Interpersonal Relationship SkillsA classroom discussion

- Basanta Raj Sigdel

AgendaInterpersonal role of a managerDimensions of interpersonal relationshipRole of communication in IPRPower of active listeningSelf assessment: Some models in practice

Communication styleTransactional analysisJohari window model

Interpersonal role of manager FigureheadLeader Liaison ……………………….

Your viewpointWhen someone forgets your name, how

does it make you feel? Are you affected or offended in any way?

If you see someone whom you met before, but forget the person’s name, do you think it’s better to ask for the name again or not admit that you’ve forgotten?

Your viewpoint If you’re being treated badly in a

relationship and you don’t express your dissatisfaction to the other person, would you say you’re equally responsible for the mistreatment?

Interpersonal relationshipReciprocal social and emotional

interaction between two or more individuals in an environment

Close association between individuals who share common interests and goal

Forms of IPRFriendshipFamily and kinshipProfessional relationship Love MarriagePlatonic relationshipCasual relationship Brotherhood and sisterhoodAcquaintances

IPR for an individualPersonal growth and developmentGrowth and enjoymentSense of securityContext of understanding Interpersonal needsEstablishing personal identity

IPR for a manager/leaderUnderstanding selfBuilding a positive functional

multidisciplinary teamImproving intra and/or inter team

communication, coordination and cooperation

Improved decision making and problem solving

Communication is the KEYCommunication is the lifeline of any

relationship. Without it, the relationship will starve to its death.

- Elizabeth Bourgeret

You can change your world by changing your words... Remember, death and life are in the power of the tongue.

- Joel Osteen

Communication is the KEYHalf the world is composed of people who

have something to say and can't, and the other half who have nothing to say and keep on saying it.

- Robert Frost

To say nothing, especially when speaking, is half the art of diplomacy.

- Will Durant

The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.

- George Bernard Shaw

How does communication fail?

Let’s shareThink of any moment, incident in your

professional /personal life where you think that interpersonal communication seriously broken down (intentionally or unintentionally) and you had an important lesson for your life.

Share briefly in the plenary

Interpersonal Relationship

Empathythe ability to stand in another’s

shoes, to feel what it’s like there and to care about making it better if it hurts.

a hypothesis we make about another person based on a combination of visceral, emotional, and cognitive information...an attempt to experience the inner life of another while retaining objectivity.

Six habits of empathic peopleCultivate curiosity about strangersChallenge prejudices and explore

commonalitiesTry another person’s lifeListen hard and open upInspire mass action and social changeDevelop an ambitious imagination

- Kriznaric(2012)

Assertiveness Enables an individual to act in

his or her best interests without denying or infringing upon the rights of others

Allows people to speak their minds without hurting or threatening others

Allows people to express anger or disappointment without acting aggressively

Assertive communicators…are open about their feelingsare not anxious; deal with stressful

situations calmlyare contentious; stand up and argue for

their rights even if this might entail a certain disagreement or conflict

are not intimidated and are not easily persuaded by others

Developing assertivenessAcknowledge that people are responsible for their

own behaviorExpress negative thoughts and feelings in a healthy

and positive mannerIdentify your needs and wants, and ask for them to be

satisfiedValue yourself and your rightsReceive criticism and compliments positivelyLearn to say "No" when you need to- the key to

assertiveness 

1 Minute Exercise List as much people as you can who you

would like mostList as much people as you can who you

dislike most

Transactional Analysis A transaction is any interaction or

communication between two people How people say something is just as

important as what is said People send and receive messages

out of and into their different ego states

Parent Adult Child

Our Ego StatesWe have three ego states or personality

aspects

The ParentLife as it is taughtUnconsciously acting in

similar ways to our parents

Nurturing: permission, security, guidance

Critical: controlling

The ParentA frown or stern look.Pointing of the index finger.Arms folded as to say “what are you doing?”Uses phrases like; “you should,” “you ought

to,” “that is right!”Words such as; sympathizing, punishing.

moralizing, judging, giving orders, criticizing.

The AdultLife as it is thoughtLiving in the

present and responding to situations through rational thought.

The AdultStraight forward facial expression.Active listener, eyes blink every 3 to 5

seconds showing attention.Speaks of probabilities.Uses phrases like; “In my opinion,”

“Based on what I have observed,” “So far the facts seem to indicate.”

The ChildLife as it is feltUnconsciously

reverting to childhood behavioursPrimitiveImpulsiveDemanding Creative

The ChildSmiling, laughing, having fun.Soft tone of voice.Crying, having tantrums, getting into

trouble.Childlike facial expressions.Uses words/phrases like; “Wow!,”

“hurray!,” “I wish,” “I feel.”

Complementary Transactions Question: ‘What time is it?’

Answer: ‘Three o’clock.’

Crossed Transactions Question: ‘What time is it?’

Answer: ‘Forget about what time it is, get that report finished.’

Ulterior Transactions Question: ‘What time is it?’

Answer: ‘What time do you think it is?’

Question: ‘Hundred o’clock?’

Answer: ‘Exactly!’

Positive responsePraisePositive feedbackComplimentsExpressions of appreciationGood reports

Negative responseNon-constructive criticismNegative judgementsInsultsExpressions of disapprovalBad reports

Life PositionsI’m not OK, you’re not OK

‘This is terrible, we’ll never succeed’

Life PositionsI’m not OK, you’re OK

‘I wish I could do it as well as you do’

Life PositionsI’m OK, you’re not OK

‘You’re not doing it right, let me show you’

Life PositionsI’m OK, you’re OK

‘We’re making good progress here’

                        

It is not the voice that commands the story; it is the ear.

- Italo Calvino

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn't said.

- Peter Drucker

Worth of listening

Thought of the hour

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen

to understand.

We listen to reply.

Mode of communication

Formal yearsof training

Percentage of time used

Writing 12 years 9%

Reading 6-8 years 16 %

Speaking 1-2 years 30%

Listening 0-few hours

45%

% time in communication modes

Active Listening Requires…Definite Intent to ListenFocus on the SpeakerVerbal and Non-Verbal EncouragersFeedback Loop to Insure Accuracy

Active Listening (3 Steps)1. Listen

2. Question

3. Reflect-Paraphrase

Step 1: ListenTo feelings as well as words

Words – emotions - implications

Focus on speakerDon’t plan, speak, or get distracted

What is speaker talking about?Topic? Speaker? Listener? Others?

Look at speakerUse verbal & non-verbal encouragers

Step 2: Question3 Purposes

Demonstrates you are listeningGather informationClarification

Open-endedTell me more?How did you feel?Then what happened?

Step 3: Reflect-ParaphraseReflect what is said (in your words)Reflect feelingsReframe

Capture the essence of the communication

Remove negative framingMove toward problem solving

THE JOHARI WINDOW MODEL

Known to All Known to Self Only

Known to Others only

Hidden

Joseph Luft, Harry Ingham(1955), A graphic model for Interpersonal Relationship- University of California, Western Lab.

Known to all Known to

Self only

Known to Others only Hidden

Known to all Known to

Self only

Known to Others only Hidden

FE

ED

BA

CK

PR

OC

ES

S

SHARING PROCESS

Barriers to IPR

Sustainable RelationshipCompatibilityCaring Commitment CompromiseConstructive disagreement

The story continues…

brsigdel@nasc.org.np

Cell 9841310840