Bitter Basil - An Epic Novella (rough draft)

8/12/2019 Bitter Basil - An Epic Novella (rough draft)

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didn't speak a word to me. Just the obligatory nod or hmph whenever Ihad some instructions t o give and she was l ess t han happy to receivethem. But ever since she left her job, she's b een taking her time,

hanging around the apartment doing, as far as I 'm concerned, nothingthat involves searching for a new job. Noticing all my quirks, taking theliberty o f checking my e mail for me whenever I dare to leave it open,that's j ust the beginning. I'll admit however that there is an upside to thispredicament: she has b een talking more, and it's n ice to regularly s peakto someone who isn't berating you for something you didn't do right atwork. Also, I will admit that I've felt like less of a loser, being the only onewho HAS a job. Not that I gloat about it.The conversation this afternoon went something like this:'I'm trying to do more work,' I said. 'Maybe I'll actually stay until vetoday.''I don't believe you,' said Sheila, 'There's not a drop of work ethic inyou.' True, but unnecessary, really. 'I think you're up to something, andyou're not telling me about it. You've met someone new, haven't you? I'mnot your friend anymore?'

'Are you kidding me? You've always b een my o ne true love.' Interestingchoice of words, Basil, that'll throw her off for sure. I hate that she'sgotten to know me this w ell. Yes, I was p lanning on getting up tosomething and I wasn't planning on telling her. That woman is i ndeed awitch.'And I'm not planning anything,' I added, in what I hoped was a harmlessmove.'That just conrms i t. You're planning something, I just know it!' Her voicewas g etting louder, oh my.'I'm just trying to be a better person. Starting with work.' The sad thingabout that is w e both know that's n ot true.So after I said goodbye and everything, and looked for my ca r keyswhich I inexplicably found in the bowl Sheila keeps on the coffee table (Iusually ke ep them in my room, safely o ut of her reach), I made my waydown the stairs a nd to my b eloved automobile.

On my way to work, i made the usual conscious ch oice of not letting my


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hate for Brewster affect my a lready s loppy d riving. There was a bit of astall in the parking lot due to the usual two o'clock crowd, but nothingthat would seriously waste my time.

My brilliant idea of getting past Brewster's tight security and getting intothe third oor seemed nowhere near completion. In my head, I needed togather the courage. To do that, I needed to fuel it with the hatred I felttowards h im. That seemed so e asy a few hours ag o. But no no no, I hadto chicken out at the last minute like I always do.As I walked up to my d esk and did my v ision-restricting-aps-they-put-on-horses t hing in order to avoid all the unwelcome glances, I noticedMarion being nondescript about my a rrival.Sometimes I get the feeling she's t rying to tell me something, and thatshe's ghting to keep herself quiet. We rarely s peak, even though she'sone of the only p eople I ever speak to at work. I have a feeling she'd bea horrible person if I ever got to know her, or even spoke to her for morethan a minute, although I can be wrong about people so metimes.I sat at my d esk for half an hour before I could no longer stand theboredom and stress from over-thinking and anticipating the execution of

my evil plan.

Okay, if you go up to the gate thing and just walk p ast the sometimesactive black se curity guard (who I'm sure by now recognizes m e assomeone who works h ere), you just might be able to carry on with therush that the sudden condence can give. The thoughts t hat i thinksometimes.Then I just had to hang around Brewster's o ffice and nd out what theywere planning for the event tonight. I was s ure he was t alking to Higgins,as h e always d oes a round lunch time when he's l ounging around tryingto not get work done. He was su re to drop a major hint as t o what hewas p reviewing tonight, at the event.But there was a lways the question of 'will there be anything he has t ohide', or did he ever have anything to hide at all. Nonsense, I knew theanswer to that question already. Well, inferred, to be correct. The way I

saw it, his se emingly ove r condent aura was a facade he used to hide


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the guilt that was t he result of the negative nature of his p astaccomplishments. And for all the time that I knew him, or about him, Ihad been dying for a ch ance t o get my ha nds on any p iece o f evidence I

could use against him. But alas, the distance between us w ould neverallow that.Today, however, things w ere going to be different, I convinced myself.It was typically empty on the third oor, the place that was home to allthe executives. They co uld all assemble here in a comfortableenvironment, away from all of the troubles o f managing the annoyingsubordinates. There was t oo much space all over the building I workedin; too much space reserved for executives, and not enough for the rest.It wasn't really s omething worth complaining about, but I found itannoying anyway.The entire oor was a rranged in a sort of oval/octagonal structure so thatthe executives c ould look o ut on the rats t hey were in charge of on thelower oor, where I belonged. Every time I would glance upwards f rommy d esk there was t he risk of seeing Brewster, standing there next to hisfaithful Higgins and doing his quality control check up thingy. Giving

impressions, that was w hat most of his job was a bout.I was s tanding in the middle of the silent office compound, as i fanticipating some opportunity to come up. Fate would not shine for metoday, oh no it wouldn't. There was t he occasional executive with apurpose, who walked in between offices, some with smiles l ingering ontheir faces w hich undoubtedly rose from some happy interaction that justoccurred. These soulless individuals, only c aring about how much theyappeared to like Brewster.Could I do it? Yes , I could just walk in the old frequently unusedconference room I sometimes w aited in if I ever had to come up to thisoor to raise an issue with anyone (Which didn't happen too often, Ipromise you).When I walked in I immediately n oticed a pile of papers w ith gures a ndgraphs a nd other nonsense, but it surprised me because, like I said, thisroom was r arely used. I gured there had to be a meeting here or else

somebody forget the papers. Either way the presence of the papers


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unsettled me.After I sat down and tried to comprehend what the rst page was a llabout, it dawned on me that this w asn't your usual type of document with

detailed gures a nd the like. It consisted of hastily w ritten comments t hatseemed to correct or improve upon what was a lready typed out on thepaper. Like it was a second draft of something.And then I heard the footsteps a nd needlessly loud voices o f two peoplein a conversation. Right away my fear of getting caught in an awkwardsocial situation kicked in, and it didn't help that I wasn't really suppose tobe there in the rst place. My fear was co nrmed soon enough; I couldsee the million dollar man himself, along with his f aithful sidekick, andthey were denitely a pproaching the conference room.All careful thought aside, there was o nly one solution in a situation likethis: to go and hide behind the ling cabinets/lockers that were placed ina disorderly fashion at the end of the room. Run and hide like a chickenegg with legs, that was m e alright. In a second I made up my m ind, andin the next second I was s afely b ehind the lockers, watching the two ofthem enter and take se ats a cross f rom each other.

'... There are other ways to go around it, of course. He thinks he can justfollow the traditional method to carrying out at a task like this. But I'm notinterested in that.' Brewster came in murmuring like he didn't want to beheard. Obviously, there's always something to hide when you'reBrewster.I was seriously freaking out at that point, and I willed myself to remaincalm so i could try and listen to the conversation.'But, what I really want to know is, how can you be so sure that this w on'ttake off into one of those easily traceable crimes? Because I do not wantto be involved in it if that's what this means,' Higgins was saying.'There isn't any criminal activity g oing on here!' Brewster was desperatelytrying to reason with the guy. 'At least, not the detectable kind. Listen, Iwant you to think o f it as a kind of ends a re more important than meansthings.'

'Let me get one thing straight rst, before you shoot me down again.


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What i can surmise from that meeting is t hat you're planning to carry o uta complete restructuring of all the positions you're in charge of?''Yes. I thought you were clear on that. At least, that's w hat I'm in charge

of. You can however assist me if you want to. In fact, you probably w illend up a ssisting me a nyway.'Tough break for Higgins. It always s eemed to me he was g etting therough end of all of Brewster's d eals, getting coerced into doing thingsand such. It seems I may h ave been right. Ha ha. Anyway, the look ofuncertainty on Higgins' face was umistakeable.'It's g oing to be a great deal of fun,' said Brewster giddily. 'You and me,we can sort of work o n a plan to redo all the departments, nobody willknow-''And what do you plan to do if he nds o ut?' I was su re he was r eferringto the manager above Brewster. The only m anager above Brewster. 'Thisisn't just like one of your regular inside jobs w here he doesn't observeyour every move.''You're missing the big picture. He never m onitors m y w ork. Not directly,at least. He has h is o wn problems t o deal with. Besides, he trusts m e too

much to suspect anything shy from me.'Higgins h esitated, didn't interrupt. 'So you're abusing his t rust for you.''Yes. Higgins, I am abusing h is trust.' Sarcasm dripping. And then, hewent on the offensive, something I thought he was t oo low for at thispoint, but no, Brewster continues to surprise. 'Why aren't you supportingme on this? I thought you were supposed to follow my orders?' His t oneswitched to sudden hostility.I could see a bit of Higgins' defeated expression from where I wasstanding. The crap with which he must put up with every d ay If i didn'thate him so much i'd feel sorry for him.'Go on,' said Higgins, 'surprise me. Make me happy. I just hope youknow what you're doing.' The look on his face told me he was co mpletelyagainst what Brewster was d oing.It was so t ypical of Brewster to co me u p to so meone and recommendsomething totally outlandish and expect him/her to comply. I always

knew he was ba d, but I was learning more a nd more a bout how bad he


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could get. Brewster carried on. 'I guess y ou could make it such that wedon't throw around money carelessly, with continuous ch ecks u p andeverything but i have a nother idea. You know how when we re-program

all the employee records a nd re-administer paychecks l ike we eventuallyhave to?' Higgins n odded along slowly. 'Well, there will have to be acertain order to which we administer them, right?' I didn't like where thiswas g oing. 'It could be according to position, which would be good Iguess, but how about - and I want you to consider this b efore sayinganything -how about I leave you in charge of that instead, while I takecare of the rest of the technicalities.''W-what?' Higgins looked like he was a bout to back o ut of the wholething altogether. 'This is wrong on so many levels-''Consider it an honor-''I don't want any part of this. Consider this my polite way of saying 'no'. Iwon't stop you and I won't say a nything to anyone-''Damn right, you won't.''-but I won't take part in this whatever it is.''That's ne. I just want to make it clear that i'm really just saving

everyone so me t ime a nd money just by pulling so me st rings. Nobodyneeds to know.''There are still some implications t hat you need to consider. You neverknow what might come up. Including the fact that somebody e lse mightnd out.''Yes, I know that. Which is w hy w e will be exceptionally tight lipped aboutthis. Understand?''Of course. I will be.''Well, then, so be it. Look, I can't pretend I'm not disappointed in you. Butplease, do tell me if you change your mind about this.'Higgins c hose to remain silent, but I didn't see his e xpression this t ime. Icould guess, however, that it was one of utmost polite rejection. Higginsstyle.What followed was some polite banter and corporate-style formalitiesand such, and then both of them left the room.

After a moment of lingering behind in the shadows, I tiptoed out into the


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light, feeling a great rush of energy a nd a renewed sense of purpose inlife. Either that or I was just happy to see the light again. Anyways, Inally g ot what I came to collect. I considered myself lucky for a moment

to have such a careless i diot as m y b oss, but then i remembered i wasn'tsupposed to be lurking behind those cabinets, and that was p robablyenough caution taken by him not to be overheard.I crouched for a m oment when I saw some loser manager strutting nearthe meeting room. No, I practically threw myself on the ground. I thencollected myself again after a minute and tried not to feel (or appear)stupid.

Normally I had a way to distance myself from all the crap people told meto accept on a daily b asis. It proved to me, if I may, that I didn't have tofollow everything i was t old. That some people weren't better than others

just because they had importantly, it proved that some people just aren't worth trusting. hedoesn't deserve the respect he is g iven.i had a feeling ages a go anyway, i told myself. but this w as a rare

moment for me, a rare personal victory. now, all i have to do is c atch himin whatever sordid act, and present the evidence. but, of course, i didn'thave the courage to do t hat. THIS WILL NEVER WORK YOU IDIOT, andyou will now return to your quite, boring, uneventful life, free of any kindof adventure and/or purpose.he makes i t seem so easy t o go there and lie his g uts o ut, i wonder whatelse he is l ying about, were my thoughts t he entire afternoon. what areyou planning this time? are you really going to cheat us a ll out of thisnonsense life we already live, that you so readily control with your greedyhands? i don't know how much more i can take o f his no nsense. this ha sto be the breaking point for me.Go h ome and forget this eve r happened, one s ide of my brain s aid.forget it ever happened, you might just nd a way to go through thismeaningless existence you call life. There was, however, the obligatoryaltercation with Sheila that i had to endure. oh, no.


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Beatrice herself. Oh, Sheila. She had to make sure I got home, wantedto grill me about my day, who I met, what happened with them, eventhough she knew that it was a lways t he answer she wasn't looking for.

'did you meet anyone today? Make any friends? You must have m etsomeone'. Yes, I do meet tons o f people every d ay, and yet each ofthose people makes me feel like never meeting anyone else, ever again.I wasn't sure why s he always liked doing that. Perhaps i t was j ust hernature to feign interest in my life in order for it to, you know, in order forme to feel that my life actually m attered to someone. It didn't make mefeel any b etter, all it did was m ake me feel like more of a loser whoneeded the pity o f hide around him. But everything's o kay a s l ong asSheila thinks she's helping out.That night was a rainy n ight, and I was g rateful for it, because it madethings l ess a wkward than the usual quite of the apartment. Sheila walkedin and asked me if I wanted to play a game between cell phones. Ofcourse, I felt it would be welcoming more awkwardness, and so Ideclined, explaining that I didn't know how to play. She probably k new itwas a silly excuse i put forth instead of telling her I didn't feel like being

around her stupid face.She sat on the couch next to me and looked into my eye s, into my ver ysoul. What does s he want this t ime, I thought.'what were you doing today?' not this again.'didnt we just go through this? I'm having a hard time understanding whatgoes t hrough your head when I say "no, I don't want to talk to you aboutwork today"'.'usually y ou give me something to work w ith. Words l ike "soul crushing","mind numbing", you know how you are. This t ime, you just said "oh youknow, the usual", and you went straight to your room without making anyoffhand rude co mments on my sitting a round a ll day a nd a ccomplishingnothing. Now I'm really s tarting to think yo u're hiding something from me,and you're not making it easier for yourself by not saying anything.'what? Why do you always have t o be so-''oh no, mister. That won't work. It's t oo late now for your insults, you can

keep them to yourself.'


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'I'm just trying to understand why you think that I'm hiding somethingfrom you. That's... You know...''something different happened today, something out of the ordinary, and

don't think I won't nd out.''oh really? And how do yo u p lan o n d oing that? F ish through my e mailagain while I'm gone?''I'll just have to nd a way t o force it out of you', she said with a tone ofvery solemn nality in her voice. 'I don't know how, but I will.' I supposedshe thought it made her seem threatening and m aybe scary.That was the end of that conversation.I feel at this p oint that I need to explain to you how Sheila's m ind works.First of all, her memory was a force to be reckoned with. I'm saying shewill remember things y ou don't even remember telling her yourself. I feeli have a good enough memory a s i t is, but it is a las n o match to hers.And I remember a lot of what people tell me because I'm always p ayingattention, being a loser with nothing better to do. And Sheila will use thatolympian m emory of hers to p resent any u ncomfortable p iece ofinformation at any uncomfortable place and time and use it to make you

look like an idiot.She is a lso very good a t making h erself seem stupid s hould the needarise.But the funny thing is, she'd made the monotony o f my e xistence slightlymore bearable ever since showing up. When I was l iving alone I don't kn ow how I made it through the day. luck i s g enerally n ot on my si de.Almost never these days.I went on to think a bout the day, and I sat down at my d esk ( in mybedroom) and pondered the plan I was hoping to execute. There was alot of room in my b rain to think a bout other things, like for example theawkward situations i managed to get into today, or how much bla blabla.. But of course there were more important things t oday: I had to workout how I was g oing to get in to the video control room without anyonenoticing. Or without any s tuffed shirt asking me any q uestions a ndattempting to get me off the property, or the occasional oblivious g uest

attendee asking me the way to the conference hall.


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I took o ut my n otebook a nd ipped through it, trying to admire myexisting work, my blueprints if you will. I called it my 'Brewster Book,' andyes, in case you're wondering, Sheila didn't know about it.

There was o ne page lled with idiotic r emarks detailing all of (what ihoped) were Brewster's p ersonality traits. Just a few notes o n how I wasplanning to get inside his h ead if I ever needed to talk to him. And on thenext page there was the transcript. The holy transcript; the speech Iwould deliver unto him.No, I was getting too excited, i stopped thinking for a second. I wasgetting ahead of myself, and not to mention too hopeful. Time to put it allaway b efore -- oh no -- Beatrice made her entrance into my room. Shewas l ooking very p leased with herself.'I'm going out,' she uttered syllabically.'let's hope this time it will be for the sake of nding employment,' was mybeautiful choice of words.'okay, since we're being extra wordy, I just want to remind you that youwill never nd friendship with that attitude of yours. I was going to say,I'm going out to meet my friend. Something which you wouldn't know

anything a bout.''well, I hope you realize that in this d ay a nd age having a job will trumphaving people to talk to and identify w ith as b eing agreeable andsociable.'I'm on re today, am I not? Anyway, her unfortunate eyes e w over thenotebook, and my ha nd (which was ready) stuffed it in one o f mydrawers and locked it with a key, before she could say 'what's t hat?''Could I see that' she said in an extra polite tone I was not used tohearing. The drawer of course was w ell closed by now.'could I come with you?' I tried distracting her, of course.Her sneer turned into a weird blank e xpression - I'm not sure what thatwas, I think it was sa dness? Maybe she thought I was b eing serious.Oops.'no, I was j ust kidding! I don't want to be anywhere near you or yourfriends! Well, I don't know, maybe your friends a re nicer people than you,

but really I didn't mean it--'


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'Oh. Right.' sheila was clearly relieved. 'Yeah. Well, I would've liked it ifyou came anyway.'Big pile of crap.

'anyway, so that thing in your drawer?? Just wait until you're not home. Iwill pull it out somehow.''like h ow you check m y e mail every day?''how do you-''when I open up my em ail at work, I can tell when a new message hasbeen read. It's a common feature on most modern email servers,actually-'And she turned deantly o ut into the hall, grabbed her coat and walkedout the door. I made sure of that.It was a n empty threat, of course. Sheila wasn't always as i ntimidating asshe had hoped. But then she did have her crazy d ays. I could only hopethat this wasn't one of them.

Brewster was in my head those days a lot more than sh eila was. Thelittle voice in my h ead told me to give up every d ay, and Sheila's

increased snooping around discouraged me to go on with my p lan. Afterall, I wasn't simply going to walk u p to the Boss's o ffice and reportBrewster.There were so many things t hat could go wrong; I would have to get himon his f ree time, which was b asically impossible, I'd have to nd thecourage to confront him about one of his u ndoubtedly favoritedepartment heads, and most importantly, the proof problem. Obviouslysomeone who ran such a sca ndalously tight ship of a co mpany wouldhave to keep all of its s ecrets i n check. Knowing the corrupt heads o f thiscompany, they would almost denitely deny a ny bit of evidence broughtup against them. The boss w ouldn't ever be able to let go of his cl osefriend, or so far as give him a slap on the wrist.And of course he could just take it the wrong way and think I was n ding

joy in threatenithat did happen? I would get scolded, or even red.

Fired... I had to admit, if I was let go, this would be the ideal way for it to


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happen, the perfect scenario. More perfect than if I had walked up to himand offered my r esignation to his big fat face. Right, that would just bestupid.

When I went to work the next day, I felt an odd sense of achievement athaving overheard my little treasure of a conversation yesterday. Yes, Iwas m ilking it. That was p robably the bravest thing I had ever done in myentire life..... And then just as I thought that, my spirits had deated alittle. Great, way to go idiot. Oh, my fragile ego.....It was t ime to check the Marion outlook. She wasn't there, as f ar as Icould see. But up from the third oor, I would have been able to spot her.Yes, I avoided her as m uch as I avoided the Sheila in my a partment.After pretending to read a few letters t hat i had already read the daybefore, I heard her high heels a pproaching from behind. She wasyapping away o n her phone as u sual, trying not to notice me. And whenshe walked over to me, still on the phone, she gestured awkwardly to theletters i n my h and. I gave her my p racticed clueless look, but it wouldn'tfool her. She walked away, shaking her head slowly a nd with a smile on

her face, as sh e continued the conversation she was h aving. Apparentlyshe realized the letters w ere old.Usually in such a situation I would proceed to blush all over and covermy face while pretending to be concentrating on something or having aheadache. But this time I simply went back to reading the letters. I didntcare. I think it was the inexplicable feeling of superiority that I had overeveryone. The edge i had over everyone e lse d ue to what I hadoverheard the other day.I tried listening around to see if anyone had any idea of what the newsystem was g oing to be about. But no, they were just as o blivious a sBrewster had always intended.

There was a stupid black s ecurity guard, I didn't know what his n amewas, he always ga ve m e help when he saw that I needed it. There was awet oor once a round where i worked and he warned me a bout it before

I sat down. One time, I was l ate for a conference and he told me the


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room was ch anged at the last minute, so I made it on time (I was r arelyever late) albeit feeling as i f I had committed a personal crime againstthe company. It was l ike he knew I had no one else to talk to about these

things, and thus h e tried to make life easier for me. I would've consideredhim annoying if he weren't so darn helpful all the time.If he or any o f his f riends g uarded the control room, which I was p lanningon getting into tonight, it would be quite a betrayal. But he didn't have toknow about it. Still, my c onscience was hesitant.Spencer walked into view from above, Higgins followed closely. He waswhispering orders a nd he was p utting his a rm around Higgins' shoulder,trying to appear friendly when in fact he was w hispering some preciousinformation that was b eyond our ears. He watched from above like heusually did, taking in his domain. Eyes s canning the entire oor, exceptof course the part which contained me. He continued talking, no doubtdiscussing the event he was p lanning to speak a t tonight.I found out about the event via email, of course, and not by c onversationlike every o ther normal person did.But there was o ne small inconvenience for me: I was n ot invited. I gured

I could maybe make it through without anyone noticing, like how all theunnamed so und ch eck pe ople a nd other technicians that ran a roundwithout any q uestions h eaded their way. Of course, I wouldn't actually b einside, I would just be watching from above, in the audio and video room,which was s ure to be occupied by a variety of idiots. So I had to get inbefore things g ot serious a nd the room lled up.Brewster completed his r outine check u p and turned away w ith Higginsclose behind. I wasn't sure, but I could tell they were coming downstairs.There was p robably so mething he needed to take ca re of with one of usground oor folks. There was m y c hance to get into the precious c ontrolroom, which was o n the rst oor. I was r eally taking my ch ances b yentering the room on the day the event was b eing held.I stopped walking on my way upstairs, as t here was a janitorconveniently cleaning the staircase I usually took. He looked back at meas i f expecting me to say so mething rude to him. I knew i had to use the

stupid elevator that every other lazy individual took. It was conformity, but


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I had to do it. I pushed the button, waited anxiously, and prepared myneutral expression in case I ran into someone.When the doors sl id open, I was faced with the dream team: none other

than Brewster and a bored looking Higgins. Brewster stopped talking angave me a little suspicious g lance. My practiced expression wasmaintained as b est as I could allow. I made way to let them pass, and onhis w ay o ut Higgins s urprisingly h eld the door open for me.I didn't say 'thanks'. They were both taking their sweet time getting out ofthe elevator. I was just about to get in when Brewster said loudly, 'Excuseme'.There was n o pretending I couldn't hear him. It was o ne of the fewesttimes he had ever spoken to me, and I was ca ught off guard, in themiddle of doing something I wasn't supposed to be doing. Perfect. Iturned around.'who are you exactly?' he said to me, his r ight hand half pointing mydirection. 'I don't think I've seen you around before.''um... Basil. My name is Basil-,''you don't work h ere,' he seemed to have decided. 'I need to see your

sign-in badge.He thought I was a visitor.'no, I-I work here.''really?' he raised his eyebrows incredulously. 'I've never seen youaround before. Are you new?''no, no, I've seen him before,' Higgins c ut in.'I've only been here for three years,' I said.'oh,' he said unapologetically, his eyebrows raised. It wasn't the polite-misunderstanding kind of 'oh'. No, he was d enitely being rude. 'really?Are you lying to me?''no, yeah, I've denitely s een him around before. He's b een here for awhile. What were we talking about?'Brewster gave Higgins a n inquiring/suspicious l ook, looked my way, anddecided it was t ime to end the matter and go. He put his a rm aroundHiggins' shoulder again, as i f mentoring a new employee, and walked

away from the insignicant encounter of the day.


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I stood there for a moment like an idiot, taking in what had justhappened. The one time I decide to use the elevator I get confronted bymy worst fear/enemy. Needless to say, that was t he last time i was g oing

to use the elevator, ever.There were many things t o think about, many of which would put me offdoing what I was about to do, but I thought against it. Instead, I walkedout casually d own the dark h allway that i hoped would end in the controlroom behind and slightly a bove the stage setting. I was g uessing at thispoint, having never visited the oor before. Yes, I who have been here forthree years. I didn't have any reason to come here anyway.I sat down on one of those classy l ooking couches w e didn't have on myoor, because these people were slightly more awesome than us. Therewas a huge notice board on the opposite side, and from what I presumedit had a oor plan stuck on it, like the one plastered everywheredownstairs.It didn't take me long to nd the room on the map; it was l ocated directlybehind the stage, and marked with some unintelligible letters. It seemednobody ha d managed to rename it.

I heard someone breathing heavily behind me. The IT head was passingby me, and I looked back to see if he had anything to say about how I'wasn't supposed to be there' or whatever (my e ncounter with Brewsterhad shaken m e up too much). The fat IT man looked away from me assoon a s he sa w me looking, and walked a way, resuming his he avybreathing. iPhone man, I used to call him in my head. I had spoken tohim a few times b efore, enough to n out that he was o bsessed with hislittle electronic friend.If I have any m ore undesirable run ins, i thought, I might just go backhome right now and e nd my stupid day at 10:30 AM.There was s omething obviously w rong with my s illy p lan: the audio/visualtechnicians w ere huddled around the room and talking quietly to eachother. I could hear words l ike 'not enough time' and 'reprogramming thesystem' and other lingo-centric phrases, but the gist of it was that therewas so me sort of error that needed xing.

I walked up to them and said, very clearly, 'you don't really have to use


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the screen. Just tell Brewster you can use the sound system.'One of the 'specialists', a skinny little fartface, looked especially offendedas he replied, 'that's just not the way it works. You don't get it. What'll he

have instead of video?''Doesn't matter. I'm sure he has a lame PowerPoint prepared anyway,noone will be surprised.''are you aware of what would happen to us i f we just left it at that andtried explaining to him your genius p lan?' again with the offended looks,and multiple raised eyebrows.'you...wouldn't get paid? Sure would be a nightmare. Look, just let me trysomething, i might be able to get the screen working again.'They looked at me in disbelief and, yes, they were all extra offended.Another idiot spoke. 'we can't allow you to do that. You're not qualied-''yeah, if you ruined it all it'd be our fault-''oh really? You seem to have ruined it already.'I followed their gaze through the open door of the control room, and sawthe half open display unit board thingy, which I obviously didn't knowanything about. I wondered for how long I could keep up the charade

before getting caught. I decided I should continue using some of theirlingo nonsense.'you know, I might not be all IT like you people, but I know quite a bitabout this stuff myself. Can I help you?'no way. Please leave. There's the limit. You've pushed us to the limit, I'msorry, but if they nd out, we're dead.'They made their point clear: Their hallowed equipment was n ot to betouched by my inexperienced hands.So that was t he end of that. I simply h ad to wait until after dark t o creepin and mess up t he sys tem somehow.

Sheila was a t home with her friends, and they seemed to be partyingrather hard considering they were, well, in my little apartment. Sheilawas shouting nonsense into the air while her stupid friends, two girls a ndone guy, seemed to b e encouraging h er to d rink more o r something. I

was pi ssed o ff.


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'hey Basil, come on in! We've got a party g oing on in here! Drinksomething, or, whatever.'Sheila's f riends w ere looking slightly e mbarrassed. One of the girls

actually s tarted picking up plastic c ups o ff the oor.'you're gonna wake up the entire building,' i told Sheila unnecessarily.'and I know you're acting drunk.''yeah I am!' shrieked Sheila. Her friends stared at her, clearlyembarrassed, and she started to calm down a little and sat back o n thecouch.'I thought you were going OUT to see your friends,' I added.She looked puzzled for a moment, then said, 'yes, I did, but then wewent back IN. Sorry I didn't ask you.''no, I'm not really bothered by t hat-''it's o k. I know how you hate it when you see people hanging out witheach other-''you're acting drunk a nd you're making a lot of noise. And nonsense.And zip your face.'I rushed into my room, my trademark move. I slammed the door, and

locked it equally loudly.I left the 'party' in its prime, apparently; I heard the nonsense of Sheilaand company die down a little. Still they were annoying.

As the din of Sheila and her friends d ied down a little, I opened and readthe manual of hate notes I had prepared for use against Brewster. Toanyone other than myself, it was j ust a nonsense of many if-thenscenarios m apped out in a haphazard way, looking more like a diary o rreminder, but it was m ore than that.Spencer Brewster gave an interesting speech at the beginning of every'event'. Predictable and lame would be kind words t o describe thatspeech. It was like a mad lib with little spaces left out for stuff like theyear and quarter title, and of course, the major accomplishment of theyear/quarter that needed acknowledging.He a lways co ngratulated his team even though it was he who d id most of

the work. One might interpret it as nice, seless behavior, but the way I


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always i nterpreted it was ' condescending'. And I could always t race theselsh tone in his vo ice while he was s aying it, I don't know if anyoneelse noticed it. But they were in no place to say it; his group of underlings

who, if he wasn't seen around Higgins, always m anaged to makeconversation with him. They kn ew he c ould re a nything he e ver wanted,and yet they gave the same smile and kept the cheery a ttitude whilespeaking with him, even if he was t elling them off for whatever reason.When speaking with the people at my level, however, these sycophantswould always p ut the frown on, or were quick t o point out somethingwrong or whatever. I get that people need to show extra respect to thosehigher than them, I really d o, but the crap we had to put up with becauseof these idiots w as j ust inexcusable. Whenever they c alled us f or anobligatory m eeting to nd out why we didn't deliver on time or to ask uswhy our 'performance wasn't up to scratch', we were always g iven theworst treatment, the accusatory g lanced always t imely p laced mydirection whenever needed.Yes, those h orrible people knew my name, knew what I did andeverything. They had to, of course, because without all that information

they wouldn't be able to place any blame on me. They kne w everyoneelse in my department by name too, but it was a lways m e they had theireyes on, quite literally.One of them learnt my name fairly recently, I admit, and he was t he onewho mostly m onitored our department. Marion, I and three other guyswere taken aside to explain some mishap. He was t alking quite seriouslyto us, and when he arrived at me, he said, 'Now, Bay-zul, you're fairlynew to this s o I guess that would explain the poor review you got theother day'. I gave him a dirty look, narrowed my e yes, and he continued.'I'll give you a chance for now but I'm gonna have to keep an eye on youin the future. I don't think y our friends here would appreciate it if youruined the collective performance of your department.' I nodded slowly athim, and he nished of with, 'I wanna see an improvement.'Anything else? Please tell me in your brutally h onest way, don't holdback, please, because I wouldn't want my pe rformance to be

compromised by your kind words. And, really, I've been here longer than


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you have. And please, continue treating me like a high school studentwho is i n danger of doing badly on tomorrow's t est because he can'tseem to stay awake d uring class. And, for crap's sake, LEARN HOW TO

PRONOUNCE MY NAME.You know how some people, while talking to a group, only look a t acertain few instead of everyone there? Like, when your teacher onlylooks at the students i n the front row? Well, he was like that, and one ofthe few people he liked to look a t was m e. I think it was h is w ay o fshowing me that I mattered just as m uch as e veryone else, but theimpression i got was t hat I was t oo stupid to be left alone, withoutinstruction.I haven't even scratched the surface regarding their treatment of usunfortunate souls.The 'don't bite the hand that feeds y ou but feel free to bite the heads o ffanyone else' mentality s eemed to drive their every d ecision.(When I rule the world, you will be the rst to go).

The night was l ong, and I didn't feel like doing anything productive. That

was h ow it was for the past two years, ever since my workload increasedand i stopped feeling like doing any o f it. Do nothing and stop expectingso much from people in return is w hat i learned. There was n othing to doexcept plan what I was g onna do to get past the idiots w ho were incharge of that stupid room.There was o ne idiot I was s cared of in particular, the skinny o ne thatanswered directly to iPhone man. I saw he had that look in his e yes t hatsaid, 'I don't answer to anyone else so I can't talk t o you right now', theself importance that seemed to follow everyone in this co mpany. But Iguess h e was j ust a one-time hire, not part of the company, so he had totry h is b est to adopt the state of mind.And then security h ad to let me in. But if I just went from behind throughthat rst oor opening, that would erase that problem. But still, therewere idiots o n the other end too, so I had to choose which was l essproblematic. It wasn't an easy choice to make.

I went out of my room to nd Sheila asleep on one of the couches. Her


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friends w ere nowhere to be seen. I would have liked to get to know them;they see med to be m uch nicer people than S heila, as w as t he case mosttimes. I left her lying in her awkward position, window open and cold

wind blowing in. I didn't place a blanket over her.

Marion gave me a stupid look when sh e ca me u p to me in the morning.Like she wanted to say so mething, but she couldn't decide whether ornot she should. I knew what it was sh e wanted to say: 'you never, evermake small talk, ask any work related questions, or ll up the emptyconversational void with any sort of intellectually stimulating or helpfulinformation. Also, you're really starting to freak the rest of us outbecause of it, and we're all worried about you. We can't afford to haveyou holding us b ack in any way'.And I always had my answer ready in case anyon e asked m e an y suchnonsense: I always have nothing to say, and if I really n eeded to saysomething, like 'evacuate the building please it seems t o be on re'.The number of single sided conversations w e h ad...'hey, you know I heard if you stay s taring at your computer for more than

2 days your brain will explode. It's true, I read about it, they did a studyand everything'.Obviously there is n o chance of that being true, she was just talking forthe hell of it. And what do you say t o something like that? Oh yeah that'ssuper neat how your body d oes t hat stuff to you when you're torturing it,don't ya just love being human? I read that same article too, did youknow that it's entirely ctional and written up to mess with stupidpeople?Nobody h ere could actually b e worried about me, unless i t hadsomething to do with their performance. So Marion was j ust trying toplacate herself by asking these silly questions, or trying to ask thesequestions.I looked back at her with a 'yes, what was i t you wanted to say? I'm sureI'll be interested in whatever you have to say to me, because it would bevery constructive'. We stared for a few seconds, which is quite long if you

think a bout it. She nally sa t down at her desk w hich was so me distance


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behind me. There was n o way t o prove it, but I knew she was st aring atme. Not just this t ime, but all the time.I wished I could just get out of it all, get everything in my life under

control, have the people in this b uilding actually sh ow me respect, andget Brewster red. Or one of his c ronies. that wouldn't be as c ool, butBrewster himself was a long sh ot. He h ad way too much fake goodkarma surrounding him, and shattering his image would be difficult.There were a few of them gathered around the elevator at the far end ofthe oor, chatting happily a nd waiting for someone to pass b y s o theycould turn ugly o n them for existing. That was cu stomary b ehavior forthem, especially when they were on their break a nd extra on the look outfor any lazy p eople. Or anyone who seemed to be having as g ood a timeas t hey.From my se at I saw the ITs g iving each other a hard time upstairsthrough the glass w indows. Arguing over what to do about whatever wasthe problem. This w as a big problem and I had to clear them out. Iwondered how long I could go without going up there and pounding themsenseless. No, no, I wasn't going to do that. But I wanted to do

something just as ba d. Something I had never done b efore, somethingthat, before today, I had thought was a terrible act against anotherhuman being.I waited a while for Marion to make one of her routine trips t o thebathroom, or wherever else she liked to go when things g ot boring andshe needed to appear productive. And of course, i made sure she wasn'tlooking back before I got up to go to the other control room. This c ontrolroom was d eep in the ground oor, past the offices a nd workspaces an dsuch, even past the elevator. It was the janitor's room I was looking for,the one with the power switches. I assumed it was o ne of those dividedup switchboards that allowed yo u to p ick which rooms a nd which oorsand such so you could, you know, cause organized hell for people. I tooka quick look a t it yesterday; it was a ll new to me, this w hole thing aboutsnooping around and trying to use little things t o my u nfair advantage.Nobody knows a bout this s tupid little room. If Brewster knew about it he

would probably u se it to his a dvantage too.


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'so?''and I don't know why I was b eing so mean yesterday. Just bring over asmany friends as you like. Start a party, start a re, I don't care.'

'what?' she was p leasantly s urprised.'you can do what - ever - you want tonight,' I said slowly.I don't know why, but whenever I feel hopelessly in trouble, I becomeextra forgiving to other people's mistakes.'what's gotten into you?''yes. Just don't take it too literally.' I gave a sly little smile. It drove hercrazy.I didn't bother asking her if she'd been looking around in my room,because I knew she wouldn't tell the truth.

I opened my cu pboard and took out the plastic b ag that I had hiddendeep inside, in the bottom of the most elusive compartment with thehope that it wouldn't be discovered by S heila. I took o ut the costume Iwas p lanning on wearing tonight, and returned the bag to its s afe place.The costume was, how do i put this, by n o stretch designer quality. It was

a sort of Death-cloak looking thing, though I hadn't intended on making itlook that way. It included a mask, also, which I planned on wrappingtightly a round my h ead many t imes, for security p urposes o f course. Itwas very childish, but it was also just the right combination of usefulthings t o have on me for such a mission. Mission was a strong word, butwhatever.Of course, thinking what this w hole thing would look like to someexternal party w ould've discouraged me further, and I didn't need thatkind of thing on my m ind.If I screwed it up, I would probably e nd up as t he subject of a badlywritten side-article written in the third page of some trashy newspaper.Being read about by all the mundane, quick-judging individuals o f thecountry, or perhaps getting ridiculed on one of those morning 'news'shows, was o ne of my biggest fears a t the time.I would imagine the look o n Sheila's f ace, even Brewster if he somehow

found out. But I guess I had nothing to lose, if that didn't sound too


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dramatic.The mirror was q uite forgiving to me and my co stume, given how stupid Iusually looked with my normal clothes o n. When I was d one I unlocked

the door to face Sheila. She wasn't there, thankfully. I needed to bealone here, to better contemplate what I was a bout to do.

The sound/video room, along with the rest of the oor, was u nexpectedlydeserted. It made my job a lot easier. My b lack c loak thingy was u ndermy a rm, ready to be worn soon. Through the live feed on one of thehuge screens b elow, I managed to see Brewster talking out loud into themicrophone, passing the time before the conference with the sycophantsaround him.I leaned over the railing that was p laced clumsily, and watched what washappening below. I was i n plain sight, but it didn't matter to me unlessone of the headlights s uddenly jerked upwards.'he he he, you don't need to be THIS attering, I mean, come on...' hisbooming voice sai d in response t o som e unheard comment by someonewho was r egrettably aw ay from the m ic. I had to use my imagination on

that one. 'I have to congratulate you on your new employee redistributionplan, it sounds amazing.' 'the team you put together to be in charge ofeverything tonight is amazing'. 'I live for these meetings, really they're thereason I get up every--- once a month.' 'I love you, Brewster, accept mywedding proposal please.''you'd better get back to your seats n ow, though, seriously, theconference is a bout to start,' he actually s aid. A few seconds l ater hesaid, 'like seriously, I need you to get lost like right now'. Uncomfortablelaughter followed immediately.The place looked amazing though, I had to a dmit. There was d arknesseverywhere, except for a few lights a round the stage which Brewster wasstanding on, including the row of headlights directly facing the stage.there were losers sitting at tables at the right of the stage, probably forhanding out event programs a nd 'support Brewster' pamphlets.It created a real 'business meeting event' feel, very u nlike what I was

used to seeing whenever I walked into the room on a normal work day.


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The look o n Brewster's f ace was s o very p romising: ready, set, anticipateall and any d isturbances, nothing in my way e xcept this s tupidpresentation and then everyone, including Eldridge, is reassured that I

am on top of the game.Oh right, Eldridge the big boss was e xpected to attend too. I hated theman slightly less than i hated Brewster.He signaled for some people to move away from him, or the stage, asone of the two doors op ened. Oh yes, the g uests a nd e veryone e lsewere arriving. They came in small groups, some of them were minutesapart.It was r elaxing, watching everything from above. I was s lightly m orecalmed down since arriving. It made the whole thing seem more possibleand within my g rasp.The old man, slightly fat, head of white hair, sat down in the front rowafter many greetings w hich involved slight head gestures a nd no handshakes. Even Brewster had to act in a reserved manner in front ofEldridge.After everyone was seated and the lights were dimmed even more,

Brewster nally a ddressed the crowd (it was o nly a bout forty p eople fromwhat I could see, attendance had to be limited I guess).'good evening, ladies a nd gentlemen (there were no ladies p resent, ididn't know if it was s upposed to be a joke), how great it is to see all ofyou again here, and this t ime, of course, I have some very sp ecial newsto reveal to you. Now I know it has b een speculated, but what I'm aboutto discuss tonight I feel is going to be a... Somewhat of a surprise to allof you.'Light, scattered laughter went around the small crowd. What was t hat allabout, am I right? Maybe they w ere so blind in their sycophantic p ursuitsthat they c ouldn't sort out what was i ntended to be funny. It was s urreal,witnessing this g athering which I was so not allowed to witness, watchingthe interactions b etween these people like Ive never seen before.He carried on with his m ad lib of choice, adjusting it for the, you know,current economic c limate and other things I didn't understand, or that he

himself didn't understand either. Drivel would be a good way to describe


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it. there are a few things t hat are expected from a government headwhile proposing something like this i n front of the entire committee orboard or whatever it was t hat he answered to.

'I'd like to thank e veryone of my c olleagues f or supporting this e ndeavor.I know when I rst introduced it to them it wasn't a, shall we say, popularidea.'So the cronies k new. Of course they d id. I wondered if the conversation Ioverhead with Higgins h appened before or after he had announced it tothem. That would mean that Higgins w ould have been kept in the darkfor a bit. The thought of it made me smile for some reason.'I have lead the best team of people this p ast year, I think we can allagree,' he said to the disconcerting laughter again, 'and I wanna take itto the next level, so to speak. So this r eward I think s hould be deservingenough for them.'Wow, Brewster. Using our 'improved performance' as a n excuse formessing around with our reward packages a nd job structure at his w ill.Yes, i knew that was what he was planning, I had surmised as muchfrom what I had overheard earlier.

'the reorganizing of all of the positions I'm in charge of, in this case-'Eldridge raised his hand for a split second before he said, 'I've beenmeaning to ask, Brewster, what does t hat actually involve?''I - thank y ou very m uch for raising that - if you just let me nish, I was

just about to explI laughed. Not out loud, of course, I know how to laugh without makingnoise, unlike some people.'it INVOLVES a complete systematic renovation of the p rocesses, andreward packages, of every p osition below me. I wont go through all thedetails now, but we're introducing a system that blows the old one out ofproportion.'"old one", he's already calling it.'we're talking new and improved everything. Different tasks, different paypackages...'I tuned out for that moment, of course, as o f course I was t oo busy

worrying about what would happen when the footage kicked in.


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The large screen was f ull of nonsensical t-inducing gures a ndanimations, depicting false gures, past and future of course. Theaudience see med to be co nvinced a nd impressed, and how could you

not be, when faced with Brewster's i mpeccable presentation skills. Thesepeople will listen to anything that comes out of his mouth.The slide he stopped at had something to do with project structures o rwhatever, I wasn't sure. His co ndence seemed to be at its p eak, whichwas p robably because no one had interrupted him with a question in awhile. Oh wait, the old man raised his h and again.'so, assuming you get it done on time, which I am counting on by theway, how exactly are you planning on distributing it around everyone inyour department? I mean, is i t going to be gradual, or what?'Brewster's face froze in mock attentiveness, a what-does-he-think-he-is-doing-how-dare-he-ask-me-this w ay, as h e waited for him to nish hisimmensely long question. 'I'm actually r eally g lad you brought that up, Iwasn't planning on covering that, but-'And the s creen went black for a few seconds, then was followed bysome static o r the digital equivalent of it. His m ic s topped working, and

as h e n oticed what was w rong, he turned towards h e screen, with a lookof confusion. Or it was r elief, because he had more time to think a bouthis a nswer.The sudden quiet was m et with an equally si lent crowd, who wereexpecting some sort of explanation clearly. They d idn't even botherwhispering amongst themselves i n anger, which I thought was st range.These people were obviously not used to being left hanging like this.Brewster walked off the stage to get a better view of the screen, thenshot a nasty look at Higgins, as if it was his fault.The screen shot back into action, and instead of boring presentation,there was so mething else. Some kind of grainy footage of a coveredface, hidden in black, covered in shadow.'this i s y our captain speaking. He he,' it said with a distorted voice,making it a really c reepy e ffect, if you asked me.Now the cr owd came a live, gasps an d whispers an d heckles a nd a ll.

Brewster signaled to a guy s itting on the side with his laptop open,


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headphones o n and all, and said, 'what seems t o be the problem?' orsomething. He had of course g one a head and a ssumed of course t hathe was i n charge of the monitor, and I happily watched the two engage in

a short argument.'Yes? Are you listening?' the mysterious gure continued. 'Don't worry,everything's j ust ne. I am here to tell you what you really need to hear. Isimply speak the truth.' He turned his head to the bottom left of thescreen, giving off the brilliant impression that he was speaking to thecrowd in real time (I had recorded the message ages a go, duh), which Ithought was ve ry, very n eat.'do not trust this m an. That is a ll I need to say. You have been warned.He will invariably lead you all to hell. This is not his rst false promise,and it certainly won't be his last. I do hope, however, that after i interferewith him it shall be. Good night, everyone.'The booming, echoey vo ice came to an a brupt stop, leaving theaudience in a t of gasps a nd bewildered looks, as t he screen went backto displaying the presentation. Real anticlimax, if you asked me.Eldridge was n ot happy, I was able to tell, but he wasn't about to go

blaming Brewster; they w ere both clearly e qually s hocked at the ordeal. Ithink he was t rying to grab Brewster's a ttention, but he was too busylooking wildly around the room. The ceiling, in particular. I knew i had totake cover, but I was t oo late for some reason, maybe I was j ust toocaught up in all the fun I was h aving, because at the moment the row ofheadlights c raned upwards s lightly to reveal where I was s tanding toeveryone who was l ooking upwards. Especially Brewster. That silly S ally,always n ding a way to spot me when I wasn't expecting it, thenforgetting all about it a minute later. But he wasn't about to forget this.He was s houting around to no one in particular, something about 'gethim!' or 'look there', as if looking there would stop me in my tracks.Fortunately, all they could see was so me fool who was d ressed in aDeath costume for some reason, fumbling around trying to get out ofeveryone's sight.I ran for it, of course, and followed the path to the backstage/audio room,

and out of the way of everyone.


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Soon I was r unning towards t he parking lot, dressed in that blacknonsense o nly to remember that I had parked my car at an awkwardspace somewhere at the back o f the building. You know, in order not to

attract everyone's attention. So much for that plan. I made the long trip tothe back, this t ime walking due to my poorly e xhausted stamina.I was s lightly d isappointed to nd that nobody h ad been sent to followme. Either nobody cared, or I was too fast; I like to think it was the latter.

I had a good night's s leep, which was s trange considering all the crazy ihad been up to. It was p robably d ue to the fact that Sheila surprisinglywasn't home when I came back. Lying about last night would have b eenmuch m ore difficult had she been there. Plus, I would have lookedridiculous w ith that black thing under my a rm.I tucked it back i n my cl oset immediately a fter I came home. I now had toconfront the inevitable Sheila.'are you actually going to work today?' she said as I opened my bedroomdoor the next day. It seemed she wasn't suspicious; she was s ittingcasually on the couch with a magazine in her hand, not even looking at

me.'no. No, I don't think s o. no, I'm just gonna hang out and do nothing. Bigsurprise.''yeah, I'm sure.''great.''I can see right through you. You're giving me all the answers I expect tohear from you. You're being way too normal about it.'This a gain.'you know, we are both past the idea that I'm planning something and I'mhiding it from you.''ya, so?''SO, my sn owake, can you just stop with the whole detective routinething? You've been snooping around all week, can you just give it a restalready?''wouldn't you just love that? Hm? Have me just leave it at that? Deprive

me of my only so urce of entertainment?'


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'you've got your stupid friends.''yeah, but they're all stupid.''look, let's be honest here. I think by now you've gured it out, am I right?'

'I have a few good ideas, but It would be a lot easier if you would just tellme.'The conversation dragged on and on.The rest of my weekend involved going out to do things t hat didn't needdoing. It was v ery b oring, until Sunday: Sheila confronted me aboutsomething she had read in my e mail. Standard procedure, really.'So, did you hear about the thing? At work?' she said that afternoon.'surely n ot YOUR work?''ha ha. There was l ike a major disturbance during one of their monthlymeetings.''oh? Did you read about it in the paper?''no it was i n your email,' she informed me. Weird, they n ever updated ourcompany email.'oh. Right.''don't look a t me like that, we're past that. Anyway, there's this thing at

your work that they're investigating, I think-''what?'I knew Brewster would make a big deal about it, but really? Send anemail to everyone? I left sheila and went to my room to grab my laptop.'oh careful, it's a lready o pen, you just need to nd the tab.' she can be

just as helpful I browsed through the mail. It was the rst thing there, among other oldmessages I never opened. Complete with bold print and asterisks i n thesubject title and all that jazz, it was the kind of email that people use towarn you about the end of the world, or evictions a nd such. Why bother,really? Intimidation effort? Not even worth it.'what do you think?' Sheila asked. 'kind of cool, right?''kind of, I guess. I mean, if it's a secret investigation, then why telleveryone about it?''yeah, well maybe the people at your company are kind of, you know,

stupid.'


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'I'll second that.'Sheila stared at me.'basil? Do you hate your boss?'

I hesitated. 'who doesn't?''well, some people don't. I used to get pedicures a nd do my h air with myboss. We used to have so much fun.''that woman's m agazine you used to work for?' she would recall all thesestories about the great times she had at that job and stuff.'yeah, it was great. Don't laugh.''I don't care. This m ight not be a good thing.''why n ot? You don't have anything to do with this investigation, do you?'she laughed.'no.''.. .ri ght. .. 'she gured it out, as f ar as I was a ware.

I was n ervous an d sca red at work on Monday, as I had never committeda corporate crime before. It wasn't a crime, it was m ore like vandalism

and light slander, but I still felt bad. Even though I hated Brewster. Myfear was p robably the o nly thing ke eping m e awake; when you'redepressed as I am, your lack o f caring about anything makes yo u sleepy,and when you're not sleepy, you're restless.So I was so rt of in between sleepy and restless t hat morning.I watched my idiot supervisor walk a round back a nd forth betweenoffices, anked by o ther superiors. Up and downstairs w ent all the otherstupid managers, creating a bustle I was n ot used to at work.And then i saw Marion talking to her Asian friend. I hated her, Siam orwhatever her name was, on principle, but at least she didn't pester melike Marion did.And then s he went over to m y desk. Obviously, she wasn't going to askfor a favor this e arly in the morning, she would have to wait a few hoursfor that.'hi, you're slightly late today, so you probably don't know, but they're

conducting an investigation about what happened the other day, oh wait,


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do you know what happened? Never mind. Anyway, so you have to makesure you don't slack off today.'She looked at her Asian friend as i f she was e xpecting to get some sort

of laugh or other hilarious r eaction out of her. Instead, we stared at eachother for a se cond as we mourned the loss o f yet another poor Marion

joke.Marion uncomfortably co ntinued, 'So, when a ny su pervisor comesaround, you know what to do, right? Act like you're working. Or betteryet, actually work.''you got it, miss.'I wanted to point out that I was o nly a round 15 minutes l ate, which wasabsolutely n othing compared to Marion's r egular sleep-ins.

I probably s hould've been more worried than I was. Still, the hard partwas o ver and I didn't see why I should. There were times w here i couldactually c ontrol my w orrying, by t hinking about it too much or little, andthis w as o ne of those times. I proceeded to open a few envelopes t hatwere lying on my d esk, when the black se curity guard approached the

desk. He looked like he had something to tell me. Marion looked at him,but he was l ooking at me. Somehow I knew exactly what he was g oing tosay before he said it.'you should be in spencer's o ffice about now.''what?' i tried sounding pleasantly s urprised.'Brewster. He wants t o see you. That's w hat he told me.'Marion and her friend were just at the point of giggling.I didn't bother with the 'why' question. 'in- in his office?' I said instead.'well, it's in the top oor, I don't know exactly where, but it's that whiteroom that's j ust around his m ain office''which office exactly? Cos h e has l ike a few of those.''if you want I can take you there.'I seriously c onsidered saying no, but then I gured I would lookridiculous w andering around the third oor looking for the room, havingall the stupid managers giving me their unwelcoming glances. The third

oor was n ot my ha ppy place.


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'are you a ware of what happened o n Friday n ight? About the veryunexpected situation we found ourselves i n during a very important

meeting?''um... Yeah''really?' he raised his eyebrows.'yeah, I heard a few people talking about it downstairs. And I got theemail.''hmm. You heard s ome people t alking... What did they sa y?''oh, nothing, they just asked me if I'd heard about the 'disaster' thathappened on Friday, and i said ya.''i bet you knew all about it.' he said with a little smile. 'it was horrible.Devastating. But there's n o need to go into details a bout what happened.YOU know, of course.'Yes, it was c lear why I was c alled into his o ffice.'um... Why am I here exactly?''don't do this t o me, Basil,' he said after looking down at one of thepapers. It seemed he had forgotten my na me a lready, assuming he had

actually r ead the contents of those papers.'I'm sure it was absolutely terrible, what happened, but I didn't haveanything to do with it.'He walked up to me a nd put one o f the papers in my face. It was a badquality image, some sort of screenshot taken from a camera. I probablywouldn't have known what the picture was i f I had been innocent. But Idecided to skip that part.'oh, is that the - the guy responsible for it?''the idiot didn't think w e would catch him, but luckily s omeone in theaudience took a quick picture at the right moment. He was f oolishenough to be h anging around-''yeah, I see that. But that could be anyone.''-and it was lucky he was so easy to identify, with his ridiculous blackcloth, so we sent a few people to search for him, you know, assuming hehadn't gone that far in a matter of minutes. But what do you know? He's

gone! No sign of him anywhere. In the building, that is.'


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uncooperative, and I don't like uncooperative people.''that's too bad.''I'll have to send you away.'

'what? Where?' I was s eriously a fraid now, not just nervous.He walked up to the door, opened it, and called the security g uard. Notby name, interestingly enough, he just said, 'security guard'. He didn'thave to, the guy was st anding right outside the whole time.'oh well, you know what to do with him. Just like the last one,' Brewstersaid to him.'yes, the detention facility,' I called from the chair I was in.Brewster looked back at me. 'it is not called a 'detention facility''.'oh, is i t 'holding room' now?' it was m y nal effort to piss him off, beforesecurity guard grabbed me b y the arm and led me away from Brewster.The other stupid managers w ere scattered around, and were watchingpleasantly a t the scene while looking up from their coffee mugs.'sorry about treating you like this. He called me, if I didn't listen he'dprobably re me,' security guard said in a low voice while trying to avoidtheir glances.

'yeah, whatever,' i supplied. I wasn't exactly worried about his feelings.

This holding facility was really quite useless. I'd never really visited itbefore, but I knew of its e xistence. I heard about it a few times, normallyin the form of rumors, and they n ormally involved employees w ho weresent there before being red, or before they were sent to the police. Ihoped for the sake of hope that it was just a lame fear tactic t hought upby Brewster. If I had any f riends, I'd probably have known the truthbehind it, but I decided to give him the benet of the doubt.It was all quiet at the second oor, the emptiest oor of the entirebuilding. I assumed he'd leave me there when we arrived at the 'holdingcell', but it was m uch more than just a room with a door that you openand close to enter. There was a code you had to punch in the keypadoutside and sliding doors and all that jazz.The inside of it was l ike the rst class lounge you saw at your favorite

airport. Well, it was m ore like a very cl ean and empty e conomy cl ass


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'no, I'm just hanging out. Smelling the owers,' I said in my lowest, mostirritating voice. I don't know why I was b eing so hostile.'no, you're not. You're here because your luck is terrible,' he said, then

walked up to the sliding doors a nd started banging on them with hishands.'you're way t oo energetic f or someone in your position.''it is quite annoying, isn't it. You know, I didn't think they were this carefulabout these things. And that Brewster?' he hated Brewster. At least wehad that in common.'yeah. Tell me about it.''hes n ot even allowed to play detective. Not on company t ime.'I gave a forced laugh. 'you don't know anything about Brewster, do you.''did he take you in his o ffice and everything?' I nodded. 'did he ask youall that stuff about you being the only o ne responsible for what happenedon Friday? The way h e said it, it sounded like he thought we wereworking together against him. To try a nd spread rumors a nd lies.''they wouldn't necessarily be lies,' I said without thinking.'oh, you think s o? Well, I've heard some people talking, you know the

stuff the people here say, Brewster and his team are all rotten, they allhave their dirty secrets.''oh, i wouldn't really know. I don't talk to anyone.''anyway, you're sure you didn't have anything to do with it? Likeanything?'He o bviously knew it was m e the moment he found out there wassomebody e lse being interrogated. He was j ust too polite to force it out.'no. Of course not.'He looked at his f eet for a while, in obvious disbelief, then decided to sitdown.'he was s aying all sorts o f things a bout you, you know,' he said.'you're trying to get me to confess, aren't you? I don't believe it. I've hadenough of this f or one day.''maybe your problem is, you need to relax m ore.'This w as e xactly the type of person I hated, the summary of every

stereotype I had of every single person in my office. Except he seemed a


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little bit cooler than them.'We need to leave this p lace. Any ideas?' he asked.'no. I'm not going to risk that. I've gotten into enough trouble already.'

'oh please. That was yo u, wasnt it? You planned the whole thing?' heabandoned all subtlety. 'Just tell me! I won't tell anyone else, I'm not thatguy-''you know who you are? youre the guy who doesn't act like he cares, butactually r eally d oes care. Thats me analyzing you, do you like that? Stopanalyzing me! I get enough of that from everyone else,' I said loudly.He started laughing at me and shaking his h ead. We sat in silence, thehumming of the air conditioning lling in the conversation, as I thought ofhow silly t his c onversation was g etting.'I would like it if we got the heck out of here,' I said.'great, can you fake a seizure? You're my o nly ch ance, please tell meyou can.''what-?' I decided to humor him, to see what would happen. 'yeah, yes.Yes, I can.'He was surprised. 'really?'

'yes, I can do a pretty g ood impression, I think. I can do the eye thing,and the convulsions a nd everything.' I didn't know where that came from,honestly. I knew i had that ability but i didn't get why i t had to come out atthat moment.'great. You do that, and I pull the emergency switch.' he pointed to theglass covered emergency switch, which was r ight next to the re switch.Why there were two, I had no idea.'sure, why n ot?' I was b eing sarcastic.'no, I'm serious. I pull the switch, they send someone out to get us, theysee you do your seizure thing, play d ead for a while.''yeah. I'm totally down with it.''then while the doors a re open, we make a r un for it. Show me yourseizure act.'I was t aken aback. I thought he'd trust me more than that. Anyway, Istarted with the act: i went super stiff, started vibrating madly, then

started doing the crazy e ye movements. I was a bout to drop to the oor,


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when the guy sa id to me, 'okay, you can stop now. I believe you!'I composed myself and watched the look o f horror/shock o n his f ace,which greatly p leased me.

'that was o ff the chain. You really co nvinced me. Where did you learnhow to do that?''when you're a loser like I am, you start developing certain -unconventional - skills.''well, I'm a loser myself, but not like you.'Liar. You're not the least bit loser.'so, are we seriously g onna do this?' I asked.'hey, do you have a better idea?'He put his h and over the glass a nd said, 'remember, you have to preparethe act before they a rrive. You need to look l ike you're in the middle of aseizure. Got it?''yes, sir.' I felt very stupid, but I guess the fact that I was doing this withsomeone else made it seem slightly less i nsane.He punched the glass w ith his e lbow, and pulled the switch downwards.There was a n immediate ringing noise that echoed around the place

through some unseen speakers, but it wasn't as loud a s I had beenexpecting. I brace myself, starting with the minor vibrations. By the timethe doors h ad slid open and the same security guard came in, I was infull swing. I could tell it was him because I caught glimpses of his face asmy eye s were going crazy.'how do you - what - what in the name...?' he sputtered.'oh, I don't know what happened, I mean, it must be the pressure andthe, the fear of being stuck h ere, not knowing what was g oing to happennext!'They were both on their feet, looking over me, not knowing what on earthto do. I nally slackened, closed my eyes and laid still.'oh. Look at that, you killed him,' he said to the guard.I sprung up out of my p retend coma and rushed out the door, after ailingmy h ands a round confusedly a nd hitting security g uard in the faceaccidentally. 'sorry,' i said, and it took him a bit more than a second to

follow me. I didn't really get to see how the guard reacted to it, but it was


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a great feeling. I was nally free of the ridiculous connes of Brewster.

'what do we d o now?' I asked when we were running down the staircase,

far from Security G uard. He said, 'Don't bother with them. I'm sure theywon't be sending out a search party o r anything.''oh, you have no idea. When - ' i panted and stopped myself beforerevealing who I was. 'well, then, why a re we running?''you started running!''only because it was part of your plan!'The dull alarm was s till sounding, apparently a round the whole building.By now I was u sed to running out of this b uilding to avoid getting intotrouble. No one was o utside, thankfully, so I took m y ch ance to walkquickly to my car, which I had parked fairly closer this time. I hadforgotten about the existence of the other guy u ntil he made anunnecessarily loud co ugh behind me.'what do you want?' I lashed o ut, my hand a lready on the doorknob.'i'm really sorry to have to inconvenience you with this. You just seem likethe kind of person who doesn't like -'

'I'll give you a ride, whatever.' he looked relieved.'great! Listen, I really wouldn't ask, but I don't have a car so-''you get here by b us e very d ay?' I asked.'yes, as a matter of fact. It would just be a lot more convenient if you letme ride with you.'And for the rst time I let someone else in my ca r who wasn't Sheila.'listen, thanks. I really appreciate this.'I felt indebted to him. And I didn't want to seem like a total jackass. Ithought it wouldnt hurt to g ive so meone in the company a goodimpression of me.'it's o kay, I HATE the bus t oo. Feel free to turn on the radio, but if you puton one of those crappy Top 40 stations I will kick you out while driving.'He nodded quietly, and didn't turn on the radio. Not because he wasintimidated by m e, no, I think h e had just accepted the fact that I was acomplete psychopath.

'you're gonna have to forgive me, I don't know the way to anywhere but


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my a partment,' I said to him after remembering I wasn't driving home.'it's ok, I'll tell you where it is. After a few kilometers, you just turn left,and then I'll tell you how to get there from -'

'you know what? W hy d on't you come to m y place rst?' i wasn't in anymood to be dictated to. It reminded me too much of my cr azy d rivinginstructor a few years ago.'it's okay, it's really close, all you have-''no. I insist. There's s omeone I want you to meet. I'm sure you'llabsolutely LOVE her.'He looked subtly c onfused from the corner of my e ye, like he wasn't surewhether or not I was joking. I made up my m ind on the spot: I wanted towalk u p to Sheila and present her some form of proof that I wasn't acomplete loser. I wanted to see the look o n her face.'I'm joe, by t he way,' he said after a while of not talking. I nodded, thoughI didn't care. 'what's your name?''oh, Basil.'He d oesn't care a bout my name. He's go nna g o back to work tomorrowand we're n ever gonna sp eak to each o ther again.

'this i s yo ur captain speaking,' he said, making me brake suddenly. Helaughed pleasantly at my r eaction. 'that was s ome stunt you pulled.''How many times. Do I have to tell you.''it had to be you.' that smile was irritating me.'you know, you sound a lot like Brewster,' I don't know why I said that, Ithought it would annoy him.'you hate him a lot, dont you?''I thought you hated him too,' I asked cautiously.'well, I sure don't appreciate what he put me through today, wasn't reallycool. Made me look like some sort of bad guy.'Wasn't really cool. That's not how I would've put it.'you don't know him like I do,' i said. 'Let's just leave it at that.'I was trying to gure joe out for the entire car ride, I couldn't gure outwhich one h e was, the self obsessed fake, or mildly co ncerned openminded optimist yet deep down loser.

'I insist we go back to my place afterwards,' he said as we left the car at


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the parking lot.'oh, you're not gonna want to leave, trust me.'I'm a pathetic user.

When we were at my d oor, I felt I owed him a little warning. 'I feel Ishould warn you. About the contents o f my a partment. It contains aSheila.''I don't understand- you said I should meet her.''yes, but I don't know, I think I should warn you just in case. This w omanwill ask you many questions. She will scrutinize your every move, anduse everything she nds a gainst you. She's n ot weird, she's j ust acloseted loser.'He wasn't too nervous a bout meeting her, I could tell. I opened the doorslowly before tiptoeing in. Sheila was hiding behind one of thewalls/corners. I could hear her breathing. Her coffee mug was s moking,half full, and her slippers w ere on the oor by t he couch. It wasn't hersmartest move.'she's here, trust me.'Joe was l ooking at me looking for Sheila. I did look q uite strange.

'I know you're here,' I said.And she slid unceremoniously from around the corner with a look ofpracticed mild surprise on her face. She looked over at joe, didn't make abig deal.'you're here early. It's not nearly time for your lunch break,' she said.I was trying to introduce her to joe, but she kept talking.'I know, by the way. The thing you've been hiding. You know, you're notas g ood at hiding things a s yo u think,' she continued. I noticed she wascarrying something in her hand. I thought it was l aundry o r something fora second, and then I realized what it was. She looked at me with an evillook and nodded slowly, 'you're dead'.'this is, um, Joseph,' I said.'oh, it's joe,' joe said.'no, it's originally joseph. It's very stupid to shorten your name. You don'tsee me calling myself 'baz'.'

'yes, but people call me joe. It's w hat I'm known as.' he was looking quite


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nervous a bout the whole Sheila thing.'only b ecause you tell them to,' i said in a muffled voice.'who's this?' she said as if I hadn't just told her.

'he's f rom my work.''why? Is h e here?''because, certain circumstances h ave demanded that I have had to bringhim here.'I considered giving up and telling the both of them. It was futile, I didn'tknow why I was ca rrying on.'there was t his t hing at work. I don't have time to explain. Now I'm goingto the bathroom. See you later.'I loved that I had a bathroom in my room, unlike Sheila who had to usethe generic t iny o ne that belonged to no room.I checked m y cu pboard to make s ure that she h ad taken the b lack thing.She had. The nosy w oman. I was so angry at her I could throw her outthe window. After a while; I went out of my room to nd Sheila and Joeout on the balcony. The tiny, uncomfortable balcony was w here Sheilahad decided to take h im.

Why she chose to take him there to talk t o him, I didn't know. Iapproached them slowly from behind the glass d oor and could see theywere holding hands. Sheila was r esting her hand on top of his, whichwas r esting on the railing, and they b oth seemed to be in a deepconversation. I couldn't see how joe was r eacting to this, but he wasprobably just as h appy g o crazy a s S heila and equally likely to welcomesuch a sudden a dvance.I strongly willed myself to remain inside instead of ruin their romanticmoment. My mind was g oing crazy; she had been less t han welcomingto him just a minute ago.'something magical must have happened while I was in my room,' I saidin a voice loud enough for them to hear me over the glass.She turned around, smiled and let go of joe's h and to open the slidingdoor.

'hi,' she said coyly. Joe followed her in, apparently impressed by how


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quickly h e had gotten her to open up to him. I hated the look o n his f ace.He was just like everyone I ever hated, and he and Sheila seemedperfect for each other.

'oh, by t he way, basil could you tell me what this is?' she went over toone of the couches a nd took the black cloth that was l ying there.My b rain was g oing to explode, and I wanted to shout at her.'Sheila! What the hell! I told you not to go into my room!'Sheila jumped, and i saw a look o f instant recognition on joe's f ace. Mycover was b lown.'hey! Hey, I knew it. It was you! You - you did it all...''basil, could you please explain to me what he's t alking about?'Joe went and took the black c loth from Sheila's h ands ( which I'm sureshe wouldve never let me do), unfolded it and examined it with a bigsmile on his f ace.'wow... This is wow. Let me just say, I think it's really cool that you'vegone against Brewster-''hoooold it-' Sheila interrupted him. 'you know about this, joe? Tell me!'And I sat down on the couch to watch the awesome co nversation

between the two of them. I felt embarrassed, I don't know why, I just feltembarrassed a bout the whole thing. This was a ll happening way t ooquickly for me to process. The stranger in my home, Sheila nding outabout my shen anigans a t work.She was pleasantly s urprised, as w as i, at Joseph's storytelling skills. Iwill tell you, he embellished here and there, but I didn't mind, at leastSheila wouldn't see m e as a l oser anymore.'we need to start, like, a gang or something,' Sheila said after he nishedtalking.I wasn't totally a gainst the idea. The only reservation I had about it wasthat I wouldn't be able to count on them to stick through it; I had had toomany false friends b efore.'that's a great idea,' said joe. 'the other people wouldn't have any idea,you would really n eed the extra help.''what other people? They a lready su spect me, it would be stupid to go

any further.'


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'are you kidding me? You've already st arted, you already d id theunforgivable thing. Don't you want to continue?'This p erson was still trying to analyze me, trying to get into my h ead.

Sheila, on the other hand, was a ll ready to accept his p roposal.'I think you'd really need that. You could totally get a lot out of it. In termsof, you know, self improvement. And, besides yo u're already su spendedfrom work-''WHAT? P lease b e kidding.'She wasn't kidding, I could tell. There was that apologetic look o n herface, mixed with apprehension and excitement and all that, but theapology was do minant.'oh, your email was o pen--''I would freaking well say s o!' I shouted. 'when are you gonna get in yourtiny h ead?! I don't want you in my room!'Joe was looking ve ry con cerned.'you know, you really shouldn't look through his stuff like that-''you are very VERY clever! Hey S heila, why d on't you listen to hisadvice? You know what, why don't you just get me my laptop, since

you're not doing anything productive, ever.'I don't ask people to get me things, I think i t's m indlessly u nnecessary.But so is S heila.To my su rprise, she went right into my room and returned a moment laterwith my laptop.'sorry it took so long, I had to unplug it and stuff. I had it charged whileyou were a way.''if you stopped talking, that would be benecial for you.' I don't know ifshe was e xpecting a thank you.I checked the rst message, and read it through slowly. My h andunconsciously went to cover my mouth. She was looking very worried, aswas I .I honestly d idn't know what else to expect, having pulled such a blatantact of rudeness the other day. It was composed in full corporate talk,which always made me shiver.

'it's n ot that bad,' she said. 'It says 'you have been granted a week long


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suspension'.''yes,' I retorted, 'that's because they don't have a default message for'you have committed a n a ct of extreme d ouchebaggery an d we regret to

inform you that we will have to let you go, for the safety of our staff, untilwe decide what to do with you.''Sheila's eyes went sad. 'I'm sorry.'It was true, they d idn't have any formality for that kind of situation, andthey s ure as h ell weren't gonna waste their time composing a whole newemail template just for me.'we need to start this band,' joe said.'what? Band? No,' I said. 'that's a good idea, in theory. But no.''trust me, itll be okay. I know some people who can really h elp us. Theycould get all you need, information and such, about Brewster. Isn't it whatyou want?' he said while observing the skeptic e xpression on my face.Or maybe he just thought I was b ored. Just to make sure, I scoffed outloud.'everybody 'knows a guy'. Isn't that amazing? Everybody c laims t o haveconnections w ith some person, but nobody a ctually IS that person,' I

said in my m ost annoying voice. I wasn't buying it.'why would anyone say t hat?' joe said. 'That many p eople know them?You don't hear anyone coming up to you and saying, 'people know me.Lots of people. Ya. I'm kind of a big

Bitter Basil - An Epic Novella (rough draft)

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Transcript of Bitter Basil - An Epic Novella (rough draft)