PC Nuts and Bolts - II

Columbus AFCC

September 28, 2007

Matthew J. Sullivan, Ph.D.www.californiaparentcoordinator.com

Coparenting and the PC Process

Structural Transition from Nuclear to Binuclear

Adequate functioning in each subsystemAdequate functioning between

subsystemsAn appropriate Parenting Plan

Defines timeshare, coparenting structure, etc.

Coparenting after divorce

Collaborative - accurate perceptions, child-focused,supportive of parenting, ability to communicate, give and take

Conflicted - distortion, projections, anger, “in the name of the child”, poor communication, breakdown in parental hierarchy, executive functioning

Schism/Skew

Coparenting types

Level of

LOW

Engagement

HIGH

Parallel 40%

Cooperative 25%

Conflict HIGH Mixed

20% Conflicted 15%

Level LOWof

Parallel Parenting

Kelly, J.B. (March, 2007 Family Process) “Cooperative coparenting promotes resiliency in children because of the

parents ability to resolve differences on their own or with mediators or therapists as they arise. It has been reported that children whose parents engage in conflict-free parallel parenting also appear to thrive, as long as they have adequate parenting in both homes and well articulated parenting agreements and orders specifying contact and when joint decision-making is required will occur”

The PC as “interface”Handout “ parallel parenting plans”

The tragic legacy of the Litigation Context

Litigants don’t make good coparents

Representation - advocacyDistrust SabotageWin/loseChaosUnilateral actionIn the name of the childFocus on the problem being the other parent -advesariesDepleted resources - financial,emotional

Coparent training in the PC Process

Clear demarcation of new ADR process Let go of the legal/adversarial process The rules are changing You don’t have to work with the other parent,

just with the PC and the rules Disengagement with the coparent, moving

towards functional engagementManageability, protection

Object Relations in the PC Process

Countertransference in the PCPunitive, Withdraw, overwhelmed (caught like the

child)

Expectation and “tolerance” of bad behavior

Management of O-R dynamics

Building an overarching reality from the polarized partial/distorted perspectives (Johnston). This is the Holding Environment

Recognition and management of vulnerabilities“Sorting” perspectivesParents will enact these dynamics with youClear relationship rules are critical

Boundaries

Two ways to get into trouble with boundaries:

Faulty Rules

Failure to maintain Boundaries

Faulty Rules Explicit, detailed policies and procedures as a

tool for setting appropriate boundaries. The rules of the relationship.

• Slippage do to your stuff and/or the client’s stuff becomes evident when you rules are violated

Failure to Maintain boundaries Challenges come in two ways

Pulls - idealization, need, money, celebrity• More seductive, gratifying

Pushes - devaluation, Demand, threat, criticism, questioning

• Hard to stand up to

Limit setting, training the clients What behavioral theory tells us

Clearly defined expectations of behaviorConsistent responseTimely responseCompassionate firmnessDepersonalizeConsequence fits the violation

Disengagement: Structuring Coparenting in H-C situations

The PC is the interface between the parents - Titrating the communication/contact so that it

is functional and manageable• Face to face meetings - structure• Telephone conference calls• Email - timely, can control receipt, response,

documented• Fax, letter• No contact, except through PC

Disengagement using PP

Crafting the Parenting Plan Handout “Parenting Plan Musts” Handout “Sample Parenting Plan Provisions

Implementing the Parenting Plan The devil is in the details, conflict breeds in the grey

areas Training in using “our” constitution

Nuts and Bolts of the PC process

Never Commence work until you have

A signed court order = AuthorityFees/retainer = moneySigned PC agreement = Protection

The stipulation and order appointing SM/PC

The stip which defines the parameters of your role must reflect the procedural necessities of the role.

Access to information (therapists, documents)

Contract formation can be a strategic dance, push back.

Relationship rules formed earlyBrief review of the Stipulation and Order

appointing SM/PC

A signed Court Order

This is your constitutionIs it detailed, are you being set-up

don’t allow big issues to be deferred to the SM (e.g. timeshare issues, school, etc.)

Fees and Retainer

The O-R dynamics/boundary issues will be played out in the money relationship

Clear structure - set the boundaries, maintain them

Don’t get into a position where the fees are exhausted

Particularly by one parent

Documentation

Your file - what goes in it/organization Letters

“This letter documents the agreements/decisions that have come from our meeting of 12/12/06. Please review this documentation for accuracy and inform me immediately, if you have questions or concerns. In the absence of modification, based on your feedback, you have agreed to follow the directives contained in this letter unless modified in the Parent Coordination process or by further order of the court.”

Documentation (cont)

Decisions/awards/Orders Handout “Documentation”

Who do you send letters to?Communication procedures

Ongoing Work

Working on the Parenting PlanThis is a collaborative, highly structured

process, using this to assess and build the structure of functional coparenting, psychoeducate (child-focus, give and take, businesslike, up front sanctions, planning)

Handout “Sample order for Parenting Plans

Ongoing Work

Developing the schedule Where is Johnny every hour of every day Calendar, working through Again, reinforcing coparenting - planning

(September/March meetings), organization(bringing the info you need), documentation, give and take (building trust)

Gradual turning over - symbolic presenceDo it, set up protocol, narrow issues for PC

Resolving Issues

Types of Issues Violation of Court Orders

• Avoid adjudication, anticipate issues, depersonalize• Behavioral theory at work• Sanctions

Issues that come up• Reasonable, fair, child-focused, does it fall into a larger

set of issues (special events - can we create a protocol

Types of Issues (Continued) Parenting Issues

• Boundaries are important, developing tolerance, psychoeducational approach, educating eachother, but not controlling (disengage) - diet, routines, homework, clothes

Larger Issues• Push beyond the boundaries of the order?• Evaluation and judge?• Changing timeshare significantly, move away, school• Document, document, document• Supervise and evaluation process

The Dispute Resolution Process

Settlement processes Not mediation Tension between turning to eachother and turning to

you Bargaining in the shadow of the law (Mnookin),

negotiation, holding the tension, tipping the balance (weighing in), aligning with the “good parent/coparent” and the “needs of the child”, reinforcing desire to align with you

Case Management

The Coordination RoleSpecific Goals: Supervised visitation, substance

abuse, domestic violence, special issues (health, education), alienation/estrangement

Treatment plans: initiation, support and monitoring and coordination

Professionals and non-professionals who are involved with the family: caught in the middle of conflict (alignment, withdrawal)

The Collaborative Team

The evaluatorAttorneysMental health professionals

• Child therapists, parent therapists

Other professionals• Physicians, nannies, teachers, coaches, tutors

Extended family/significant others

Collaborative Teams

PC is organizer/leader Parameters in place to protect team

• Confidentiality, releases, control of information

Goals and specific plans, coordinating, monitoring, modifying

Collaborative system around family• Professional loyalty/client loyalty

Team’s involvement in coparenting issuesProtecting the therapeutic relationship