Post on 26-Mar-2015
PC Nuts and Bolts - II
Columbus AFCC
September 28, 2007
Matthew J. Sullivan, Ph.D.www.californiaparentcoordinator.com
Coparenting and the PC Process
Structural Transition from Nuclear to Binuclear
Adequate functioning in each subsystemAdequate functioning between
subsystemsAn appropriate Parenting Plan
Defines timeshare, coparenting structure, etc.
Coparenting after divorce
Collaborative - accurate perceptions, child-focused,supportive of parenting, ability to communicate, give and take
Conflicted - distortion, projections, anger, “in the name of the child”, poor communication, breakdown in parental hierarchy, executive functioning
Schism/Skew
Coparenting types
Level of
LOW
Engagement
HIGH
Parallel 40%
Cooperative 25%
Conflict HIGH Mixed
20% Conflicted 15%
Level LOWof
Parallel Parenting
Kelly, J.B. (March, 2007 Family Process) “Cooperative coparenting promotes resiliency in children because of the
parents ability to resolve differences on their own or with mediators or therapists as they arise. It has been reported that children whose parents engage in conflict-free parallel parenting also appear to thrive, as long as they have adequate parenting in both homes and well articulated parenting agreements and orders specifying contact and when joint decision-making is required will occur”
The PC as “interface”Handout “ parallel parenting plans”
The tragic legacy of the Litigation Context
Litigants don’t make good coparents
Representation - advocacyDistrust SabotageWin/loseChaosUnilateral actionIn the name of the childFocus on the problem being the other parent -advesariesDepleted resources - financial,emotional
Coparent training in the PC Process
Clear demarcation of new ADR process Let go of the legal/adversarial process The rules are changing You don’t have to work with the other parent,
just with the PC and the rules Disengagement with the coparent, moving
towards functional engagementManageability, protection
Object Relations in the PC Process
Countertransference in the PCPunitive, Withdraw, overwhelmed (caught like the
child)
Expectation and “tolerance” of bad behavior
Management of O-R dynamics
Building an overarching reality from the polarized partial/distorted perspectives (Johnston). This is the Holding Environment
Recognition and management of vulnerabilities“Sorting” perspectivesParents will enact these dynamics with youClear relationship rules are critical
Boundaries
Two ways to get into trouble with boundaries:
Faulty Rules
Failure to maintain Boundaries
Faulty Rules Explicit, detailed policies and procedures as a
tool for setting appropriate boundaries. The rules of the relationship.
• Slippage do to your stuff and/or the client’s stuff becomes evident when you rules are violated
Failure to Maintain boundaries Challenges come in two ways
Pulls - idealization, need, money, celebrity• More seductive, gratifying
Pushes - devaluation, Demand, threat, criticism, questioning
• Hard to stand up to
Limit setting, training the clients What behavioral theory tells us
Clearly defined expectations of behaviorConsistent responseTimely responseCompassionate firmnessDepersonalizeConsequence fits the violation
Disengagement: Structuring Coparenting in H-C situations
The PC is the interface between the parents - Titrating the communication/contact so that it
is functional and manageable• Face to face meetings - structure• Telephone conference calls• Email - timely, can control receipt, response,
documented• Fax, letter• No contact, except through PC
Disengagement using PP
Crafting the Parenting Plan Handout “Parenting Plan Musts” Handout “Sample Parenting Plan Provisions
Implementing the Parenting Plan The devil is in the details, conflict breeds in the grey
areas Training in using “our” constitution
Nuts and Bolts of the PC process
Never Commence work until you have
A signed court order = AuthorityFees/retainer = moneySigned PC agreement = Protection
The stipulation and order appointing SM/PC
The stip which defines the parameters of your role must reflect the procedural necessities of the role.
Access to information (therapists, documents)
Contract formation can be a strategic dance, push back.
Relationship rules formed earlyBrief review of the Stipulation and Order
appointing SM/PC
A signed Court Order
This is your constitutionIs it detailed, are you being set-up
don’t allow big issues to be deferred to the SM (e.g. timeshare issues, school, etc.)
Fees and Retainer
The O-R dynamics/boundary issues will be played out in the money relationship
Clear structure - set the boundaries, maintain them
Don’t get into a position where the fees are exhausted
Particularly by one parent
Documentation
Your file - what goes in it/organization Letters
“This letter documents the agreements/decisions that have come from our meeting of 12/12/06. Please review this documentation for accuracy and inform me immediately, if you have questions or concerns. In the absence of modification, based on your feedback, you have agreed to follow the directives contained in this letter unless modified in the Parent Coordination process or by further order of the court.”
Documentation (cont)
Decisions/awards/Orders Handout “Documentation”
Who do you send letters to?Communication procedures
Ongoing Work
Working on the Parenting PlanThis is a collaborative, highly structured
process, using this to assess and build the structure of functional coparenting, psychoeducate (child-focus, give and take, businesslike, up front sanctions, planning)
Handout “Sample order for Parenting Plans
Ongoing Work
Developing the schedule Where is Johnny every hour of every day Calendar, working through Again, reinforcing coparenting - planning
(September/March meetings), organization(bringing the info you need), documentation, give and take (building trust)
Gradual turning over - symbolic presenceDo it, set up protocol, narrow issues for PC
Resolving Issues
Types of Issues Violation of Court Orders
• Avoid adjudication, anticipate issues, depersonalize• Behavioral theory at work• Sanctions
Issues that come up• Reasonable, fair, child-focused, does it fall into a larger
set of issues (special events - can we create a protocol
Types of Issues (Continued) Parenting Issues
• Boundaries are important, developing tolerance, psychoeducational approach, educating eachother, but not controlling (disengage) - diet, routines, homework, clothes
Larger Issues• Push beyond the boundaries of the order?• Evaluation and judge?• Changing timeshare significantly, move away, school• Document, document, document• Supervise and evaluation process
The Dispute Resolution Process
Settlement processes Not mediation Tension between turning to eachother and turning to
you Bargaining in the shadow of the law (Mnookin),
negotiation, holding the tension, tipping the balance (weighing in), aligning with the “good parent/coparent” and the “needs of the child”, reinforcing desire to align with you
Case Management
The Coordination RoleSpecific Goals: Supervised visitation, substance
abuse, domestic violence, special issues (health, education), alienation/estrangement
Treatment plans: initiation, support and monitoring and coordination
Professionals and non-professionals who are involved with the family: caught in the middle of conflict (alignment, withdrawal)
The Collaborative Team
The evaluatorAttorneysMental health professionals
• Child therapists, parent therapists
Other professionals• Physicians, nannies, teachers, coaches, tutors
Extended family/significant others
Collaborative Teams
PC is organizer/leader Parameters in place to protect team
• Confidentiality, releases, control of information
Goals and specific plans, coordinating, monitoring, modifying
Collaborative system around family• Professional loyalty/client loyalty
Team’s involvement in coparenting issuesProtecting the therapeutic relationship