1 life after breakup what's next 1 of 3 Emotional recovery
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Transcript of 1 life after breakup what's next 1 of 3 Emotional recovery
Life After Breakup:What’s Next?
Kevin Karlson JD PhD
You’re an Overcomer by Mandisa
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z29olPjFbqg
When All Else Fails: Minimizing the Damage Before, During, and After Divorce
Based on the book by Dr. Karlson
“Divorce is the only life crisis that dissolves most of the structures of life all at once; consequently, it presents a unique opportunity to really start over and set a new direction that is determined by you.”
Dr. Kevin Karlson
Romans 8:
37 But no matter what comes, we will always taste victory through Him who loved us. 38 For I have every confidence that nothing—not death, life, heavenly messengers, dark spirits, the present, the future, spiritual powers, 39 height, depth, nor any created thing—can come between us and the love of God revealed in the Anointed, Jesus our Lord.
What we believe
God loves and forgives divorced people just like everyone else; “there is no condemnation”
Divorce and recovery are spiritual issues too Divorce is an opportunity Gratitude is essential to health, success, and
recovery from all of life’s challenges We focus on:
Challenges not problems Opportunities not personalities Future not past
How will freedom from the divorce wounds happen?
Session Agenda for ALL Sessions 5 minute warm up/check in/introductions exercise in pairs 3 things you are grateful for today and why Homework from last week
Mini-lecture on these topics: (one per session—about 30 minutes)
Emotional freedom Personal freedom Relational freedom Financial freedom Spiritual freedom (new tips and tools every session)
Each week we will structure questions on one of these topics above, and provide time for :
Journaling Discussion with partner Lessons learned- report out to whole group Q and A Homework for next week
What does God have in mind for you?
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Eternal, “plans for peace, not evil, to give you a future and hope—never forget that.” Jeremiah 29:10-12
Freedom from the negative emotions of divorce
Freedom to become what God has always had in mind for you
Freedom to have a godly relationship Freedom to prosper financially
What factors are involved?
Where you are now
God’s vision for your future!
Sp
irit
ual
freed
om
Emotional freedom
Personal freedom
Relational freedom
Financial freedom
Emotional freedom
Nearly everyone recovers; many grow
Recovery takes time and faith Recovery requires time alone Recovery requires self care Recovery requires loving not
romantic relationships Recovery requires a new vision for
the future Recovery is a spiritual as well as
emotional challenge
Personal freedom
Discover/create a new identity Re/discover your personal
Vision Purpose/Mission Values/Beliefs Goals and a strategy for achieving them Career Epitaph
Relational freedom
Friends What kind of a friend are you? What kind of friends do you want? What kind of friends do you have now?
Parents What kind of a parent are you? How do you treat your own parents? What kind of parent do you want to be?
Partners What did you learn about yourself as a partner from
your marriage? CAPT; Love languages What do you want to do differently next time?
Financial Freedom
Your financial vision for your future Budgeting Being a good steward Tithing
(Read “The Blessed Life” by Pastor Robert)
A shared financial vision (and budget) is critical to marital peace and success
Spiritual freedom
22 The Holy Spirit produces a different kind of fruit: unconditional love, joy, peace, patience, kindheartedness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness, and self-control.
Session 1Topic 1:Emotional Freedom
Goals for life after divorce
Stages of Divorce Recovery
EMOTIONAL
Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness
SPIRITUAL
Confusion, Fear Bitterness Doubt; Fear Oppression; Death Faith, Peace Forgiveness
Emotional-Spiritual Connection
New research using fMRI scans has found that when a feeling is accurately labeled, the brain activity changes from chaos (confusion) to order (peace)
A feeling is the emotional/psychological manifestation of a spirit
Emotional freedom: self assessment
Rate yourself on these factors from 1 (low) to 7 (high) [Here’s an
example]7654321
Denial Anger Bargaining Depression Acceptance Forgiveness
Recovery is normal
Nearly everyone recovers after divorce
Most people learn and grow People who do best post-divorce
Spend some time alone Take the time to learn new lessons and
tools Avoid acting out Do all things in moderation including
work Have a good support system-friends and
family
Recovery takes time and faith
Most people completely recover in 18 months or so
People with faith recover more completely (not faster) Faith includes:▪ Gratitude for the relationship▪ Forgiveness for the “ex”▪ Self forgiveness and grace▪ An enduring belief that the best is ahead
(hope)
Recovery requires time alone
Recovery happens in quiet moments with God
Recovery happens best when you have time with nature
Recovery is accelerated through regular journaling
Recovery requires self care
Take care of the temple Eat on schedule Eat nutritious food Exercise regularly Sleep on a schedule Dress for success Maintain (or establish) a routine Plan fun
Recovery requires loving relationships
Christian friends, not another romance, till your 18 months are past and you are healed
Have an accountability partner to keep you from getting stuck in complaining or depression
Give more time to helping others through volunteering
When you’re struggling, talk with someone who listens and cares but won’t rag on your “ex”
Recovery requires new vision for the future
A vision is a picture of your desired future so you can avoid being stuck in the past or the present
“if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will get you there” A vision is a guide for decision making Where there is no vision, the people perish
(Proverbs 29:11) Session 2 is devoted to crafting a new
personal vision for the future
Recovery requires spiritual tools
Divorce is the result of an attack by the Enemy
Recovery from divorce requires recognition of the spirits at work and tools for getting rid of them now and resisting them in the future
Each session of this series will address the spirits and the tools
Spiritual Warfare
General Principles We wrestle not with flesh and blood but…
▪ Ephesians 6:12
All our thoughts are not our own▪ Matthew 16:22-23
Take every thought captive▪ 2 Corinthians 10:5
Separate them from the evil within▪ Romans 7: 15-17
Forgiveness; its not optional▪ Luke 23:34 Matthew 6:14-15
Spiritual warfare-tools
Recognize the spirit(s) in you Repent Receive forgiveness
THEN Respond in love Say “No” to the flashcards of past
wrongs Resist when they return
▪ James 4:7
Walking it out
When you stumble Repent Forgive yourself, you’re only human Pray Start over
Pray for your “ex” every day; in front your kids Ask God to bless them
Common spirits in conflicts
Recognizing the spirits at work pride un-forgiveness bitterness accusation control/domination murder with the tongue (gossip/slander)
Journaling and DiscussionTime for reflection and integration
Journaling
Go back to your self assessment on the 6 divorce recovery factors. For each factor, list your victories and
your remaining challenges▪ Denial▪ Anger▪ Bargaining▪ Depression▪ Acceptance▪ Forgiveness
Journaling
What are the barriers to your continued recovery that you recognize in yourself? Emotional Spiritual
Journaling
How has God spoken to you during your divorce and what has He taught you? Write God a letter…Dear God, thank you for
teaching me about…
If God has seemed absent lately, why do you think that is? Write God a letter..Dear God, I miss you and
want to hear from you again. Please speak to me about…
Discuss with your partner
Share as much of your journaling or your reactions to this session as you wish
You will each have about 5 minutes, so manage the time
Report outs and homework
Questions Report outs Homework:
Strengthsfinders Journaling every day Online self assessment Bring self assessment next week for the
session on Personal recovery
Post Divorce Challenges for Adults
Personal Recovery Topics-Session 2 Roles Identity Vision, Purpose, Mission Values Goals
Kevin Karlson
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 972.839.2394
Contact info:
Kim Karlson Kimkarlsonministries.com
Email: [email protected]
Phone: 214.914.9873