The Cost of Conflict: Lessons from Randy Moss© Tom Esch Jan 12, 2012

What did it cost Moss?

Verbal abuse on airplane= $15,000

Squirting official with water = $25,000

Knocking down cop in Mpls = $50,000

Mooning Packer fans….

PRICELESS!!

How does conflict impact your work as analysts?What are the things that get in the way of efficiency & producivity?

Examples of things that get in your way

Need not be related to Randy Moss…

Conflict has many faces

Smart people not communicating well

Business and Technical analysts who do not speak the same language

Interpersonal differences Resistance to change Reluctance to share information

What is the impact on you of not-yet managed conflict?

Stress

Unhappiness

Health issues

Work not done

What are the not-yet-resolved issues costing you?

And what can you do about it for yourself & others?

To lower costs To improve workplace happiness To become better business

analysts

Look to Randy Moss: Your Teacher

Moss says/does things that cause conflict

“I’m gonna say what I wanna say.… do what I wanna do…

play what I wanna play.”

“I don’t shine shoes. I don’t tape ankles. I don’t cut checks.”

What Does Moss Teach Us @ Conflict?

His life illustrates the cost of not working things out.

Yes Grasshopper Mr. Moss is your teacher

#1 Emotional IQ

#2 Slow down

#3 Pause & Turn

E.S.P.

#1 Emotional IQ: Grow It! especially with how you use your RANK

Emotional Intelligence… is super important in business &

life contributes to conflict prevention is what you’ll need a lot of if you

have not been able to prevent conflict

And…..is related to rank

What is RANK?

Rank is related to emotional intelligence and privilege

Rank is the “sum of a person’s privileges.” Dr. Arnold Mindell

Rank is “like a drug” (it can make us numb to feelings, which is potentially dangerous to relationships)

Two Types of Rank

INNER: emotional intelligence determined in part by how we respond to life’s challenges (Moss has lower inner rank)

OUTER: is determined by the professional, social or cultural context (Moss has high outer rank)

Qualities of Rank The more rank a person has, the

less aware they tend to be

“If people are mad at you think of rank.” Dr. Jan Dworkin

It is possible to use rank well, to use our power/privilege in a way that prevents conflict

When it feels goodwe want more of it.

High Rank: It Just Feels Good

Signs of High Rank

Saying/doing irritating things

Interrupting othersSaying “no” easily Ignoring requests

“You Don’t Care…”

Ignoring requests is a sign you are misusing

your high rank.

Signs of Low Rank

Feeling uncomfortable, afraid or angry

Lacking confidenceGetting interruptedStruggling to say “no”

Sometimes we can tell who has high rank…

…sometimes we can’t.

But we can always take a look at our own rank…

Rank: How intelligent use of rank lowers the cost of conflict

Come to the my next seminar:

“Tools to Lower Your Cost of Conflict”

Details will be emailed to those who want know more.

Lesson #2 SLOW DOWN

...when Things Get Hot

Sometimes the best receivers know when to slow down in order to score.

Heat speeds things up

In nature and in human relationships

To cool it off, calm yourself down

You can’t usually calm the other down, especially if you are part of the problem—try it only if you like taking risks

#2 How to SLOW it down Slow down vs. calm down Catch the signals before

things get too hot Use a four letter word: say

“ouch” in a language that fits your culture

The dying engineer

Lesson #3Know when to PAUSE…

…& go another direction

#3 When to PAUSE & go another direction?

You feel righteous or angry You want to send an email you

know you should not

For more attend …

SUMMARY: Lower Your Cost of Conflict by Practicing E.S.P.

#1 Emotional IQ#2 Slow down#3 Pause

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seminar.

Your learnings + eval of Tom

Esch1. Favorite part2. Least favorite part3. One line stating the value you got today4. May I contact you?5. Name/email/phone

Ever feel like this lady with your

relation- ships at work?

Thank you IIBA!Comments & Questions

Tom Esch’s next event: “Tools to Lower Your Costs of Conflict”

Details coming soon…See www.CreatingResolution.com for

more