15 simple techniques to improve communication with your ex spouse
16
15 SIMPLE TECHNIQUES Lawyer John Doe Doe Law Offices © JAMES PUBLISHING To Improve Communication With Your (Ex)Spouse
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There are 15 techniques you can employ to improve communication with your spouse or ex-spouse. 1. Plan your conversation in advance. 2. Calm yourself before speaking. 3. Avoid personal attacks. 4. Always listen before jumping to conclusions. 5. Do not interrupt. 6. Empathize before responding. 7. Admit your share of the problem. 8. Restate your spouse’s complaint in your own words. 9. Sandwich your request between two positive statements. 10. Hedge. 11. Reverse your speaking technique if you notice your spouse is becoming irate. 12. Apologize. 13. Offer to compromise. 14. Suggest multiple solutions.
Transcript of 15 simple techniques to improve communication with your ex spouse
15 SIMPLE TECHNIQUES
Lawyer John DoeDoe Law Offices
© JAMES PUBLISHING
To Improve Communication With Your (Ex)Spouse
Plan Your Conversation
1
$ Think beforehand about what you want to accomplish and what you want to say to reach your goal.
$ Even write down the key phrases you want to use in discussing the issue.
In Advance
Use neutral words that are solution -oriented.
Use whatever works best for you: 3 deep breaths, count to 5, ask yourself if this is a big enough issue to get angry over, try to see the issue from your spouse’s perspective, or question whether two years from now you will care about this.
2Before Speaking
Calm Yourself
Avoid3
Focus on the issue and its solutions,not the person
Listen Before you jump to conclusionsask questions
to make sure you are hearing correctly.
4
HOWHATWHY
Do Not Interupt
12
Allow your spouse to completely finish a thought before you begin to speak.
6Before Responding
Empathize
“I can see why that would upset you.”
Admit your share of the problem
Tell your spouse you’d rather be part of the solution.
“I am certainly guilty of making this matter worse and want to correct that.”
7
Restate your spouse’s complaint in your own words.Your spouse will know you listened and heard.
“So what you want is….”
8
For example,
Between Two Positive Statements
9
Begin by acknowledging some assistance your spouse has provided
State your request
Finish with a thank you
“First I want to say that I really appreciate you….”
Sandwich your request
Hedge
“Perhaps you could…” “Maybe if we tried.…”
10
Use softening introductory phrases like,
If your spouse starts speaking louder and quicker, instead of matching the volume and speed, you should speak more quietly and slowly.
Reverse
11
ApologizeThis works wonders. Even if you are not at fault, say you are sorry. Much can be accomplished if one spouse is big enough to apologize first.
12
Sorr y
13 Offer to compromiseTrade one favor for another.
“Yes, I can do that if you can….”
14Suggest multiple solutions
“An alternate possibility might be to_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ .”
15Set the issue aside“That’s a big one.
Can we take 24 hours to come up with some possible solu-tions and then select one?”
