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Toronto Publle lilMniliV^

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I..COMMEBCIAL' COUBTSHIP

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UNSILFISHUNION.

A TALE OF THE BORDERS.

1245

TORONTO:As: IRVING, YONGfe STREET.

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A TALE OF THE BORDERS.

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TORONTO:A. S. IRVING, YONGE STREET.

1888.

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Conmieniil Coortslilp ai Unselflsli Dnion.

A BURLetta "TALE OF THE BORDERS.'

Scene :—^ gregn sward in front ofa Border Customs Mouse,

Niag^^ Faiis in ^ background.

CHARACTERS.Miss Canada ..... . ,A buxom belk,

Mr, Sam Slick. . ... ..^ smart commercial pioneer.

Mr. John Bull. . .,\\A jolfy old boyfrom the *' old coHntree,'^

11

y /•.v. ;-.; .Sam.-. ;.•

Kail, Cahadia ! How do you do ?

IVe been learning a dit^ on purpose for you.

(55wi5^ " Star Spangled Banner.'')

I say, can you see by the dawn's early light

Any signs of the good time of which IVe been dreaming,

When our tiffs and our tariffs will all be set right,

And our sell-fishy fish-folk will ceaise from blaspheming ?

Can't we jine in house-keeping? I love you right hard,

And ni give you my nutmegs and notions and lard,

bh, say, is it worth it, this Custom-House shave? S-^Should a friend of the firee be a Tariff^tied slave ?

.:4

f ^ '^iSwiiiimw/ Courisfuf and Unstffish Unum,

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J Well, I think you arc rather a ibrward young man

' Though I'm^^a^-"^

Vd like to be neighbourly; sfsferly too,

But I've one little secret to tell—

if*iii afraid you mustn't make love to me,

For ** my heart's in the highlands," across the sea I

'"'.-;: Sam, .^ .;-,•-.;

ow you're wrong if you think I'd tempt youfli<»fr

From your dear, distant Johnny to roa^i,

fW 1 otily wish you iii te to unite, ;-

With your next-door neighbour at l^ome ;

Ouf interests may Unk if our h^ts mayn't agre^

fo join fortunes would profit both you and mcT^^

i.V;\/:::;;-^^ ;;^---s:;.-^;;M.issC;^';^ /; -^' .:.

That*s very well spoken, indeed, Mr. Sam,

Ifs candid and perfectly fain

And I think when friends have what each other needs,

They certainly ought to «hare

;

\

Her face is the fortune of many a bride.

But I've a fair dowry I need not hide..

(^^ ** Rich and rare were the gems She wore.*^

";::; RiAind^iire a^^ giiis l^Wcari'W^^j-

And a ro3ral diadem binds my hair; f" >

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Commercial Courtship and Unsilfish Union, $

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But oh ! my riches are greater far **

Than sparkling gems and jewels are.

My mineral mines hide wealth untold.

My ores are bright w^th silver and gold,

My farms and forests decay defy,

My seas yield fish for a world's supply.

If a business uftion your views will suit,

Aiid platonic love be absolute,

Why, then, for the good of my own dear land,

ril give England my he^ ^nd you my hand.

That's good! Why, many marriages, '

Sans sentimental leaven,

Turn out about as happily» .

'

".'As matches made in heaven !

But what do YOU think o' that, John Bull,

rd like to hear what YOU say?

Well, I know her love for me and mine ;

Glows warm within her breast,

But she's old enough and 'cute enough

; To know what suits her best.

And as I'm a sensible chap. Cousin Sam,

t say, let her have her own way.

't-

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*Cmmir€ua C^rUhif and Unulfish Uni

^ *'«'^

Why, ccrt'nly, sir, that's my sentiment, sure I- -

When wf can't boas the girls—we must just ^ndure.

Miss.C

But you know, Mr. Bull, how glad I shall be J

Xo ^nd you my produce {ftrhaps, some ^/, free 1)•'"'

• ••

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'..;:•': john b.'.v--'••/.;;;,-.'

Ha ! ha I my dear girl, thafs kind 1 Well, well,.

All sorts of thiim;s happen, we never can tell I

^^y:^., _:-\ •/.. :;:' :, ,

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..-,.,

(H€siHg$i<ur^'\V^^ RoMt Beef of Old England.").

When native roast bc^f was an Englishman's food,

And we bred our own bullocks and Itcpt our meat good,

Then butchers kept prices as low as they could— ,

^^^6^ roa^t beef of Old England, „

::/:;";> And oh for Old Eiigland's roast beef I

•"'* '' '''' '-.' ""/v.^r .-," ': » •, . . •

But prices rose higher and money grew tight.

Prime joints pn our tables became? a rare sight,^-.Our butchers chang:ed double ind swore it was right)

-^^^i O dear beef of Old England, - v

V JAndoh for the old-fashionedjbeef I A

Then Yankees sent live meat, the pwce fairly kiw,.

And nasty " jerked beef;*^ mqch like carrion crow,

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Commirciai Courtship and Vnsilfish tinum. f,

And we'd ** canned " from Australia—but all was no go-***

Ob for the beef of Old England^ -VAnd oh for the trtie British beef!

Then conscienceless butchers improved upon that,

* They bought up the carcass beef,' trimmed off the fat^

And swore it was English ! What think you of that ?

. „ * Oh the 'cute butchers of England 1^

Let's " owe " for their ocean-brought beef I

And nbw^'^, Miss Canada, send me Hve-stock

To replenish my store and swell trade at the dock,

Yet failure your well-meant attempt seems to mock---

V To improve the roast beef of Old England,

And the funds of our growers of beef 1

So what with bad times and competings like these.

And our imports of foreign live-stock v^lth disease,

Poor John Bull is enjoying a deuce of a squeeze.

And he sighs for more luck for Old England,

N . More power to Old Englaiid's roast beef 1 ,

•

-- -- -.-.4-^^^^:-:-^,^:-,:,' Miss Gr^^^^-

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\My bonnie Scotch boys are serehadmgtne I

'

They're singing their fllLVourite " Bonnie Dundee." '* •

{VMs in the dishna an mardjinghtg vigomnly,)•'- * *

'

We Kahucks and you Yanks are short-sighted in greed>

We're depriving each other ofwhat we both need

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i -^^^^^ Cmriskipmd tfnsdfisk Uniim

Our pioneer labours 9st foolishly fdled,

'And the trade o£ bodi countries isstu|>i41y spoiled.It

....

10n mutual good-will our joint welfare depends

So4 over the border" lefs shake and.be friends ; ^^

Away with the tariff, and off with the fee,

Down with the duties and let us be free

!

.OABfcr. '/•"•:

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Bravo ! my braw Sawnies I have a whuskie wi' me.

And well drink to the lassies frae « Ponnie Dundee

-^stSMi strikes an attitude.)

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Now, at drinking, as a nation

Ve believe ift moderation,

But I guess at an oration

We yanks can lick ^c^^ ^

. So without a hesitation

^ ni exjjfcss n^ indignation

At^ Custom tiouse taxation.

1 adl it a vexation, ^ ^,

;And a gross abomination,*

Which causes irritatkm.

And some bad prevarication.

And sad dh^tt^ki^^*''

(Not to to^tioii impt'ecation).

In our t»dit^ population.

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Now, why>hoiild separation

Hinder trade's free dfculation.

When fair co-operation

Woiild work out the salvation \

Of our iHibdly fcdfiktioii > .'','-Fpr business propagation? *f^

It seems a violatioii ,

'

Of the friendly-state relation, '

And a senseless aggravation

t)f pernicious agitation,

Which breeds an alienation'^

Twixt m«i of moderation.

Whose aim and occupation

Is to work some mitigation

Of the preSeftt sore stagnation.

So let's end procrastination I

^ I-et's form a combination,

And achieve emancipation

From this Tariff domination I

Let's strive in emulation.

As men of sense and reputation.

And commercial education,

To enact a regulatloi^ ^

For the Tariffs reformation—

Or complete extermination I

J

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JO CommerM: Courtship and Unselfish l/nim

Making It a stipulation s

That the home trade of eiach nation

Shall be freed from strangulation. ;

Thiis well end the suffocation '"

Trade now feels, and animation

Sure will follow, then elation^

Then dilation, perhaps inflation

;

And from wider cultivation

Fdllows wealth accunmlatiori, ^

:' *

There's a glorious consummation t

. Thus well mend the situation

For the comittg generatioi^ >

I think I hear that spirit-stinjng noise,

The " Harlech''March " of my brave ^Welsh boya

( Voices hsard in the distance^ singing *^ The March of the Men

. <rf Harlech.")

All with wealth our land is flowing,

Nature's bounteous gifts are growing,

^ .

' Yet^doudof State-debt owing, .

Hoyers o*er our hive

;

While good customers are waiting,

These cuss'd.Customs. are alienating

Themj and cnir interests violating,

Ho#4dn trade revive ?

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Conmerdat C0ArUhif and Unselfish fJman, it

>- : Jtally* then, tareason I •,

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^^^^^^^^^ K w in seaso!il*i ; '

Strike the bjow 1 Let rulers know,

That throttling trade is treason I

I^t no more these bars divide us""^^

^ -'.

.-

From our neighbours dose beside us.

Let common sense henceforward guide lis,

Then our land wilJ thrive

!

y\Sam. +«

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/ Bravissimo I Taffy—good boy, good boy

!

/ You sing like a seraph, I wish you joy

!

What think you, friend John, ofyour daughter's manners,

Ain't she borrowing one of your Free Trade banners ?

John B.* *

Oh, I wouldn't prevent the dear girl if I could.

Why shouldn't she do like her dad ?*

,

I certainly think that her MANNERS are good.

But her CUSTOMS confoundedly bad I

(JKf sings lovingly, air/ "^Where Glory Waits Thee.")'

Go where glory waits thee,

But when success elates thee,;

^ O still remember me

!

Neighbours may caress thee,. > .

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\With feir woiljs address thee, VTo join their drcle pms theer-*

Do what best tnay be;

But when |h)r Aiture choosing,

Aaxp^fng or refusing,

-^ O still remember me I

» sN:

.-•r;:.^; Miss C; • ,^

The impijlseo£ progress may bear me from jrou.

But sentiment ever will keep my love true 1 .

<r:r. .

{Skisinigs, mth much tendeme$s,air.\ **The Old Folks at Home.**)

\ ;Ah I never can my lieart cease turning / /

Back to the village green;

Sweet memories, with affection burning,

Cherish the dear old scene

!

Hopes may x±ange, new friendships cheer us,.

,

As through strange lands we roam.

But in oui; heart of hearts we keep them near us,

Our dear-loved old. folks at home. .

«

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Sam.

Ah I no national aiithem's more touching and grand.

For England I love as my own-fatherland I

Well now, let's to business ; ydu won't Uunlcpe vain.

If I sing you a stave of my national strain.^ /

V. I

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CommiTcial Courtship ^^. Unselfish

^^^1^^ «rr •« Yankee JDoodlc")'

Sentiment's a potent spell .

^ To tickle Yankee Doodle,

But in this partnership a0air,

The main tmng is—the boodle.

Suppose we kick these tariffs ofT,

—

The saving will be handy,.'.'

'

., ' •

You'll be richer far, and I'n*

Be Yankee Doodle d^dy I

Free, friendly trade 'twixt you and meIs best, in my opinion,

.

For the people of my own great States,

And those in your Dominion.

We both gain by and much enjoy

. Social inter-cominuiiion,

IThen let us crown our amity

With wise Commercial Union t

n *

Miss C, --x ^5'

Agreed I. On the welfare ofmy folks intent,

My patriotism bids my common sense consent I

r

Sam. '^

Then here's my hand, and with it goes my'heart,

May no short-sighted views our interests part I

X,

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$4 " Commercial Courtship and Unselfish Union,

John RBless you, my children I May prosperity

And happiness be your bright destiny 1

(Trio :" Nation^ Anthem.")

•

Miss C— God guide our acts aright

!

Sam.—John B.—

All

God give our rulers light

!

•j^nd grace supply!

In loving sympathy,

Firm-knit fraternity,

Wise-welded unity^ ^

•

>-^God keep us aye I

Tableau:

T\ey all embrace and live lU^ppily ever afterwards,

; GEOFFREY QUARLBS.

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