAS dISMISSEd FROM SChOOl, All OF ThIS WIThIN A FEW WEEKS OF ThE BANK FOREClOSING ON ThE hOME I GREW uP IN. My father had chosen to pay my rent instead of the mortgage so I could keep going to college. I soon appealed the dismissal and got back into UCD.

The following winter I had an exploratory surgery to figure out why my knee still hurt. By January of my senior year I had grown enough in my faith and involvement in AIA that I was asked to join the leadership team. Meanwhile, I had kept the hope alive of an early recovery and the chance to play football for my fifth year season. But, I wasn’t cleared to run again until spring of my senior year. It was too late to try out for the fall season.

EVERyThING I ONCE dEFINEd MySElF By WAS NOW GONE.

God had spent the last five years changing my heart. My identity was finally in Him. It was OK that I was never going to play football again. I began thanking God for everything He had allowed to happen and for bringing me to AIA at UCD.

In my super senior year, I took over as President of AIA and began a yearlong preaching class through First Baptist Church of Davis. I gave a sermon on John 13 to 185 college students. Among my friends and family in attendance was my mother. She was in tears by the end and later told me that my message had inspired her to get back in touch with her faith. She is now going to Bible studies and making God a part of her life.

In the years since that family meeting, my father, mother, the eldest of my three sisters and I have become deeply involved in our faith. God

continues to grow my two youngest sisters. God now has me at First Cov where I have been blessed with the opportunity to help lead

the SOLAS Young Professionals, while watching my sister be a leader with the SOLAS college students, and my father continues to grow in his faith through the men’s ministries and Celebrate Recovery.

WhAT I ThOuGhT WAS dEFEAT, GOd uSEd FOR GOOd.

Ian is the oldest child in a family of six with three little sisters. He is a Civil Engineering consultant for Caltrans and a graduate of UC Davis. He is currently helping to facilitate the SOLAS Young Professionals Bible study at First Cov.

and there is an event

for every grade! don’t miss out

on these exciting opportunities!

Summer’s here...

SUMMER BLAST: TURN IT UPJUNE 23-27 • 5:30-8:30 P.M.

5 YEARS-GRADE 5 • $45.00 PER CAMPER ($40.00 EACH ADDITIONAL CAMPER FROM THE SAME FAMILY)

TURN IT UP TAKES AN UNFORGETTABLE JOURNEY THROUGH GOD'S BIG STORY. KIDS WILL DISCOVER HOW THEY CAN BE A PART OF THE STORY WHEN THEY TURN UP THE POWER OF GOD'S LOVE. SUMMER BLAST WILL BE THE BEST WEEK OF YOUR KID'S SUMMER!

CAMP INCLUDES: Engaging Bible stories, rockin' music, messy art, water fun, bounce houses, dinner each night, camp t-shirt–an incredible week!

NEW THIS YEAR: LiT (Leaders in Training) for Middle School students entering grades 6-8. Volunteer to help at Summer Blast, while learning leadership skills to work with kids and other teens. $20 per student. Registration covers dinner each night and camp t-shirt.

SUMMER BLAST: TURN IT UPJUNE 23-27 • 5:30-8:30 P.M.

5 YEARS-GRADE 5 • $45.00 PER CAMPER ($40.00 EACH ADDITIONAL CAMPER FROM THE SAME FAMILY)

TURN IT UP TAKES AN UNFORGETTABLE JOURNEY THROUGH GOD'S BIG STORY. KIDS WILL DISCOVER HOW THEY CAN BE A PART OF THE STORY WHEN THEY TURN UP THE POWER OF GOD'S LOVE. SUMMER BLAST WILL BE THE BEST WEEK OF YOUR KID'S SUMMER!

CAMP INCLUDES: Engaging Bible stories, rockin' music, messy art, water fun, bounce houses, dinner each night, camp t-shirt–an incredible week!

NEW THIS YEAR: LiT (Leaders in Training) for Middle School students entering grades 6-8. Volunteer to help at Summer Blast, while learning leadership skills to work with kids and other teens. $20 per student. Registration covers dinner each night and camp t-shirt.

12 COMPASS MAGAZINE

BY PC WAlKER

Our professor asked the class a simple question:

“What do you think of when you think of God’s goodness?”

Story after story of hurt, pain, and suffering poured forth. Each story reflected painful situations that came and went. Each student reflected on how they came away from those moments with a stronger understanding of God’s goodness.

After 30 minutes, I sat amazed that we were not asked about pain, evil, hurt, or why bad things happen to good people.

WE WERE ASKEd ABOuT GOd’S GOOdNESS, ANd IT SPARKEd REFlECTIONS ON PAINFul POINTS IN lIFE.

I came away wondering if it is possible to understand God’s goodness unless we have come through things like this.

Hurt and pain call our most basic beliefs about God into question. People who probably had not had a thought about God for months or years will all of a sudden lash out at Him in anger when something painful happens to them or someone they love. Much of the turmoil comes from our understanding of pain in American culture. We will do anything to avoid pain. Painkilling drugs are nearly an 80 billion dollar a year business. We are not acting tough. We do not want pain.

The

Gift of

Pain: here to Keep You from Being Defeated

WWW.FIRSTCOV.ORG 13

When you have dental work, you will usually ask for the Novocain. The dentist gives you the shot to numb the area around the tooth. But it is never the one tooth, is it? That tooth and the whole side of your face are often numbed with one pinpointed shot.

Is it really any different with other forms of pain in our lives? When something causes us emotional pain, we do what we can to get rid of it. We numb it with whatever we can. For some, it is with substances; for others it is with relationships or media. But like Novocain, it is never just the pain that gets numbed.

In my numbness to painful situations in my life, I leave my wounded heart untended. I have numbed to a point where I do not realize there is a problem. I just want the pain to go away; so I numb the pain while the wound remains. This is the way of leprosy. The real disease of leprosy is one in which the nerve endings do not operate; the disease is that you cannot feel pain.

When you cannot feel pain, you may not realize you have been burned, stuck, hit, or cut. So it goes untended (because you don't feel it) and it gets infected.

Dr. Paul Brand worked at a leprosarium in India where he has written stories about patients who accidentally drop something in a fire and reach in to grab it; with a painlessly straight face. They pull back the object along with their melted and scarred hand. Without pain, they never realize there is a problem.

PAIN IS A GIFT. It is a gift to alert us of physical, spiritual, and emotional harm. But as in 1 Timothy 4:2, we often allow our own conscience to be seared like an iron and we no longer feel, and we lie to ourselves. We are wounded people; that is a fact. Pain is unpleasant, but it is that very quality of being unpleasant, which saves us from destruction. Pain sends a message, “Attend to me. Address this wound!” Often Christians who believe in a loving God and Creator do not know how to interpret pain. We have a sense that we think the world is meant to be comfortable, but when pain

arrives, it complicates that plan a bit. In a drastically hurting world where the most common question asked of God is, “Why is there pain?” we ought to learn how to engage with that question. Realize this: With every wound healed, the voice of God grows that much clearer in our lives. When pain sheds light on a wound I am faced with a choice. Will I continue to anesthetize it, numb it, forget about it and thus hinder my ability to know God a bit more clearly? Or, will I feel the pain so that I can realize what is wrong and then go about the fearful and sometimes painful process of allowing God to mend what is wounded and broken within me?

PC is our young adult pastor, a husband, a father of two little girls, and is wrapping up grad school, so hobbies have been put on hold.

ON ThE SPOT quESTION What always makes you happy?

“Praising God through singing and dancing, especially to loud music in

the car.” —Laura Voska

“Looking forward to a good future and making new friends here in the United States. That

makes me smile.” —Haitham Ibrahim

“Every day that God has given me to live.” —Dharma Jeevamani

“Date nights with my husband and family time.” —Julia Dilworth

“My family makes me happy. The second thing that makes me happy is serving

the kids in the little league community by coaching and teaching life skills.” —Mike Self

“Spending time worshipping God and watching the high school students (in Renovate) do the

same. As well as worshipping alongside my fiancee.” —Nick Maki

BY JESSICA RIPlEy

Have you even known a person with an irrational fear? Maybe you know someone with a fear of elevator cables breaking mid-transport, even though they both live and work in single story buildings. Or someone with a fear of being eaten alive by sharks despite the fact that they live in the city, hundreds of miles from a beach. These two examples might be common enough, but have you ever known someone with the irrational fear of middle school students? No? Well you are about to meet one then—allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jessica and I had a fear of 6th, 7th and 8th grade students.

It was a little over a year ago when I was asked if I had any interest in volunteering with First Cov’s middle school group. They were looking for additional young, outgoing, female leaders and I fit the description. I responded “sure” and committed to checking out the group. Perhaps I should not have been so quick to agree as I soon realized I honestly feared middle schoolers. ThEy WERE, I ThOuGhT, AN OVERly uNPREdICTABlE, hORMONAl, EMOTIONAl, lOud ANd dRAMATIC GROuP. It was from these perceptions that my fear grew; how was I going to interact and relate to this age range, let alone gain their trust and lead them?

It took several weeks of prodding by the youth pastor before I actually checked out youth group on a Tuesday night where I witnessed a massive game of Sharks and Minnows. It looked chaotic and the gym smelled like “teenager” and pizza. Most of the youth were playing, but there were a few who sat talking in defined “clicks” on the perimeter of the playing field. When one student was called “out” for being tagged there was instant denial and attitude. This combination of events reminded me of my intimidation and hesitations to work with middle schoolers. I visited their Sunday school a few days later and attended the following Tuesday night again. I was slowly becoming a part of the team even though I still did not know if this was something I wanted to do.

Helping with the youth on Sunday mornings meant changing which worship service I attended. It made for long Tuesdays where I was away from home for twelve plus hours and ate dinner at 10 p.m. While I did not make immediate

Mark of t he Beast

6 7 8t h t h t h

“I hAd A

fear OF 6Th, 7Th

ANd 8Th GRAdE STudENTS. ”

Jessica has been a volunteer with the youth group for a little over a year now. While she loves the kids in the group, she enjoys spending time with people her own age by co-hosting a Growth Group for SOLAS Young Professionals.

friendships with the youth, nor did I enjoy being pelted with dodge balls, I continued to go anyway. Helping with this ministry was intriguing, but taxing. I eventually committed to being a leader, but mostly because there was a need for one. I entered the ministry with a pre-defeated attitude. Although I was enjoying my time with the youth, I opted to see the “inconveniences” it made and lingered on my fear of interaction with the students. Instead, I should have seen the amazing opportunity I was given

to love on these kids, to be a supportive and encouraging role model and to pray for them as they confided in me.

I committed to serving for a few months, but told myself I would stop come summer when youth group

moved from Tuesday nights to Wednesdays. BuT ThESE WERE My SElF-CENTEREd ANd IRRATIONAlly FEARFul PlANS. God had other ideas.

I prayed over my involvement with this ministry and soon experienced a change of heart. I found myself

suddenly connecting with students—I would walk in the youth room and several girls would come over to hug

me; students were saving me seats by them and telling me about problems at home or school. We were bonding and,

simultaneously, my barrier of fear and intimidation was breaking down. I began looking forward to the weekly meetings and was

excited to take on more responsibility in the group.

There is great camaraderie among the leaders and the overall environment of the group is exciting.

While I usually still leave Wednesday nights exhausted from the day, I am at the same time refreshed from seeing the youth learning, growing, praying and loving one another. What began as a hesitant step towards serving has become a joy. I am so grateful that I did not allow my initial defeated outlook to overcome the opportunity to work with this group because I can tell this is where God is

choosing to use me.

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I stare at my email inbox for several moments. Six unread messages. Three announcing sales that I can’t afford to miss! Delete. Delete. Delete.

An email from someone who wants to send me one million dollars. Delete.

Uh oh, one from an editor with a major publishing house. I had submitted a book proposal to her a few weeks prior. Was I ready to experience the familiar crush of disappointment? I had a pile of rejection emails from agents, editors and publishers. Some were polite, while others were insults disguised as compliments.

Keep working on your craft.

Not the right project for us.

Too edgy.

Your characters all sound the same.

You have some storytelling ability, but lack skill.

My critique group thinks my writing is great. Are they lying to me? Trying to hide the truth that I’m really not a good writer?

I open the spreadsheet of proposals and articles I’ve submitted, with columns for Accepted and Rejected. As the Rejected column grows, so does my self-doubt. I’m no good. I should quit. No one will ever publish my stuff. I’ll never be good enough. My writing is stupid/boring/insipid. Why do I keep punishing myself?

My mind goes to Philippians 3:14 (NIV): “I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

Does that mean I have to keep pounding my head against the computer? (If you see me at church, check my forehead for the imprint of the keyboard.)

What Paul is saying in this verse isn’t that we are to press on toward some outside ambition or goal. He tells us to press on to the high calling in Christ Jesus. That certainly puts another slant on it. As I’m obedient to the call of God on my life, I keep pressing on toward the goal of becoming like Him.

Remember the story in Matthew of the master who went away on a long trip. He gave talents to three of his servants. To one he gave ten, to

BY JANE dAly

Enjoy the talents of children, youth and adults from First Cov’s dance studio at this free event. Performances

are at 2 and 6 p.m.

WWW.FIRSTCOV.ORG 15

16 COMPASS MAGAZINE

another five, and to the last, one talent. The one who was given ten talents invested them and doubled his investment when the master returned. The same happened with the servant who was given five. Guess what the master said to both of them? Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over little, you will be given much.

Woe to that poor servant who stuck his talent away, fearful of the wrath of the master should he lose it. The master’s harsh rebuke: “Thou wicked and slothful servant!” (Matthew 25:26, KJV) In fact, he said he would take his talent and give it to the others. Ouch.

how do you press on after defeat? I think of the figure skater who falls down during her routine, yet gets up and goes on. The movie star who gets panned by critics, but keeps on acting. The worker who is turned down for a promotion, waiting for her hard work to be recognized.

Several years ago, I was encouraged by my mentor to run for city council. I did all the right things, fundraising, campaigning and speaking at forums. When the results came in on election night, I watched as my numbers added up. At the end, I didn’t even finish close to first. I was second to last out of five candidates.

My mentor told me to try again. The next time ended with the same results. I reluctantly withdrew from politics, defeat at my heels like a persistent

BY MElISSA ShETlER

But God said to Jonah, “Is it right for you to be angry about the plant?” “It is,” he said. “And I’m so angry I wish I were dead.” But the Lord said, “You have been concerned about this plant, though you did not tend it or make it grow…And should I not have concern for the great city of Nineveh, in which there are more than 120,000 people…” (Jonah 4:9-11, NIV).

I’m not a fan of Jonah. Here is a guy who is labeled a prophet but runs from God at every opportunity. The Lord tells him to go to Nineveh and preach repentance to the city. Instead, Jonah ignores his spiritual compass and boards a ship sailing in a different direction. His disobedience leads him to be thrown overboard only to be mercifully rescued by God. The Lord tells him again to go to Nineveh, a city which Jonah loathes. He reluctantly goes. Jonah preaches a message of repentance, the people respond to his words and the Lord has mercy upon Nineveh. Jonah, instead of taking joy in this successful ministry experience, turns to God in anger and outrage. How dare the Lord be gracious and generous! These are Ninevites! They aren’t the chosen people of God. They’re our enemies! Jonah asks to die rather than see the salvation of the citizens of Nineveh. He is a defeated and bitter man.

If we honestly look in the mirror, how many times might we find ourselves staring at the face of Jonah? How many times do our emotions match

those of this supposed prophet? How many times do we find ourselves judging those who are not like us, who are not “Christian” enough? Jonah’s displeasure led him to take shelter outside of the city. God provided a botanical blessing in the form of a vine that offered the preacher some shade from the heat of the day. But when morning came, a pesky garden pest devoured the vine just in time for Jonah to get a sunburn. He was livid and he wasn’t afraid to unload his frustration on the Creator.

God’s response can be summed up like this: Jonah, don’t you think it strange that you, a prophet, have more concern for a fragile little plant than you do about the thousands of lost souls in this city?

What’s our reaction when God reminds us that He loves the world, the whole world and everyone in it, much more than how manicured our lawn might be?

Jonah is a book of caution for us churchgoers. We sometimes lose sight of God’s mercy for all people, and I mean all people – political leaders who have a different philosophy than ours, self-

involved celebrities, individuals with alternative lifestyles, murderers, thieves, Bernie Madoff…you get the picture. God loves all people, even those that we churchgoers have a tendency to judge. We need to be mindful that as we lounge under our comfortable, shade-giving plant we are called to care, truly care, about the masses of people around us who are in need of God’s grace, even as we are. Our job is to go to uncomfortable places, to speak truth, but to speak of mercy as well. And we have to remember that we don’t get to choose who is worthy of the message. It’s not our job to decide who receives citizenship in His Kingdom. We just need to follow God’s direction, willing to go to places that are not on the top of our vacation wish list, and believing that no one is too “this” or “that” that they are unable to turn and choose to follow the same God that we do. In fact, one of them may be the next prophet or preacher.

“If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” (Matthew 5:46-48, NIV).

Melissa, a native of Nebraska, has called California home for the last 21 years. When not hanging out with her sweet husband Mark, she likes to read, make crafty things and then read some more. She also helps facilitate First Cov’s Global Pipeline internship.

little dog. Years later, I still don’t know why God led me into politics. Perhaps it was to get me out of my introvert shell. Speaking in front of people took me way out of my comfort zone.

As I think about the defeats and rejections I’ve faced, I realize that God has given me the best antidote, His son Jesus.

I turn back to my computer. The blinking cursor sits on the email from the editor. I take a deep breath and double click. I read it through quickly, hoping to soften the blow.

“Dear Jane, Welcome to Hallway Publishing. Attached is a contract for your book, From Grief to Grace…”

Defeat. Victory. The outcome is in God’s hands and in His timing. All I have to do is be obedient with the talent He’s given me.

Jane is author of the book From Grief to Grace, to be released January 2015. She and her husband, Mike, are Growth Group leaders and Gospel Discipleship coaches. When not at her computer writing, she’s either catching up on scrapbooking her grandchildren’s photos or riding her bike on the bike trail.

Nothing in nature speaks to me like the ocean. Over the years I have taken a few personal retreats to the coast to be spiritually refreshed. My wife and I honeymooned along the northern California shoreline. And summer vacation for me is defined by time spent at the beach.

So when I received what seemed to be a job opportunity of a lifetime in a beautiful location overlooking the Pacific, I was ecstatic.

It was 2003. I had been in the same ministry position for nearly a decade, and while I loved the church, I knew in my spirit that it was time to pursue something else. I began to search for a healthy church that was in need of a youth pastor. A church on the central coast seemed like it could be a good fit. The church’s leadership team requested recordings of messages that I had given, sample lesson outlines, examples of publications I had produced, an extensive list of references, a written philosophy of youth ministry, answers to theological questions, and results of personality assessments.

After six months of dialogue, the executive pastor called me and said that out of the 83 serious

candidates they had considered from across the country, they had narrowed the search down to three. I was one of the three and he asked me to meet them for a series of interviews at the church. I had previously vacationed in the city in which the church was located but I now looked at this location as a potential hometown. I was in love with it. And after I met face to face with various church leaders, I fell in love with the church as well.

I returned home and anxiously awaited their response. The other two candidates were being interviewed during the next couple of weeks. The phone finally rang. “Mark, we know it’s been a long process. After seven months, we have decided that you are our top candidate. We want you and your wife to come down this weekend for a final interview”. I was excited about the prospect and honored that I had made it this far in the process.

Our visit seemed to confirm that this was the place for us. Great church staff and leadership

team. Great worship service. Great people. And a great location by the ocean. That weekend I was officially offered the position and I accepted. The only detail remaining was to sign a pastoral covenant in the presence of the full executive staff, which would need to be done in two weeks when one of the members returned from vacation.

I turned in my resignation at our old church and a farewell party was planned. Melissa and I began the emotional process of letting go of our life in Sacramento and began turning our attention to what life would be like on the coast.

The afternoon before I was to travel back to the coast to sign the pastoral covenant, I received a

surprising phone call. The executive pastor told me to postpone my trip for a week because a friend of a friend of the senior pastor had just expressed interest in the position. despite the fact that we already had a verbal agreement and a written salary package, the leadership team decided to interview this new candidate. Three days later I was informed that they had decided to hire him instead of me.

I could not believe it. i felt so betrayed, angry, defeated. Our farewell party was just a couple of days away and it was now overshadowed by the pain of injustice and the fear of being out of work for the first time in my adult life. Everything in me wanted to retaliate. I wrestled with God. my dream job at a dream location was taken away from me. i felt so naïve for being victimized like this. I asked God over and over again, “Why?” The only answer I received was, “Trust me.”

Just two weeks later, I received a job offer from another church. This one was in writing. Melissa and I had an incredible peace that somehow

the Lord was directing our path in all of this and I accepted. A week later, I launched a new ministry and Melissa and I were welcomed into a church family that helped us find

healing and the grace to forgive.

Ten years have passed. I am thankful for that experience of defeat being overwhelmed by the victory of discovering God’s sovereignty.

And I’m grateful that the Lord knew what He was doing when He led us away from a church with a view of the ocean to a church with a view of Highway 50 at Zinfandel.

In his spare time, Mark enjoys early morning workouts, cooking dinner for his lovely bride, playing Words with Friends and vacationing on the coast.

BY MARK ShETlER

“My dreaM job at a dreaM location was taken away froM Me. i felt so naïve for being victiMized like this.”

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I hAVE NEVER hATEd GOd MORE IN My ENTIRE lIFE ThAN WhEN I FOuNd OuT I WAS PREGNANT.My husband and I had the “deal breaker” conversation during our

engagement. I was adamant that, despite what most women want, I didn’t want children; and I couldn’t guarantee that I would ever

change my mind. He married me accepting the possibility that we would live our entire life together without kids. Thenceforth, we took tremendous precautions to avoid pregnancy.

Our precautions failed. During the course of diagnostic testing for abdominal pain so intense that I couldn’t eat, my doctor discovered a mass on my ovary. With my family history I was mentally prepared for the possibility of cancer. What I wasn’t prepared for was the unexpected and unwelcome news that I was pregnant.

In a whirlwind, I was rushed in to see specialists to make sure that the excruciating pain wasn’t due to an ectopic pregnancy or some other

abnormality. They told me that it was all a complication of becoming pregnant accidentally while on birth control and that the pregnancy wouldn’t last. I would likely miscarry. I should expect to see fetal tissue within a week.

Part of me was furious that my body was acting against me and my deliberate will. My plans and dreams were violated, mutilated, by a biological accident. I WAS dESPERATE TO ESCAPE AN uNINTENTIONAl

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PREGNANCy ANd PRAyEd WITh hEAVy GuIlT ThAT I WOuld ACTuAlly MISCARRy.

But a part of me was crushed by the agony of knowing that somehow, unintentionally, unknowingly, my husband and I had created a spark, and that spark was dying.

In the physical pain and psychological torment I cursed God. Had I failed to be a faithful servant? Had I abused the gifts He had given me or failed in my ministry? Why had He abandoned me? Or had He struck me down? Utterly defeated and in despair, I gave up on God.

Shortly thereafter, I experienced a worsening in abdominal pain and bleeding. The OB-GYN brought me in to do an ultrasound and expected to confirm that the fetus had passed.

But there on the screen, in black and white, a tiny throbbing pulse beat steadily in rhythm.

The OB-GYN was amazed and excited. He said, “Look at that! It’s a fighter—look at that heartbeat!” He couldn’t understand that within myself I waged a war between the path I had envisioned for my future and the path on which God had irrevocably placed me.

Seeing that heartbeat, something inside of me shifted. Somewhere in the mess of conflicting emotions and psychological ache I felt God gently reaching out to me in reassurance. I could accept that God’s ways and His plans were above and beyond my own. I could submit to His guidance or I could struggle and suffer and shut my heart off to Him and to the people around me—even to the life within me.

I’ll never forget holding my son for the first time. I was terrified of the feelings that I might feel toward him—or worse, that I wouldn’t feel any at all. He was covered in disgusting yuck. He looked like a shriveled alien. Despite the devastation that he had inflicted on my body I felt an overwhelming surge of pure love for him. In that surprising love for my newborn son I rediscovered God’s love and His vast grace.

duRING ThE COuRSE OF My PREGNANCy I WAS dEFEATEd By CIRCuMSTANCES MONuMENTAlly OuTSIdE OF My OWN dESIRES, and, despairing, I lashed out at God like I had never done before. Yet God was unfazed. He walked with me through the confusion. He held on to me and was relentless in pursuing me. He wrapped me up in His fierce and enduring love until I was willing and able by His grace to see beyond my own fallible plans—beyond myself—to catch a glimpse of a miracle.

“Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near. Let the wicked forsake their ways and the unrighteous their thoughts. Let them turn to the Lord, and he will have mercy on them, and to our God, for he will freely pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts” (Isaiah 55:6-9, NIV).