Attraction and Intimacy: Liking and Loving Others Chapter...
Transcript of Attraction and Intimacy: Liking and Loving Others Chapter...
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Attraction and Intimacy: Liking and Loving Others Chapter 11
David Myers
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Attraction and Intimacy
What leads to friendship and attraction?
What is Love?
What enables close relationships?
How do relationships end?
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Attraction and Intimacy Need to Belong – motivation to form positive relationships
with others
Ostracism – results in depression, anxiety, sadness, and motivations to affiliate
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Friendship and Attraction What influences liking and love?
Proximity – geographic closeness influences liking
Interaction – form friendships with those whom we cross paths with
Anticipatory Liking – increased liking for someone we anticipate interacting with
Mere Exposure – novel stimuli is liked more after repeated exposure
Why do people like taking bathroom “selfies”?
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Physical Attractiveness Gender and Attractiveness – a woman's attractiveness is a better
predictor of how much they date than a man’s
Physical attraction is a strong predictor of liking
Matching Phenomenon – the tendency to choose partners who are similar in attractiveness and other traits as ourselves
Married couples are more similar in attractiveness than dating partners
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Physical Attractiveness If attractiveness is skewed other traits compensate
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Physical Attractiveness Attractiveness Stereotype – belief that attractiveness is
correlated with other positive attributes
Attractiveness affects first impressions, education, voting, salary, judicial decisions
Attractive people benefit from self-fulfilling prophecies
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Physical Attractiveness Across cultures, averaged and symmetrical features are
viewed as more attractive
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Physical Attractiveness Evolution & Attraction – reproduction and survival influence
liking and attraction Men prefer women with softer features, 30% hip to waist ratio
Women prefer men with mature and muscular features
Social Comparison – viewing models and celebrities lowers ratings of mates and others “contrast effect”
Love and Attraction – love leads to more attraction for loved ones and less attraction to “others”
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Similarity vs. Complementarity Do we like those who are similar or those who complement us?
Similar Others - more likely to be friends, get married, and stay married
Implicit egoism – we prefer things that we associate with ourselves
Do opposites attract?
Dissimilar Others – we tend to dislike others who disagree with us or don’t share our attitudes
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Mutual Admiration Mutual Admiration - we like those who like us
Ingratiation – self-serving strategy to gain the favor of others
Self-esteem & Attraction – the approval of others is rewarding after self-esteem blows
Gaining Approval – we like people more when we win them over
Laws of Attraction
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Relationship Rewards Reward Theory of Attraction – we like others who
reward us and with whom we associate rewards
Liking by Association – we like others with whom we associate positive events
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Variations in Love Culture and Love – love does not always precede relationships
and marriage
Gender and Love – men tend to fall in love more easily and are less likely to break up premarital relationships
Companionate Love – enduring affection we feel for those whom are lives are intertwined
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Maintaining Close Relationships Equity – what your receive from a relationship is proportional to
what you put in
Equity & Satisfaction – those who perceive their relationship as inequitable feel discomfort, distressed, and depression
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Maintaining Close Relationships Self-Disclosure – revealing intimate aspects of yourself to
others
Disclosure Reciprocity – disclosure leads to feelings of liking and reciprocal disclosure
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Ending Relationships Who Divorces?
Individualistic cultures divorce more than communal cultures
Risk of divorce depends on whom and when you marry.
More likely to stay married if…..
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Ending Relationships Detachment Process – the longer the relationship, the more
painful the breakup
Divorce Alternatives – loyalty, neglect, active improvement
Healthy couples voice concerns, approve and assent, unhappy couples disagree, criticize, and put down
Unhappy couples can learn communication skills
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Personality and Relationships Attachment – childhood attachment can predict adult
relationships
Secure – leads to stable adult relationships
Avoidant – leads to less investment/commitment in relationships
Insecure – leads to less trusting, possessive, jealous
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Love Love – passion, intimacy, commitment, shared
understanding, support Passionate Love – emotional, exciting, intense longing to be
with another
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Love Two-factor Theory of Emotion – emotion is determined by
physiological arousal and its cognitive label Capilano River Suspension Bridge Study