It's Day 4 of the Utterly Hallucinatory Spider Jerusalem Vetinari Bachelor Challenge!

Four lucky SimSelves are battling it out for the affections of the hot Legacy spare-spawn.

Will there be groping? Will there be slapping? Will there be inappropriate hot tub conversations? Only one way to find out!

These are the four SimSelves who are still in the game:Kaiyah (Kaiyah/Kaiyah2; Legacy Shmegacy), with a score of 136, and Kendra (riot.fighter/riotgrrl 4271; the Punk Legacy), with a score of 135, have been on the top of the heap since the first day. Styx (StyxLady/lorddaeos; Just Another Legacy), with a score of 126, and De (fireflower314; fireflowersims@livejournal.com; the Morgan and Pierce Legacies), with a score of 125, have closed the gap, and on Day 4, it's anyone's game!

And here's Spider Jerusalem Vetinari: Reaper child son of Gen 2 Uglacy spare Cypress Vetinari, he's enjoying the freedom of Pleasantview, and is not the tormented, introverted, lonely Spider Jerusalem of the Dualegacy.

If you'd like more Vetinari goodness, check out the Vetinari Dualegacy on DrSupremeNerd's SimPage or the Boolprop.com forums.

So, here's the observation post. Mostly it's not furnished because I am lazy, but this is where we've all been hanging out.

"Yeah, we're feeling sort of lazy here in the observation post today. Larch is busy stalking Di, and Spider Jerusalem--who's been here for two days now--is playing Rock Paper Scissors with Stacilee. Now, Cassidy... Cassidy's scoring some Aspiration points with the matchmaker."

SimNerd: SimSelf of DrSupremeNerd, creator of the Vetinari Dualegacy, currently replaying part of Gen 4 due to some glitchtasticness.

"Date! Black hair! A guy with black hair! Facial hair a plus! No makeup! I have given you loads of money, get me a date!"

Cassidy Vetinari: half-alien son of Gen 2 Uglacy spare Cypress.

Gilbert: "Have I been brought here for kissing?"Matchmaker: "Thank me later."Cassidy: "Hey, don't Romance Sims and Pleasure Sims throw a bolt or two just on general principle? This is the least sucky Matchmaker date ever! ...No offense."Matchmaker: "None taken."

Cassidy: "You're pretty hot."Gilbert: "Looking's free, but touching's gonna cost you."Cassidy: "Really?"Gilbert: "Nope."Cassidy: "Sweeeeeet."

Gilbert: "You're not so bad yourself..."Cassidy: "I work out. It's sort of compulsory around here."

"Congratulations on being hot!"

OK, one Chat, one Joke, and a couple of mild Flirts, and we already have Crushing.

Don't know why Gilbert is thinking about Larch.

And it turns out that if you make Gilbert selectable, bump him up into gold Aspiration, and change his Turnons with the Orb-a-ma-bob, he and Cassidy get three bolts.

Gilbert: "I'm rolling all sorts of Romance Sim Wants right now."Cass: "I think my Pleasure Sim Wants are right there with you."

I've never had Sims with three bolts while they'd just met and were on a first date. They're Crushing, and the date's not even to Great yet, but the Hold Hands passes with flying colors.

Either I'm completely losing my mind, or these two are kinda...cute...together.

Gilbert: Romance Sim likes dating!Cass: Pleasure Sim likes dating!Spider: Hey, that guy dancing with my brother sort of looks like... Gilbert. Naaaaah.

Cass: "PLEASURE SIM!"Gilbert: "...My spine..."

I'm not crazy, right? There's a certain cuteness at work here?

We're still on the same date, and Gilbert throws me a heart.

Cass is two Flirts behind with his heart.

Still weirdly sweet, yes?

Well, I do have a Bachelor Challenge to introduce...

Di: "... and then Henry heart-farted me as he was being arrested! How embarrassing!"SimNerd: "You should have just whipped out Rodney's Death Creator instead of messing with prison."Di: "You're one to talk!"SimNerd: "Touche."Larch: "Pssst! Di! Call me!"

Di: Dicreasy, writer of the Victorian Legacy.Larch Vetinari: Gen 2 Uglacy heir, Eeevil half-naked finger-gunner.

Stacilee: "Best 200 out of 300?"Spider: "Sure!"

Stacilee (stacilee/stacierearden): writer of the Whedonberry Alphabet Legacy.

Yeah, I don't think we're going to get a whole lot of introducing out of this crowd today.

Gin: "They're really slacking off over there today, aren't they?"Michelle: "Yeah, like sitting around on the couches chatting is soooo tiring."Orikes: "Oh, I don't know, it's not like any of us are going to begrudge Cassidy slides. Or, you know, a decent boyfriend."

Gin: GintasticNecat, writer of The Science of a Legacy, eliminated on Day 3.Michelle: MichelleFobbs/MichaelFobbs, writer of the Planetary Apocalypse, eliminated on Day 2.Orikes: Orikes/orikes360, writer of the Pseudo Legacy, eliminated on Day 1.

Gin: "I'm not sure I can get behind Gilbert."Michelle: "You have to get over the poking incident."Orikes: "And hey, he's better than Mr. Big Jerk!"Michelle: "Who isn't? At least I got to give that creep a smackdown!"Gin: "I got to torch Cypress!"Orikes: "I think I got the best deal--Larch's childrinions! And, you know, Larch!"

Yes, we treat our non-winners well around here.

Orikes: "Well, if they're not going to introduce the challenge, we'll just have to do it ourselves!"Michelle: "It's Day 4, right?"Gin: "Yup. So that means more hot tubbing..."Orikes: "A Share Interests..."Michelle: "And three Flirts! We were promised some riskier Flirts today, which means Spider Jerusalem gets to do some groping!"Gin: "I missed groping by a day."Michelle: "With your score, you wouldn't have let him grope anyway."Gin: "...Yeah..."Orikes: "Anyone want to take any bets on whether Styx or Kaiyah's the first one to mention kissing in the hot tub?"Michelle: "Or if anyone will get the Big Red Hearts of Love today?"Gin: "Or who's going to reject the touchy-feely Flirts?"

All will be revealed!

I've tuned the season to Spring, so the relationships shouldn't build as quickly as they have been the last few days.

There's time for a snack before the hot-tubbing begins.

Kendra: "So, yeah, it's the Punk Legacy, have you heard of it?"De: "Perhaps in passing..."

I have Spider Jerusalem jump in the hot tub and Ask the SimSelves to Join...

Kendra: "Maybe I shouldn't have had all that turkey..."Yeah, that expanding waistline just cost you a shot in Spider Jerusalem's hot tub. Now you get to Work Out while everyone else enjoys the hot tub.

Yup, it's Styx, Kaiyah, and De in the hot tub with Spider Jerusalem.

"Kissing?"

He doesn't waste a lot of time, does he?

"So, who do you think's leaving today?"

Kaiyah: "Hey, I'm in the lead over here; I think I'll be sticking around!"Styx: "The scores are closer than you think, Kaiyah!"De: "Yeah, it's anyone's game!"

Kaiyah: "Kissing?"Spider: "Yaaay!"De: "Oh, not again."

De: "What is it with you and kissing, Kaiyah? We haven't even done any yet!"Kaiyah: "I'm anticipating the gloriousness of Spider Jerusalem smoochies."Styx: "Spider! Yoohoo!"

"Splashy splashy!"

"Sexy lamp?"

"NO."

"Balls. So many of them, so few rusty forks."

"That was a bit obvious."

"Change of topic to avoid Banned4Lyfe! ...Haven't you always wanted to see the theatrical presentation of Sweeney Todd?"

"Too much blood for me. I like comedies! Like La Cage Aux Folles."

"I think I know someone who's in danger of going home..."

"Did you hear about Cassidy and Gilbert?"

"Well, at least Gilbert doesn't make me want to bust out my rusty fork."

"Wait, wait, wait... You mean Gilbert Jacquet? And my brother Cassidy?"

"OMG--that was Gilbert Cassidy was kissing! Has anyone got some mental floss? Or perhaps some eye bleach?"

De: "Gin's hot."Styx: "Wanna come join me on the wagon, De?"

"Eh, undeniably hot, but hotness isn't everything. Sometimes you need to be able to talk about things. Like killing Gilbert, which I probably can't do now, considering the way he and Cassidy were all over each other."

"Kissing!"

"I think I'll be here for it, too!"

"I'm hot."

Did you know Sims can heart-fart themselves? Apparently they can!

"She is hot."

De: "Isn't she?"Styx: "It's okay to fall off the wagon, sweetie, as long as you get back on."

"Kissing!"

Spider: "It's like kisses... with scorching hot droplets of water!"De: "It's really, really not like kisses at all."

"I really love hitting balls."

Spider: "I just love hitting anything, really."Styx: "Pssst! Kaiyah!"

Spider: "What's your take on hitting things, De?"De: "I find that violence is rarely the answer."Styx: "Splashy splashy!"

"You know what's better than kissing? Making out!"

"I agree! I think I'll be here for that, too!"

"...Oil?"

We will now leave Spider Jerusalem's one-track mind for some Sharing of Interests.

Kaiyah's first!

"So, were you a fan of Buffy?"

" 'Hush' rocked my world! Joss was robbed for that Emmy! I'd like to introduce those voters to my rusty fork!"

"What about games?"

"You're kidding, right? There's one in particular I really enjoy!"

"So, has your feeling on graphs changed from Day 2?"

"You know, I've come around to your way of thinking!"

This one sort of made me scratch my head. She ended the Chat on Day 2 when Spider Jerusalem started talking about graphs, but now she's all in favor. I didn't know they could do that! Styx is really playing for keeps now.

"How about money?"

"I hear there's nothing quite as wonderful as it!"

"What's your feeling on construction workers, De?" Kaiyah is hot!

Way to try to obscure that heart-fart, pal.

De: "They're necessary components of our society. We'd never get nurseries built without them."Kendra and Kaiyah: We're besties!

"I don't know if I could ever have an office job. Boooorrrrrring!"

"I can see your point. You'd look silly in a suit."

"Sexy lamp?"

"Well, they can be, in the right hands."

"I like all the things you can do in the dark. Perhaps with sexy lamps."

"Oh yes, the possibilities certainly are endless!"

"What are your feelings towards seeing the deaths of your mortal enemies?"

"There's nothing more punk than death!"

I did not expect this. All the Share Interest topics were accepted wholeheartedly, with nary a red X in sight.

Time for the Flirts, and that means time for Spider Jerusalem to get some groping!

My Flirts of choice today are Hold Hands, Caress, and Goose. I don't anticipate any of them rejecting the Hold Hands, but the other two...

No shock that Kendra accepts the Hold Hands.

Kendra: "Whoa, whoa, whoa, nobody touches the glasses!"Spider: "But they're so... punk-y..."

Ooh, Kendra stones Spider Jerusalem on the Caress! Will she let him go for the grope, or is her position in the house going to become tenuous?

Apparently, these cheeks are okay to touch.

Spider: "I wanna grope again now!"De: "What is it with you and groping?"Spider: "I have nine outgoing and one nice point."De: "Oh yeah."

De: "Isn't this better than groping?"Spider: "It's better than nothing, but better than groping? Naaaaaah."

De: "I'm not on board with the groping, Spider Jerusalem."

And she's really not--Grope (er, Goose, I mean Goose) isn't an option, so I go for Suggestion instead.

Spider: "So whaddaya say? You, me, groping?"De: "Weeeelllll... maybe later."

If Styx and Kaiyah have Goose available, De will be leaving shortly.

Styx: "You know what tomorrow is?"Spider: "Is it... kissing?"Styx: "I think it might be!"

Oooh, and Styx eats up the Caress!

Spider: "I just can't help myself!"Styx: "As if I care!"

Styx is the first one to accept all three Flirts.

Kaiyah: "So I've been thinking about branching out into rusty melon ballers."Spider: "Why mess with a good thing?"Kaiyah: "You may have a point."

Spider: "Your puppet skin feels awesome."Kaiyah: "You can touch aaallllll you want, gorgeous."

It must be a bolt thing--Styx and Kaiyah have three with Spider Jerusalem, compared to Kendra and De's two, and both Styx and Kaiyah accepted the Caress, where Kendra and De didn't.

Oh, I've been waiting for this look through all these flirts.

Spider: "It's a shame you changed out of your swimsuit."Kaiyah: "Isn't it?"

"It's noon. Can I sleep now?"

Yup, noon brings a peek at Spider Jerusalem's relationship panel. He's still rocking a Double-Crush with all four contestants, he's friends--but not best friends--with all of them, and the bolts haven't changed. But one SimSelf is pulling away from the rest, and two are tied for second place eight points back. So who stays and who goes?

Kaiyah (151): "It's Day 4 and I'm still in the lead! Rusty forks for the win!"Kendra (143): "Two days without being in the hot tub, and I'm still in the race!"Styx (143): "What can I say? I learned from my Day 1 mistakes!"

It's still anyone's game going into Day 5. Except, of course, for our last contestant...

"No Spider Jerusalem babies?"Sorry, De. No Spider Jerusalem babies.

De's out on Day 4 with a score of 129--barely higher than her Day 3 score, despite the hot tubbing. You head out; I'll wrangle the crazy kids over at the observation post into some semblance of order.

This completely pointless slide has been brought to you by naptime.

We hope you have enjoyed this completely pointless slide.

SimNerd: "Uh, Cass...?"Cassidy: "Yeah?"SimNerd: "...Never mind."Stacilee: "He's not wearing pants, is he?"SimNerd: "Not as such, no."Stacilee: "Gilbert's still floating around somewhere, isn't he?"SimNerd: "With a three-bolt chemistry and maxmotives, he may never leave. Sort of like Spider Jerusalem, only with underpants."Cassidy: "Has anyone got a problem with that?"Stacilee: "Nope."

Di: "Shouldn't we be talking to De now?"Larch: "Shouldn't we be cuddling now?"Di: "That would be highly inappropriate. I doubt your fiancee would approve."Larch: "Eh, what she doesn't know..."Di: "...she'll find out on Boolprop."Larch: "An excellent point. I'll just stay over here, shall I?"Di: "That would be best."

"Well, De? What's the what?"

"I had a pretty good run, didn't I? I mean, even I was surprised when I made it to Day 3 in the middle of the pack! I went from 'almost eliminated' to 'final four,' so I can't complain too much! Except, you know, for the lack of Spider Jerusalem babies. And, hey, if it was my lack of three-bolt chemistry Flirt-acceptance that doomed me today, we might see Kendra going out tomorrow--she's the only two-bolter left!"

Stacilee: "That's a pretty good point--is it going to come down to bolts, or will something happen like an autonomous Flirt in front of someone else to shake up the standings?"SimNerd: "Isn't that supposed to be part of the fun?"Stacilee: "Yes, but we've gotten this far in without seeing any fighting, and surely we can't get all the way through without Spider Jerusalem unloading on anyone!"SimNerd: "Hey, we got to watch Michelle go postal on Big."Stacilee: "You are quite generous with your consolation prizes."SimNerd: "Speaking of..."

"Spare of my choice to be determined later?"

"If that's what you want. But while we're at it, you wanna have a go at Big Jerk too?"

"...Yeah, all right."

"Hey! I don't get to have a wedding, I don't get to beat anyone up, I don't get to be all gropey with Di... How come I don't get to have any fun?"

We get it; you're Eeevil. Now shut up and look hot.

De: "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"Big: "I'm rich, shallow, and conceited. How else am I expected to behave?"De: "You're really not helping your case here."Big: "What're you going to do? Beat me up? Oooh, I'm soooo scared to be beaten up again. Just try not to throw me through the stereo this time; that really messes up the hair."

De: "Rodney's Death Creator?"Rodney's Death Creator.Big: "Who's what now?"

"Oh, look! That cloud looks just like a falling satellite!"

"This one's for all the Cassidy fans out there!"

*splat*

"Oh no. Whatever will I do. That large hunk of smoking metal has squashed that poor man flat. Someone really should plead with the Reaper.

"...Look at the time, my soaps are on!"

"Throw your hands in the air like you just don't care! And by that I mean, care that Mr. Big Jerkwad's dead!"

Don't let her Family Sim baby-obsession fool you, folks, De is stone cold. I did not make her do this. Grimmy's outside next to the smoking heap, and she's inside getting her groove on.

Clearly she hasn't seen the bonus gift...

"Yeah, hey, totally meant to plead and stuff, but you know how it is when you've got that Dancing Fever... How much? Well, I've got this wad of gum stuck to the bottom of my shoe with a penny in it..."

"Oh, the horror. The horror."

"I smell bad and I want a grilled cheese sandwich."

Is this the first-ever Grilled Cheese Zombie Mr. Big? If it's not, don't tell me. I wanna be a trendsetter.

"Ahahahahahahaha LOSER!"

A sentiment shared by many...

"Next time, we're on to Day 5! Will Kaiyah continue to pull away from the rest of the pack, as a fellow Knowledge Sim with three-bolt chemistry? Will three-bolter Styx score higher than Kendra to send the one-time leader packing? Will Kendra prove once and for all that there's more to winning than three bolts? What will the consolation prize for tomorrow's eliminee be? Will Spider Jerusalem and Gilbert ever leave the observation post? Will we ever see Cassidy in pants again?

"Tune in for the answers to these questions, plus more hot-tubbing goodness, groping, and kissing during Day 5 of the Spider Jerusalem Bachelor Challenge!

"...Larch, I'll thank you to stay on your own cushion!"

OK, I got tired of the polo shirt and the blonde eyebrows.

I think I just made Gilbert kinda hot.