Don’t Call Me Kilroy

the official

autobiography of a

2-d brand mascot

Guy Brickwall with E.T. Ellison

CONTENTS

preface :: 1

memory #1 :: 2

magnetism :: 3

branded :: 4

the wall :: 5

nepotism :: 6

legs :: 7

mobility :: 8

op-ed :: 9

hair :: 10

hats :: 11

hands :: 12

mom :: 13

ladies :: 14

color me :: 15

cpteevee :: 16

kilroy :: 17

gratitude :: 18

credits :: 19

p.s. :: 20

this i

s all a

bout

me…

and n

ot in

a bad

way

.

you’l

l see

.

Don’t Call Me Kilroy

Guy Brickwall with E.T. Ellison

Imagine what it’s like being a mouthless

storyteller. Okay? Now imagine having

to type with your oversized schnozz. And

having a human named Stepdad always

switching your hats and putting wigs on

you and dressing you up funny. Instant

identity crisis. So why do I put up with

it? Fact is, mascotting for Cash Plus is a

great job. I’m totally grateful. Lately a lot

of people have asked about how I became

a pixels-to-riches celebrity, so I’ve

schnozzed out the story for you. Read

it if you want. Don’t read it if you don’t

want. But just one thing I ask: don’t call

me Kilroy. Please. Guy will do just fine.

Cheers,

Guy Brickwall

(aka “The CP Guy”)

not my real hair

p r e f a c e 1

My very first memory is hearing Stepdad

cackle “eureka.” It was a late night early

in the spring of 2002. I had just been

printed out with microscopic droplets

of ink and become a real inanimate

character for the very first time. Stepdad

later told me that before that moment

I was just pixels getting moved around

on a computer screen with a drawing

program called Freehand. Now I was

real molecules…but I had no idea of the

sort of troubles my molecules would be

getting into. And soon. When you’re just

pixels, you don’t know about about fishing

and sweepstakes contests and getting

magnetized and having kids scribble all

over you. You don’t even know if you can

swim or not.

m e m o r y # 1

this is what was staring

back at me when my

stepdad held my first

printout up to a mirror.

was that really me? was I

actually peering over his

idea of a graphic brick

wall? why the monster

nose? I had lots of other

questions I couldn’t ask

on account of coming

up zero in the mouth

department. not a great

beginning.

cheapo costume shop top hat

2

My new job was explained to me the

next day at a Brain Trust meeting on

The Mountain. That’s how I thought of

Stepdad and J-L, his business partner.

They’re consultants: creative business

building types. They came up with

schemes and such to help the Boss’

franchise company. A year earlier they’d

come up with an idea for giving away the

Boss’ money: the Cashaway™ Sweepstakes.

Clever. Now they were getting ready for

the second edition, which was where I

came in. They said my job as mascot

was to add an element of goofiness. And

the job might not last: there would be a

post-Sweepstakes customer survey and

if people didn’t like me it was over. Done.

I’d be tossed in the scrap pile of failed

mascots like the Burger King king. Yikes.

So I went all in on the goofiness and

wished I had crossable fingers.

m a g n e t i s m

the brain trust plugged me

into their goofy animated

tv commercial and posters

and fishy coloring sheets

for kids and ads and reefer

magnets and other promo

junk that stepdad said let him

work the excess whimsies

out of his system. i was

fine with everything but

the magnet; it’s like having

your back superglued to

the side of a skyscraper.

gravity is dragging you

down for weeks on end. and

sometimes people turn you

upside down just to mess with

your head. why else?

714-731-2274 your family financial services center

me as reefer magnet

3

“Hey, Mom. Look, it’s Guy. I got some job

security.” I would have said something

like that to my proud mom…if I had a

mom…and if I could say anything at all.

But I’m not whining. Stepdad gave me

page 10 all to myself in the 2003 edition

of the Cash Plus Brand Handbook. That

was a big deal for me. I also got a boost

in intellectual property protection from

™ to ® thanks to the Boss. Wow. All this

happened because the customer survey

results came back with a humongous

approval rating for me. I hadn’t just

survived the fishy shtick and being

magnetized: I was a hit! My future was

so bright I’d have to wear shades. I’d get

some, but first I’d have to survive The

Wall.

b r a n d e d

should i have

complained about

only being a flat

2-color mascot when

bigtime mascots were

all depicted in full

color with elaborate

dimensionality? even the

toons? nah. flat design

will be back in vogue

someday, according to

stepdad. then i’d be a

hit in the design world.

he was totally prescient

about the flat design

part.

wow and double wow!

Meet the Cash Plus GuySTICKY LIKE A BRICK WALL AND A TOP HATAs we all know, not all adver-tising is created equal. Some of it “sticks” better than oth-ers. Brand-associated char-acters are one proven way of adding “stickiness” — and personality — to a compa-ny’s marketing initiatives. TheofficialCashPlus“mascot” — we call him CashPlusGuyorCPGuyat the moment — made his successful debut in the sec-ondCashawaySweepstakesin 2002. If he looks vaguely familiar, well, that’s all part of the plan. Overtime,theCPGuywill become increasingly integrated into the over-allCashPlusbrandimagethrough a variety of market-ing initiatives.

CP GUY GRAPHIC REPRESENTATIONSThebasicCashPlusGuytrademark consists of the character, his top hat and his section of brick wall. His color scheme is designed to be cost-effectively reproduced in both grayscale (black & white) and 2-color versions.

USING CP GUYAt the present time, the use oftheCPGuyimageisbe-ing carefully managed by the CashPlusCorporateOfficeas one of its strategic mar-ketingintitatives.TheCPGuycharactermaycurrentlyonly be used as part of cor-porate-developed marketing and image programs which are made available from time totimetotheCashPlusre-tail network.

Cash Plus Guy in his basic 2-color form.

Cash Plus Guy in his basic grayscale form.

10

CP Guy Colors

HAT & OUTLINES Solid black

BRICK WALL (2-color form) Bricks = 60% Cash Plus Red Mortar = 15% black

BRICK WALL (grayscale form) Bricks = 40% black Mortar = 15% black

4

“Think of it as Laugh-in meets the Four

Stooges in a series of 22-second sitcoms.

Fast-paced, campy, goofy, slap-sticky…

not slick or fancy.” That was the concept

as the Brain Trust described it. To shoot

the six 30-second TV spots for this wacky

campaign, the production company built

the 13’ x 19’ set that Stepdad designed.

It had cool doors for cast members to

pop out of, like on some old TV show

called Laugh In. Now that I’d become a

full member of the Brand Team, the Boss

insisted that I be part of the action from

day one. No speaking parts, but Stepdad

wrote me into each episode. In post

production they added the custom Cash

Plus theme music that ran throughout

the spots and ended with the cash register

tag. It’s still running in the back of my

head: du-du-du-du-daah…ka-ching.

t h e w a l l

they set up the set in

a big warehouse in

carson…wherever

that is. all six episodes

made it into the

can in one day and

nearly everybody

got cream pied, me

included. cream?

actually hydrogenated

vegetable oil, high

fructose corn syrup,

skim milk, sodium

caseinate, natural

and artificial flavor,

xanthan and guar

gums, polysorbate 60,

sorbitan monostearate,

beta carotene and

water. yum!

5

snorting not

recommended

The next few years after The Wall were

super busy. I was flying, literally. As the

new aerial mascot for Cash Plus tax

season promotions I flew daring and

dangerous sidesaddle stunts in a vintage

Franklin 100 origami. Stepdad was busy,

too: he’d started drawing me a family. The

Boss liked them and said he’d put them

on the payroll, too. Does that qualify as

nepotism? If so, great: I was no longer the

only living Brickwall. One was a daring

nephew named Skate who got hooked into

ballooning while he was doing a poster

boy gig for Sweepstakes 4. Another was

Dr. Phineas Brickwall, noted authority

on just about everything technical or

financial. He might be my great uncle…

or not. Stepdad says Brickwall geneology

is somewhat fluid and mysterious.

n e p o t i s m

a dead

philosopher

named george

santayana once

said “the family

is one of nature’s

masterpieces.”

a dead pop star

named bobby

darin once said,

“my family comes

first. maybe that’s

what makes me

different from

other guys.”

both of those

guys were onto

something.

6

My legs got drawn in 2004 and I’m happy

to have them. Sure I’d like to be taller,

with long skinny legs like Cousin Vinnie’s,

but Stepdad says 5’ is the perfect height

for kids to relate to. And for cloning:

cutout Standup Guy versions of me have

been in every Cash Plus lobby since

2006. Kids talk to us. They really do.

l e g s

vinnie and i went all blues brothers for an 18’ x 22’

banner on a huge new cash plus store in port st.

lucie, florida. i was almost 10’ tall, vinnie was close

to 12’. great view from up there.

vinnie

me

7

Talk about a shock! There I was, waving,

glad-handing, walking around and even

talking to franchisees and their wives.

But was it really me? It sure didn’t feel

like me. The event was the 2006 Cash

Plus Convention Cruise and this new

Walkaround Guy was a surprise guest. I

was watching him through the eyes of the

Standup Guy by the door and I was crazy

envious at first. After a while though

I got behind the idea of having mobile

ambassadors of me on the street, so to

speak. The Walkaround Guys make a lot

of friends, I’m told. A while back I asked

Stepdad and J-L to look into smuggling

a Walkaround Guy into Disneyland so he

could maybe get Goofy’s autograph. And

if not Goofy’s, maybe Snow White’s? No

luck yet. But I can dream, can’t I?

m o b i l i t yi heard a

rumor that the

person inside

this so-called

walkaround guy

posing with the

boss’ lovely wife

(and co-owner)

is actually a girl

person. another

shocker.

8

I need to interrupt this autobiography

for something called op-ed. More than

once, Stepdad has talked me into posing

for little bits of social commentary that

he’s put together for the fun of it. He says

it’s cheap therapy for him. Okay, fine.

My chance to play dead was inspired by

magazine ads from the 40s and 50s that

showed “doctors” smoking their favorite

brand of cigarette, “proving” that tobacco

couldn’t possibly be bad for you. Stepdad

says this is why I should be thankful that

he didn’t draw me with lungs.

o p - e d 9this answers the

question: “what

happened to the 9

out of 10 doctors who

preferred camels?”

Hair is beautiful…some song says that.

But I’m still pretty confused about the

stuff. When you were originally drawn

bald, you think that’s normal. Only later

you discover that plenty of people think

not having hair is weird or radical or

defective. During one of his shaved-head

phases, Stepdad advised me to not worry

about my baldness. But after pestering

him a while, he drew me a me with hair.

It’s the picture on page 1: the lounge-

lizard look, he said. But he refused to

explain the term, saying I was too young.

Whatever. But what about some hair

styles that are more age-appropriate?

He finally drew me these. I’m grateful,

but none of them feel quite like me. I

think I’m still pretty confused about hair.

Maybe I should just stick with hats.

h a i r

some ancient child star

named for a kind of hay

made this look famous, but

it works best with big ears.

the spiky pink look is

evidently quite popular in

some goth circles, but you

have to get a nose ring.

this combover wannabe

look is for kids who want

to look like a rich guy who

likes to fire people on tv.

10

I had no trouble posing for all of the

images on this page. Totally no prob. But

when I first started my job with Cash Plus

I was a little nervous about pretending

to be a character I’m not. Didn’t seem

honest. Stepdad straightened me right

out, though. He said it’s not dishonest

to just put on a different hat and hold a

prop for a picture; it’s what models and

mascots get paid to do. Then he said

ordinary flesh people honestly wear lots

of different hats too, but that these are

usually metaphorical hats…unless they

are going to a costume party. Maybe that

will make sense to me when I’m older. To

be honest, I’m not too optimistic.

h a t s

the sailor hat

and lifebuoy

was part of

the theme for

an awesome

cash plus

conference

aboard the

famous rms

queen mary

ocean liner in

long beach.

the hard hat

was for a

coloring sheet

celebrating

labor day. i’m

sure you’ve

already nailed

the other two.

wild turkeys just laugh at me

11

Every year, one of the Brickwall clan

gets to mascot a new Cashaway™

Sweepstakes. We show up in posters and

flyers and display ads and coupons and

doorhangers…and tickets, of course. One

of the cool things for us is that we usually

get to do different things with our hands.

If you can imagine what it’s like to spend

most of your life clutching a brick wall,

you’ll get why Sweeps Duty is a welcome

break. But back to tickets. Stepdad claims

that there are customers who collect

them…just so they can dream about our

glamorous mascot lives. He was goofing,

right?

h a n d s

guess who got to wear fake ears and a black skull

cap and learn the vulcan hand thing?

12

It wasn’t exactly an obsession, my Mom

Thing. I just didn’t understand why

Stepdad couldn’t just whip her up for

me. Like instantly. I’d gotten other family

members in the last few years, why not

a mom? He patiently explained that he

needed a business reason: he couldn’t

just use the client’s money to draw up

new characters just for the fun of it. In

2007, a business reason finally arrived:

a Mothers Day co-op ad campaign with

Western Union®. I think he was actually

nervous when he showed me her image

on the computer screen. Would I like her?

Nah, I loved her. Instantly. How could I

not? Sure she’s not fancy, but where does

it say that moms have to be fancy to be

loving and lovable?

m o m

i attended a

brain trust meeting

not long after

stepdad introduced

mom to me. while

he was in another

room, J-L held a

printout in front of

me and pointed to a

photo. “remind you

of anybody?” he

asked. i was more

than speechless:

stepdad’s inspiration

for mom was his

favorite female

novelist. wow!

would she be pissed

if she knew? if we’re

lucky, we’ll never

find out. I won’t tell

her if you won’t.

i think the bow might be a red herring13

Yeah, technically my mom is a lady. But I

can’t really think of her that way. Moms

are a whole different type of lady from

the ones that aren’t your mom. Sounds

dumb, but you know what I mean. The

three ladies on display here clearly share

the characteristic Brickwall good looks,

but personality-wise they’re as different

as eggs and elephants. Stepdad says that

somehow the act of finally drawing mom

blew down whatever door had been hiding

the female side of the Brickwall family

from his trackball. So now I’m wondering

just how big the Brickwall family is going

to become? Stepdad goes coy on me and

says that’s a mystery. Color me a little

annoyed.

l a d i e s

penny is the pink poof phairy;

she’s very busy but also very

shy and only works graveyard.

doc greta, mom’s cousin from

the old country, was first drawn

for a labor day coloring sheet.

known for her sharp sense of humor

madame ruby has used her

prognostication skills in several

birthday cards for the boss’

charming wife.

14

Why do I remember the summer of 2003

so well? It was the very first time the

Nameless Bird appeared in a coloring

sheet and used my head as a footrest. At

a Brain Trust meeting I once asked why

they develop goofy stuff as well as serious

stuff like training programs, marketing

campaigns, CPTV and the franchisee

website…the stuff they spend most of

their time on. J-L looked at Stepdad and

said, “He’s your stepkid; you explain

it to him.” So Stepdad did. “It’s about

feelgoodishness, Guy. Smiles. Grins. Little

things that let customers feel better for

having visited Cash Plus. Same rationale

applies to the wacky video programming

J-L creates for the Cash Plus TV video

monitors in the lobbies. That make any

sense to you?” It did. Since then I’ve cut

Nameless Bird some slack.

c o l o r m e

okay, so it’s kinda nice to

have a birdly sidekick on

coloring sheets. but it gripes

me that nameless bird got

expressive eyeballs and

all of us brickwalls just got

those blank black dots. you

know what stepdad said

when I complained? “look

at the bright side, guy:

brickwall faces are perfect

for poker players. besides,

little kids love nameless bird

for his prankster antics. he’s

like loki and coyote and

raven, right? always poking

at people with power…like

you.” wha-a-a-t?

15

My video career began with a question.

It was in 2010 during one of those 3-day

brainstorming sessions on The Mountain

with the Boss, J-L and Stepdad. “What if

we had flatscreen monitors in the lobbies

and instead of the usual daytime TV feeds,

we had really cool, entertaining, branded

content?” wondered J-L. After dinner that

evening the trio was still brainstorming,

when suddenly there was the sound of

magical moth wings and a flash of rosy

pink light. Just like that, Penny the

poof phairy poofed Cash Plus TV into

existence. Not. But thanks to J-L’s video

editing genius, the first programming and

Cash Plus TV pilot installations went live

in early 2011. And I was in it, ham that I

am. It’s now all in Blu-Ray and the 16th

edition is in the works. Do customers like

watching outrageous, funny, jaw-dropping

videos while standing in line? “No one

will want to leave the lobby now,” said one.

c p t e e v e e

j-l and i have had some awesome

adventures in cptv lately. i don’t

know where he comes up with

the wacky stuff, but he does. and

customers eat it up. one said, “too

bad you didn’t have a longer line

today; I would have liked to see

more of it!” for me, cptv’s been

a great opportunity to stretch my

legs, so to speak. i even got to

host my own cooking show. now

if I could just cook…

16

Sure there’s a resemblance between us

Brickwalls and the legendary Kilroy from

WWII. Not entirely accidental, says the

Brain Trust. And before word had gotten

around that my name was Guy Brickwall

(the not-so-legendary Cash Plus Guy or

CP Guy), some people referred to me

as K-Roy. But that was seriously back

in the day. No excuse now. I mean, just

because you look sorta like Grampa Joe,

you wouldn’t be too happy if I insisted on

calling you Grampa Joe. Besides, I’m not

about to go around drawing my likeness

and “Guy Brickwall was here” on every

wall I can find. Bad ego juju. And even if I

thought about it, I wouldn’t: jeopardizing

my mascot job? No way. Gigs this good

for a 2-D kind of guy are hard to find. For

real. And that’s all I’ve got to say on the

subject. End of autobiography.

k i l r o y

no hat, no brick wall: it’s that easy to

tell us apart, even in wimpy gray. plus,

I do “blank stare” w-a-a-a-y better than

kilroy…unless I happen to be wearing

my cool new “attitude” shades.

17

I owe so much to so many, I hardly know

where to start. Sure Stepdad drew me,

but the idea for me came during one of

his and J-L’s legendary brainstorming

sessions on The Mountain. And J-L has

always been a bigtime cheerleader for

me and my growing family. But of course

without the Boss’ enthusiastic support,

I would never have lived past the first

presentation. And he continues to be a big

supporter even after a dozen years. Mrs.

Boss, too…and the Cash Plus staffers and

all the franchisees. And not to forget the

customers who smile when they see me

in stores and the kids who say “Mommy,

Mommy, can I enter the coloring contest?

Can I? Can I?” Then there are the folks

in cars who wave at my Walkaround

selves when they’re on the street. To all

of you (and those I inevitably missed), I’m

grateful. Bigtime.

g r a t i t u d e

my

heartiest

thanks

to

all!

love,

guy

18

Executive Producer: E.T. Ellison

Associate Producer: J-L Janssen

Associate Producer: Craig Wells

(aka, Boss: CEO of Cash Plus, Inc.)

Concept: E.T. Ellison

Writer: Guy Brickwall

Editor: E.T. Ellison

Character Design: E.T. Ellison

Publication Design: E.T. Ellison

Trademarks: Cash Plus, Inc.

(used by permission)

Publisher: Clownbox Press (USA)

Copyright © 2014 by E.T. Ellison

ISBN: 978-0-9899196-9-2

Contact:

www.etellison.com

etellison.inperson@gmail.com

www.cashplusinc.com

cwells@cashplusinc.com

c r e d i t s

i hereby

certify that

much of

the content

contained

within this

document is

pretty darn

true. trust me

on that.

19

Stepdad here. Guy said I could have the

last page to do a little ‘splainin’. J-L and

I have been consulting with franchise

companies for better than three decades.

Over the years, we’ve completed projects

for franchisors in wildly diverse industries,

some with very familiar, very big names.

But we’ve never had as much creative fun

as the work we’ve done with Cash Plus,

going all the way back to 1996. Don’t Call

Me Kilroy has been created in honor of

that long and quite marvelous relationship.

Many thanks, Craig (aka Boss) and Julie

(aka Mrs. Boss).

~ ETE

p . s . 20

you’re lucky i’m off duty:

no riddles today. guy

figured stepdad wasn’t

going to spill much in the

way of beans about certain

matters, so I got the job.

about stepdad: not only

has he earned awards for

his graphic design work,

he’s published four books

and his first novel earned

a book-of-the-year award.

oh yeah: since 2005 he’s

also been the editor and

designer of check this, the

cash plus monthly franchise

newsletter. just thought you

should know.

did

edw

ard

nigm

a ha

ve o

cd?