How do we decideanything?

(from an NLP viewpoint)

By Mike Friganiotis

How do we decide anything?We make decisions based on emotion….

We either decide to…..

a)Move away from pain

b)Move towards pleasure

Then, we use logic to justify those decisions!!

Decision making• We avoid perceived risk• We tend to make decisions independently,

rather than seek the advice of someone else who can provide a different perspective

• We will take a sure thing (even when it doesn’t always make sense) as opposed to taking the risk of something with a 50/50 chance.

• e.g would you like $50 now, or a chance to get half of $200 later?

Sub-conscious vs conscious mind

• Our sub-conscious is 1 million times more powerful!

• It controls up to 97% of our life• It is incapable of thinking or making

decisions – and it will never be…• It simply assesses the surroundings and

responds in a way to avoid pain, fear, or any type of negative associations & reacts.

• Instinctual behaviour – ‘fight or flight’

Sub-conscious vs. conscious mind

• When we come across something that involves making a decision, we sub-consciously cross-reference it with all our pre-conceived notions & beliefs.

• THEN we make a decision!

Emotion vs. Logic

We are emotional people making decisions primarily based on emotions

BUT

We think we are logical….and we try to justifythe decision with logic!

Emotion vs Logic

• First ENGAGE people using logic

• THEN tap into the emotion to get them to take action

Using Logic

• Third party evidence is a MUST!

• Use a third party expert rather than presenting evidence from yourself.

• Testimonials are powerful because of this.

Using Logic

• Use up-to-date information…..If you are trying to make a point, don’t bring up a study of something that took place 10 or more years ago…..it will make your audience doubtful….

• Use evidence that your

audience can relate to…

avoid technical jargon

Mental Triggers

• Obligation/Reciprocity – people generally feel obligated to return favours or good deeds that have been done to them by others.

• Likewise, people feel uneasy if they don’t return favours, or if favours are not returned to them.

Mental Triggers• Contrast – the perception of

something changes when

compared to something else..• Generally speaking, if whatever we’re being

presented with now seems equal or better than something we were presented with in the past, we will take action to obtain it.

• Add more benefits/rewards or reduce consequences/risks to get agreement

Commitment - Types

• A written commitment – an exchange of signed promises.

• A minor commitment – if you can get a commitment in ANY form, it will eventually make it easier to get a larger commitment

• A public commitment – people do not want to look like hypocrites. The more public the commitment, the more likely it is to be kept.

• Commitments must be VOLUNTARY, not FORCED

Using Logic• Use statistics – people love statistics!

• Statistics prove that a many people believe, act or behave in a certain way.

• When people see that a MAJORITY behave in a certain way, they assume it must be right or correct.

• Social proof – if it worked before, it will probably work again.

Mental Triggers - Connections

• The link that exists between others can be enough to create the emotional need to act…

• CONNECTIONS are created using - Rapport,

Attraction,

People skills, and

Similarity

Connections

• Rapport – a powerful way to create rapport is through BODY LANGUAGE (we are perceived visually through body language 55% of the time.)

Rapport

• “A loop of mutual influence.” M. Erickson

• Rapport is to communication what fuel is to a car; without it, you get nowhere.

• Rapport is different from agreement—it is being understood and regarded.

• Successful people create rapport and rapport creates trust

Building Rapport - Pacing or Mirroring

Making yourself similar to your client…

• Repeat their key words & phrases

• Use the same tone of voice

• Similar breathing

• Similar posture

Building Rapport - Leading

After Pacing, Leading is having someone follow you…• Lead with voice, language and body language.• You lead the target in the direction you want e.g. name

three statements you know to be true then add one you want to be true…

Example: “Mr. Stewart you came here today looking for a TV, (Yes, I told you my old one gave up the ghost) and you like the features I have showed you on this Sony, (Yes, that picture in picture was awesome for game day) You already told me it will fit perfect in your living room. (Oh yeah  I can picture it above the mantle) and you know you can afford the tiny monthly payment (Yeah 20 bucks a month is nothing). So can I help you load it into your car?” (Yes)

Achieving Credibility

Capable of being believed, worthy of belief or confidence, trustworthy…….

• If people perceive YOU as credible, they will be open to your beliefs, values, opinions and what you have to say.

• Components of credibility include: Competence, Likeability, Expertise, Composure, Social ability & Trustworthiness

Representational Systems

We communicate mostly one/two of three ways….

Representational Systems

• People will often have one or two preferred representational systems

• These are ones that we will use most often and, particularly, in times of stress or pressure

• It can be helpful to identify someone’s preferred system so that you can communicate better with them and so that you can understand how they have created their way of thinking

Assessment Time!

Do the quiz to see what your main representational system is……

How we represent

Visual Auditory Kinesthetic

I see what you mean That sounds good to me

That feels right to me

Looking back That rings a bell I’ll be in touch

Pretty as a picture Singing from the same hymn sheet

Get a grip

Showing off Loud and clear Jump for joy

Clear cut I’m all ears Warm hearted

I’ll see to it It’s music to my ears Hang on

It looks like We’re all on the same wavelength

Too much hassle

Eye Accessing Cues

Visual• Organized, neat, well-groomed. • Use visualization for memory and decision making - often getting

insights about something. • Are imaginative, may have difficulty putting their ideas in words. • Speak faster than the general population. • Prefer in-person interactions - to see the other person and his/her

reactions. • Want to see or be shown concepts, ideas or how something is done. • Want to see the big picture. • May not remember what people have said or be confused with

verbal instructions. – Maps/pictures are better

• Remember faces more easily than names.

Auditory

• Aware of change in the tone of your voice • Are responsive to certain tones of voice. • Remember directions or instructions more easily. • Learn by listening and asking questions. • Enjoy discussions and prefer to communicate verbally. • Talk through problems

– like someone to be a sounding board

• Need to be heard. • Be easily distracted by noise.• Tend to cross appendages when listening.

Kinesthetic

• More sensitive to their bodies and their feelings

• Tend to respond to physical rewards and touching.

• Learn by doing, moving or touching. • Dress/groom more for comfort than looks.• Make decisions based on their feelings. • Stand closer to other people than those with a

visual preference

Time for practice 1

Exercise #1: 2 minutes for each person

Describe your house to your colleague using your most PREFERRED modality

Time for practice 2

2 minutes for each person:

Describe your house to your colleague using your LEAST preferred modality

Representational Systems

• How could you apply this knowledge in your job?

– 1 minute to reflect

– 2 minutes to share

Connections

• Attraction – The more attracted we are to someone, the more likely we are to agree with them.

• Attraction includes physical, level of intelligence, ability to care, ability to make other people laugh.

Connections

• People skills – using humour & having people respect you.

• Use a person’s name when communicating with them.

• Don’t criticize or make fun of people.

Connections

• Similarity – We tend to agree with the opinions of people that we feel we are similar to, because we feel that we can relate to them more.

• Determine the morals and core values of others, so you can create the similarity between the two of you and gain agreement.

The Power of Questions

• They enable you to gain someone’s attention

• They help alleviate distractions – they keep your audience engaged

• Want quick agreement or commitment? Then ask alternate choice questions.

• Ask for success – don’t ask a question in such a way that your audience can respond with a “no”

The Power of Questions

• Ask questions and LEAD them where you want them to be.

• Limit choices to avoid confusion…..give them ONE or TWO choices only.

Questions - Sequence 1

• Identify the problem – What’s the problem?

• Identify the consequence of the problem – What are the possible consequences?

• Identify the chosen solution – What do you think would fix this? What would be the ideal outcome for you? What would you prefer?

Questions - Sequence 2

• Identify the consequences of the solution – Do you understand the consequences of your agreed outcome?

• Check for confirmation – Are you really happy with this result?

• Ensure that the solution is beneficial – Do you see this as a win for you? Is it a win-win?

Overcoming ResistanceReactance resistance – a knee-jerk reaction against something in a person’s mind that jeopardises their freedom, opinion or values

The best way to prevent this from happening is the change the person’s mind as soon as possible. The longer you let the decision to disagree linger, the lower your chances of ultimately overcoming the decision

Make YOUR offer look more attractive (+)

Reduce the resistance from your target – let them feel as if they are in control

Point out what the person has to LOSE – will bring anticipated regret (-)

Getting an Agreement

How do YOU achieve that???

The NLP Way – Negotiating a WIN

1. Establish or Re-establish Relationships (build rapport)

2. Establish the Total Win Mindset – Clean up past emotional issues – Get to the real issue – Allow brainstorming to occur (participation by

participants)3. Generate Options

– Yours – His/Hers – Other

4. Find Mutual Outcomes 5. Close

– Dovetail Outcomes – Plan a future meeting if necessary (to handle details)