Post on 18-Dec-2015
The Cost of Conflict: Lessons from Randy Moss© Tom Esch Jan 12, 2012
What did it cost Moss?
Verbal abuse on airplane= $15,000
Squirting official with water = $25,000
Knocking down cop in Mpls = $50,000
Mooning Packer fans….
PRICELESS!!
How does conflict impact your work as analysts?What are the things that get in the way of efficiency & producivity?
Examples of things that get in your way
Need not be related to Randy Moss…
Conflict has many faces
Smart people not communicating well
Business and Technical analysts who do not speak the same language
Interpersonal differences Resistance to change Reluctance to share information
What is the impact on you of not-yet managed conflict?
Stress
Unhappiness
Health issues
Work not done
What are the not-yet-resolved issues costing you?
And what can you do about it for yourself & others?
To lower costs To improve workplace happiness To become better business
analysts
Moss says/does things that cause conflict
“I’m gonna say what I wanna say.… do what I wanna do…
play what I wanna play.”
“I don’t shine shoes. I don’t tape ankles. I don’t cut checks.”
What Does Moss Teach Us @ Conflict?
His life illustrates the cost of not working things out.
Yes Grasshopper Mr. Moss is your teacher
#1 Emotional IQ
#2 Slow down
#3 Pause & Turn
E.S.P.
#1 Emotional IQ: Grow It! especially with how you use your RANK
Emotional Intelligence… is super important in business &
life contributes to conflict prevention is what you’ll need a lot of if you
have not been able to prevent conflict
And…..is related to rank
What is RANK?
Rank is related to emotional intelligence and privilege
Rank is the “sum of a person’s privileges.” Dr. Arnold Mindell
Rank is “like a drug” (it can make us numb to feelings, which is potentially dangerous to relationships)
Two Types of Rank
INNER: emotional intelligence determined in part by how we respond to life’s challenges (Moss has lower inner rank)
OUTER: is determined by the professional, social or cultural context (Moss has high outer rank)
Qualities of Rank The more rank a person has, the
less aware they tend to be
“If people are mad at you think of rank.” Dr. Jan Dworkin
It is possible to use rank well, to use our power/privilege in a way that prevents conflict
When it feels goodwe want more of it.
High Rank: It Just Feels Good
Signs of High Rank
Saying/doing irritating things
Interrupting othersSaying “no” easily Ignoring requests
“You Don’t Care…”
Ignoring requests is a sign you are misusing
your high rank.
Signs of Low Rank
Feeling uncomfortable, afraid or angry
Lacking confidenceGetting interruptedStruggling to say “no”
Sometimes we can tell who has high rank…
…sometimes we can’t.
But we can always take a look at our own rank…
Rank: How intelligent use of rank lowers the cost of conflict
Come to the my next seminar:
“Tools to Lower Your Cost of Conflict”
Details will be emailed to those who want know more.
Lesson #2 SLOW DOWN
...when Things Get Hot
Sometimes the best receivers know when to slow down in order to score.
Heat speeds things up
In nature and in human relationships
To cool it off, calm yourself down
You can’t usually calm the other down, especially if you are part of the problem—try it only if you like taking risks
#2 How to SLOW it down Slow down vs. calm down Catch the signals before
things get too hot Use a four letter word: say
“ouch” in a language that fits your culture
The dying engineer
Lesson #3Know when to PAUSE…
…& go another direction
#3 When to PAUSE & go another direction?
You feel righteous or angry You want to send an email you
know you should not
For more attend …
SUMMARY: Lower Your Cost of Conflict by Practicing E.S.P.
#1 Emotional IQ#2 Slow down#3 Pause
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Get me your contact info and I’ll let you know about my next
seminar.
Your learnings + eval of Tom
Esch1. Favorite part2. Least favorite part3. One line stating the value you got today4. May I contact you?5. Name/email/phone
Ever feel like this lady with your
relation- ships at work?
Thank you IIBA!Comments & Questions
Tom Esch’s next event: “Tools to Lower Your Costs of Conflict”
Details coming soon…See www.CreatingResolution.com for
more