How To Win Friends and Influence People

In Real Estate

THANK YOU FOR COMING!

Based On The Book

How to Win Friends covers four broad topics:

• Fundamental techniques in handling people • How to make people like you • How to win people to your way of thinking • How to change people without giving offense

or arousing resentment

Part I

Fundamental Techniques in Handling PeopleThis introductory section gives a broad overview of Carnegie’s topic, and establishes the three core tenets of his philosophy.

One

If you want to gather honey, don’t kick over the beehive. Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain.

Two

The big secret of dealing with people: Give people a feeling of importance — be hearty in your approbation and lavish with your praise

Three

He who can do this has the whole world with him; he who cannot walks a lonely way: First arouse in the other person an eager want.

Part II

Six Ways to Make People Like YouIn this section, Carnegie covers the basic skills for getting along well with others. These techniques are useful under any circumstance.

One

Do this and you’ll be welcome anywhere: Become genuinely interested in other people.

You Can Make More FriendsIn two months by becoming genuinely interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get other people interested in you.

If We Want To Make FriendsLet’s greet people with animation and enthusiasm.

People Will Be Interested In You

If you are interested in them.

TwoA simple way to make a good first impression: Smile.

The Expression

You wear on your face is more important than the clothes you wear on your back.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

And a smile says, “I like you. You make me happy. I’m glad to see you.”

Your SmileTo someone who has seen a dozen people frown, scowl or turn their faces away, your smile is like the sun breaking through the clouds. A smile can help him realize that all is not hopeless- that there is joy in the world.

ThreeIf you don’t do this, you are headed for trouble: Remember that a man’s name is to him the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

The Average Person

Is more interested in his or her own name than in all the other names on earth put together. Remember that name and call it easily, and you will have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. But forget it or misspell it and you have placed yourself at a sharp disadvantage.

FourAn easy way to become a good conversationalist: Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Really Listening

Is one of the highest compliments we can pay anyone.

It’s An Important Virtue in Real Estate

And just as important in one’s home life.

Five

How to interest people: Talk in terms of the other man’s interests.

Theodore Roosevelt

Whenever Roosevelt expected a visitor, he sat up late the night before, reading up on the subject in which he knew his guest was particularly interested.

SixHow to make people like you instantly: Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.

Part III

Twelve Ways to Win People to Your Way of Thinking

One

You can’t win an argument: The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it.

9 Times Out of 10

An argument ends with each of the contestants more firmly convinced than ever that he is absolutely right.

Two

A sure way of making enemies — and how to avoid it: Show respect for the other man’s opinions. Never tell a man he is wrong.

You Can Tell People

They are wrong by a look or intonation or a gesture just as eloquently as you can in words. If you tell them they are wrong, do you make them want to agree with you? NEVER!

It Is Difficult

Under even the most benign conditions to change people’s minds. So why handicap yourself by telling someone that’s what you intend to do? Instead, do it subtly so that no one will feel that you are doing it.

Use Phrases Like

“I may be wrong. I frequently am. Let’s examine the facts.”

Nothing Good

Is accomplished and a lot of damage can be done if you tell a person straight out that he or she is wrong.

Three

If you’re wrong, admit it: If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically.

Say About Yourself

All the derogatory things you know the other person is thinking or wants to say or intends to say – and say them before that person has a chance to say them.

Any Fool

Can try to defend his or her mistakes – and most fools do – but it raises one above the herd and gives one a feeling of nobility and exultation to admit ones mistakes.

When We Are Right

Let’s try to win people gently and tactfully to our way of thinking and when we are wrong, let’s admit our mistakes quickly and with enthusiasm.

FourThe high road to a man’s reason: Begin in a friendly way.

Abraham Lincoln

“A drop of honey catches more flies than a gallon of gall.” So with men, if you would win him to your cause, first convince him that you are his friend. Therein is a drop of honey that catches his heart; which is the great high road to his reason.

The Sun and The WindThey quarreled about which was stronger, and the wind said, “I’ll prove I am. See the old man down there with the coat? I bet I can get his coat off him quicker than you can.” So the sun went behind the cloud, and the wind blew until it was almost a tornado, but the harder it blew, the tighter the old man clutched his coat to him.

The Wind Calmed Down

And gave up, and then the sun came out from behind the clouds and smiled kindly on the old man. Presently, he mopped his brow and pulled off his coat. The sun then told the wind that gentleness and friendliness were always stronger than fury and force.

The Sun

Can make you take off your coat more quickly than the wind; and kindliness, the friendly approach and appreciation can make people change their minds more readily than all the bluster and storming in the world.

FiveThe secret of Socrates: Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.

In Talking With People

Don’t begin by discussing the things on which you differ. Begin by emphasizing and keep emphasizing the things on which you agree. Keep emphasizing that you are both striving for the same end.

Six

The safety valve in handling complaints: Let the other man do a great deal of the talking.

Seven

How to get co-operation: Let the other fellow feel the idea is his.

EightA formula that will work wonders for you: Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.

Nine

What everybody wants: Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.

Learn The Magic Phrase

That would stop arguments, eliminate ill feeling, create good will, and make the other person listen attentively.

Here It Is…

“I don’t blame you for feeling as you do. If I were you I would undoubtedly feel just as you do.”

Ten

An appeal that everybody likes: Appeal to the nobler motives.

Words That Work

I could not help being impressed by your fairness and patience.

I can tell that you are a person of honesty and integrity…your word is good with me.

Eleven

The movies do it. Radio does it. Why don’t you do it? Dramatize your ideas.

TwelveWhen nothing else works, try this: Throw down a challenge.

Part IV

How To Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment.

One

Begin with Praise and Honest Appreciation.

It Is Always

Easier to listen to unpleasant things after we have heard some praise on our good points.

Two

Call Attention To People’s Mistakes Indirectly.

Three

Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.

Admitting One’s

Own mistakes – even when one hasn’t corrected them – can help convince somebody to change his behavior.

Four

Ask Questions instead of giving direct orders.

Five

Let the other person save face.

Six

Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”

Seven

Give The Other Person a Fine Reputation To Live Up To

Eight

Make The Fault Seem Easy To Correct

Nine

Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.

THANK YOU FOR COMING!