Post on 24-Dec-2014
description
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Life of a Child of Separated Parents
The Role of the Early Childhood Educator
Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSWwww.yoursocialworker.com
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Childhood Development 101
Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs
Physiological Needs air, water, food, sleep, sex, etc.
Safety Needs Security, safety, stability
Love Needs Belongingness, connectedness
Esteem Needs Competence, mastery and attention,
recognition
Self-Actualization Self-fulfillment, peace
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0 – 1 year old
What’s Going on Developmentally?
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2 – 4 Year Olds
What’s Going on Developmentally?
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5 – 12 Year Olds
What’s Going on Developmentally?
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The Equation for Healthy Development
Healthy Development
=
meeting Maslow’s hierarchy of basic needs
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The New Math
Divorce = Change
Exposure to disruption and conflict
causes stress and undermines healthy development.
Change = Disruption + Conflict
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Exposure = Stress
Disruption: Routines Structure Emotional availability Residence Relationships Expectations Care
Conflict Low conflict
parents able to manage between themselves
Medium conflict Parents require outside
resources High conflict
Parents involved in Court system
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Stress Interrupts Development
What are the behavioural correlates of developmental interruption…by age?
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Cycling Out of Control
The higher the conflict the greater the disruption. The greater the disruption the greater the stress. The greater the stress the more pronounced the impact on the child. The more pronounced the impact on the child, the greater the likelihood of seeing problematic behaviour. The more the problematic behaviour, the greater the conflict as parents project blame on each other.
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Impact of Conflict on Daycare
Impact on Daycare1. Parents cooperate and
inform daycare of situation to support child
2. Parents operate separately with daycare
3. Parents draw daycare into conflict as source of data to support position or to restrict access to data and/or child
Conflict1. Low conflict
Parents able to manage between themselves
2. Medium conflict Parents require outside
resources
3. High conflict Parents involved in Court
system
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High Conflict =Poor Boundaries
Both parents seek custody May seek to restrict access Daycare becomes a battleground for transfer/access Allegations of poor parenting to mal-treatment Parents may tell stories regarding other parent – mutual
denigration Both parents may try to define the rights of the other Parents seek data to use against other parent Parents seek to enlist or recruit allies from daycare
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Kids are exposed to it all and dragged in…
Spousal abuse Physical Verbal Psychological
Child abuse Physical Verbal Psychological
Audio….
Fight for me…
Twist things around
Sick and needs help
Silver van
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Caution!
One-sided stories – induction Secret codes – Tell the truth! Child disclosures does not equal child
experiences! Role boundary!
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Benefits of DaycareDuring Divorce
Place of safety Basic care needs met Emotional needs for attention and affiliation met Opportunity for continued learning and skill
development Neutral turf Absorb and manage behaviour arising
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Management Strategies
1. Define the daycare as a “safe place” (free from issues at home).2. Limit parents’ disclosures of divorce matters – redirect to counselling
or divorce group/education.3. Avoid being inducted into a “one-sided” version of events.4. Remind and redirect parents when talking about the divorce or other
parent in view of the child.5. Require a letter signed by both parents or court order stipulating who
is responsible for pick-up, emergency calls, etc.6. Provide only factual or “behavioural” data when required by Court
Order. Charge a fee!7. Hand out article: Treading on Sacred Ground
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The Role and Goal
The role of the ECE is to facilitate appropriate boundaries between the daycare and the parents such that the parents do not intrude on the daycare setting.
The goal is to maintain neutrality for the sake of the child in a setting that provides a place of safety and respite from parental conflict.
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Policies / Procedures
Boundary issues / parental intrusions Violence Access to information / reports Requests to limit parental role Other….
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Life of a Child of Separated Parents
The Role of the Early Childhood Educator
Gary Direnfeld, MSW, RSWwww.yoursocialworker.com