Choosing to marryChapter 8

The ability to give and receive love

The ability to give and receive love is vital

Willing to commit yourself to help meet your partner’s needs

Willing to let your partner meet your needs

The ability to Express Empathy

Sensitive to each other’s thoughts and feelings

Share their inner thoughts and feeling openly

See a situation from the other’s point of view

Emotional Stability

Without emotional stability makes good communication difficult

You are able to control your responses to emotions

Flexibility

Flexibility means being willing to change

Decision – Making Skills

Being able to think through decisions

Decisions made together

Evaluating A Relationship8:2

Age at Marriage

The link between age and marital success is related to emotional, mental, and social maturity

What do you have in Common?

Homogamy – principle which suggest that people who have many similarities, or much in common, are more likely to have a satisfying marriage You will be attracted to someone who has much in

common with you

Similar Interests

Common interest can help a relationship grow.

Similar Goals and Values

Common interests can help a relationship grow.

Similar Goals and Values

People are often attracted to those who have similar life goal Helps reduce future conflict

You do not have to think alike on every issue

Expectation and goals need to be shared in certain areas Children and parenting Family Education Work expectations Religious beliefs

Similar Backgrounds

People are often attracted to others with similar background

Can make it easier to establish good relationships with easier to establish good relationships with each other’s families

Complementary Qualities

Complementary qualities – differences between people that attract one person to another and benefits the relationship The strengths of one person make up for the weaknesses

of the other

Racial Differences

Interracial marriage may face additional challenges What support from the family Different views on family customs and children

Differences in Religious Views

A person’s faith can strongly influence his or her beliefs and practices

How Well Do you Communicate?

Sharing their personal thoughts, feelings, and inner desires

Both need to feel their views are accepted and valued by the other

Quality communication in a marriage relationship is based on trust

Good communication skills can help a couple clear up misunderstandings, make joint decisions, and solve problems in a marriage.

How Well Do You Make Decisions Together?

You and your partner should improve your skills for making important decisions together

1. Identify an issue and talk about carious alternatives

2. Choose one alternative that satisfies both

3. Develop a plan to carry it out

4. Evaluate your decision together

This process can help both partners feel they have contributed to making the decision

How Do you Solve Problems Together?

Problem-solving steps are much like those used for decision making

Greater self-control is needed in communication

May need to let emotions cool down Use I-statements

Disagreements are normal in a relationship

What Do Your Families and Friends Think?

Your chances fro a successful marriage are increased when family and friends approve of your marriage

With the express of love to the partner, his/her self-esteem and confidence will increase

Family support can help a couple through the adjustments of the early years of marriage

Approval of friends can also increase satisfaction

With disapproval the couple faces more challenges and will need greater flexibly

What is Your Reason for Wanting to Marry?

Negative Reasons

Infatuation

May overlook personal differences

Avoid loneliness

To achieve adult status

Escape from problems

Pregnancy

Positive Reason

Mature love

Intimacy

Companionship

Desire to grow together through out life

Committed to keep the relationship growing

Preparing for a Long-Lasting Marriage Relationship8:3

Engagement

The engagement is the final stage in the dating process leading to marriage Provides a time for a couple to discuss important issues

and expectations

Role Expectations

Roles describe particular patterns for daily living Your spouse’s role expectation will strongly be build on

his/her family experiences Living up to a role expectation is easier if a couple know

what is expected

Dividing Role

Complementary Roles – each person takes on a role that supplies what the other person lacks

Role sharing – work together to carry out the task This allows each other to stay in contact with the other’s

thoughts and feelings

Planning Finances

Develop a spending an saving plan

Who will actually pay the bills and make certain purchase

Planning fro Housing Needs

Couple’s choice of housing will depend on the money they have to spend

Planning for Career Goals

Each person’s career will affect family living Work demands Schedules Incomes

Planning for Sexual Fulfillment

Sexual satisfaction in a relationship goes hand-in-hand with love, caring, mutual respect, trust, and commitment to each other

Planning for Children

Discussion about children should take place before marriage

Planning Your Relationships with Families and Friends

Couples need to discuss their personal friendships and joint friendships

Premarital Counseling

Discuss topics Personal readiness for marriage Expectations for each other Skills for communication Making decisions and problem solving Money management

Most recommend an engagement period of sex months to two years

Breaking an Engagement

Time to prepare for marriage Are you ready???

Broken engagement Need to grow personally Poor communication patterns Inability to make decisions together

Marriage

Legal contact involving the couple and the state

The state sets the minimum starads for the contact

Marriage Laws

All states have certain requirements concerning the marriage contract

Both parties must enter the marriage contact willingly, or by mutual consent

Most marriage laws specify certain physical requirements, minimum ages, licensing necessities and legal officiates

The Wedding Ceremony

Ceremony serves two purposes Meets a requirement that a couple be legally joined

together by a license official Symbolizes the couple’s commitment to their relationship

Ceremonial Wedding – preformed religious official

Civil Ceremony – preformed by judicial or public official

Vows the statements that specifically express the couple’s commitment to each other

The Honeymoon

Time to relax after the weeding and adjust to their new life