Festivus Rules

So what are some of the rules and traditions of Festivus? How do you celebrate Festivus? This is one of the biggest questions newcomers have when it comes to Festivus.

Since this holiday was spawned from an episode of Seinfeld, namely "The Strike", many of the things that people know about the holiday came from things that happened during that episode.

The Tradition of Festivus (Festivus Rules)

The Festivus celebration as described on Seinfeld includes four major components:

The Festivus Pole: The Costanzas' tradition begins with an aluminum pole, which Frank praises for its "very high strength-to-weight ratio." During Festivus, the unadorned Festivus Pole is displayed. The pole was chosen apparently in opposition to the commercialization of highly decorated Christmas trees, because it is "very low-maintenance," and also because the holiday's patron, Frank Costanza, "find[s] tinsel distracting." (Read More)

Festivus dinner: In "The Strike," a celebratory dinner is shown on the evening of Festivus prior to the Feats of Strength. The on-air meal appeared to be meat loaf or spaghetti in a red sauce. In the episode, no alcohol was served, but George Costanza's boss, Mr. Kruger, drank from a flask. (Read More)

The Airing of Grievances: At the beginning of the Festivus dinner, each participant tells friends and family of all the instances where they disappointed him or her that year. As quoted from Frank Costanza: "I've got a lot of problems with you people, and now you're going to hear about it!" (Read More)

The Feats of Strength: Traditionally, thel Feats of Strength take place after the Airing of Grievances. The head of the family tests his or her strength against one participant of the head's choosing. Festivus is not considered over until the head of the family has been pinned to the ground. A participant is allowed to decline to attempt to pin the head of the family only if they have something better to do instead. While it may be fun idea, the traditional Feats of Strength could be damaging to people, not to mention furniture and household appliances.

The Festivus Miracle: Although it is not an official element of the holiday or its celebration, the phenomenon of the Festivus Miracle is mentioned twice in the original episode. An obvious sendup to the phrase "Christmas Miracle", both manifestations of Seinfeld's "Festivus Miracle" were caused by Kramer. In today's society the use of the term "Festivus Miracle" has become far more mainstream.

The Festivus Pole

The Festivus tradition is centered around the display of an unadorned aluminum pole. The Festivus Pole is the ultimate symbol of an anti-christmas holiday, it is plain looking, unencumbered by branches and decorations, and it is relatively inexpensive.

In Seinfeld, Frank Costanza chose the aluminum pole as an opposition to the commercialization of highly decorated Christmas trees, and also because he "finds tinsel distracting."

Kramer: Is there a tree? Frank Costanza: No. Instead, there's a pole. Requires no decoration. I find tinsel distracting.

In addition, Frank Constanza praises the aluminum pole for its "very high strength-to-weight ratio."

Frank Costanza: It's made from aluminum. Very high strength-to-weight ratio. Kruger: I find your belief system fascinating.

After the celebration is over, it is not uncommon for a pole to be placed in an out-of-the-way place, such as a crawl space.

The Festivus Pole was a creation of Seinfeld script writers. There was no unadorned aluminum pole in the original Festivus as described by writer Dan O'Keefe. However, the Festivus pole is a fun addition to the Festivus story!

How to get a Festivus Pole?

Of course you can buy a Festivus Pole. There are places on the web where you can order one, such as FestivusPoles.com. They are a legitimate company and produce an excellent product. You can also buy an aluminum pole from the local hardware store, and fashion a stand in your workshop, or use a an old Christmas tree stand.

However, do you think that Frank Costanza ordered his Festivus pole from a web site? To a "Costanza", Festivus poles don't come from a commercial entity. They come from the crawlspace, not from the mailman! If you desire an authentic Festivus experience take this into consideration.

Advice: Go to your crawlspace (or attic, basement or closet) and find out what you do have. Do you have an old lamp pole, curtain rod? Maybe a wooden plank or a cardboard tube you could cover in aluminum foil? Anything that is non-commercial and non-flashy. That is the true spirit of Festivus for some.

If you are bound and determined to have an actual aluminum pole then go to the junkyard and find one. If that fails then buy one online or go to the hardware store and buy a cheap piece of aluminum tube. Make sure that you are rude to the salesperson and try to barter the price down, because that's what Frank Costanza would have done. :)

How to decorate a Festivus Pole

Do not decorate your Festivus Pole.

Festivus Pole Care

Here are some tips for the care of your Festivus Pole:

• You don't really need to do anything to the pole. Just bring it out at Festivus time, and display it. When Festivus is over put the pole away in a safe place like a crawlspace, attic, garage or shed.

• Don't polish it, even if it looks dingy. It is suppose to look that way.

• If the dog pees on it, then you should probably wash it, but don't polish it.

• If the pole is shiny don't worry about reducing it's luster and making it look plainer. That's too much work.

•

Festivus Pole Safety Tips

Here are some safety tips for the use of your Festivus Pole:

• Don't let any of the guests climb the Festivus Pole.

• A Festivus pole is not a "Dancing" pole. • During the Feats of Strength, don't let

anyone joust with the Festivus Pole. • If the pole is outdoors in below zero

temperatures, don't let anyone lick the pole. It's tempting, but don't let them do it!

Festivus Dinner

What are some of the traditions of Festivus Dinner?

In the Seinfeld episode "The Strike," a celebratory dinner is shown on the evening of Festivus. The on-air meal appeared to be meat loaf or spaghetti in a red sauce. In the episode, no alcohol was served, but George Costanza's boss, Mr. Kruger, drank from a flask.

So what should you serve at your Festivus celebration? We have many options and suggestions listed below.

Don't forget, the whole point is to make your Festivus celebration fun and memorable!

The Official Festivus Dish - Meatloaf or Spaghetti?

Some people would like to stay true to the traditional "Seinfeld" Festivus and they serve Meatloaf or Spaghetti at their Festivus Dinner. But, why "Meatloat" or "Spaghetti"?

The reason for a choice is simply due to the fact that the only reference to the actual meal that was served at the Constanza household are a few short glimpses of the dish itself, once when Estelle Costanza is carrying it out of the kitchen and it is placed on the table, and another when the dish is shown on the table itself. In fact, in some of the glimpses it looks like spaghetti and in the other it bears a remarkable likeness to meat loaf. Hence the confusion.

We have placed some of the glimpses as a series of images here on the right, so you may witness the dish in all its vaguness and blurriness. Is it spaghetti or meat loaf?

The Real Festivus Dinner

The original Festivus dinner in the O'Keefe household featured turkey or ham followed by a Pepperidge Farm cake decorated with M&M's, as described in detail in the book "The Real Festivus", authored by writer Dan O'Keefe, who was the original writer of the Seinfeld episode.

Other Festivus Dinner Menu Options

There are many other options for your Festivus Dinner. In fact, a lot of people have even more fun by serving foods/dishes that have been in some of their favorite Seinfeld episodes. All the items listed below were featured in the Seinfeld series in one episode or another, making them all fun options for your Festivus celebration!

• Main Courses and Side Dishes o Big Salad o Marble Rye o Shrimp (the ocean called...) o Bagels o Beefarino o Mutton or Pork Chops o Calzone o Chinese flounder o Kung-Pao Chicken (George likes his chicken spicy) o Pizza (Make your own) o Fusilli o Paella (Don't make too much!) o Pasta primavera o Risoto o Egg Rolls o Very thinly sliced deli meat o Lobster (Preferably "Poached" Lobster) o Crepes (Tightly wrapped) o Gyro (Bought from a vendor on the subway platform) o Cornish game hen o Home-made sausages

• Sandwiches o Atomic Sub o Tuna o Tuna on toast o Chicken Salad

• Soups o Bouillabaisse o Mulligatawny o Wild Mushroom o Chicken Gumbo o Turkey Chili (Recipe) o Seafood Bisque (Recipe) o Mushroom Barley o Lobster bisque o Jambalaya o Yankee Bean

• Dessert o Black and white cookies (Look to the cookie) o Chocolate Babka or Cinnamon (Lesser) Babka o Chocolate eclairs o Drakes Coffee Cakes o Pineapple gelati o Wedding cake (Antique wedding cake) o Huckleberry Pie (Cosmo's favorite) o Low Fat Yogurt

• Snacks o Muffin tops o Poppy Seed Muffins o Bear Claws o Pretzels (They might may make you thirsty) o Pudding skins singles o Drakes Coffee Cakes o Chips Ahoy Cookies o Ring Dings o Airline peanuts o Non-Fat Yogurt o Large Block of Cheese (the size of a car battery) o Dip (Not for double-dipping)

• Candies o Snickers o Oh Henry! o Twix o Jujee fruits o Chunky bars o Junior Mints o Pez o Chinese Chewing Gum o Tic Tacs

• Beverages o Merlot o Ovaltine o Snapple o Bosco o YooHoo

• Fruits and Vegetables o "Mackinaw" Peaches o Mangos o Hampton Tomatoes o Grapefruit (Be careful it doesn't squirt you in the eye) o Steamed Brocolli (Vile weed) o Plantaines o Boxed Raisins

• Breakfast o Corn Flakes o Kasha o Egg white omelet o Scrambled eggs with lobster

• Condiments o Ketchup and mustard in the same bottle o Maple syrup o Salsa

• Fast Food o Arby's o Kenny Rogers chicken o Papaya King Hot Dogs

Festivus Airing of Grievances

The celebration of Festivus begins with Airing of Grievances, which takes place immediately after the Festivus dinner has been served.

Frank Costanza: And at the Festivus dinner, you gather your family around, and tell them all the ways they have disappointed you over the past year!

Each participant tells friends and family of all the instances where they disappointed him or her that year.

Frank Costanza: Welcome, new comers. The tradition of Festivus begins with the airing of grievances. I got a lot of problems with you people! And now you're gonna hear about it!

In the traditional Seinfeld Festivus, only the head of the household seems to be given the chance to air his/her grievances.

Tips for the Airing of Grievances

Don't forget to include guests (newcomers) to your list of people you may have grievances about, especially if you have a boss of a company that really stinks.

Frank Costanza: You, Kruger. My son tells me your company stinks! You couldn't smooth a silk sheet if you had a hot date with a babe...I lost my train of thought.

If you have to, write your grievances out on note cards beforehand, just in case you lose your train of thought.

More Airing of Grievances Tips

If you are shy, anonymously write your grievances on a sticky note and post the note to the Festivus Pole. You can always put the phone number of the off-track betting place or the local bagel shop on the sticky note just to throw people off.

If your family and friends are shy and reserved types, keep the airing of grievances short, or possibly include a rule that the only personal grievances that can be aired must be directed to those who did not attend the gathering (fair game) or public figures such as politicians and celebrities (always fair game).

Festivus Feats of Strength

A Festivus celebration is certainly not complete without the "Feats of

Strength".

Frank: Alright, George. It's time for the feats of strength. George: No! No! Turn it off! No feats of strength!

The Feats of Strength will normally follow the Airing of Grievances. In Seinfeld, the actual Feats of Strength are never shown, but it is clearly stated that "Festivus is not over until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned".

In Seinfeld tradition, it is usually the head of family's choice as to who will participate in the Feats of Strength, however a person is allowed to decline the offer only if they have something better to do instead.

Frank: And now as Festivus rolls on, we come to the feats of strength. George: Not the feats of strength.. Frank: This year, the honor goes to Mr. Kramer. Kramer: Uh-oh. Oh, gee, Frank, I'm sorry. I gotta go. I have to work a double shift at H&H.

If the appointed person cannot participate, it is also appropriate for another guest to suggest who should participate in the "Feats of Strength".

George: Kramer! You can't go! Who's gonna do the feats of strength? Kruger: (Sipping liquor from a flask) How about George? Frank: Good thinking, Kruger. Until you pin me, George, Festivus is not over! George:Oh, please, somebody, stop this!

Once the participants are identified, the "Feats of Strength" should begin by the head of household removing any bulky clothing and shouting the phrase "Let's Rumble"

Frank: (Taking off his sweater) Let's rumble!

Festivus Party Feats of Strength Ideas

In accordance with Seinfeld tradition, Festivus is not complete until the head of the household is wrestled to the floor and pinned. However, one thing to consider for your Festivus Party is to have Feats of Strength that do not require a visit to the emergency room and/or long term physiotherapy. So, you may want to avoid any Manly Feats of Strength.

Many Festivus Party hosts have thought of good alternatives to a wrestling match. Here are some good ideas:

• Arm Wrestling is fun but it usually ends up with a lot of people with sore arms. Avoid this if people are not burly enough.

• Thumb Wrestling. Some Festivus celebrations have adopted thumb wrestling as a suitable and safe feat of strength. The addition of tiny wrestling masks to your thumb makes it even more zany.

• Break out the Wii and use something like Wii boxing as your feats of strength.

• Board Games. There is a selection of Seinfeld themed board games such as Seinfeld Clue and Seinfeld Monopoly, ready for Festivus fun. (Read the blog post!)

• Games. A Horsehoes or Darts tournament might be great, or rousing game of Twister or Pictionary might be just the thing to get people going.

• Two words... Beer Pong! • Have a staring contest. Kind of boring but totally no stress and no contact. • Tickle fight is a good alternative. You tickle each other until one person submits. This is a good

alternative for a party with a lot of singles. If there are small children at the gathering then you could send them to tickle the "head of the household" until he/she submits, then give the kids a treat for their efforts.

• Leg Wrestling. This is usually a no stress physical activity. Make sure you have a large enough space available!

• There is an obscure sport called Finger Jousting. It might be the perfect thing for an obscure holiday? • Who can hold their breathe the longest?

Options we do not recommend:

• Anything to do with fire, including the lighting of farts. • Anything that involves the rolling or riding of shopping carts down hills. • Anything that requires people to climb up on the roof. • Anything that involves injesting or even sucking of anything. Nickels can be poisonous if consumed in

quantity.

The important thing is to HAVE fun, and not to figure out who is the biggest, strongest galoot of the bunch.

The Festivus Miracle

Although it is not an official element of the holiday or its celebration, the phenomenon of the Festivus Miracle is mentioned twice in the original episode, "The Strike".

It is the character Kramer that actually causes the occurrence of two "miracles" by inviting two off-track betting bookies to dinner with Elaine (men whom Elaine wished to avoid), and by causing Jerry's girlfriend Gwen to believe that Jerry was cheating on her.

Bookie: Hello again, Miss Benes. Elaine: What are you doing here? Bookie: Damnedest thing.. me and Charlie were calling to ask you out, and, uh, we got this bagel place. Kramer: (Finishing the story) I told them I was just about to see you.. It's a Festivus miracle!

Jerry: Gwen! How'd you know I was here? Gwen: Kramer told me. Kramer: Another Festivus miracle!

On these two occasions, Kramer enthusiastically declared, "It's a Festivus miracle!". This exclamation has stuck, and the term "Festivus Miracle" is now a common phrase popular culture.

The term "Festivus Miracle" is an obvious parody of the popular notion of a "Christmas Miracle".

Other Manifestations of the "Festivus Miracle"

Festivus Miracles continue to appear in people's lives every year around Festivus time. Usually the appearances are just as lame and as forced as Kramer's miracles, but the when people use of the phrase "It's a Festivus Miracle" just about anything may seem special.

Festivus

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia This article is about the December holiday. For other uses, see Festivus (disambiguation).

Type Seasonal

Significance

A holiday celebrated by those seeking an alternative to the commercialism and pressures of the Christmas holiday season.

Celebrations

Airing of Grievances, Feats of Strength, the aluminum pole, Festivus dinner, Festivus miracles

Date December 23

Next time 23 December 2015

Frequency annual

Festivus, a well-celebrated parody, has become a secular holiday[citation needed] celebrated on December 23 that serves as an alternative to participating in the pressures and commercialism of the Christmas season.[1] Originally a family tradition of scriptwriter Dan O'Keefe, who worked on the American sitcom Seinfeld, the holiday entered popular culture after it was made the focus of a 1997 episode of the program.[1][2] The holiday's celebration, as it was shown on Seinfeld, includes a Festivus dinner, an unadorned aluminum Festivus pole, practices such as the "Airing of Grievances" and "Feats of Strength", and the labeling of easily explainable events as "Festivus miracles".[3]

The episode refers to it as "a Festivus for the rest of us", referencing its non-commercial aspect. It has also been described both as a "parody holiday festival" and as a form of playful consumer resistance.[4]

History

Festivus was conceived by editor and author Daniel O'Keefe and was celebrated by his family as early as 1966. In the original O'Keefe tradition, the holiday would take place in response to family tension, "any time from December to May".[5] The phrase "A Festivus for the rest of us" also derived from an O'Keefe family event, the death of Daniel O'Keefe's mother.[5]

In 1982, Daniel O'Keefe wrote a book, Stolen Lightning: The Social Theory of Magic, that deals with idiosyncratic ritual and its social significance, a theme relevant to Festivus tradition.[6]

The word Festivus in this sense was coined by O'Keefe, and according to him the name "just popped into my head".[1] The English word festive derives from Latin "festivus", which in turn derives from festus "joyous; holiday, feast day".[7][8][9]

Although the first Festivus took place in February 1966, as a celebration of Daniel O'Keefe's first date with his future wife, Deborah,[1] it is now celebrated on December 23, as depicted in a Seinfeld episode written by O'Keefe's son.[2]

Seinfeld

Festivus was introduced in the Seinfeld episode "The Strike", written by Daniel O'Keefe's son Dan O'Keefe. The episode revolves around Cosmo Kramer (Michael Richards) returning to work at H&H Bagels. First, while at Monk's Restaurant, Jerry, George and Elaine discuss George's father's creation of Festivus.[3] Then Kramer becomes interested in resurrecting the holiday when, at the bagel shop, Frank Costanza (Jerry Stiller) tells him how he created Festivus as an alternative holiday in response to the commercialization of Christmas.[3]

Frank Costanza's son, George (Jason Alexander), creates donation cards for a fake charity called The Human Fund (with the slogan "Money for People") in lieu of having to give office Christmas presents. When his boss, Mr. Kruger (Daniel von Bargen), questions George about a $20,000 check he gave George to donate to the Human Fund as a corporate donation, George hastily concocts the excuse that he made up the Human Fund because he feared persecution for his beliefs—for not celebrating Christmas, but celebrating Festivus. Attempting to call his bluff, Kruger goes home with George to see Festivus in action.[3]

Kramer eventually goes back on strike from his bagel-vendor job when his manager tells him he cannot have time off for his new-found holiday. Kramer is then seen on the sidewalk picketing H&H Bagels, carrying a sign reading "Festivus yes! Bagels no!" and chanting to anyone passing the store: "Hey! No bagel, no bagel, no bagel..."[3]

Finally, at Frank's house in Queens, Jerry, Elaine, Kramer and George gather to celebrate Festivus. George brings Kruger to prove to him that Festivus is real.[3]

Customary practices

The holiday, as portrayed in the Seinfeld episode,[1][10] includes practices such as the "Airing of Grievances", which occurs during the Festivus meal and in which each person tells everyone else all the ways they have disappointed them over the past year. After the meal, the "Feats of Strength" are performed, involving wrestling the head of the household to the floor, with the holiday ending only if the head of the household is actually pinned.[3]

Festivus pole

In the episode, the tradition of Festivus begins with an aluminum pole. Frank Costanza cites its "very high strength-to-weight ratio" as appealing. During Festivus, the pole is displayed unadorned. According to Frank, "I find tinsel distracting."

Dan O'Keefe credits fellow Seinfeld writer Jeff Schaffer with introducing the concept, which was not part of the original O'Keefe family celebration.

Festivus dinner

In "The Strike", a celebratory dinner is shown on the evening of Festivus prior to the Feats of Strength and during the Airing of Grievances. The on-air meal was shown to be some sort of meatloaf and spaghetti with red sauce.[11] The original holiday dinner in the O'Keefe household featured turkey or ham followed by a Pepperidge Farm cake decorated with M&M's, as described in detail in Dan O'Keefe's The Real Festivus.[12] In the Seinfeld episode, no alcohol is served at the dinner, but George's boss, Mr. Kruger, drinks something from a hip flask.[3]

Airing of Grievances

The celebration of Festivus begins with the "Airing of Grievances", which takes place immediately after the Festivus dinner has been served. It consists of each person lashing out at others and the world about how they have been disappointed in the past year.[13]

Feats of Strength

The Feats of Strength are the final tradition observed in the celebration of Festivus, celebrated immediately following (or in the case of "The Strike", during) the Festivus dinner. The head of the household selects one person at the Festivus celebration and challenges that person to a wrestling match.[14] Tradition states that Festivus is not over until the head of the household is pinned in a wrestling match. In "The Strike", however, Kramer manages to circumvent the rule by creating an excuse to leave. The Feats of Strength are mentioned twice in the episode before they actually take place. In both instances, no detail was given as to what had actually happened, but in both instances, George Costanza ran out of the coffee shop in a mad panic, implying he had bad experiences with the Feats of Strength in the past. What the Feats of Strength entailed was revealed at the very end of the episode, when it actually took place. Failing to pin the head of the household results in Festivus continuing until such requirement is met.[3]

Festivus miracles

Cosmo Kramer twice declares a "Festivus Miracle" during the Festivus celebration in the Costanza household. It is the character Kramer that actually causes the occurrence of two "miracles" by inviting two off-track betting bookies to dinner with Elaine (men whom Elaine wished to avoid), and by causing Jerry's girlfriend Gwen to believe that Jerry was cheating on her.[15]

Wider adoption

Some people, most of them inspired by the Seinfeld episode,[1] subsequently began to celebrate the holiday with varying degrees of seriousness. Allen Salkin's 2005 book Festivus: The Holiday for the Rest of Us

[14] chronicles the early adoption of Festivus. Rabbi Joshua Eli Plaut's book A Kosher Christmas: 'Tis the Season to Be Jewish (Rutgers University Press, 2012) references Festivus, along with hybrid holidays such as Chrismukkah.

In 2000, Baltimore Ravens head coach Brian Billick would not allow his NFL football team's players to discuss the possibility of competing in that season's Super Bowl. Instead, he and the rest of the Ravens players and staff referred to the NFL playoffs as Festivus, and the Super Bowl as Festivus Maximus. In 2005, Wisconsin Governor Jim Doyle was declared "Governor Festivus" and during the holiday season displayed a Festivus Pole in the family room of the Executive Residence in Madison, Wisconsin.[16] Governor Doyle's 2005 Festivus Pole is now part of the collection of the Wisconsin Historical Museum.[17]

In 2010, a CNN story featuring Jerry Stiller detailed the increasing popularity of the holiday, including US Representative Eric Cantor's Festivus fundraiser,[18] and the Christian Science Monitor reported that Festivus was a top trend on Twitter that year.[19] In 2012, Google introduced a custom search result for the term "Festivus". In addition to the normal results an unadorned aluminum pole was displayed running down the side of the list of search results and "A Festivus Miracle!" prefixes the results count and speed.[20][21]

In 2012, a Festivus Pole was erected on city property in Deerfield Beach, Florida, alongside Christian religious holiday displays.[22] A similar Festivus Pole was displayed next to religious displays in the Wisconsin State Capitol, along with a banner provided by the Freedom From Religion Foundation advocating for the separation of government and religion.[23]

In 2013, a Festivus Pole constructed with 6 feet (1.8 m) of beer cans was erected next to a nativity scene and other religious holiday displays in the Florida State Capitol Building.[23]

O'Keefe family practices

The O'Keefe family holiday featured other practices, as detailed in The Real Festivus (2005), a book by Daniel O'Keefe's son, Dan O'Keefe.[12][24] The book provides a first-person account of an early version of the Festivus holiday as celebrated by the O'Keefe family, and how Dan O'Keefe amended or replaced details of his father's invention to create the Seinfeld episode.[25]

Festivus Clock

In a CNN segment on the origins of Festivus, O'Keefe spoke about the real-life origins of Festivus. O'Keefe's father, who originated some of the now-recognized Festivus traditions, used a clock, not an aluminum pole. O'Keefe told CNN:

"The real symbol of the holiday was a clock that my dad put in a bag and nailed to the wall every year...I don't know why, I don't know what it means, he would never tell me. He would always say, 'That's not for you to know.'"[26]