Post on 26-Dec-2015
Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then Be
Understood
What is the opposite of seeking first to understand?
“You’ve spent years learning to read and write and years learning how to speak. But what about listening?”• Stephen Covey
Consider…
• Is there anyone in your life who is a good listener?
• How do they listen?• What makes you think of them as
having this skill?
Becoming an Effective Listener
• Stop talking. • Don’t interrupt. • Ask questions.• Stay constructive.• Look, act, and be interested.• Seek first to understand, then be understood.• Be sensitive to the speaker’s feelings, and try
to appreciate their point of view.
Why is listening important for leaders?
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Listening & Leadership
Listening is a critical leadership skill. It:– Improves morale– Builds respect and trust– Fosters collaboration and learning– Helps to prevent and resolve conflict
Exercise: The Art of Listening
How we listen
Normally we listen “autobiographically”– Our own personal filters are on.– We are concerned with the impact of what is
being said on our own lives.– We fail to step into the shoes of the person
speaking.
Autobiographical responses
• Evaluate: agree or disagree• Probe: ask questions from your frame of
reference• Advise: give counsel and solutions based on
your experience• Interpret: explain motives and behaviors of
others based on your own motives and behaviors
Genuine listening means suspending memory, desire, and judgment—and for a few moments, at least, existing for the other person.
-- Michael P. Nichols
Degrees of Listening
Within One’s own Frame of Reference
Within the Other’s Frame of Reference
Attentive Listening
Empathic listening
Selective Listening
Pretend Listening
Ignoring
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Basic Empathic Listening Skills
• Rephrase content• Reflect feeling• Ask questions for
better understanding
Rephrase Content
• Maria: This project is driving me crazy. I don’t know if I’m going to get it finished before I go home for my sister’s wedding.
• Josephine: It sounds like you have some deadlines you are trying to meet.
Partner Activity• If no gloves are available, should health care workers
(HCW) still draw blood, manage deliveries, etc., i.e., without gloves?
• HCWs who test HIV-positive should not be allowed to work in the hospital.
• Women who are HIV-positive should not have children.• HCWs should be allowed to refuse to take care of HIV-
positive patients if they wish.• Pregnant patients should not have a choice about HIV
testing; it should be mandatory.
Reflect Feeling
• Maria: This project is driving me crazy. I don’t know if I’m going to get it finished before I go home for my sister’s wedding.
• Josephine: Maria, you sound a bit worried.
Mix both!
• Maria: This project is driving me crazy. I don’t know if I’m going to get it finished before I go home for my sister’s wedding.
• Josephine: Maria, you sound a bit worried about some deadlines you are trying to meet.
Ask Questions for Better Understanding
• You’re frustrated by your daughter’s lack of respect. Is that right? It seems like you’re pretty upset with Mario. Is that what’s bothering you? Anything else?
Group Activity
–SPEAKER: “One thing I know about myself as a leader is . . .”
–LISTENER: “Do you mean that . . .?”