1 MORAL PURITY Presenters: Don (and Cherilyn) Johnson MARRIED ALMOST 39 YEARS Serving with SEND 26 years 3 DonUS Office Assistant to US Director for Special Projects 4 3 years to raise support 11 years in Alaska Missionary Radio as Station manager 10 years Asst. Director and Director of SEND US STM program Teach sessions at STT, TLTWs FSTML, SOE, AESTM 2 sessions at STAND conference Present workshops on college campuses Trauma of Transparency in Missions on Sex and Missions 5 CherilynGodspeed Services aka: Godspeed Missionary Care Counselor for missionaries and their families Godspeed Missionary Care Freelance copyeditor and proofreader LPC Christian Counselor in Michigan Counselor at Godspeed Services (www.godspeedmissionarycare.org)www.godspeedmissionarycare.org And private practice as Sparrows Nest Christian Counseling in Columbia, SC South American Missionary 6 7 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? (Handout #1) 8 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? SEXUAL PURITY = PHYSICAL PURITY MENTAL PURITY EMOTIONAL PURITY OPPOSITE AND SAME SEX RELATIONSHIPS 9 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? Mt. 5: "You have heard that it was said, 'Do not commit adultery.' But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 10 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? SEXUAL PURITY HAS TWO ASPECTS EXTERNAL: WHAT WE DO (ACTIONS)PHYSICAL INTERNAL: WHAT WE THINK ABOUT (ATTITUDES) MENTAL/EMOTIONAL 11 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? NOT TALKING ABOUT BEING TEMPTED JESUS WAS TEMPTED IN ALL AREAS TEMPTATION IS COMMON TO EVERYONE 12 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? NOT TALKING ABOUT THE PAST PAST SIN IS FORGIVEN 13 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? FORGIVENESS IMMUNITY 14 WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? MAY NEED TO MEET WITH A COUNSELOR 15 STRATEGY FOR DEALING WITH THE PAST UNDERSTANDING PRESENT DANGER TO PREPARE FOR ANY FUTURE ASSAULT 16 Sexual Purity in Missions Dr. Ken Williams, Director of International Training Partners Doing Member Care Well Edited by Kelly ODonnell BATTLE FOR MORAL PURITY 17 MORAL PURITY It is Gods will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality; that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable. (1 Thes. 4:3-4) 18 THE ONES WHO ARE MOST SUSCEPTIBLE ARE NOT ME! UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMICS OF SEXUAL TEMPTATION (p. 188) 1.We dont fall into sin; we slide into it 2.Were often unaware of the slide The process is often so slow and subtle that we are rarely aware of what is happening; but as the years pass, our hatred of sexual sin is gradually lost. In fact, the process has been going on in our society long enough that many young Christians have never developed that abhorrence. And so the seeds of personal sexual sin have been sown deep in most of our hearts, without our even realizing it. 19 UNDERSTAND THE DYNAMICS OF SEXUAL TEMPTATION (p. 188) 1.We dont fall into sin; we slide into it 2.Were often unaware of the slide 3.Our capacity for self-deceit is limitless The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked: who can know it? Jer. 17:9 4.Close relationships are vital however.. 20 Intimate relationships provide serious temptation pt. #5, p Couple brought together by circumstances 2.Spend time together, often alone 3.Emotional and/or spiritual needs are met 4.Begin to touchinnocently at first 5.Self-deception helps justify the relationship 21 5-Step process of slide into sin: 22 STRATEGY STEPS (p. 189) Steps 1-7 are basic steps in spiritual warfare (Steps to Freedom in Christ, Neil T. Anderson) Step 8 (James 5:16a) Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. Step 10 Know your danger zones 23 KNOW YOUR DANGER ZONES Traveling alone, especially overseas Working alone with someone of opposite sex Counseling or praying alone with opposite sex Meeting in closed room with opposite sex (or online) Getting so overstressed it is harder to resist Be clear on cultural cues 24 CONCLUSION Sexual immorality is not the unforgiveable sin.But To commit sexual immorality may be the most excruciatingly destructive experience in anyones life and ministry 25 26 WHY MIGHT SEXUAL PURITY BE HARDER TO MAINTAIN ON THE MISSION FIELD? 27 Why might maintaining purity be harder for missionaries? Spiritual Warfare Previous structures no longer in place Increased opportunity Increased need/desire for input (loneliness) Increased stress Cultural miscues (attractiveness of passport) Style of dress Reluctance to be transparent and get help Loss of status or self-identity 28 We are made in His image ~ Genesis 1:27 In Him we live and move and have our being ~ Acts 17:28 We are His offspring ~ Acts 17:28 He chose us before the foundation of the world ~ Ephesians 1:11-12 All our days are written in His book ~ Psalm 139:15-16 We are His treasured possession ~ Exodus 19:5 He rejoices over us with singing ~ Zephaniah 3:17 He will never leave us or forsake us ~ Hebrews 13:5 Its OK to feel inadequate, because we are ~ 2 Corinthians 3:5 He knows that we are only dust ~ Psalm 103:14 His strength is made perfect in our weakness ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 Relentlessly reinforce who we are in Christ and who He is in us Missionary Marriage Issues: Computer Sex or Me? Dr. Ronald Kotesky 29 30 Internet pornography is growing exponentially 31 Top Ten Nations to Access XXX porn sites 1.Bolivia 2.Chile 3.Romania 4.Ecuador 5.Pakistan 6. Peru 7. Mexico 8. Slovenia 9. Lithuania 10. Columbia 32 Thirty years ago, getting your hands on pornography required time, money and effort. Today it takes time, money and effort to get away from porn. (Maltz and Maltz, 2008) 33 Mission leaders are beginning to understand that IP is highly addictive and needs to be taken seriously. 34 Viewing one new porn Web site per day, it would take over 115,000 years to view all the sites currently online. 35 Over half of Christian men, and between one- quarter and one-third of Christian women, admit to viewing porn online. 36 Women and children are the fastest growing segments of the Internet porn market. 37 Internet pornography is becoming epidemic among young Christian men. 38 PERCENTAGE OF BORN-AGAIN BELIEVERS WHO BELIEVE EACH PRACTICE IS MORALLY ACCEPTABLE Age: Cohabitation59%33% Sexual thoughts or fantasies about someone57%35% Sex outside of marriage44%29% Looking at pictures of nudity or explicit sexual behavior 33%19% Having a sexual relationship with someone of the same sex 28%13% From research by the Barna Group, published in the book, unChristian by Kinnaman and Lyons, 2007 39 Internet pornography is the crack cocaine of the 21 st century. WHY? -- Dr. Patrick Carnes 3 FUELS OF ADDICTION Accessibility Affordability Anonymity 40 41 IP is cheap, easily accessed, anonymousand highly addictive 42 WHY MIGHT IP BE A PROBLEM ON THE MISSION FIELD? 43 INCREASED NEED FOR INPUT 44 INCREASED STRESS 45 PEOPLE UNDER STRESS LOOK FOR AN ESCAPE 46 DRUGS AND FANTASY OFFER QUICK, EASY 47 ATTEMPTS TO ESCAPE STRESS CAN LEAD TO ADDICTIONS The Escape Drugs of Sexual Addiction Six neurochemicals of happiness associated with sexual activity: Serotonin(fortitude) Oxytocin(creates bonding emotion) Dopamine(pleasure and energy) Norepinephrine(adrenaline like) PEA(excitement chemical) Endorphins(opiate like, calming/relaxing) 3 times more powerful than morphine 48 49 MORAL PURITY For much of our material we are indebted to Freedom to Love: Effective Treatment for Internet Addictions, a workshop presented by Dr. David S. Smith at the Mental Health and Missions conference, Angola, IN, November 21, 2008 50 Sexual addiction is the most common form of addiction among evangelical Christians. Cerny & Smith 51 IDENTIFYING ADDICTIONS When does sinful behavior become an addictive behavior? (see material attached to Internet Porn stats sheet) 52 Sin tried it, repented, and it didnt happen again Cerny and Smith criteria: Sin pattern tried it, repented, tried it again, repeat; you start trying to stop, you fail, repeat Addiction cant stop thinking about it; cant stop doing it; it takes more and more to achieve the same effect 53 Try to stop and cant Cant stop thinking about it Lose track of time Responsibilities begin to suffer Increasing tension before, relief after (you NEED it) Irons and Schneider criteria: MORAL PURITY SPECT Scans from video by Darrell Brazell, A Neuro-Theology of Sex and Addiction New Hope Fellowship54 55 Behavioral addictions cause changes in brain chemistry, similar to substance addictions 67 OK, this is bad what can you do? How do you protect your kids from getting caught up with Internet porn, sexting, etc.? Tips for parents: 68 Talk to them ~ maintain an open dialogue Dont fall into the trap of My kid would never Develop & maintain a trust relationship Dont freak out! 69 AVAILABLE RESOURCES What are some practical tools you can employ in the Battle for Moral Purity? Available Resources See materials on SharePoint listed as .Additional Covenant Eyes Josh McDowellNew Hope FellowshipCounseling Centers Link Care, Godspeed Services, Alongside, etc. 70 AT ANY TIME FEEL FREE TO CONTACT ME OR CHERILYN TO TALK--CONFIDENTIAL 71 ADDITIONAL RESOURCES in lists on SharePoint Neil T. Anderson: The Steps to Freedom in Christ (workbook) Victory Over the Darkness The Bondage Breaker The Fathers Love Letter:Pure Desire Ministries: 72 WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 73 WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 1.Deal with past history 2.Build relationships in a safe, gender appropriate accountability group 74 WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 75 WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 1.Deal with past history 2.Build relationships in accountability group 3.Take practical steps Set controls on computer/video use Share phones, Ipads, laptops, etc. Avoid locations/situations which provide temptation 76 WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 1.Deal with past history 2.Build relationships in accountability group 3.Take practical steps 4.Know and avoid your danger zones 77 WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 1.Deal with past history 2.Build relationships in accountability group 3.Take practical steps 4.Know your danger zones 5.Understand cultural cues 78 WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 1.Deal with past history 2.Build relationships in accountability group 3.Set controls on computer use 4.Know your danger zones 5.Understand cultural cues 6.Dont think you are immune IN A NUTSHELL Remember you arent immune Dont get overworked or overstressed Dont try to go it alone BUT THERES ONE MORE THING 79 80 WHAT ELSE CAN WE DO? 1.Deal with past history 2.Build relationships in accountability group 3.Set controls on computer use 4.Know your danger zones 5.Understand cultural cues 6.Dont think you are immune 7.Plan a strategy ahead of time CONCLUSION Sexual immorality is not the unforgiveable sin.But To commit sexual immorality may be the most excruciatingly destructive experience in anyones life and ministry 81 HOMEWORK 1.Independent Bible Studies (optional) (men/women) 2.Opportunities for GrowthDeveloping a Strategy (2 each) (not optional) One for everyone (individual) Either: One for married couples only One for singles only 82 83