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Vol. 19 Issue 08 All Rights Reserved © 2021

Blonde Joke

A man went to the movies and sat in an aisle seat as he usu-

ally did. Just as the feature was about to start a blonde from

the center of the row got up and started

working her way out.

"Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me,

pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuse

me." By the time she got to the man, he

was trying to look around her and was

a little impatient so he said, "Couldn't

you have done this a little earlier?"

"No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR

CELL PHONE message just flashed up on the screen and

mine is out in the car."

Accidentally Blonde

"How come you're late?" asks the Boss as his blonde em-

ployee walks in the door.

"It was awful," she explains. "I was walking down Elm street

and there was this terrible accident. A man was lying in the

middle of the street; he was thrown from his car. His

leg was broken, his skull was fractured, and there

was blood everywhere. Thank God I

took that first-aid course; all my train-

ing came back to me in a minute."

"What did you do?" asks the Boss.

"I sat down and put my head be-

tween my knees to keep from

fainting!"

“I WAS RAISED AS AN ONLY CHILD, WHICH REALLY ANNOYED MY SISTER.” - WILL MARSH

* On Feb. 24, 1786, Wilhelm Karl Grimm, the

younger of the two Brothers Grimm, is

born in Germany. The Grimm collec-

tion of folk and fairy tales includes

"Hansel and Gretel" and "Little Red

Riding Hood."

* On Feb. 26, 1919, the Grand Canyon

National Park is established. The chasm, home to more than

1,500 plant and 500 animal species, is more than a mile

deep, and 15 miles across at its widest point.

* On Feb. 22, 1959, Lee Petty edges Johnny Beauchamp in

a photo finish to win the first-ever Daytona 500 in Florida.

Beauchamp was initially named the winner, until

Petty challenged the results using news photos.

* On Feb. 25, 1862, the U.S. Congress

passes the Legal Tender Act, authoriz-

ing paper notes to pay the government's

bills. It ended the long-standing policy of

using only gold or silver in transactions.

MY YOKE IS EASY, AND MY BURDEN IS LIGHT - JESUS

NEVER TRY TO WORK GOD INTO YOUR SCHEDULE, BUT ALWAYS WORK YOUR SCHEDULE AROUND HIM - JOYCE MEYER

* On Feb. 27, 1964, the Italian government begins

accepting suggestions on how to save the

Leaning Tower of Pisa from collapse. The

top of the 180-foot tower was hanging 17

feet south of the base. The tower's lean is

caused by the remains of an ancient river

estuary under the building.

* On Feb. 28, 1993, in Waco, Texas, federal

agents launch an unsuccessful raid against the Branch

Davidian compound as

part of an investigation

into illegal possession of

firearms and explosives

by the Christian cult. On

April 18, U.S. Attorney

General Janet Reno ap-

proved a tear-gas gre-

nade assault on the com-

pound. A fire erupted and at least 80 people died.

* On Feb. 23, 1980, speedskater Eric Heiden captures

the 10,000-meter race at the Winter Olympics in

Lake Placid, New York, in world record time to

win an unprecedented fifth individual gold

medal. Heiden had overslept and rushed to

the rink after eating just a few slices of

bread.

(c) 2021 Hearst Communications,

Inc. All Rights Reserved

JESUS WANTS US TO BE LOVING AND FORGIVING

LOVE ABSORBS SUFFERING

THE CROSS IS GOD'S WAY OF TAKING AWAY ALL OF OUR EXCUSES, AND ARGUMENTS -ROB BELL

I WAS PLAYING CHESS WITH MY FRIEND AND SHE SAID, ‘LET’S MAKE THIS INTERESTING’. SO WE STOPPED PLAYING CHESS - MATT KIRSHEN

LOVE IS PATIENT, LOVE IS KIND

“I USUALLY MEET MY GIRLFRIEND AT 12:59 BECAUSE I LIKE THAT ONE-TO-ONE TIME.” - TOM WARD

“I HAVE A LOT OF GROWING UP TO DO. I REALIZED THAT THE OTHER DAY INSIDE MY FORT” – ZACH GALIFI

SPENDING TIME WITH GOD IS KEY TO OUR STRENGTH AND SUCCESS - JOYCE MEYER

ALRIGHT LADS, A GIANT FLY IS ATTACKING THE POLICE STATION. NO WORRIES, I’VE CALLED THE SWAT TEAM!” - GREG DAVIES

I DON'T GET EVEN, I GET ODDER

* There is a spacecraft graveyard in the Pa-

cific Ocean. Known as "Point Nemo,"

it is the farthest place on Earth from

land and is home to over 300 spacecraft

and associated space debris, including the

Russian MIR space station, the first object assem-

bled in planetary orbit.

* In 2003, Rapper Pusha T wrote the fa-

mous McDonald's jingle "I'm Lovin' It,"

but does not own any of the publishing

rights. After wisely learning from that multimillion-dollar

mistake, he now owns 40% of the publishing rights for the

"We have the meats" campaign from Arby's.

* Baked beans aren't baked. They're stewed.

* After he seized power in Cuba, Fidel Castro banned the

board game Monopoly and ordered every set to be destroyed.

* Researchers have found that there are 19 different types of

smiles, but only six occur when we're having a good time.

The rest happen when we're in pain, embarrassed, uncomfort-

able, horrified or even miserable!

* Genoan sailors were known colloquially as "Genes" and

wore cotton pants, which is where we get the word "jeans."

* A singing birthday card has more com-

puter power than the entire Allied

Army of World War II.

* Horrormeister Stephen King has

triskaidekaphobia (fear of the number

13) and won't stop writing if he's on

the page number is 13 or a multiple of it.

* OMG, the popular acronym for "Oh my God," was first

used in writing in a letter to Winston Churchill in 1917, by

John Arbuthnot Fisher, a retired Admiral of the British Navy,

who said, "I hear that a new order of Knighthood is on the

tapis, O.M.G. (Oh! My God!)."

Thought for the Day: "Most heroes live quiet, unassuming

existences. They lend a hand and help, without any expecta-

tion of gratitude or fanfare." -- Ray Madaghiele

(c) 2021 King Features Synd., Inc.