Attraction and Close Relationships

Social Psychology

Why do we form close relationships?

The Need to Belong

Basic human motivation- Harlow’s monkeys

Those with a network of close social ties tend to be happier, healthier, and more satisfied with life.

Affiliation

Need for Affiliation: Desire to establish social contact with others.

Stress arouses our need for affiliation

The Agony of Loneliness

A feeling of deprivation about social relations*Times of transition or disruption*Loneliest=18 to 30 years old

How do we choose our relationships?

Perspectives on Attraction

Behaviorism- Attraction to others with whom a relationship is directly or indirectly rewarding

Evolutionary- Patterns of attraction favor the conception, birth, and survival of their offspring

The Proximity Effect

The single best predictor of attraction is physical proximity, or nearness

Where we live influences the friends we make College students tend to date those who

live either nearby or in the same type of housing as they do

The Mere Exposure Effect

The more often we are exposed to a stimulus, the more we come to like that stimulus

Physical Attractiveness

We react more favorably to others who are physically attractive than to those who are not

Bias for beauty is pervasive

Objective Quality?

Are certain faces are inherently more attractive than others?

High levels of agreement for facial ratings across ages and cultures- Symmetry

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/35976-science-of-sex-appeal-facial-symmetry-importance-video.htm

Babies prefer faces considered attractive by adults

Subjective Quality?

Ideal body shapes vary across cultures, as well as among racial groups within a culture

Standards of beauty change over time

Situational factors can influence judgments of beauty

Why Are We Blinded by Beauty?

Rewarding to be in the company of people who are aesthetically appealing?

Tendency to associate physical attractiveness with other desirable qualities What-is-beautiful-is-good stereotype

The Physical Attractiveness Stereotype

People within a culture, assume that attractive people have the traits that are valued by that culture

Lessons begin early – how many ugly heroes are there in children’s tales vs. the number of ugly villains?

How important is intelligence?

Men and women differ in this criterion for sexual partners

But not for long-term partners

Kenrick, Sadalla, Groth, & Trost (1990) Kenrick, Sadalla, Groth, & Trost (1990) Kenrick, Groth, Trost & Sadalla (1993)Kenrick, Groth, Trost & Sadalla (1993)

Students in these series of studies were Students in these series of studies were asked:asked: What is the minimum percentile of What is the minimum percentile of

intelligence you would accept in intelligence you would accept in considering someone for:considering someone for:A DATEA DATEA SEXUAL PARTNERA SEXUAL PARTNERA ONE NIGHT STANDA ONE NIGHT STANDA STEADY DATING PARTNERA STEADY DATING PARTNERA MARRIAGE PARTNERA MARRIAGE PARTNER

Women desire slightly above Women desire slightly above average for a single dateaverage for a single date

Minimum Intelligence DesiredMinimum Intelligence Desired

DATEDATE

AVERAGEAVERAGE

50th50th%ile%ile

DATEDATE SEXSEX MARRIAGEMARRIAGE

And want more And want more with increasing with increasing commitmentcommitment

STEADYSTEADY

50th50th%ile%ile

DATEDATE SEXSEX MARRIAGEMARRIAGE

Men have similar criteria Men have similar criteria for datesfor dates

STEADYSTEADY

DATEDATE SEXSEX STEADYSTEADY MARRIAGEMARRIAGE

And for long-term matesAnd for long-term mates

DATEDATE SEXSEX STEADYSTEADY MARRIAGEMARRIAGE

But men’s criteria But men’s criteria are considerably are considerably lower for sexual lower for sexual partnerspartners

DATEDATE SEXSEX STEADYSTEADY MARRIAGEMARRIAGE

The differences are The differences are even more pronounced even more pronounced for one-night standsfor one-night stands

First Encounters: Liking Others Who Are Similar

We tend to associate with others who are similar to ourselves… Byrne (1971):

We like people who we perceive as having similar attitudes to our own

Do Opposites Attract?

Is there support for the complementarity hypothesis, which holds that people seek others whose needs “oppose” their own? Research shows that complementarity does

not influence attraction

First Encounters: Liking Others Who Like Us

Heider (1958): People prefer relationships that are psychologically balanced Mutual exchange between what one gives and what

one receives Liking is mutual, which is why we tend to like

others who indicate that they like us

First Encounters: Pursuing Those Who Are Hard to Get

Does the hard-to-get effect exist? We prefer people who are moderately

selective to those who are nonselective or too selective.

We are turned off by those who reject us.

How can a relationship be defined?

List as many features of love as you can in three minutes….

Defining Features of Love

Beverly Fehr (1988) asked students to list as many features of love as they could in 3 minutes.Students lists commonly included:

caring happiness friendship warmth trust commitment euphoria sexual passion heart rate increases

Intimate Relationships

Often involve three basic components: Feelings of attachment, affection, and love. The fulfillment of psychological needs. Interdependence between partners, each of

whom has a meaningful influence on the other.

Are There Different Varieties of Love?

Not all types of “love” involve same mix of passion, intimacy, and commitment…Passionate love

A state of intense longing for union with anotherCompanionate love

Affection and tenderness for those whose lives are entwined with our own

Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love

Would You Marry Someone if You Were Not in Love?

0

10

20

30

40

50

60

70

80

Percentage Saying Yes

1967 1986

American Students Surveyed

Men

Women

Cultural Variations in Willingness to Marry Without Love

0

10

20

30

40

50

60

Percentage

UnitedStates

Australia England India Pakistan

Companionate Love: The Self-Disclosure in It

Form of affection found between close friends as well as lovers

Less intense than passionate love But in some respects it is deeper and more

enduring Characterized by high levels of self-

disclosure

Attributions and Quality of Relationship

Happy couples tend to make relationship-enhancing attributions

Unhappy couples tend to make distress-maintaining attributions

THE TERMINATION OF RELATIONSHIPS

Relationship Issues: Breaking Up

Relationship Issues: Breaking Up

A relationship is likely to be long-lasting when the couple: Has incorporated each other into one’s self Has become interdependent and have

invested much into the relationship But these factors also intensify stress

and make coping more difficult after the relationship ends

CAUSES OF RELATIONSHIP DISSOLUTION BREAKDOWN IN COMMUNICATION LOSS OF SHARED GOALS/INTERESTS DESIRE FOR INDEPENDENCE SEXUAL AND/OR INTIMACY PROBLEMS ROLE STRAIN MONEY CHILDREN INFIDELITY/LOYALTY ISSUES ALCOHOL/DRUG ABUSE