120 Smarty Pants

The Fairly OddParents“Smarty Pants”

(AN 11 MINUTE SCRIPT)#120

Written By:Tracy Berna

First Draft:1/30/01Second Draft:2/9/01Third Draft:2/21/01Final Draft:2/22/01

Nickelodeon Animation Studiosc 2000 Viacom International Inc. All rights reserved

The Fairly OddParents: “Smarty Pants” by Tracy Berna Recording Script 6/14/01

FADE IN:

EXT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL – ESTABLISHING

Normal day. Class is in session. Push in over…

1 CROCKER (OS)Well, class, the test results are in--

INT. CROCKER’S CLASS – DAY

2 CROCKERAnd, as always, AJ gets an A.

Crocker places A TEST down in front of AJ.

3 AJAlright! Another “A!” I’m gonna add this to my “A” collection!

AJ picks up the test and does an “End Zone Dance.”

ANGLE ON TIMMY - Cosmo and Wanda - as PENCILS - sit on Timmy’s desk. TIMMY <<MOANS>>

4 WANDAWhat’s wrong, Timmy?

5 TIMMYAw... I didn’t study.

6 WANDAI thought you were studying all week with Cosmo? What were you guys doing?

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - A COUPLE OF NIGHTS EARLIER

Timmy prepares to crack open some BOOKS for an intense night of work. Cosmo flies up next to him.

7 COSMOHey! Wanna play the “Not Study Game?”

8 TIMMYHow do you play?

Cosmo shoves all the books onto the floor.

9 COSMOYou’re already playing!!!

1


10 COSMO/TIMMYYaaayyy!!!!!!

Cosmo pulls out FRUIT PIES and they start chowin’.

RIPPLE DISSOLVE TO:

BACK IN THE CLASSROOM

Crocker hands Timmy his test. A big fat “F”.

11 TIMMYAn “F!!!” I failed? My parents are gonna totally kill me!!!

AJ runs in front of Timmy, spikes his test and BREAKDANCES around on his hand gleefully.

12 AJGo AJ! Go AJ! Go AJ! Go AJ!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL - A HALLWAY - LATER

Timmy, AJ, CHESTER and other KIDS mull about. Timmy stares at his paper with disbelief. AJ holds his out.

13 AJGo AJ! Go AJ! Uh huh! Uh huh!

14 TIMMYAwright, I heard! The whole school heard you! Give it a rest!

15 AJ There’s no need for jealousy, Timmy!

16 TIMMYI’m not jealous, I’m just sick of Crocker failing me.

17 AJIf you studied, you probably wouldn’t fail. I’ll bet I could help you get that “F” all the way up to a “D!”

18 TIMMYThanks, Supernerd, but shouldn’t you be rescuing a calculator from a tree?

19 AJ(coldly) Spell “calculator.”

2


20 TIMMYC...A... L... Q... LATER!

Timmy runs.

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. TIMMY’S HOUSE – EVENING

Push in over…

21 DAD (OS)Son, do you know why we’re disappointed in this “F?”

INT. TIMMY’S HOUSE – SAME TIME

MOM and DAD lecture Timmy at the dinner table.

22 TIMMYBecause I can do better than that?

23 MOM / DADWhat / You can?

24 MOMWhat a relief! We were going to blame ourselves!

25 DADYou march right up to your room and apply yourself!

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - EVENING

Cosmo and Wanda float in the fishbowl. Timmy sits at his desk and begrudgingly opens a BOOK.

26 TIMMY(Sigh)Chapter one. (beat; then) I’m done! Let’s play the “Not Study Game!”

Cosmo shoves all the books off Timmy’s desk.

27 TIMMYNow let’s play Crash Nebula!

POOF! Cosmo whips up a big screen TV and poofs a VIDEO GAME CONTROLLER in his hand.

28 WANDAShouldn’t you be studying?

3


29 COSMOThat’s not how you play the not study game!

ON SCREEN - A CRASH NEBULA VIDEO GAME. Timmy’s thumbs are a blur as he plays.

30 TIMMYAll I have to do is get the turbo-laser hyperbole generator to process Bubba’s Principle of Zoom... and create a plot

31 TIMMY (CONT.)hole large enough to travel through the time-space continuum! Almost... almost...

The PHONE rings. Then again...

32 TIMMYDARN IT!

SPLIT SCREEN - It’s AJ.

33 AJHi Timmy! I...

SFX: CRASH! Game over whine.

34 CRASH NEBULA ON VIDEO GAMEGame over! But I shall return!

35 AJAre you playing the Crash Nebula video game? Shouldn’t you be studying?

36 TIMMYWhat are you, my Mom?

37 AJGenealogically, Timmy, that would be impossible. “Genealogically” means...

38 TIMMYI KNOW WHAT GENEA... GENIE...

39 AJGenealogically.

40 TIMMYI KNOW WHAT THAT WORD MEANS!

Timmy hangs up angrily.

4


41 AJ (VO)Hey, Genius! You missed the receiver!

Timmy looks down. Sure enough... he missed hanging up properly! Timmy picks up the phone and slams it down again.

42 TIMMY Darn it! Just ‘cuz AJ gets A’s all the time, he thinks he knows everything! But he doesn’t. (beat) Hey, but I could! Right? I could wish that I knew everything!

43 COSMO We can’t help you cheat on any tests, Timmy...

44 TIMMYBut I’m not asking you to help me cheat on a test! All I’m doing is wishing that I knew EVERYTHING!

45 WANDASomebody deserves an “A” in loopholes!

Wanda and Cosmo look at each other, nod, and grant the wish. POOF! Timmy’s head flips open like a trash lid and every book in the room opens up. The WORDS fly off the pages, and into his head.

46 WANDA Okay! Let’s see how smart you are!

A quick JEOPARDY- LIKE GAME SHOW SET appears in Timmy’s room, with Timmy and Cosmo behind game-show PODIUMS. And Wanda in an ALEX TREBEC-LIKE DISGUISE.

47 WANDAWhat flammable...

Cosmo BUZZES in instantly.

48 COSMOPudding!

49 WANDASorry. (beat; then) What flammable gas is the most abundant element in the universe?’

50 TIMMY

5


Hydrogen! And the study of fish? Ichthyology. And a Chinese mammal who eats mainly bamboo is the giant panda!

51 WANDACorrect! It’s official! You know everything!

Cosmo Buzzes in. Wanda and Timmy stare.

52 COSMOI like making the buzzy noise.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S KITCHEN – THE NEXT MORNING

Mom and Dad are having breakfast as Timmy waltzes in.

53 MOMHey, Sweetie. How’d the studying go?

54 TIMMYMy supplemental erudition session came off exceedingly propitious.

Mom and Dad’s jaws hit the floor. Timmy hands his shocked mother a neatly bound NOTEBOOK.

55 TIMMYMother, I took the liberty of calibrating the time it takes you to apply your make-up and realized, if applied in a counter-clockwise motion, you could conclude your ritual in half the time, thus, saving 51.6 seconds.

56 MOMWhat would I do with the extra time?

Timmy grabs a piece of BURNT TOAST and looks at it.

57 TIMMYNot burn the toast?

He jams it in his mouth and heads out the door.

58 TIMMYOkay! Time for school! Ciao!

Timmy exits. Mom and Dad blink incredulously.

59 MOM

6


Who is that kid and what did he do with our Timmy?

60 DADI don’t know, but can we keep him?

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL’S PLAYGROUND - MORNING

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. CROCKER’S CLASS – MOMENTS LATER

Timmy walks into class, very cocky. He takes his usual seat near AJ. They glare at each other.

61 AJAnything you want to say, like “I’m sorry?” Or “I should study more?”

62 TIMMYHope you brought your good brain, Poindexter.

CROCKER walks to the head of the class.

63 CROCKER Well, we’re two days away from the Academic Brainathon. I don’t suppose anyone other than AJ read...

64 TIMMY About the Texans’ war for independence from Mexico?

65 AJ(totally shocked) Wha?

Timmy leans over and smugly fills him in.

66 TIMMYRemember? The Alamo.

The class watches in rapt suspense as AJ tries to get a word in edgewise, but Timmy just keeps firing answers.

67 TIMMYYes, the Alamo. Circa 1836. 13 days. Gained Texas it’s independence and added more than...

68 AJ

7


(interrupting)...a million square miles to America!

69 TIMMYActually a million, five thousand and two.

AJ checks an ENCYCLOPEDIA.

70 AJ(crushed) He’s right.

All the kids CHEER! CONFETTI streams down and a LEGGY MODEL appears and gives Timmy a TOASTER OVEN.

71 CROCKERMay I borrow your “A?” (takes one out of AJ’s desk and gives it to Timmy) Here you go!

AJ fumes silently.

CUT TO:

EXT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL - LATER

AJ strides angrily over to meet Timmy after class.

72 AJWhat was that about?

73 TIMMYWhat’s the most intellectual way I can phrase this? Oh yeah! Just smokin’ you at your own game. (in AJ’s face)Go Timmy! Go Timmy! Go Timmy!

74 AJ(Very sarcastic) Yeah, Timmy, Go. You’re smart for a day. You think anybody’s impressed?

NEW ANGLE. MRS. WAXELPLAX approaches, having caught the whole exchange.

75 WAXELPLAXWow, Timmy, I’m impressed! Word on the street is that you got really smart really quick! How’dja do that?

76 TIMMY(beat) Internet.

Waxelplax pulls out an INVITATION and hands it to Timmy.

77 WAXELPLAX

8


Okeedokee! How would you like to be in our Academic Brainathon? We could sure use you as first chair!

Nearby, AJ’s eyes go wide.

78 AJBut... I’ve always been first chair!

79 WAXELPLAXOh, AJ, you’re still on the team! You’ll just be in second chair!

80 AJWhat’s the difference?

81 TIMMYOne chair. DUH!

Waxelplax and Timmy share a laugh. AJ sinks his head and storms off. Timmy opens his locker to pull out his book bag -- Cosmo and Wanda are on the locker as “posters” of... well... Cosmo and Wanda.

82 TIMMYOh, man, this is awesome!

83 WANDAI don’t know, Timmy... AJ seems pretty miffed.

84 TIMMYYeah... you’re right. Maybe I should say something to him... HEY AJ!

85 AJ (OS)Yeah?

Timmy pulls out the certificate and spikes it, doing his own end-zone dance.

86 TIMMYGo Timmy! You’re the first chair! Go Timmy! Go Timmy!

ON AJ as he fumes.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S LIVING ROOM – EVENING

Timmy lounges, flipping through the television, bored. Timmy’s Dad sits stiffly on the couch.

87 DAD

9


Ooo! The game!

88 TIMMYDrek.

Changes the channel.

89 DADOoo! The other game!

90 TIMMYGarbage.

Changes the channel.

91 TIMMYOoo! Government Funded Television!

92 DAD(disappointed) Awwww...

ON TV - We see a dejected AJ.

93 ANNOUNCER (VO)He was once the smartest kid in school... until his best friend smoked

94 ANNOUNCER (VO) (CONT.)him at his own game. AJ. Portrait of Second Chair.

On TV, Timmy does his end-zone dance in front of AJ. Mom enters with a big SUNDAE. His folks are tense around their new, genius son.

95 MOMHi, Timmy... I made you...

96 TIMMY(grabs sundae w/out looking) A hot fudge sundae with 16 nuts on it instead of the standard 25.

97 DADUh... Son? I was going over your college fund and...

98 TIMMY(grabs papers)...you spelled college wrong.

99 DAD

10


(beat; looks at watch) Wow, It sure is late! Time for bed, champ!

100 TIMMYGeniuses get to stay up late.

101 MOM(chuckles) Not when they’re 10 years old, they don’t.

102 TIMMYHow would you guys know? If YOUR math is as good as his spelling I’m probably already 18!

ON COSMO AND WANDA AS MICE - Who GASP!

103 DADAlright, Mister! Those Gasping Mice are right! You’re out of line!

104 MOMYou can make fun of my math skills until it’s 13 o’clock, but you do NOT act like a smarty pants!

105 TIMMYCan you prove I was a smarty pants?

106 DADHuh?

107 TIMMYDo you have any evidence of my smartyness? And where are these pants you speak of?

108 MOM / DADI... uh...

His parents are shocked, nonplussed even!

109 TIMMYI can out-think my parents! Cool!

Timmy exits as Cosmo and Wanda gasp again.

110 DAD(re: mice) Exactly!

DISSOLVE TO:

EXT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL - THE DAY OF THE BRAINATHON

We push in...

11


DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S SCHOOL - MULTIPURPOSE ROOM - SAME TIME

There are TWO TABLES. One reads “Dimmsdale,” the other “Mortimer Snerd.” THREE STUDENTS sit at the Snerd table. AJ sits in the center chair of the Dimmsdale table, desperately flipping through books.

111 TIMMYA little last minute cramming? Up late last night playing video games?

AJ slams his book down.

112 AJThat’s it! I challenge you to a fact off!

WIDE SHOT... each boy standing like a gun slinger.

113 AJThe Atomic weight of Hydrogen!

114 TIMMYOne! Crude device that fires electric sparks!

115 AJTesla Coil! The Capitol of Idaho!

116 TIMMYWho cares?

117 AJYou’re right! Who cares about any of this?

118 TIMMYNo, I meant who cares about the capitol of Idaho?

119 AJ All I was trying to do was be a pal. If being smart is the one thing I’m good at, then I should be able to share it with my friends! If I had any!

AJ storms off angrily. Timmy softens. AJ’s words hit home. Timmy opens his backpack. Cosmo and Wanda are in it, small.

120 TIMMY(softly) Guys? Is he right? Have I been a jerk lately?

121 COSMOWell, how do we put this?

12


122 WANDAThat’s a big ol’ 10-4, Big Jerky!

TIMMY’S POV - we see AJ sadly sitting by himself.

123 TIMMYGuys, I’m sorry.

124 COSMOWell... Apology accepted!

125 TIMMYAnd as soon as the competition’s over, I wanna go back to being plain, old, ordinary me!

126 WANDAAfter? Timmy! Wait!

127 ANNOUNCER (OS)Welcome to the annual Dimmsdale Academic Brainathon!

ON AN ANNOUNCER standing in front of a CROWD OF PARENTS.

128 ANNOUNCERToday’s contest is between Mortimer Snerd Elementary...

ON three kids from Mortimer Snerd.

129 CROWD OF PARENTS(CHEER)

130 ANNOUNCER (OS)And Dimmsdale Elementary!

131 CROWD OF GEEK ADMIRERS(CHEER)

132 ANNOUNCERAs you know, this is a knowledge competition, where knowing everything means you win!

ON TIMMY

133 ANNOUNCER (OS)Here’s your first question: This Pacific Northwest insect can grow to a length of 8 inches. Name it.

13


AJ reaches for the buzzer but Timmy is lightening quick and beats him. SFX: DING DING!

134 TIMMYWell, it’s very obvious. The answer is... uh... (beat) ...Duh?

SFX: BZZT!

135 ANNOUNCERI’m sorry... Duh is not the right answer.

SFX: DING DING!

136 ANNOUNCER Mortimer Snerd!

137 RIVAL KIDThe banana slug.

138 WAXELPLAXFirst point goes to Snerd!

AJ Wheels to look at Timmy.

139 AJWhat are you doing?

140 TIMMYUm... building dramatic tension?

141 ANNOUNCERNext question. What is the capitol of Idaho?

AJ reaches again... but Timmy beats him and buzzes in first again. BEAT.

142 TIMMY(beat) Uh... who cares?

SFX: BZZT BZZT!

143 ANNOUNCERSorry! Mortimer Snerd?

144 SNERD KIDTuscaloosa?

SFX: BZZT BZZT! AJ gives Timmy a look – what the heck?

145 TIMMYI gotta go.

14


He dashes off. AJ buzzes in.

146 AJBoise!

147 ANNOUNCERCorrect! Point for Dimmsdale!

Timmy leaves the room as the competition continues.

CUT TO:

EXT. MULTI-PURPOSE ROOM - CONTINUOUS

Timmy paces, feeling his head, looking around. Cosmo and Wanda poof in as TRASH BINS.

148 TIMMYGuys, I don’t know anything anymore!

149 COSMOWelcome to my world!

150 WANDANow that you’re in a competition, you can’t use the knowledge to win! That’s cheating! The wish is off!

151 TIMMYWhat? Why didn’t you tell me that?

152 COSMOIt’s not like you were listening to us anyway, Mr. “I know everything in the whole wide world!”

153 TIMMYOh, man... I’ve been such a jerk...

TIMMY’S POV -- AJ at the chair, answering questions. A little green light goes off. SFX: DING DING!

154 TIMMYLook at how happy he is now. Jeez...I just had all this success because of a wish. AJ worked hard for it – and I took it away from him!

SFX: BUZZZT!

155 ANNOUNCER

15


And that completes the first round! We’ll be back after this commercial break!

156 AJBut we’re not on television!

157 ANNOUNCERYou don’t know that.

Timmy walks up.

158 TIMMYHey.

159 AJWhat. Did you get the questions wrong so you can look like the big hero with a come from behind victory?

160 TIMMYUh... No, and I’m sorry I was a jerk to you. I was just jealous. And, in an impossible-to-explain way, I sorta cheated to make myself look good and you look bad.

161 AJYeah well... maybe you would have let me help you study if I hadn’t been so busy gloating.

162 TIMMYYou deserve to gloat! Everybody’s got one thing they’re good at. You’re good at studying, I’m good at uh... uh...

163 AJPlaying video games! Did you see how much faster you were than me on the buzzer?

164 TIMMYYeah... but it doesn’t matter. I can’t win by cheating. I’m gonna disqualify myself.

Timmy walks up to the announcer.

165 TIMMYHi... I...

16


AJ zips in.

166 AJ...he wanted to tell you that he wants to switch chairs with me and get back in the game. Right?

AJ winks and smiles.

167 TIMMYUh... yeah! What he said. He’s the smart one!

168 AJAnd you’re the fast one! I’ll be the brains, you be the thumb. Deal?

169 TIMMYDeal!

DISSOLVE TO:

MONTAGE OF DIMMSDALE DOING BETTER.

We see, in the Brainathon hall, various shots of:

AJ huddling with Timmy.

Timmy hitting AJ’s button for him.

170 AJIt’s Arachnid.

171 ANNOUNCERCorrect!

172 AJNice button hitting, Timmy.

173 TIMMYDon’t thank me! Thank the not study game!

The scoreboard piles up points in a neck-and-neck race.

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. ACADEMIC DECATHLON HALL - LATER

ON THE SCOREBOARD - The teams are tied.

174 ANNOUNCER (OS)And the last category is... Potpourri.

Timmy leans and stage-whispers to AJ.

17


175 TIMMYA question about that smelly stuff?

176 AJA question that can be about anything.

177 ANNOUNCERDescribe the propulsion system used on… (surprised) …the spaceship of Crash Nebula?

AJ looks horrified.

178 AJI don’t know the answer! I’m always studying! I...

Timmy hits the button.

179 TIMMYCrash Nebula’s Cross-dimensional propulsion system uses a turbo-laser hyperbole generator and Bubba’s Principle of Zoom, creating plot holes large enough to allow them to travel throughout the time-space continuum.

180 ANNOUNCERCorrect! Dimmsdale wins!

The crowd goes wild! TIMMY AND AJ Are buffeted around by a CROWD OF FRIENDS. Waxelplax hands them a huge TROPHY.

181 TIMMYActually, I’d like this to go to AJ. He did the work. I just made the buzzy noises.

182 AJThat’s why we’re a great team.

AJ’s grabs the trophy, lifts it in the air... and spikes it, shattering it into a million pieces. The cheering INSTANTLY stops.

183 AJI need to work on the gloating.

Timmy lifts AJ over his head. The crowd of admirers zips in to lift him up and carry him out.

184 TIMMY

18


Three cheers for AJ! Hip Hip!

185 CROWDHurray!

186 TIMMYHip Hip!

187 CROWDHurray!

188 TIMMYHip Hip Hoo -- DOOR!

189 CROWDWhat?

BAM! AJ hits the top of the door frame and falls.

190 WAXELPLAXHis brain! His precious brain!

Timmy smiles as we...

DISSOLVE TO:

INT. TIMMY’S ROOM - LATER

Cosmo and Wanda are in the fishbowl, floating.

191 WANDAWe’re glad you’re back to normal, Timmy!

192 COSMOWe missed the more nice, less smart you!

193 DAD (OS)HA!

Mom and Dad kick the door open.

194 DADAfter re-reading our parenting books, we think we’ve got a reply to your sassiness. And we’ve brought along a lawyer.

He’s right. REVEAL There’s a LAWYER with them.

195 TIMMY I think you have grounds to... ground me. I was a creep.

196 LAWYER

19


You figured that out on your own?(beat; to parents)

Well, I still get paid!

He storms off. Timmy’s parents are touched.

197 DADHa! We did it, we did it!

198 MOMWe grounded the smart kid! We grounded the smart kid!

They leave, dancing and singing “We grounded the smart kid.” Timmy looks at the Fishbowl.

199 TIMMY(sighs) Well... nothing to do now except study.

200 WANDAGood idea, Timmy!

201 TIMMYCosmo?

Cosmo shoves all the books off Timmy’s desk, and poofs up the video game. A JOYSTICK appears in Timmy’s hand and he starts blasting away. Cosmo pulls out fruit pies and starts eatin’ as Wanda sighs and we...

FADE OUT.

THE END

20

120 Smarty Pants

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