Post on 19-Aug-2021
Don’t Call Me Kilroy
the official
autobiography of a
2-d brand mascot
Guy Brickwall with E.T. Ellison
CONTENTS
preface :: 1
memory #1 :: 2
magnetism :: 3
branded :: 4
the wall :: 5
nepotism :: 6
legs :: 7
mobility :: 8
op-ed :: 9
hair :: 10
hats :: 11
hands :: 12
mom :: 13
ladies :: 14
color me :: 15
cpteevee :: 16
kilroy :: 17
gratitude :: 18
credits :: 19
p.s. :: 20
this i
s all a
bout
me…
and n
ot in
a bad
way
.
you’l
l see
.
Don’t Call Me Kilroy
Guy Brickwall with E.T. Ellison
Imagine what it’s like being a mouthless
storyteller. Okay? Now imagine having
to type with your oversized schnozz. And
having a human named Stepdad always
switching your hats and putting wigs on
you and dressing you up funny. Instant
identity crisis. So why do I put up with
it? Fact is, mascotting for Cash Plus is a
great job. I’m totally grateful. Lately a lot
of people have asked about how I became
a pixels-to-riches celebrity, so I’ve
schnozzed out the story for you. Read
it if you want. Don’t read it if you don’t
want. But just one thing I ask: don’t call
me Kilroy. Please. Guy will do just fine.
Cheers,
Guy Brickwall
(aka “The CP Guy”)
not my real hair
p r e f a c e 1
My very first memory is hearing Stepdad
cackle “eureka.” It was a late night early
in the spring of 2002. I had just been
printed out with microscopic droplets
of ink and become a real inanimate
character for the very first time. Stepdad
later told me that before that moment
I was just pixels getting moved around
on a computer screen with a drawing
program called Freehand. Now I was
real molecules…but I had no idea of the
sort of troubles my molecules would be
getting into. And soon. When you’re just
pixels, you don’t know about about fishing
and sweepstakes contests and getting
magnetized and having kids scribble all
over you. You don’t even know if you can
swim or not.
m e m o r y # 1
this is what was staring
back at me when my
stepdad held my first
printout up to a mirror.
was that really me? was I
actually peering over his
idea of a graphic brick
wall? why the monster
nose? I had lots of other
questions I couldn’t ask
on account of coming
up zero in the mouth
department. not a great
beginning.
cheapo costume shop top hat
2
My new job was explained to me the
next day at a Brain Trust meeting on
The Mountain. That’s how I thought of
Stepdad and J-L, his business partner.
They’re consultants: creative business
building types. They came up with
schemes and such to help the Boss’
franchise company. A year earlier they’d
come up with an idea for giving away the
Boss’ money: the Cashaway™ Sweepstakes.
Clever. Now they were getting ready for
the second edition, which was where I
came in. They said my job as mascot
was to add an element of goofiness. And
the job might not last: there would be a
post-Sweepstakes customer survey and
if people didn’t like me it was over. Done.
I’d be tossed in the scrap pile of failed
mascots like the Burger King king. Yikes.
So I went all in on the goofiness and
wished I had crossable fingers.
m a g n e t i s m
the brain trust plugged me
into their goofy animated
tv commercial and posters
and fishy coloring sheets
for kids and ads and reefer
magnets and other promo
junk that stepdad said let him
work the excess whimsies
out of his system. i was
fine with everything but
the magnet; it’s like having
your back superglued to
the side of a skyscraper.
gravity is dragging you
down for weeks on end. and
sometimes people turn you
upside down just to mess with
your head. why else?
714-731-2274 your family financial services center
me as reefer magnet
3
“Hey, Mom. Look, it’s Guy. I got some job
security.” I would have said something
like that to my proud mom…if I had a
mom…and if I could say anything at all.
But I’m not whining. Stepdad gave me
page 10 all to myself in the 2003 edition
of the Cash Plus Brand Handbook. That
was a big deal for me. I also got a boost
in intellectual property protection from
™ to ® thanks to the Boss. Wow. All this
happened because the customer survey
results came back with a humongous
approval rating for me. I hadn’t just
survived the fishy shtick and being
magnetized: I was a hit! My future was
so bright I’d have to wear shades. I’d get
some, but first I’d have to survive The
Wall.
b r a n d e d
should i have
complained about
only being a flat
2-color mascot when
bigtime mascots were
all depicted in full
color with elaborate
dimensionality? even the
toons? nah. flat design
will be back in vogue
someday, according to
stepdad. then i’d be a
hit in the design world.
he was totally prescient
about the flat design
part.
wow and double wow!
Meet the Cash Plus GuySTICKY LIKE A BRICK WALL AND A TOP HATAs we all know, not all adver-tising is created equal. Some of it “sticks” better than oth-ers. Brand-associated char-acters are one proven way of adding “stickiness” — and personality — to a compa-ny’s marketing initiatives. TheofficialCashPlus“mascot” — we call him CashPlusGuyorCPGuyat the moment — made his successful debut in the sec-ondCashawaySweepstakesin 2002. If he looks vaguely familiar, well, that’s all part of the plan. Overtime,theCPGuywill become increasingly integrated into the over-allCashPlusbrandimagethrough a variety of market-ing initiatives.
CP GUY GRAPHIC REPRESENTATIONSThebasicCashPlusGuytrademark consists of the character, his top hat and his section of brick wall. His color scheme is designed to be cost-effectively reproduced in both grayscale (black & white) and 2-color versions.
USING CP GUYAt the present time, the use oftheCPGuyimageisbe-ing carefully managed by the CashPlusCorporateOfficeas one of its strategic mar-ketingintitatives.TheCPGuycharactermaycurrentlyonly be used as part of cor-porate-developed marketing and image programs which are made available from time totimetotheCashPlusre-tail network.
Cash Plus Guy in his basic 2-color form.
Cash Plus Guy in his basic grayscale form.
10
CP Guy Colors
HAT & OUTLINES Solid black
BRICK WALL (2-color form) Bricks = 60% Cash Plus Red Mortar = 15% black
BRICK WALL (grayscale form) Bricks = 40% black Mortar = 15% black
4
“Think of it as Laugh-in meets the Four
Stooges in a series of 22-second sitcoms.
Fast-paced, campy, goofy, slap-sticky…
not slick or fancy.” That was the concept
as the Brain Trust described it. To shoot
the six 30-second TV spots for this wacky
campaign, the production company built
the 13’ x 19’ set that Stepdad designed.
It had cool doors for cast members to
pop out of, like on some old TV show
called Laugh In. Now that I’d become a
full member of the Brand Team, the Boss
insisted that I be part of the action from
day one. No speaking parts, but Stepdad
wrote me into each episode. In post
production they added the custom Cash
Plus theme music that ran throughout
the spots and ended with the cash register
tag. It’s still running in the back of my
head: du-du-du-du-daah…ka-ching.
t h e w a l l
they set up the set in
a big warehouse in
carson…wherever
that is. all six episodes
made it into the
can in one day and
nearly everybody
got cream pied, me
included. cream?
actually hydrogenated
vegetable oil, high
fructose corn syrup,
skim milk, sodium
caseinate, natural
and artificial flavor,
xanthan and guar
gums, polysorbate 60,
sorbitan monostearate,
beta carotene and
water. yum!
5
snorting not
recommended
The next few years after The Wall were
super busy. I was flying, literally. As the
new aerial mascot for Cash Plus tax
season promotions I flew daring and
dangerous sidesaddle stunts in a vintage
Franklin 100 origami. Stepdad was busy,
too: he’d started drawing me a family. The
Boss liked them and said he’d put them
on the payroll, too. Does that qualify as
nepotism? If so, great: I was no longer the
only living Brickwall. One was a daring
nephew named Skate who got hooked into
ballooning while he was doing a poster
boy gig for Sweepstakes 4. Another was
Dr. Phineas Brickwall, noted authority
on just about everything technical or
financial. He might be my great uncle…
or not. Stepdad says Brickwall geneology
is somewhat fluid and mysterious.
n e p o t i s m
a dead
philosopher
named george
santayana once
said “the family
is one of nature’s
masterpieces.”
a dead pop star
named bobby
darin once said,
“my family comes
first. maybe that’s
what makes me
different from
other guys.”
both of those
guys were onto
something.
6
My legs got drawn in 2004 and I’m happy
to have them. Sure I’d like to be taller,
with long skinny legs like Cousin Vinnie’s,
but Stepdad says 5’ is the perfect height
for kids to relate to. And for cloning:
cutout Standup Guy versions of me have
been in every Cash Plus lobby since
2006. Kids talk to us. They really do.
l e g s
vinnie and i went all blues brothers for an 18’ x 22’
banner on a huge new cash plus store in port st.
lucie, florida. i was almost 10’ tall, vinnie was close
to 12’. great view from up there.
vinnie
me
7
Talk about a shock! There I was, waving,
glad-handing, walking around and even
talking to franchisees and their wives.
But was it really me? It sure didn’t feel
like me. The event was the 2006 Cash
Plus Convention Cruise and this new
Walkaround Guy was a surprise guest. I
was watching him through the eyes of the
Standup Guy by the door and I was crazy
envious at first. After a while though
I got behind the idea of having mobile
ambassadors of me on the street, so to
speak. The Walkaround Guys make a lot
of friends, I’m told. A while back I asked
Stepdad and J-L to look into smuggling
a Walkaround Guy into Disneyland so he
could maybe get Goofy’s autograph. And
if not Goofy’s, maybe Snow White’s? No
luck yet. But I can dream, can’t I?
m o b i l i t yi heard a
rumor that the
person inside
this so-called
walkaround guy
posing with the
boss’ lovely wife
(and co-owner)
is actually a girl
person. another
shocker.
8
I need to interrupt this autobiography
for something called op-ed. More than
once, Stepdad has talked me into posing
for little bits of social commentary that
he’s put together for the fun of it. He says
it’s cheap therapy for him. Okay, fine.
My chance to play dead was inspired by
magazine ads from the 40s and 50s that
showed “doctors” smoking their favorite
brand of cigarette, “proving” that tobacco
couldn’t possibly be bad for you. Stepdad
says this is why I should be thankful that
he didn’t draw me with lungs.
o p - e d 9this answers the
question: “what
happened to the 9
out of 10 doctors who
preferred camels?”
Hair is beautiful…some song says that.
But I’m still pretty confused about the
stuff. When you were originally drawn
bald, you think that’s normal. Only later
you discover that plenty of people think
not having hair is weird or radical or
defective. During one of his shaved-head
phases, Stepdad advised me to not worry
about my baldness. But after pestering
him a while, he drew me a me with hair.
It’s the picture on page 1: the lounge-
lizard look, he said. But he refused to
explain the term, saying I was too young.
Whatever. But what about some hair
styles that are more age-appropriate?
He finally drew me these. I’m grateful,
but none of them feel quite like me. I
think I’m still pretty confused about hair.
Maybe I should just stick with hats.
h a i r
some ancient child star
named for a kind of hay
made this look famous, but
it works best with big ears.
the spiky pink look is
evidently quite popular in
some goth circles, but you
have to get a nose ring.
this combover wannabe
look is for kids who want
to look like a rich guy who
likes to fire people on tv.
10
I had no trouble posing for all of the
images on this page. Totally no prob. But
when I first started my job with Cash Plus
I was a little nervous about pretending
to be a character I’m not. Didn’t seem
honest. Stepdad straightened me right
out, though. He said it’s not dishonest
to just put on a different hat and hold a
prop for a picture; it’s what models and
mascots get paid to do. Then he said
ordinary flesh people honestly wear lots
of different hats too, but that these are
usually metaphorical hats…unless they
are going to a costume party. Maybe that
will make sense to me when I’m older. To
be honest, I’m not too optimistic.
h a t s
the sailor hat
and lifebuoy
was part of
the theme for
an awesome
cash plus
conference
aboard the
famous rms
queen mary
ocean liner in
long beach.
the hard hat
was for a
coloring sheet
celebrating
labor day. i’m
sure you’ve
already nailed
the other two.
wild turkeys just laugh at me
11
Every year, one of the Brickwall clan
gets to mascot a new Cashaway™
Sweepstakes. We show up in posters and
flyers and display ads and coupons and
doorhangers…and tickets, of course. One
of the cool things for us is that we usually
get to do different things with our hands.
If you can imagine what it’s like to spend
most of your life clutching a brick wall,
you’ll get why Sweeps Duty is a welcome
break. But back to tickets. Stepdad claims
that there are customers who collect
them…just so they can dream about our
glamorous mascot lives. He was goofing,
right?
h a n d s
guess who got to wear fake ears and a black skull
cap and learn the vulcan hand thing?
12
It wasn’t exactly an obsession, my Mom
Thing. I just didn’t understand why
Stepdad couldn’t just whip her up for
me. Like instantly. I’d gotten other family
members in the last few years, why not
a mom? He patiently explained that he
needed a business reason: he couldn’t
just use the client’s money to draw up
new characters just for the fun of it. In
2007, a business reason finally arrived:
a Mothers Day co-op ad campaign with
Western Union®. I think he was actually
nervous when he showed me her image
on the computer screen. Would I like her?
Nah, I loved her. Instantly. How could I
not? Sure she’s not fancy, but where does
it say that moms have to be fancy to be
loving and lovable?
m o m
i attended a
brain trust meeting
not long after
stepdad introduced
mom to me. while
he was in another
room, J-L held a
printout in front of
me and pointed to a
photo. “remind you
of anybody?” he
asked. i was more
than speechless:
stepdad’s inspiration
for mom was his
favorite female
novelist. wow!
would she be pissed
if she knew? if we’re
lucky, we’ll never
find out. I won’t tell
her if you won’t.
i think the bow might be a red herring13
Yeah, technically my mom is a lady. But I
can’t really think of her that way. Moms
are a whole different type of lady from
the ones that aren’t your mom. Sounds
dumb, but you know what I mean. The
three ladies on display here clearly share
the characteristic Brickwall good looks,
but personality-wise they’re as different
as eggs and elephants. Stepdad says that
somehow the act of finally drawing mom
blew down whatever door had been hiding
the female side of the Brickwall family
from his trackball. So now I’m wondering
just how big the Brickwall family is going
to become? Stepdad goes coy on me and
says that’s a mystery. Color me a little
annoyed.
l a d i e s
penny is the pink poof phairy;
she’s very busy but also very
shy and only works graveyard.
doc greta, mom’s cousin from
the old country, was first drawn
for a labor day coloring sheet.
known for her sharp sense of humor
madame ruby has used her
prognostication skills in several
birthday cards for the boss’
charming wife.
14
Why do I remember the summer of 2003
so well? It was the very first time the
Nameless Bird appeared in a coloring
sheet and used my head as a footrest. At
a Brain Trust meeting I once asked why
they develop goofy stuff as well as serious
stuff like training programs, marketing
campaigns, CPTV and the franchisee
website…the stuff they spend most of
their time on. J-L looked at Stepdad and
said, “He’s your stepkid; you explain
it to him.” So Stepdad did. “It’s about
feelgoodishness, Guy. Smiles. Grins. Little
things that let customers feel better for
having visited Cash Plus. Same rationale
applies to the wacky video programming
J-L creates for the Cash Plus TV video
monitors in the lobbies. That make any
sense to you?” It did. Since then I’ve cut
Nameless Bird some slack.
c o l o r m e
okay, so it’s kinda nice to
have a birdly sidekick on
coloring sheets. but it gripes
me that nameless bird got
expressive eyeballs and
all of us brickwalls just got
those blank black dots. you
know what stepdad said
when I complained? “look
at the bright side, guy:
brickwall faces are perfect
for poker players. besides,
little kids love nameless bird
for his prankster antics. he’s
like loki and coyote and
raven, right? always poking
at people with power…like
you.” wha-a-a-t?
15
My video career began with a question.
It was in 2010 during one of those 3-day
brainstorming sessions on The Mountain
with the Boss, J-L and Stepdad. “What if
we had flatscreen monitors in the lobbies
and instead of the usual daytime TV feeds,
we had really cool, entertaining, branded
content?” wondered J-L. After dinner that
evening the trio was still brainstorming,
when suddenly there was the sound of
magical moth wings and a flash of rosy
pink light. Just like that, Penny the
poof phairy poofed Cash Plus TV into
existence. Not. But thanks to J-L’s video
editing genius, the first programming and
Cash Plus TV pilot installations went live
in early 2011. And I was in it, ham that I
am. It’s now all in Blu-Ray and the 16th
edition is in the works. Do customers like
watching outrageous, funny, jaw-dropping
videos while standing in line? “No one
will want to leave the lobby now,” said one.
c p t e e v e e
j-l and i have had some awesome
adventures in cptv lately. i don’t
know where he comes up with
the wacky stuff, but he does. and
customers eat it up. one said, “too
bad you didn’t have a longer line
today; I would have liked to see
more of it!” for me, cptv’s been
a great opportunity to stretch my
legs, so to speak. i even got to
host my own cooking show. now
if I could just cook…
16
Sure there’s a resemblance between us
Brickwalls and the legendary Kilroy from
WWII. Not entirely accidental, says the
Brain Trust. And before word had gotten
around that my name was Guy Brickwall
(the not-so-legendary Cash Plus Guy or
CP Guy), some people referred to me
as K-Roy. But that was seriously back
in the day. No excuse now. I mean, just
because you look sorta like Grampa Joe,
you wouldn’t be too happy if I insisted on
calling you Grampa Joe. Besides, I’m not
about to go around drawing my likeness
and “Guy Brickwall was here” on every
wall I can find. Bad ego juju. And even if I
thought about it, I wouldn’t: jeopardizing
my mascot job? No way. Gigs this good
for a 2-D kind of guy are hard to find. For
real. And that’s all I’ve got to say on the
subject. End of autobiography.
k i l r o y
no hat, no brick wall: it’s that easy to
tell us apart, even in wimpy gray. plus,
I do “blank stare” w-a-a-a-y better than
kilroy…unless I happen to be wearing
my cool new “attitude” shades.
17
I owe so much to so many, I hardly know
where to start. Sure Stepdad drew me,
but the idea for me came during one of
his and J-L’s legendary brainstorming
sessions on The Mountain. And J-L has
always been a bigtime cheerleader for
me and my growing family. But of course
without the Boss’ enthusiastic support,
I would never have lived past the first
presentation. And he continues to be a big
supporter even after a dozen years. Mrs.
Boss, too…and the Cash Plus staffers and
all the franchisees. And not to forget the
customers who smile when they see me
in stores and the kids who say “Mommy,
Mommy, can I enter the coloring contest?
Can I? Can I?” Then there are the folks
in cars who wave at my Walkaround
selves when they’re on the street. To all
of you (and those I inevitably missed), I’m
grateful. Bigtime.
g r a t i t u d e
my
heartiest
thanks
to
all!
love,
guy
18
Executive Producer: E.T. Ellison
Associate Producer: J-L Janssen
Associate Producer: Craig Wells
(aka, Boss: CEO of Cash Plus, Inc.)
Concept: E.T. Ellison
Writer: Guy Brickwall
Editor: E.T. Ellison
Character Design: E.T. Ellison
Publication Design: E.T. Ellison
Trademarks: Cash Plus, Inc.
(used by permission)
Publisher: Clownbox Press (USA)
Copyright © 2014 by E.T. Ellison
ISBN: 978-0-9899196-9-2
Contact:
www.etellison.com
etellison.inperson@gmail.com
www.cashplusinc.com
cwells@cashplusinc.com
c r e d i t s
i hereby
certify that
much of
the content
contained
within this
document is
pretty darn
true. trust me
on that.
19
Stepdad here. Guy said I could have the
last page to do a little ‘splainin’. J-L and
I have been consulting with franchise
companies for better than three decades.
Over the years, we’ve completed projects
for franchisors in wildly diverse industries,
some with very familiar, very big names.
But we’ve never had as much creative fun
as the work we’ve done with Cash Plus,
going all the way back to 1996. Don’t Call
Me Kilroy has been created in honor of
that long and quite marvelous relationship.
Many thanks, Craig (aka Boss) and Julie
(aka Mrs. Boss).
~ ETE
p . s . 20
you’re lucky i’m off duty:
no riddles today. guy
figured stepdad wasn’t
going to spill much in the
way of beans about certain
matters, so I got the job.
about stepdad: not only
has he earned awards for
his graphic design work,
he’s published four books
and his first novel earned
a book-of-the-year award.
oh yeah: since 2005 he’s
also been the editor and
designer of check this, the
cash plus monthly franchise
newsletter. just thought you
should know.
did
edw
ard
nigm
a ha
ve o
cd?