Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

1

COMMUNICATING WITH YOUR SPOUSE

When we enter in marriage, we do so as amateurs with no experience at all. We then must learn the most important lesson in marriage which is communication.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

2

Good communication in marriage is the glue that holds up marriage. No marriage can be sustained with good communication.

Most marriages break up because communication was not utilized well.

Good communication is the key to upholding your marriage.

Without communication, there is no marriage.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

3

It is hence important for all couples to learn on this important lesson. My advice is particularly to new couples that are either entering into the marriage institution or are already there is that THEY MUST LEARN COMMUNICATION FIRST.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

4

FIVE LEVELS OF COMMUNICATION.

I. Five Levels of Communication

Level 1 - This is the lowest level of intimacy.At this level couples give out facts and other information about their day or other activities.

Level II - This is a low level of intimacy but up from level 1.At this level couples share ideas of other people.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

5

Level III - This is the moderate level of intimacy. It is at this level where you begin to share you own ideas and opinions.At this level you begin to take a risk by expressing what you think. You even ask for a response of the other partner, like where did you get an idea like that?

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

6

Level IV - This is the high intimacy level.At this level you begin to share personal information and emotions.This is where you open up and talk about your childhood and things that have happened to you.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

7

Level V - This is the highest level of intimacy.At this level you willingly and freely share who I am. You willingly share your feelings and emotions. You willingly share with someone who cares about you.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

8

What level do you communicate with your companion?

One of the great problems in communication is the fact that too many couples are not on the same level in their communication level. Women generally have the tendency to be able to access their feelings easier than a man does.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

9

As a result, the woman can go to a higher level quicker than a man.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

10

II. What is the best time of the day to talk to each other?This may seem to be very simplistic, but it is very practical and profound.If you are not communicating very much to your companion here is a golden opportunity to learn when and how.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

11

The best time to communicate is during:

A. The first ten minutes of your day when you are both awake.In this case, the important thing is to honor and respect each other’s uniqueness.

B. The last ten minutes before you depart from each other for the day.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

12

C. The first ten minutes when you see each other again.

D. The last ten minutes at the end of your day.

If this exercise happens well then you will experience a good day and will really enjoy each other.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

13

III. How can I learn to communicate to my spouse?

A. We must learn how to speak each other’s personal learning style language.In order to accomplish this you must understand what each other’s style is and work towards talking the same way.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

14

If you do not match their same style, then they may not respond to you.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

15

Different kinds of learning styles.1. Visual.

In this style, the person learns better with what they see with their eyes. They need to see what is going

on. They need to see the big

picture. They want to show you or just

look at it.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

16

2. Auditory.This is where they want to

listen to what is going on.You need to be audible enough

not to be misunderstood.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

17

3. How you feel about something.

This communication level is affected by how a person feels about the matter.

They may respond, “This doesn’t feel right.”

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

18

Feelings are real and you must take them seriously.

If your husband or wife is feeling uncomfortable, you must learn to cope with those feelings and not be pushy.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

19

4. Extroverts. o These are the people that have to talk in order to think.

o They get their energy from other people.

o They like to brainstorm out loud.

o They need affirmation from others.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

20

5. Introverts. Probably the best way to

approach an introvert is to give them time to think.

Extroverts have to talk to think while introverts have to think to talk.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

21

Introverts are drained by being with people.

They get suspicious about compliments in public.

They give more compliments to extroverts.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

22

What does this kind of information do for couples?

It simply helps them understand each other and to learn how to have a happier marriage.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

23

IV. We must try to understand the differences between males and females.

Our styles are different because we are different because we have gender differences.

Let’s look at how we are different. The first gender difference is:

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

24

1. Our brains are different. Women will use 40% more

brain connectors than will men.

Women will use more of the left and right side of their brains at the same time.

Men are more goal oriented where women are more relational.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

25

Men’s brains are compartmentalized and women’s brains are one big container that carries everything altogether.

The second gender difference is:

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

26

2. Our responses are different. There are responses or gender

statements which frustrate the man and some that frustrate the woman.

One thing for sure is they are different statements.

The purpose of understanding this is to work toward understanding each other better.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

27

The third gender difference is:3. Women are usually the

expander in most relationships. Women have the ability to go

on and on and on with all of the minute details. Where men are more likely to give the bottom line.

The result is we want our companions to communicate like us.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

28

The problem is we normally marry the opposite of what we are.

Normally in 75% of the marriages the woman is the expander.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

29

4. Men are usually the condenser in the relationship.

Most men are condensers.The solution was each needs is

to adjust according to each other’s communication style and gender.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

30

FINALLY

Communication in a marriage is extremely important. Without proper understanding and adjustments many marriages will experience great difficulty and possibly split up.

Communication is the key to the success of your marriage!

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

31

If we only took time to learn how to communicate with our spouses before we enter into marriage and during our marriages, I believe that we can salvage our marriages.

Satu

rday, A

pril 1

5, 2

02

3

32

Take time to learn your spouse communication style. Then adjust accordingly without complaining. You can happily live together. You must always be a learner. Both of you must understand this.