Anger and Forgiveness

Letting Go of Anger

Memory Verse: 

Ephesians 4:30-3230 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. (NIV)

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I. Introduction: There is awesome power in forgiveness. 

It is God’s solution for bitterness, resentment, and hostility. You and I need the freedom found only through sincerely and completely forgiving others.

II. A Few Definitions

A. AngerAnger is a strong feeling of intense displeasure, hostility, or indignation as a result of a real or imagined threat, insult, frustration, or injustice toward yourself or others important to you.

B. ForgivenessForgiveness is giving up resentment against someone else, along with your right to get even, no matter what has been done to you.

C. UnforgivenessUnforgiveness is the deliberate, willful refusal to give up one’s resentment and right to get even, based on the attitude that someone must pay for the wrong done.

III. Obstacles to Forgiveness

A. Lack of desire: You don’t want to forgive.

B. Rehearsing what happened: Some people continue to dwell on the hurtful experience.  

C. Pride: We may believe the other person should initiate reconciliation.  

D. Fear: Some resist forgiving to avoid looking weak, being misunderstood, or feeling rejected.  

III. Obstacles to Forgiveness

E. Negative advice: Well-meaning friends don’t always offer godly counsel. 

F. Partial forgiveness: People try to pick and choose which offenses can be pardoned.  

G. Relying on emotions: Don’t make the mistake of waiting until you feel like forgiving.  

III. Obstacles to Forgiveness

H. Expecting quick results: Forgiveness can take time. 

I. Justifying the other person’s actions: Some people will rationalize what happened so that they don’t have to forgive.

IV. Scriptural Teaching

A. Our fellowship with God suffers when we refuse to release others from their sins against us (Matt. 6:14-15).14 For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. 15 But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins. (NIV)

IV. Scriptural Teaching

B. We should forgive over and over. In Matthew 18:22, Jesus tells Peter that he must forgive his brother “seventy times seven” times.22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. (NIV)

IV. Scriptural Teaching

C. You and I must be willing to extend mercy towards those who sin against us, because God has forgiven each of us of so much (Matt. 18:23-35).

• 23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[a] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt.

• 26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go.

• 28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins.[b] He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded.

• 29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’

• 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.

• 32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.

• 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”(NIV)

IV. Scriptural Teaching

D. We must deliberately turn away from anger and malice (Eph. 4:31-32).

V. Important RemindersA.    As a believer, you have the responsibility to take the initiative in dealing with unforgiveness.

B.    Forgiveness will not always be easy or quick. But you can’t allow it to take root in your life and turn into bitterness.

C.   Forgiving is difficult because it is unselfish. It involves laying down strong feelings and rights while releasing the other person from his or her obligation to repay you.

D.   You may never forgive if you wait until you “feel like it.”

E.   Remember, forgiveness doesn’t always have to include going to the other person and confessing your resentment. Approach that individual only if the Lord directs you to do so.

VI. Steps to Dealing with AngerA.    Acknowledge that you have been totally forgiven. God saved you by grace––not because you deserved it. He has freely offered His forgiveness your entire life.

B.    Confess your anger to the Lord. Recognize that your attitude has not been right. Be specific in describing your hostility and resentment.

C.   Recognize that unforgiveness is sin. Honestly admit that it is a violation of biblical principles.

D.   Ask God to forgive you. You may also need to admit to the other person that your attitude toward him or her was wrong.

E.    Lay down the anger. Through the power of the Holy Spirit and by an act of your will, choose to let it go.

VII. Helpful GuidanceA. God will reveal whether or not you need to confess your unforgiveness to the one who offended you. When that is the case, make sure you simply request forgiveness for your attitude without going into why he or she angered you.

B. If meeting in person is not possible, set two chairs facing each other. Sit in one and imagine the other individual sitting across from you. Then, confess your resentment. You can also use this technique to practice confessing a wrong attitude before attempting it in person.

VIII. How to Know You Have Forgiven

A. The harsh emotions you’ve had towards others will be replaced by compassion.

B. You’ll be able to accept others without feeling bitter, even if they never change. You will try to understand why they acted as they did.

C. You will feel thankful that God allowed the difficult experience to teach you more about the riches of His grace.

IX. Conclusion:You and I don’t have to hold onto unforgiveness, bitterness, and resentment. We can escape the chains of self-destruction that entangle those who refuse to show mercy. When the Holy Spirit reminds you of the people to forgive, I hope you won’t ignore His voice. It is my prayer that you bravely and wisely choose to deal with those feelings. My friend, allow God to set you free ––you will never regret it.

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