Al eserv 2014 Marni Wing Girl Bonus Getti T O Up 1 · 2015. 5. 18. · Al eserv 2014 . Marni ing...

All Rights Reserved © 2014 Marni Wing Girl Bonus - Getting a Guy To Open Up

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Marni Wing Girl Bonus

Getting a Guy To Open Up

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Mirabel: Hi, everyone. This is Mirabel and I am super excited about today’s guest because she’s a familiar voice for us. It’s someone that we’ve trusted for more than a decade now to give us good solid relationship advice.

And, she is a dating and relationship coach, creator of the Wing Girl System and now the program, That’s Not How Men Work. It’s our Wing Girl, Marni and I am super, super excited because I always have such a good time with you Marni when you come.

So, thanks for joining me today.

Marni: Oh, you’re welcome. I love listening to your voice. Honestly, it’s like sexy sultry, it’s – I just love your voice. I can honestly listen for you for hours. So, thanks for having me and thanks for letting me listen to your voice again.

Mirabel: Well, thank you. I’m just always so thrilled when you come because you are such a willing participant to my nuttiness and we’ll experience that a little bit later on; that’s a hint-hint for you.

But today, we’re going to be talking about unlocking a guy secret. How to get a guy to breakthrough all those walls even if he seems to be the most disinterested guy out there.

Before we get started, Marni, can you tell us a little bit about the new program, That’s Not How Men Work?

Marni: Yeah. Well, some people who are listening to this interview obviously thinks this is going to be given as a bonus to them, so they should know all about this program, That’s Not How Men Work and hopefully have gone through it and applied the exercises.

But That’s Not How Men Work was created because I have been coaching men for over a decade now. I’ve been coaching them on how to attract, date, seduce, and be with the woman they want without being a douche bag. Basically, I’m teaching men how to be awesome and how to be strong men that actually love.


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And during this time I’ve been working with them so closely, working with hundreds and thousands of men, I’ve learned a lot about men that as a woman I wouldn’t typically get to know. Things that, you know, men wouldn’t admit to their best friends or even to their family members. Things that most men, which is funny because the topic we’re going to be talking about is opening up emotionally, but most of them wouldn’t even know that they think and feel the insecurities that they’re experiencing.

So, I’ve learned a wealth of knowledge from working with them so closely and I didn’t realize how much it helps me in my own relationships with men until one of my girlfriends pointed it out to me and said, you know, the advice that I get from you on men and how they work is unlike the advice I’ve ever gotten from any other female.

And, I found myself constantly saying to my girlfriends in the past few years that’s not how men work, that’s not how men work, that’s not how men work. So there’s one female friend said to me why don’t you write a book to tell women how men actually work since you have all these information now.

So, that’s where That’s How Men Work came from, it’s from one of my friends pushing me to reveal insider secrets that I’ve gained from men over the past decade.

Mirabel: You bring up a great point which is a perfect time for us to talk about something I wondered about when you said that’s not how men work. As I as was trying to think about all these things that we do to try to attract men that sometimes it makes us end up looking less than stellar as women, I wonder like why do we keep repeating these same behaviors.

So it seems like we’re just recycling this information from woman to woman, is that how…

Marni: Right.

Mirabel: …you see it and it’s wrong and we see it’s wrong when we see it in other women [Laughs] but not with us.

Marni: Okay. You can spot it when somebody else is doing it, but then you yourself you’re like, oh, yes, totally works and this is what I should be doing. I really think that most actions stem from insecurity and protection of ego and, that is never going to change, right? Unless we change this individual and get a little bit stronger.

But I think people are always afraid to put themselves out there and


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possibly to get rejected either men or women and that’s actually the majority of information I’ve learned about men is how nervous and scared and insecure they actually are about, you know, the dating process that they have to endure and go through as men.

So, again, I think that the mistakes we’re making and the actions that we’re repeating that aren’t working for us are all because of insecurity which maybe subconscious and protection of our own ego so that we don’t have to possibly fall flat on our face and be rejected.

Mirabel: So when we were talking about feeding the ego just a little bit so that everyone feels safe and secure within this new relationship even if it’s an old relationship, what are some of the keys that you see to helping that transition?

Marni: Well, the keys are to actually start doing things that may feel uncomfortable because I can say that, you know, I can preach it, but I still have insecurities. I’ve been married now for six years I’ve been with my husband for about ten years maybe it’s a little bit longer. Now, but I still have those insecurities and what you have to do is push yourself to get past that discomfort.

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So for example, I know that when I’m in argument with my husband which, you know, it doesn’t happen as often as it used to, but when I have an argument with him and I can hear myself and my husband, “Marni, it doesn’t matter if you’re right or wrong, just go and give your husband a hug.”

And I hold on to that not doing it for like an extra thirty seconds because it’s so uncomfortable to break away from the, I’m right, I’m staying in this argument and it will be weak of me to possibly just forget about this and go hug. It would make me uncomfortable, I would look weak.

I have all these things that’s spinning round in my head that maybe subconscious, but hold me back from doing whatever, you know, doing that action that will just end the fight and let my ego be shoved to the side because I don’t have to win. But then after those thirty seconds because now I pushed myself to do this so often to just take that action, it becomes easier.

It still is that feeling in your stomach where you’re like this is so uncomfortable to do even with a person that I’m the most intimate with. It’s still uncomfortable to do, but it really helps and saves the relationships because if I don’t shove aside my ego and just hug him and instead I battled


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it out for another, you know, hour and a half with him, where will that get either of us.

We both lose, we’re both unhappy, and there’s a lot of tension that build up between us that makes it harder and harder for us to reach that. But, if I can drop it in those thirty seconds instead of going down that alternate path, it makes it a lot easier for us to get back to a place of connection, interaction, and love.

Mirabel: Okay. So we know that men and women communicate entirely differently. So how do you bridge those two worlds?

Marni: Well, some guys I’ve learned that they say what they mean and they do what they mean like that’s how their actions work, there aren’t any subtleties with them. There may be things that they’re doing, you know, to protect themselves from discomfort and from rejection, but typically if they hear a woman say, “don’t call me” they’re not going to call you.

If they hear a woman say, “oh, sure, we have plans on Sunday,” they’re going to think you have plans on Sunday rather than reading the undertone of, “I’m just being polite. That we’re both uncomfortable right now, but I’m not going to show up and I’m going to sleep on you.”

So, again, men say what they mean and they do what they mean. Women are a little bit more different, not in a bad way because I understand how women work, I can read the subtleties, but men cannot. They really take things for face value, so they’re going to listen to what you have to say rather than understanding what’s really going on behind those words and giving you your needs which is why speaking your mind and saying what you need and want from a man whether you’re dating him you just met him on the street or you’re married to him is essential for proper communication and success with men.

Mirabel: That makes perfect sense.

Marni: It does, but it’s so hard to do.

Mirabel: Yeah.

Marni: I know that I’m making it sound so easy, but it’s a challenge and it’s a challenge that I go through every single day where as I was saying before, I still feel it at the pit of my stomach where I want to act like the woman that I am and I want to protect my ego. I want to do the easier thing to do. I want to do what feels comfortable, but I now know how to push myself so it feels, you know less awkward than it did in the very beginning, but it still


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feels awkward and it still is a difficult thing to do.

So, I’m not trying to like downplay the challenges that all of this entails. You know working against who we are as women to communicate.

Mirabel: So, in all of the years that you’ve been calling the secrets from guys on how to have a successful relationship with them, what would you say are the three most common things that you say to your friends, “That’s not how men work”?

Marni: The top one is stating your needs. I think that that is essential for every person whether a man or a woman. But for women, men aren’t going to know what you need and want unless you tell them what you need and want. So, the more that you can express yourself with real words in a calm manner where, you know, you’re not five days into thinking in your head, “I want him to ask me out,” so you’re already angry and anxious and tense and then you’re like anger when you say the information to the man.

But, when you say it to him, when you think about it or, you know, you give it I think a few days so you can calm down and maybe have the right moment to say it. But really expressing your needs and being clear on what you want is the number one thing that women aren’t doing that they should be doing with men because if they say what they want and they ask for it in a calm tone where they’re not nagging and they’re not already upset, then they have a good chance of getting what they want.

If, after you can speak your mind and say what you want in a normal tone, if you don’t get it from a man, then it will be time for you to evaluate whether or not you’re in the right relationship.

Mirabel: In other words, know what your deal breaker is?

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Marni: Yeah, exactly. So, I mean as I say, you know, I want a hotdog and my husband doesn’t bring me hotdog, I wouldn’t divorce him. But, if I tell him, you know, how important it is for him to, you know, express words of love every day or if I need him to, you know, text me within an hour of me texting him and he’s not able to do that or he’s not able to explain to me why it can’t happen, then there’s something else to be worked out there.

That’s actually a bad example the texting within the hour because I don’t, you know, that wouldn’t really require him to text back, but if there’s like a communication breakdown where I require to be in contact, you know, three times a week if I’m dating a guy and I say to the guy, “You know what?


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I really would like if we can take this up to another level because I feel like we’re going a really good direction, it would be great if we can see each other three times a week.”

And if that is a problem for him and he’s like, “I don’t know if that can happen. I won’t be available.” He was making all these excuses, then that should be a red flag for you. If you can’t express a simple need or want from a man about, you know, getting closer to one another and he’s not able to meet you or compromise with you, then that’s probably a sign that either he’s not into you the same way that you’re into him or that there is going to be bigger problems down the road.

Mirabel: So, how can you get that guy that’s not paying any attention to you to notice you? You’re jumping through hoops, you’re trying to speak his language and he seems to be not so interested. How can you change that? How can we do that?

Marni: Well, why would you want to change that? Well, if he’s not that interested in you, why do you want to make somebody that’s not interested in you interested in you because you’re pretty freaking awesome as a woman so people should be interested in you?

The thing is that a lot of people and men do this too, they pretend to be somebody else with somebody that they want, right? So a lot of guys have this issue of this friend zone where they really wanted to be like sleeping with the woman, they want to be dating a woman, but they’re like, “Oh, well, you know what? I’m going to show her how great of a guy I am and I’m going to be great friend of her, you know, be available to her whenever she needs me.”

So, they’re not really acting on their intentions, but – and they’re covering up what they really want. They’re trying to prove to this person that they are amazing by being somebody else. So, the first thing is, if you’re not really being yourself with this guy and you’re trying too hard to impress him, the first thing to do to alter his view of you is to go back to who you are as an individual.

You don’t try and please this man. You don’t put him on a pedestal, you don’t put his needs before your own needs. You don’t keep quiet about your intentions, you don’t keep quiet about your wants and needs and let them be shoved to the side to satisfy this other person to possibly not rock the boat.

So, if you’re really truly being yourself and you’re living your life the way that you want to, you’re stating your opinion you’re being brazen and why


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he’s not paying attention to you in a way that you should be paid attention to, then he’s not into you and, I would not waste any more time with him.

But again, if you’re altering your behavior in order to attract him and get his attention, then the thing to do is go back to basics and be you which I talk a lot about in That’s Not How Men Work, how to actually be you, the proud you and confident you.

And that will hopefully change his view of you because nobody likes to be around somebody that feels needy, that is trying to impress them constantly. It’s not like an equal platform to work from. You’re emotionally giving yourself too much to another like who’s involved.

Mirabel: Emotionally draining too when you have that person.

Marni: Yes.

Mirabel: Which kind of leads me to what I’m so excited about and I said to you earlier today that one of the reasons why I love you is because you just go along with all my little harebrained schemes when we speak. So, I want us to play a little word association game if you don’t mind.

Marni: Oh, okay.

Mirabel: I know you’re probably totally unprepared for this, you’re probably, “Oh, my gosh what was I going to say.” So, I would like to really help further drive some of these tips and points home that you were just talking about in being yourself and not making the guy uncomfortable either.

So, what I’d like to do is talk out some of those stereotypical ways that we women think is the best way to get a guy to break out of his shell and what I’d like you to do is play the role of the guy and counter with how you really feel about these methods…

Marni: Okay.

Mirabel: … that we’ve been using all this time.

Marni: I love it.

Mirabel: So, my disclaimer is that I know I’m going to be a little over the top, [Laughs] but…

Marni: No, but it’s perfect for painting the picture.

[0:14:52]


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Mirabel: Well, yes, and not just that, but I think sometimes we are a little disillusioned by how we are appearing within a relationship, but our friends can see the crazy town train like a mile away and we can’t. So, if you’re game for it, let’s start. Any question?

Marni: I’m ready.

Mirabel: Okay.

Marni: Go.

Mirabel: Oh, baby, I really want to get to know you and all of those things that make you tick and I want to be everything for you. I want to be that person you can come to whenever you want, so if you don’t mind I’ll inundate you with a million questions about everything I can think of every time we’re together. Is that okay, babe?

Marni: Do you want to hear what a man would say to you or what he would really be thinking in his mind?

Mirabel: Both. I want the guy’s version like what do they think?

Marni: Okay. So, a man if he likes – if a man likes you, he’ll say, okay, fire away and then get really uncomfortable and then get really angry and then pull away from you. What he’s really thinking in his head is “ughh” like that sound of being suffocated. That’s the worst thing in the world for him have to do, plus, it feels like he’s been pounced on even when I hear them like, “Oh, my God, somebody is lying on my chest right now and strangling me,” that’s what it feels like to them.

They don’t want…not that they don’t want to answer your question, but they’re not girls, they don’t want to be your girlfriends and have a gabfest. You can totally collect information about your significant other or about the guy that you’re dating without saying, “Okay, we’re going to sit here for four hours and we’re going to finish all the information about each other about our past about our boyfriends, girlfriends,” like you don’t have to say that information.

But, if you do have questions about the person that you’re dating, you are more than welcome to ask your questions just like a person is more than welcome to not give you responses because they still are an individual and they may be more private than you are or maybe you’re not at the point where you need to know the information that you’re asking for.

But, the thing is that you don’t want to overwhelm men with too many


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questions, but the truth is that if they really like you, they are going to answer those questions for you because their main goal is to make you happy. When they have decided that they want to be with you and if they like you, their main goal in the relationship and in life is to make you happy and every time you look at them with disappointment and unhappiness, it’s like a little bit of their masculinity fades away.

So, anytime that you can show a man that he is creating happiness for you, that’s wonderful. So if you are going to ask these types of questions to a man that you’re dating, it’s best to reinforce him by appreciating the fact that he’s doing something that could possibly be uncomfortable for him and not in his normal realm.

But you could say to him like, “You know what? I know that this really isn’t your thing, but for me, I have some questions that I want..I need answers for...um, about you. They’re not crazy private questions, but I would love to really know more about you. How would you like me to ask you these questions? Do want me to fire away and just ask them all at once? Do you want me to ask, you know, one a day? What’s more comfortable for you? But I really appreciate the fact that you would answer these questions and give me that part of you.”

But you just want to appreciate men for doing what you’ve asked, you know, rather than thinking they owe it to you.

Mirabel: Also, and hopefully creating an environment that makes them be honest with you, so comfortable enough to be honest with you in saying, “Hey, babe, I know you have a lot of questions, but can we strike this kind of balance?” or “What about this?”

Marni: Exactly. But you can offer that up as well as a woman, just – the thing is that you have to be aware sometimes of what you’re asking of another individual and would you want those things asked of you. Would you want him to fire twenty questions at you? Probably not.

But if your actual goal is get to know each other better, if that’s why you’re asking these questions because maybe he’s not sharing enough with you, you can sit down in the couch beside him and just say, “You know what? Sometimes I don’t feel like I get to know enough about you. Do you mind if I ask you a few questions, I want to hear about you and your past.”

But a lot of men aren’t used to sharing information, like, men speak in statements. I like basketball, I like dogs, give me a hotdog. That’s how they talk to each other. They’re not used to expanding and sharing and telling you about how they feel about things.


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So, if you can help guide them into that world of like, emotionally sharing, that would be really liberating for a man. So, if you can, you know, let him know you want to ask a few questions and then if he says something about his childhood and you ask more questions about it and show you’re interested, that could be really flattering for a man.

But also, just for women to know like, you know, men can become exhausted from sharing because they’re not used to it and it’s not really a masculine trait to share their emotions. So, try to keep it a minimum. They’ll enjoy it and once they get used to it, they can do it more with you, but it’s not really their comfort zone. It’s not really something that they’re used to. So, go slow and take it easy on them is the main thing that I want to get across.

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Mirabel: Next, quick one. Baby, I miss you so much every second that we’re apart and I want to let you know that I’m thinking of you every time you cross my mind. So, I’m going to text you and call you and e-mail you multiple times a day.

Marni: Same response, lying on my chest and strangling me. Every one of these is going to be the same. It is just – it’s going to be the same one.

Mirabel: It’s too much!

Marni: It’s pouncy, it’s just like, if you are doing that, there’s something off with you. You are not living your life. Either you don’t trust him or something is going wrong with you if you need to be in constant contact with this person that you need to figure out on your own.

Why do you need to text every minute? Why do you need to get a response every minute from this man? Why does it mean that he doesn’t love you if he doesn’t respond back to you right away? So those are the things to question for yourself and really, you have to learn to strike a balance with you and you can freak out on your own or freak to your girlfriends if you don’t hear back from a guy immediately from text.

But, like, you have to get that addiction fixed, because if you are in need of that, then there’s something else going on that has nothing to do with this man and he’s not able to comply with that request. It doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with him or he doesn’t like you, it just means that it’s too overwhelming and it would be overwhelming for anybody.

If somebody requested that of you, you will feel overwhelmed as well because hopefully, the person that you’ve selected today has a life as well.


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That’s why they should be interesting to you because of all the things that they have going on in their world. They can’t and should not be completely dedicated to just you, you’re going to get sick of that very easily.

So, yeah, making that request - you have to really figure out what’s going on with you, that you need that from another person because I don’t think that’s…I don’t want to say “normal”, but I don’t think that’s needed. I don’t think that the person actually means that there’s something else going on.

Mirabel: Yes, Marni. You haven’t been able to see me, but I’ve been doing a hallelujah hand and the nod, that nod of agreement that we all share when things really hit home. So, thank you for humoring me with that.

So, Marni you have given us a lot of great advice today and as a woman, I’ve taken away a few things like (a) I need to be honest with my girlfriends when things aren’t working. We should not continue to feed these things that hurt us in relationships.

Marni: Exactly.

Mirabel: And, we should be the voice of reason and truth like you are and talking about striking a balance in everything.

Marni: Yeah. It’s hard to do, like, even with my girlfriend, in my mind I’m like, “Should I say what I really want to say?” You know, what will make them feel better and so, I try to strike a balance. But I always want to address their emotions and respect to their emotions, I totally get how you feel that, but that’s not how men work.

And then, I’ll say, “Here’s what you should do afterwards,” where in the past, you know, with my female friends I would always want to make them feel better about themselves. So, I would distance myself from what I truly want to say just to make them feel better, but it would continuously reinforce their actions which were getting them nowhere with the men that they want to be with.

And the thing is that some women are open to it and some women are not. Some women, I can tell them ten things that they may be doing incorrectly with men and one thing that they’re doing right and they’ll totally ignore the ten things that they’re doing incorrectly. And this will convince them they’re doing one thing right, which means they still have a chance.

So, you know, women have to be more open with other women and they also have to be more open with themselves.


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Mirabel: Self-confidence, we’ve got to go end with that. So, we’ve all enjoyed this new program, That’s Not How Men Work. And ladies, considering that you know how important these tips are that Marni had given us within the system, here’s an idea.

You’ve got a girlfriend’s birthday coming up or any kind, or any person, not just a girlfriend, but a friend who’s in a relationship and they need to hear truth, this is the perfect gift because you’re giving them truth. You’re giving them a new way to experience relationships. This is incredibly awesome.

And to thank you again for providing these tips for us today. Thanks again for joining us, it’s been fun as always.

Marni: Thank you. I had a blast.

[0:24:32] End of Audio

Al eserv 2014 Marni Wing Girl Bonus Getti T O Up 1 · 2015. 5. 18. · Al eserv 2014 . Marni ing...

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Transcript of Al eserv 2014 Marni Wing Girl Bonus Getti T O Up 1 · 2015. 5. 18. · Al eserv 2014 . Marni ing...